Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Copyright to Kishimoto Masashi. See? This is a glimpse to the ending of my three-volume project. That says it all.

If you can't stand SPOILERS, close this browser now! This is heavily family-humour-oriented fic with a serious theme lying underneath, and some gushy, fluffy romance attached.

Full summary:

AU - the final destination of LAD project, almost 20 years into the future diverted from canon Shippuden, after manga chapter 664.

The world had finally learned a valuable lesson, and this time she would not forget. In such time of peace, Itachi had fallen back into his inner-turmoil. I don't deserve any of this. That's what he thought. The life he was living now was nothing like what he had expected and calculated all those years ago before the Uchiha Massacre took place.

Dying by Sasuke's hands ultimately as a criminal that wiped out his clan, he was supposed to die a villain. The end.

All that happened, but he never thought he would have a second chance in life. A free man, married, a father... Never once he had thought the dream of him living a normal life would come true!

With all the glory surrounded him as one of the saviours of the Shinobi world, he was still a murderer. The facts would never change. What happened, happened. He didn't feel he had the right to enjoy this blissful time of peace.

Dying—a one-way ticket to hell, the getaway from all troubles in life—was his resolution two decades ago. This time, his twin sons would make sure he would face his fears. He must learn that it was always him who stood in his own way.

A/N: I started writing this little series to get out of my writer's block. I've learned that some LAD readers would like to read this, so I post it. To me, the beauty of a story is how one gets from point A to point B. That's why I personally have no problem with spoilers. Anyway, I have no problem with people having a problem with spoilers; I have a problem when these people ignore my warnings, read the work, and complain about it later. To avoid unnecessary arguments, just don't read please! In fact, you have had quite a few spoilers in the summary to the rest of the LAD project already.

Make a wise decision for yourself. AU lovers should be used to spoilers, anyway, because AUs are often created, based and twisted not too far off from the canon view. If you plan to read on and don't mind spoilers, I wish you an enjoyable read.

- Athrna

Chapter 1 - Hay Fever

"ACHOO!" A man in his forties ripped the last piece of soft, absorbent, disposable white fabric out of the paper box. He hastily wiped his nose and glared at the window at the wildly blooming sakura tree right next to his house. Beside the Head's residence of the rebuilding Uchiha clan lived the man's younger brother and his family.

It was getting late in the evening on the last day of March, and that year's spring had come early. Tree pollen, grass pollen, weed pollen... all sorts of pollen was flying everywhere in Konohagakure no Sato. It was a living hell.

Why on earth did Sasuke plant a sakura tree there?

Itachi very well knew the answer to that, though he couldn't help but kept question it in his mind again and again, just as persistent as his runny nose, going like a tap out of control.

It was his foolish little brother's idea of being romantic. Prior to their fifth anniversary, Sasuke did a bit of gardening when his sister-in-law went out to the Land of Fire for a medical exchange. He claimed it was his way of having his wife present at home, even if she had to pull all-nighters in the hospital, or go out of the village for missions. At that, Itachi recoiled mentally. Being Sasuke's brother, having watched him grow up, he knew him. He was dead set about Sasuke being the least romantic out of them all, and Itachi knew he would probably come second-to-last. Even if that was true, it was okay. That way, they could both blame genetics. On the bright side, at least Itachi wasn't last.

Sasuke was.

It can't be him who came up with it, Itachi thought. Sasuke was always the man on missions, but success must be credited to the one who provided him the scheme. Impossible! Itachi reckoned someone else was the mastermind behind this romantic gesture, just like Sasuke's engagement plan. To him, however, that giant trunk of cherry blossom was just a life-threatening origin of pollen.

And that was it.

How mad would Sasuke be if I put it on Amaterasu?

Before Itachi could adjust his sight to fix it on the tree, the little logic left in his light-headed state forbade his brain to ponder on further with this rather objectionable possibility.

But it was too convenient! It was right under his eyes. Despite how much Itachi was tempted to ignite that brush of glossy pink petals on flame and burn it as hot as the sun, simply by intensifying his gaze, he wouldn't. Even if the tiniest pollen emitting from that tree would cease to exist, he was risking the consequence of his brother giving his house the same treatment, which put him completely off this little wild idea. It was well-known to all that Uchiha Sasuke would never stop until he got his revenge. Really, Itachi couldn't be bothered to rebuild his house again. It was such an effort all those years ago; he wasn't even there when the foundation was laid. He only took part in the refurbishment. And now, he felt he was already getting too old for even redecoration.

Just when he was about to let out a cynical chuckle to himself, another fit caught up. Itachi sneezed, coughed, and scratched around his face. The fourth box of tissues was already gone thanks to his non-stop dripping. He hated Hay fever. He never had it when he was young. Why now? And, for the first time in his life, he hated flowers. Not rose, though, not rose. He couldn't bring himself to hate roses, even if he was going to die because of them.

