A/N: Writers tip number 1, when trying to pass off your rediculus 'emo' writings as a story try to elliminate pronouns like 'he, she' him, her'. Or, hell, anything that identifies your gender.

You don't know what it feels like do you? Everyday, every moment is consumed with thoughts of you, thoughts of us. You walk into a room and my eyes are fixed, it doesn't matter what's happening around me. Nothing matters cause all I see is you, and your finding your seat in the front row, you always sit there. And I watch the back of your head, that beautiful head with messy hair. I feel the overwhelming need to be with you, to be near you, to touch you feel you. Ever since that night.

You had no right, you know. No right whatsoever. But I guess it's my fault, I asked you to dance. And you were so stunned you didn't even notice as the room began to revolve. It's like you couldn't believe that I wanted you, and I still do. But that was months ago and we don't talk about that. We don't talk about anything. You sit in front of me and pearls of wisdom fall from your lips but never my name. I watch your mouth as you speak and I imagine that you're kissing me, touching me with those gorgeous lips. But that's just fantasy and life is more brutal than that.

And why do you have to leave, just when we were getting started. Life is so cruel that way. The year is ending and in a few weeks a country will divide us. You don't seem to mind though, I can see you counting the days till you're free of this place. Why are you so anxious to go home? Or is it just a need to escape, am I suffocating you? I don't mean to, I never mean to

Everything we do seems so one-sided, do you even care about me at all. I stop breathing when you leave the room, but you don't even notice when I'm not around. If I had known our time would be so brief, and I should've known you never made it a secret, I would've treasured our time together. Made the minutes go slower, taken my time with you. But that is just regret, and I don't know how you can regret something that never really was, but I still manage.

I wake up wishing I never met you, wishing you had chosen somewhere else to go you had other options, but then so did I. And why is life so easy for you, or does it just appear that way. My life has been so hard.

I've stopped crying now. I guess I had to eventually, people can't cry forever. If I could I'd cry myself into a raison. But my tears aren't just for you, and for that I'm sorry. I cry for you and the one before, and the one I couldn't love and the one I shouldn't have. I cry because once I trusted absolutely, now I struggle to believe.

I got broken right out of the box, did I ever tell you that? No I didn't, it was inappropriate at the time. I hardly knew you. But I was. I fell for the first time and found that landing was the hardest part. I never could stick the landing, I always shattered into a dozen pieces. So I was dropped, and that's okay, no one catches you the first time. But I never learned my lesson, I always trusted that when they pushed me they would catch me too. But they never did, I must have scared them away.

Trust never came so easily again. But that's a lie. I didn't want to trust, I talked myself out of it every time. I didn't know that all I was doing was just fooling myself. Maybe I didn't trust you, but I still fell. I learned to jump, to fall without trust. Perhaps I'm a masochist. I do like to be on the bottom, but you already knew that.

And maybe that was the problem, I let you see who I was. You didn't like it did you? You can be honest with me, some times I don't like what I see either. But that's just everyone isn't it, I don't fool myself that I'm special. How could I be? I'm not the kind ofperson you fight for, I forgive too easily, there's no sport in it. So don't fight for me, not that you would, it'll just be harder when you leave again. You always leave again.