But could youth last and love still breed,
Had joys no date nor age no need,
Then these delights my mind might move
To live with thee and be thy love.
You knew a time of stillness, when days did not pass but repeated itself over and over. You were granted your eternal freedom in this prison. Free love, though it was on a winter's day. The flowers had faded and the fields had been harvested.
For years, youth lasted and joys had no date or age. Your actions had no consequences, as spring did not follow winter. But even in this little eternity, time found its way to pass. The siezing of days came to a stop.
While the same day passed around you over and over, slowly but surely, time did pass. Limbs had frozen as the faded grass outside, though minds were still full of love and delight. Though stuck in your bodies, this stillness represented the ultimate freedom. No actions, no consequences.
Decades passed until your bodies were finally freed. Time passed differently in this new world. Many springs and winters had withered over the world as you had been frozen.
This was a time of consequences again. While youth still lasted, restrictions were put upon you. While gaining freedom of your frozen prison, you lost the freedom of its stillness.
People rush by. Actions, consequences.
Had our actions had no consequences, we would be free to sieze every single day. However, as time flies before our eyes, we learn that we should not waste it. Time does not stand still here. We experience that winter inevitably follows spring, just as consequences follow our actions.
We live in an old and fallen world. Free love in the grass is impossible, because earth does not know eternal spring. Seasons pass with time, and the grass will inevitably grow old and cold.
»»»
Actions, consequences.
You wish you could stop time at this moment. You're receiving too much information at once. Valerie, a child, Julian, Lily, Nora.
They're pushing you into taking actions. Actions that will undoubtly have severe consequences.
"We stick together. We're family," Nora tells you.
You agree. Therefor you cannot side against Julian, as he is also a part of your family. They all are. You hold Valerie, because despite things, she is still your sister.
You refuse to make a decision in your head. You do not have enough time to think what and who you believe. You don't choose a side. You don't side against Valerie, nor do you side against Julian.
You want time to freeze, like it had been before you were brought back to this world.
»»»
You question her further later that evening, when you find her with Damon. They tied Julian up in chains, undoubtly waiting to kill him. You can't let that happen. You need time.
You question whether Valerie has told you the truth about her pregnancy. She has been known to lie in the past. She had already taken your brother's life in cold blood only weeks before. You wouldn't let her take the life of the only real father figure you had ever had.
Not this quickly, without giving any of you any time to think about the truth. You would not be rushed into making any decisions without being certain that it is the right one.
You will go by the presumtion of innocence. Without proof, you won't put guilt upon Julian. Innocent until proven guilty. The only proof you have is Oscar's dead body.
When Damon speaks up, ready to kill, you are forced into making a decision. You take action, already feeling yourself drown in its consequences.
You put him down with your magic, as well as Valerie. Your mind races and you start doubting whether time would make this situation any better. Perhaps you can't protect one family member without hurting another.
Julian praises you, telling you how you have always been his favorite, and for a moment it makes you feel sick, the cracking sound of Valerie's neck still ringing in your ears.
You unlock the chains from him with a quick spell and watch him dust off his suit. He had been so close to death only minutes ago, though his face looks as austere as ever. You follow him with your eyes as he easily picks Damon's motionless body from the hardwood floor and sets him down on the chair he had previously been tied up on.
He leaves Valerie on the floor, though you know he will do the same to her once you're gone.
Before you can do so, he asks you to unlink him and Lily. You agree without a doubt, finally knowing you're making a right decision. This is what Lily wanted, too. Whatever may happen to Julian, you are certainly not ready to lose Lily too.
»»»
You walk down the stairs, ready to get away from this house and the people in it. Maybe if you're not here, you can pretend that time has frozen again.
Perhaps you can pretend the day stopped after the best moment of your life, when Nora said yes to your proposal. It felt like at that moment, you were at the top of the cliff, but then you toppled over. You have been falling down ever since.
"Mar, hey! Where are you going?" You vaguely hear Nora's voice behind you, and you instinctly stop, turning around to face her. "We still need to unlink Lily," she says as she examines your face.
"I have to get out of here," you manage. You're ready to take the next flight of stairs down, stepping down that cliff. At least this way you're not falling.
"Mar, stop." She grabs your hand. "You've been crying," she observes. It is only then that you realize that she's right. You hadn't noticed the tears before. "What happened?"
You tell her about your doubts about the truth and about how you just need time to process everything. You find yourself defending Julian, talking about how he has been like a father to the two of you. You mention how Damon and Valerie were ready to kill him, giving you no other choice but to put them down. You tell her you untied Julian, after he was caught on Lily's demand.
"How could you do that to Lily?" You know Nora isn't pleased with you, but she doesn't seem to understand your reasoning. She trusts Valerie too easily.