Itachi threw himself down to the comforting surface he was sitting on as his low ponytail led the way to the fallen.

He didn't want to go back to his room, and he knew he had to be there, guarding the front door, just in case Tobi decided to take his chance—Dad was sick and Mum was pregnant and feeling unwell—to sneak out of the house at midnight. Itachi didn't want to disturb his resting wife with his coughs, for fear that she would worry. Granted, Tobi could jump out the window, but Hikaru might tell on his twin brother; with luck, Hikaru might just play the "good boy". At least he doesn't seem to take a liking in parties. If Itachi was in his bedroom, he could easily hear the tiniest footstep in the corridor, being the light-sleeper extraordinaire he was. It'd be no sweat to catch Tobi. There was just no way, no way he would allow his son to "turn on his swagger", when the teen was going on a mission the next day first thing in the morning. Responsibility was key at his age. Honestly, how many more times did he have to give the same lecture until it would stick in his eldest son's mind?

A man of his age, a man with his past—and despite all that—a man achieved in his success, he knew he ought to feel contempt with what he had in life. Yet, Itachi wondered how he was going to keep up with his family. He was a free man, but he felt trapped. When he had been dead, he saw a liberation in it. But it was wrong! He shouldn't feel this way. Living was contradictory for him. He loved it and he hated it; he told himself he mustn't be greedy.

He must be grateful. Soon after, the pessimistic thoughts returned.

His wife, Yuna-hime, was pregnant, which caused her mood swings to be even more extreme. Sooner than he wished for, menopause would fill in, being the cause of her fiery temper. Funny, thought Itachi; it was completely opposite of the moniker she once wore as the Ice Princess.

The day she became an Uchiha, she was on fire. Not literally, but temperamentally to him at least.

His elder twin, Tobi, was late to everything he did, a full-time party animal. Even though his abilities were exceptional, on par with his brother, he was not even worthy of being a part-time shinobi, simply because he never treated anything serious seriously enough.

It was only a matter of time when Tobi remembered who he was before he became Itachi's son. Well, he still is Obito, my deceased second-cousin once removed, while also being my son.

His younger twin, Hikaru, was an all-rounder genius, the definition of a poker face. No one ever had a clue what he was going to do. One minute, he was an angel sent from above; the next, he was Satan's reincarnate risen from hell.

My very reason to refuse having any more children, Itachi reminded himself. He loved children; he really did! But sometimes, just not… their children. It had been proved time and time again that Itachi and Yuna together could produce offspring that might just bring forth the end of the world. Itachi had the same worry for Hikaru like he had with Tobi.

He loved them all unconditionally. He did. No matter what happened, they were a family. The twins were his sons, even Tobi was Obito, and Yuna was his and no one else's. She didn't like to talk about it either, leaving things where they were, which was fair enough. It was just that Itachi feared about his twins recalling the dark past, because he wanted to pretend none of that had happened and forget it all.

He couldn't deal with it. He couldn't. Itachi was ill, feeling low and genuinely numb as he laid aimlessly on the sofa in the living room. He took another deep breath through his mouth and looked up to the ceiling at the light flashing in and out of his gaze. He rubbed his eyes shut, then opened them to see a pair of emerald green ones hovering over his head. Itachi jerked in surprise, nearly mistaken them for his wife's, and he tried to reflectively pushed himself up—"Dad!"—, but he stopped as soon as he heard the teen spoke.

"It's your turn to wash the dishes."

"Okay." Itachi slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position. "I cooked tonight. Can't one of you do it?"

He expected better of them. If he hadn't gotten to it, they ought to just do it themselves if they had nothing important going on. I'm not feeling well, Hikaru, thought Itachi as he stared pleadingly at his son. As soon as Yuna went back to the bedroom after dinner, Itachi had finally been able to take a break and sit down on the sofa when he was certain that he wouldn't let her worry, so she could concentrate on getting better soon herself. He really needed to breathe. What was wrong with helping each other out?

They were a family. Weren't they?

They were supposed to help out each other. Weren't they?

They were free and playing card games. Weren't they?!

"But Dad, Mum's supposed to cook tonight. It's just that you cooked in her place," Hikaru said in a flat voice, sounding as if he didn't give a care of the world. He pointed to the chores timetable board hanging by the kitchen entrance's wall. "That has nothing to with you not doing the dishes."

Nobody liked chores. It was a universal fact. Itachi wouldn't have minded if he was in a better condition, because he liked things neat, tidy and clean; so did everyone else in the house. The difference was that the parents were the ones who would get them done, while the twins were the ones who would expect things to be "magically" done without actually putting in any work themselves. That wouldn't happen if his wife was ordering the twins around to help out, but she was out of commission lately. He really had no control over his teenage sons. Since things had been running themselves before, that didn't matter much. Now that a baby sister was joining the family and these two young men were being totally…

Itachi was at a loss of words.

