Death to Seven
By Anna Yolei
I won't take up time with a disclaimer; we all know it.
(Scene: Seven's alcove; she is tapping into private logs 'cause there's nothing else to do at 0300 hours)
Seven: Hm….what's this?
Torres's log: That damn Seven of Nine!! She thinks that everybody's stupid and she's the only smart one. I wish I could kick her ass!!
Tuvok's log: I admire the work ethic of Seven. But she's a bitch!
Naomi Wildman's log: I like Vorik better than Seven!
Seven: And all this time, I thought these people on Voyager were my friends!!! Well, perhaps, I can find out more if I played a trick on them….Hee hee…
(Four and a half hours later in Engineering; B'Elanna walks in)
Torres: Why, hello warp core-AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
(Torres has found a body in the warp core. Some random ensigns retrieve it as the Captain walks in)
Janeway: What the…?????
Torres: It's a body-with nanoprobes!!!
(everyone gasps)
Janeway: *slaps her com badge* Janeway to Astrometrics….
Torres: She's not there!!! (points to the warp core)
Janeway: Well….why would she do this….?
Torres: Who cares! Let's celebrate!!!
(The engineers pull out champagne and play the song "Celebrate Good Times'. All the while, the real and very much alive Seven of Nine is overhead in a Jeffries Tube)
Seven: Hmm….this could be funny-I'll write a story about this later.
(12 hours later at the "service"; everyone is there in dress uniform, and Torres is munching down some 'shooms. Tuvok is reading an autobiography of Sub-Commander T'Pol and Harry is the only one who seems to care that Seven is dead.)
Janeway: We are here to honor Seven of Nine, a valued member of our crew-
Random person: Bullshit!
Janeway:-that everyone love to be around-
Random person #2: *Cough* liar!! Lies!!
Janeway: -(In a louder voice)she was very loving *snickers*
Female crewmember: *coughs* Slut! Whore!! Fake!!
Janeway: OK, that was uncalled for-we all know she hasn't been laid.
Paris: Tell that to my crouch!
Torres: *Is stone out and didn't catch that*
Harry Kim: You laid my woman?!?!?!?!?!?!? (Punches him 54675487 times)
Janeway: DOES ANYBODY CARE THAT SEVEN IS DEAD????????????
Everyone:
Janeway: Eh, neither do I (throws her speech is the nearest trash reciprocal)
Seven: (From the J.T) No one cares, eh? If I were human, I'd be upset. But since I'm not, this is funny…
Doctor: But I loved her!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Tuvok: Someone shut him up! I'm trying to read here!!
(Two security guards escort him out of there)
Neelix: Now, people, we should all be ashamed of ourselves!! Seven trusted us and now we talk about her behind her back!
Torres: Well, I'd like to talk about her *in front* of her back, but…
(Everyone laughs)
Neelix: You suck!
Torres: *Slaps Neelix* Fuck you!
Seven: And now's my cue to enter!
(She walks into the room)
Seven: Hiya folks!!
Everyone: Um……
Doctor: My love
Seven: What's up, Doc?! (Sorry, had to do it once)
Torres: (Who is in shock) Wow-you're alive!! It's a MIRACLE!!! YAY!!!!!
Seven: (Slaps her) Shut up ya fake b!tch!
Torres: Ok, I had that coming….But where have you been?
Seven: Listening to you people.
Kim: I'M INNOCENT!!!!
Torres: Snitch!
Seven: And now for revenge-Get 'em!!!
(A whole bunch of Borg come and attack everyone on board)
Janeway: AAAAAAAAHH! My hair!!!!
Borg Queen: Welcome back, Seven of Nine.
Seven: It's good to *be* back.
(The two of them walk into a holographic sunset)
Chakotay: Hey, no fair! I didn't get any lines!!
Anna Yolei: Life ain't fair! Trust me, I know.
Chakotay: Your point?
Anna Yolei: Shut the hell up.
OwariOK, not much for content, even for one of my stories. I jus wanted to get this plot out there before I forgot it. It didn't turn out the way I had hoped, but it serves my purpose to do something with my angst. I promise, I'll write an even better story next time.