Rick recovering in the hospital bed. Opens his eyes to see the worried face of his partner, Cancel that ex- partner's beautiful green eyes. The kind of eyes he had once wished that would be passed down to their children. But that dream was gone, or was it? Rick rolled over trying to blot out the vision of loveliness which was Kate Beckett. All his dreams of a future together are gone. Rick started to cry not as much from the physical pain but the loss of that dream.
Kate alarmed at her partner's sudden waterworks tries to get his attention.
"Rick, I do not know what I have done but please look at me."
Rick hearing those words turn to see his partner, The Amazing Kate Beckett crying too.
"Go Away! I hurt enough already. I do not need your pity."
Kate was taken back.
"Pity? No Rick you have it all wrong I am not shedding tears for pity. I hurt. I want my partner back and whole!"
Rick now turned to face his partner.
"Whole or Hole? I am at a loss here. I do have one question. Why do you not love me? Am I such a loser that you need to hide your scorn? I have tried everything to forget you, to move on. It has not worked. I have been and it seems always be in love with you. I do not need to be reminded what I thought I had with you was nothing but a dream. A very Pleasant Dream but a dream none the less."
"Rick, I do love you who told you I did not."
"You did! When you told that punk Bobby, you remembered everything from your shooting."
"Rick, I do not know what to say. I am so sorry that you heard that. I wanted to tell you but I did not feel whole or worthy of your love. I wanted time to repair what was wrong with me. I guess I waited too long to tell you. That you Richard Edgar Castle was the BEST thing that has happened to me."
"It was you and your words that helped me cope with the Death of my Mother. It was your humor and antics which helped brighten my day in the worst of the cases we have. It was your loyalty and steadfastness which helped me with my PTSD. It was you kindness and concern which allowed me to heal. Most of all it was your Love which allowed me to come back to you after I was shot." I do truly love you! I may not show it but I do. These past few weeks were hurting me so bad too. I did not know you overheard that conversation. Why did you not tell me?"
"Why Kate because I am a coward. I assumed and rightly so from your behavior that you only cared for me as best a friend. I wanted much more. I wanted forever, Growing old together, I wanting it all with you Kate. I could not face you and have my fears confirmed. So I did what I always do. But this time it did not work. Not the booze or the parties or even the women could heal this torment inside me. I could not write. I lost everything Kate. I guess I just wanted to end it all."
Kate was ashamed that her secret caused so much devastation to the one man she truly loved.
"Rick I want US. I want US so bad. I do want to grow old together with you. I do want to have your Children. I do want it all too. Look at me Rick I will make this up to you. I was too afraid to risk losing what I had with you. I became inert. Frozen, MY Indecision caused you this pain and I am deeply sorry! I am trying to get better. I am seeing a therapist and trying to be put back together for you. I was afraid you would reject what I was. I needed to be better."
"Kate, darling, I said I love you that means I loved every part of you,The Good, the Ugly, and the Bad. I could have helped you if you had asked. I wanted to help you but you shut me out. For 3 months, I waited. You said you would call but you did not. Would you have even come if you did not need your file?"
Kate was deeply ashamed of how selfish she was. He was hurting too but she did not even think of his pain.
"Rick, I know I have no excuse for being so selfish, You need to understand for the first few days after I got shot I was in such pain that I thought I did not hear those words. That they were not true. I was still with Josh. I could not allow that thought enter my mind so I blot it out. It was not when you came to visit did you words suddenly become clear. You had meant it. I was frightened by that intensity. So I lied. I am so sorry for lying. I needed away to heal before I could find the courage. So I ran and hid for 3 months. I did want to call you everyday but my courage failed me every time. You think of me as being a super hero but I am just a coward. I was afraid to know the truth. I wanted to stay in that Dream. The dream of everything between us was good. I did not want to know if the dream was false. So I continued to lie to you. As the months passed I just ignored the fact that I lied to protect myself. Until you over heard me tell the truth without an explanation. That I am so so sorry. I should have come clean but my fears were too great. Please, Please forgive me Rick. I know I am not worthy of your forgiveness. But I humbly ask for it anyway."