Did Hikaru say what I think I've misheard him say and give me that look?

Itachi paused; his eyes narrowed a fraction tiredly as his right eyebrow twitched. Indeed, Hikaru had. He couldn't blame anyone for having inner-thoughts that the others wouldn't want to hear about. Itachi had them all the times.

But how dare was he to say it out loud?

When his mother fell sick, who was six months pregnant, the father was stepping up and doing her a favour, although he wasn't feeling up to the weather, either! Itachi reflected briefly on his teachings to his sons through his own actions.

He wondered if he had been a bad role model in their upbringings. Would I have done the same to my mother when I was his age? He decided, No. There had been no time for that. The massacre had happened already and I was in Akatsuki.

Itachi had no energy left. He would rather save it for something useful other than debating with his son. "I'll do it."

Shisui had always told him that it was the most annoying he did when he was young. Actually, Itachi still did it. Though, he admitted it himself, it really got to him every time when his sons started to talk logic with him.

It must be karma.

While Itachi painstakingly pushed himself up by the arm of the sofa, his other son, Tobi, walked in and stood by the doorway. Itachi didn't like that look of amusement on his face.

"Hey, dad," Tobi greeted with a grin, holding a few books in his hands. Itachi stared back at his elder son once he found his footing properly, still very much muzzy and foggy in the head.

Itachi took a sigh and prepared himself for the upcoming prank. "What is it?"

"I've washed the dishes already."

That was actually surprising. The twins were infamous for their 'we're too cool for housework' attitude. There was a pause. "Thank you, Tobi. That's very thoughtful of you."

Hikaru brought up a defeated smile. "You beat me to it, bro." He was gutted. "I was about to make my offer and ask for an extra allowance later." He pulled out the puppy eyes that he had practised on his mother over the years, which must be noted for being so not manly on a soon-to-be adult. Hikaru tried to play guileless, despite the fact that he had just confessed to his cunning plan.

"No need to thank me, dad." Tobi spread his smile even wider, like he was deliberately trying to make himself look like an idiot. "Tobi's a good boy."

Those two were something else. Itachi had expected it from Hikaru; as for Tobi, Itachi never knew if he remembered anything, but Tobi had always said that. It was almost like his trademark trick to get his father all worked up. He wondered if the others had told his twins about the past. The fact was, back in those days, Tobi used to say how he was a "good boy" quite often, even more so in the face of his Deidara-senpai.

As Itachi became lost in thought, Tobi cut in quickly and Hikaru headed to the kitchen. "Does that mean I can go out tonight?"

"Don't even think about it." Itachi spoke in a low, calm voice as he held his index finger up forbiddingly. "I'll be here waiting for you." The threatening tone was clear. He should have known. They might not be identical, but they were twins. They lived seventeen years together as brothers, learning from each other, even if Tobi was born of different parents the life before. "If I catch you, you are so grounded."

Hearing his father's warning, the smile disappeared from Tobi's face and he responded with an obviously fake "aww".

"Shame." Holding an one-sided pout on his face, he walked towards where his father was and put down the books in his hands on the low table by the sofa. Just then, Hikaru re-entered the living room with several things in hand: a toilet roll, a glass, a jar of water, and a wet towel.

"Here." Hikaru set them down and gave a look to his brother. Each son took an arm of their father and forced him to sit down on the sofa. "We know you probably won't fall asleep for a while. Tobi found you some books to read." His older brother touched their father's forehead, winced his face as the cheekiness vanished, and gave a nod to him; Hikaru put the towel on Itachi's forehead and crystallised the water on it, knowing the towel might heat up too fast with the high temperature of this fever.

"You two." Itachi kept looking at one of them and then the other, back and forth for a few times. He concluded, "You're up to something." And probably something no good, as usual.

Hearing that from Itachi, Tobi declared in an innocent voice, "Tobi's a good boy and Hikaru will be a good boy, too, today," before he disclaimed their lack of responsibility if anything were to happen in a monotone to mock their father's speaking pattern, "Uchiha offspring, terms and conditions apply." Suddenly, a shade of seriousness replaced his usual playfulness again. "We just want you to get some rest, Dad."

"Just relax and sleep. I'll make sure Tobi won't sneak out tonight," said Hikaru in a mawkishly cheerful voice as he cracked his knuckles on-the-go. They always appreciated an excuse to tear the village apart and it was all because one of the twins was trying to stop the other doing something by force. Most time, however, they were in it together.

"Is it Hay fever you have, Dad?" Hikaru gave a quick diagnosis looking at the symptoms.

