Pain, Sorrow, and Misery...
These feelings are my only companions at the moment. Tears streaming down my face as I feel sorry for myself once again. This always happens! Something happens, and all I can do is cry and feel bad about myself.
Laying face down in my bed, arms wrapped around my pillow, silently crying. I knew that they were upset with me, but to do this I didn't think they were that upset. I suppose I should've known they were would hit their breaking point eventually.
It's not that I expected them to put up with me. What I'm really upset about, now that I think about it, is that one specific person approved said action. She was my first thought when it happened, and even now she consumes my thoughts.
A few more tears escape my eyes as I think that she would betray me like this. The pain in my chest intensifies as I think about her. My thoughts drifting to her makes me think of to how I got here.
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Fire and ice surround the bandit camp trapping all the bandits within the camp. Sounds of the battles are all around. I see a few bandits running with their hair ablaze, and even one trying and failing to run with a frozen leg.
As the battle progresses I can only think of one thing. Well, more specificly it's a girl. No! No, that not right she is a woman. One single perfect woman. Her brown eyes that capture me every time she glances in my direction. Her hips that shake just slightly as she walks. Scarlet hair. Brown eyes. The porcelain skin that I yearned to caress. That stern look she gets when she scolds us. Lips that were shaded so lightly that I could never figure out if they were a shade of pink or-
"Lucy" I snap out of my thoughts in time to see a sword aimed at my head. Ducking down I only just manage to dodge as the blade cuts an inch or two of my hair. I jump back sliding backwards on my feet and put my hands on my celestial keys and get to work.
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This has to stop. I keep imagining her in my mind. I can't go five minutes without my thoughts drifting back to her. The way her smile sends shivers down my spine. When she lectures me with a glare that could stop death itself. How she could slay a monster with only one hand, and yet with the same hand do something so delicate and gentle as your hair as you drift off to sleep. Her scarlet hair-
NO STOP! There we go again. I just can't stop can I? I don't understand I shouldn't be thinking about her like this, or as often. This needs to end. I almost died today because of these thoughts.
Erza.
The mere mention of her name makes my breath catch, and my heart beat quicken. I've never felt this way before. Erza has been my best friend ever since I joined Fairy Tail. Erza and Mirajane have been my only real friends lately. They would listen to my problems, or be the shoulder to cry on when I needed. I don't understand what to do about these feeling and thought of my friends, so I just push them aside for now.
I sigh as I listen to what my team complain about how I just stood there not doing anything. I won't deny that I slipped up, and was momentarily stunned by my daydream in the middle of a battle. I would be laughing at this if it wasn't so sad. Worse part this wasn't the first time.
Ever since The Grand Magical Games Grey, Natsu, and Happy haven't exactly been nice. By that I mean complaining about me, or blaming everything on me. Even things that are clearly not my fault. The town burned down? Lucy's fault. Our client being punched in the face? Lucy's fault. Clearly this all my fault.
My crushing defeat at The Grand Magical Games was like a switch that was flipped. That day my "team", excluding Erza of course, hasn't treated me the same way. I wouldn't go as far as to say it's bullying, but it's defiantly unkind.
Complaining and teasing. I guess that would be the easiest way to explain it. Complaining that everything is my fault, and that I'm too weak. Teasing as an saying I should try eating some fire to get stronger. I can only imagine the horror if I did. I internally shiver at those dark thoughts.
I sigh and shake my head continuing my trek back to the guild as they do their grumbling.
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Soon enough we're in front of our guild Fairy Tail. Fairy Tail is defiantly a place of comfort and is where I met my best friends.
Like The last couple of missions I head to the bar in hopes of escaping Natsu. Well, not just Natsu, but also Happy. As of late they can't help, but pin all of their frustration on me. I've found that keeping my head down, and relaxing at the bar generally keeps Natsu away.
"Hey Mirajane," I greet her as I sit on an available stool.
"Hey Lucy. How was the request?" Mirajane ask as I get comfortable. At the mention of this my face instantly changes. "That bad?"
"It wasn't really that bad, but I admit that I did deserve the the complaints this time." As I say this confusion goes across Mira's face, so I explain. "I accidently started day dreaming in the middle of a fight."
"Lucy are you ok?" She ask while looking me over for injury.
"I'm fine no need to worry. I just got a little caught up in my thoughts." I tell her waving off her concern.
"Well as long you're ok. What about Natsu? Did he behave?" I look to the side as she ask this. "Lucy I know you've crept back into your shell since Grand Magical Games, but you're going to have to stand up for yourself."
"I... I just can't. Not yet at least. I've completely lost my confidence, and I... no. I'm sorry." I say while looking at my lap not even bothering to look up tears pooling in my eyes.
I feel a hand on my shoulder, and look up to meet Mirajane's comforting gaze. "It'll be ok. I'm sorry for trying to push you."
"Its OK" I tell her as I wipe my eyes with the palm of my hand. "I know that I need to start standing up for myself. I'm just afraid of being knocked down as soon as I stand back up. But enough of that tell me about what I missed while I was gone."
We talked and laughed for a few hours. I was having so much fun I didn't even notice Natsu behind me.
"Lucy." He says in a stern, business like voice. I've only ever heard this tone before with my father when I went back to set him straight. "We need to talk. Well, more specifically I've got something to tell you. We have decided that you're recent fail in out request has warranted your departure from the team." At first I just sat there, and thought I somehow slipped into an alternate dimension. Natsu has never talked this, nor has he ever sounded so cold and business like. That's when I saw he had wrote the entire speech on his hand.
I would've laughed if I wasn't so sad by this news. I mean we're friends...right? I...what do I...please. Tears rushing down my checks before I even notice they had gathered in my eyes.
I decide the best thing to do right now is to just leave for now. I get off the stool I was sitting on, and start walking twords the door. I don't look at anyone , and I don't talk to anyone as I try to leave.
As I'm heading to the door I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I turn to see the person it belongs to. I lock eyes her..of course it had to be her.
"Lucy what's wr-" Erza tries to ask me.
"I can't believe you approved this!" I yell at her with tears going down my face.
"Lucy what are you-" I cut her off with a slap to the face, and I run out of the guild. I don't stop running until I get home. I threw open the door, and jump onto my bed and release all the tears I was holding back.
After sometime had passed I felt a hand rubbing my back I felt a hand rubbing my back in soothing circles. I collect myself enough to look at who is rubbing my back. I turn my head over to see it's Erza comforting me. I freeze just looking in her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think they would ever do something like that." Erza said still rubbing my back in a comforting circles.
That was all I needed to hear. I jump at her wrapping my arms around her neck burying my face in her shirt crying. Erza hugs me tightly and whispers sweet nothings to me.
I don't know how long I stayed there crying into Erza's shirt, but by the time I was sone I was completely exhausted. Before I pass out I whisper softly "I'm sorry for slapping you."
As I am falling asleep I hear Erza say "Don't worry about it."
Sorry it took so long! I got struck by the bane of all authors. Writer's block. Unfortunately I am still under its spell. I haven't given up I'm just reevaluating how I want this story to progress and be written. I am much more happy with the first chapter written like this. I will be rewriting chap 2 and as I said in the summery irregular updates. Seriously I have no idea when I'll update again. Thank you all for the favs and follows.