Rick hearing all her words Open his arms and Kate was enveloped by a hug she did not deserve but felt the healing starting to take place. Rick's love was still hers. Kate cried into his chest. Rick made shushing noises to comfort both himself and Kate. They both wanted the same thing but were too cowardly to ask for them. Rick felt a smile come across his face. She does love me! Kate finally cried out took comfort from Rick physical presence. She separated and sat in the chair know she might had physically hurt him more. However, still had a hold of his hand.
"Rick what were you thinking going into that firefight? Why were you there? I am glad I did not lose you. What would I have to say to Alexis or Martha? You are not trained. You should have never been in the line of fire. As soon as I am able I am going to find Slaughter and really kick his dumb ass all around the precinct."
"Kate I was hurting and I was not thinking I was not thinking of you or Alexis or Martha. I just wanted the pain to stop. The reason I was there was because of a clue left by one of his CI's. It was a lead to your mother's case. I wanted to know. I needed to know. Too bad it was a trap. It was designed to kill me. Somehow they messed up and I survived. I only got winged in the firefight. I did it for you."
"Did it for me? Why?"
"I wanted to solve your mother's case. I wanted you to be free of it. So I was lured to this building."
"Rick I love you but what are you thinking! My Mother's Case You could have been Killed. I am the one trained to investigate. I should be doing that. She is my Mother. Rick. You have to take care of Alexis and Martha. "
"No He told me if you investigate further you would be killed. I could not let that happen Kate. Call me selfish but a world without you would be a much poorer world."
"Who told you?"
"I do not know his name but he contacted me just after your shooting. I named him Mr. Smith. He told me that Roy had made sure you and his family were protected. You just needed to back off the case.
It seems Roy sent him some damning evidence so that the Dragon agreed to let you live. On the condition you were not to investigate any further."
"So you took it upon yourself to continue the investigation?"
"Yes, He said you could not but nothing was said about me."
"So why did you not tell me you had new evidence?"
Rick now laughed, then coughed.
"Kate, If I told you what would you have done? Run right toward your death. I could not let that happen. No, I kept this quiet so you would live. You need to realize your living is more important than avenging your mother's death."
"I have heard those words before Rick."
"Yeah Where?"
"My Therapist, Dr Burke, he said those words to me a few months ago when I was having that PTSD break with the shooter. He told me that my mother was dead and I could not disappoint her. That living was more important. I agree with him Rick. Living is more important. You living and I living. We living together is far more important. I want no more secrets between us. OK? Just forget about the investigation. It is not important. You are!"
"What if it appears again what then?"
"Then we deal with it as it happens. No more actively placing yourself or myself in harms way over this Ok? We need to keep no more secrets. Our secrets almost got us killed. Our secrets almost ended our wonderful relationship, our partnership. Rick, I have realized over you pulling away. I need you. I am not as effective without you. You balance me. We are not a panda, Rick. I want my partner back."
Kate now reached over and kissed his lips with the most passion which she could give. The heart rate monitor in the room went wild as Rick reacted to his partners kiss. Nurses came rushing to the room only to witness the loving embrace of these two now lovers. Alexis at the door witnessing the confrontation headed off the nurses.
"It was a false alarm. Nothing is wrong. Go back to your stations, Leave them alone for awhile, OK?"
The nurses stopped in their tracks turned around and headed back to their stations. Alexis slipped in quietly and disconnected the monitor so that the nurses would not be back to interrupt these obviously in love couple. Alexis slipped out again. A small smile on her face. Knowing her father is back. All that worry over him during the past few weeks was over. He is going to get better. Alexis was looking forward for Kate to be closer and more around in the future. Yes the future is looking so bright I got to wear shades. Alexis now left knowing She has left him in good hands.