"How could Valerie have done what she has to us? She hasn't been truthful about anything, Nora!" You defend yourself and your decision to leave her unconscious with Julian.
You tell yourself that this was the action that didn't lead to the worst consequences. You're right after all, Valerie hadn't been truthful about things lately, so why believe her so quickly now?
Nora doesn't agree with you. She argues the doubts you have about Valerie and her child. It quickly drives a wedge between the two of you and before you know it, you're talking to each other in raised voices. You can't understand why she takes her side so easily after everything she has done.
You trust Julian. You trust that he won't hurt Valerie, because you believe that he considers you all his family, like you do him. He cares for you, all of you. The ring on Nora's finger is proof of that.
"He took her child from her and you would side with him?" Nora questions incredulously.
"And you would side with the girl who murdered her own brother," you retort.
Then, before you can continue, you see Nora's expression change. Whereas she had looked disbelieving before, it seems as if your words or your tone makes something click in her mind.
It is as if all of a sudden she recognizes you again and realizes that this argument is so unlike you, it would have never happened if it weren't for the actions that had brought these consequences with them.
She takes off her ring.
"No, what are you doing?" you begin panicking, forgetting about what has lead you here for a moment.
"This doesn't represent our love," she says, shaking her head. "It represents Julian's ability to manipulate us." You want to tell her she's wrong, but she's already walking away.
"I don't want it," she tells you. "I don't want any of it."
"Nora, please, don't," you call after her, but you're frozen again. You can't seem to move your feet. Time seems to stop again, the hardwood floor cold beneath your feet, but this time you're the only one who's frozen. Nora walks away from you.
She escapes her consequences just as badly as you have been wanting to all night.
»»»
Time passed. You don't know how much.
Eventually you find yourself going home, twisting Julian's ring in your fingers. You keep repeating every little action of tonight in your head. You think of how you refused to make a decicion. You let time pass by and go to waste while you refused to take action, until it was too late and you were forced to take a side.
As you open the door, you find Julian there.
"Nora gave me back the ring," you cry, hoping to get some comfort from him. However, when you see the mess in the room and find that Julian looks just as distraught as you do, you know things are going to get even worse.
"What is all this?" you ask, fearing the answer.
"Lily," he breathes out, his voice wavering. "She staked herself in the heart."
"What?" Your blood runs cold again. Your throat closes up, preventing you from breathing.
"She thought that killing herself would kill me," he says. "She didn't realize that you had already unlinked us."
No. You can't think. All you feel is pain and guilt. Terrible guilt, for unlinking Julian from Lily. Had Lily known that you had unlinked them when Julian asked you to, she would have never staked herself. This is all your fault. Actions. Consequences.
"Tell me this isn't real," you can't hear anything he's saying anymore. "Tell me this isn't happening," you scream. You wait for him to tell him this isn't true. Lily is fine. This entire night didn't happen. But all he says is that she's gone.
»»»
You run out the door.
You can't think. All you know is you need both Nora and Lily right now, but you just lost both. You lost Lily for good.
You stand on the porch, not having any idea of where you can go. You want to go see Nora so badly, but you know you can't. You look down at your hands, finding them shaking terribly. These hands unlinked Lily from Julian. These hands presented Nora with Julian's ring.
You ball them into fists, putting them to your forehead. Everything gets destroyed when time moves. You were ready to spend eternity with your family, but now you realize that eternity does not exist on this earth. Time passes despite your immortality.
A cry escapes your throat, and you slam your fists against your forehead again, over and over. This is your fault. Lily died because of you.
Suddenly, two hands wrap around your wrists, preventing you from hitting yourself again. The hands pull your hands from your face and you look up.
You find Nora standing in front of you with teary eyes. You try to pull your arms free, but Nora won't let you. Instead, she wraps her arms around you, clinging yours to your side.
Her touch feels so comforting and yet it only makes your guilt grow. You can't help but lean into her and you can feel she needs you just as much as you need her.
"It's my fault," you breathe against her neck.
"It's not," she quickly says, without a doubt in her voice. She moves her arms, holding you close to her by your shoulders. You move your arms to wrap them around her back.
"I unlinked them," you retort, feeling your tears fall down your face onto Nora's skin.
She pulls you down to the ground, not breaking contact as you both sit down on the grass and lean against the fence of the porch, still holding each other.
"It's not your fault," she says again, stroking her fingers over the back of your head. You can feel her body shaking with tears. You hold onto each other as if you're preventing each other from drowning in them.
You sit there for hours, holding each other and mourning together.
You know that your problems will still be problems tomorrow and you know that time will pass and force you to deal with the consequences, but for now, you just sit there together on that spring night, in the grass, that will inevitably grow old and cold.