"Ye—" Itachi swiftly pulled a strip of toilet roll and held it against his nose. "Aa-A-ACHOO!" He couldn't even finish saying "yes". Hikaru was wise about that, at least. Toilet roll was more fitting to the need than another box of tissues.

All these unusual caring gestures got Itachi thinking. His sons were looking after him and worrying about him, although in their own way that he might not approve of a hundred percent. He didn't know how to react to that.

Tobi broke the sappy atmosphere that was building up when he said, "But you never had it when you were young."

"How do you know?" You have to remember what I was like when I was young to know this. Rubbing his nose, Itachi looked up to his elder son for an answer. Do you remember who you were, Obito?

Another moment of silence. Hikaru took a dimming glance at Tobi, like he was saying "busted".

Great going, bro, the younger twin mocked subtly by turning his head side way. Tobi stood unwavered.

"You never said you had it. You never showed any sign of having it. You're kind of old now, so I can only presume you didn't have it when you were young", Tobi spoke steadily, so casual that it sounded he didn't know his father didn't have Hay fever when he was a child.

"I'm not that old!" Unexpectedly, Itachi had almost shouted it; expectedly, Tobi dodged the same questioning that had been thrown at him since he could talk.

Hikaru smirked, "Stop complaining about how you have such a lack of energy to do anything, then." That's right! Talking logic was always the way out of trouble with Dad, and a little bending the truth would also help.

"I don't complain," said Itachi plainly with an indifferent shake of his head, though he was the only one there who believed it.

"Maybe, but you mutter to yourself, thinking no one hears you, and sadly we do." Hikaru expanded on his argument as he was clearing his father's breathing system using his medical skills; his hands were glowing green as he extracted the pollen.

Tobi had to follow that up, being the twin brother he was. "That's complaining." He rolled his eyes, showing much distaste, as he adjusted the cushion to make a temporary pillow. He pulled a thin layer of flannel over his father's heated body, because having nothing to cover up could get one chilly at night.

As he laid idyllically on the sofa with his eyes half-opened, Itachi remembered he was skim-reading a book, written and given by Shisui as a wedding present. He disliked every word in that book, but everyone else loved it. Well, Yuna thought it was sweet; it was just embarrassing for him.

Itachi realised where he was when he looked at his surroundings fading and emerging. Invited guests were gathering by the Imperial Palace in the Land of Water. It was their first wedding reception, the one which was opened to the public, by political terms, and so it was a far less private function. Shisui had just stood up to give his speech as Itachi's best man.

Itachi knew he must be dreaming because he had been married for the last eighteen years. He turned to look at his "newly-wedded" wife and she smiled back. At the same time, his cousin was saying something about anyone who didn't have a stamp to show they knew about the confidential information would have to walk pass him before leaving the party to secure the safety of the world. A little scan, he claimed: Kotoamatsukami.

Meanwhile, he could take the piss out of Itachi with no reserve.

It wasn't like Shisui was going to pass this opportunity to humiliate Itachi. It was his role being his best man, and he took great pleasure in running the extra mile.

"… He may be a grown man now who's older than me, although this is fate's sense of humour.

"Funny enough, I don't believe in that shit personally, but it happens. Like what? I'm alive and so is my long-deceased love interest. This is very confusing to a supposedly dead man like me, so I am inclined to take some credence in it."

"Naruto's right! Neji's monologuing is finally paying off, despite how his focus has diverted on how a man can change predetermined destiny with will-power. It's still fate. And so, I, Uchiha Shisui, the self-made man, have a little faith in this utter piece of crap called the wheel of fortune.

"He may be a father-to-be now, who's proud to have a son so selfless and considerate, putting the rest of the world before himself.

"It isn't because of the heroism he displayed that I adore the little man. But Hika-chan has all the qualities holding that very place for being my favourite Uchiha child of all time, totally beating Sasupi, Number 2, and Squirt himself. That is, of course, if I am not included in the competition.

"Hn. You can tell I'm highly amused."

Of course Itachi could tell. He was sitting in his seat with the growing urge of punching that exceedingly wide smirk off Shisui's face. Nonetheless, the groom remained calm and strong.

"Despite my baby nephew's overall appearance seeming a carbon copy of his father's, though without the pronounced tear-troughs under his eyes and his natural irises being emerald green, he was and will sonot be an ordinary Uchiha, and that has nothing to do with his almighty bloodline. Hika-chan happens to be the ultimate un-childlike child, ever, while maintaining the balance of enjoying the life he is entitled to as a child. He's the coolest kid. Let's face it. No Uchiha child can truly live an innocent life. It's a fact. The last failed closest was Sasupi, the Adorable, and that was before his life was literally fucked up by the Massacre at the age of eight.

"Do you know what's so scary about that? It wasn't even about how he went rogue and became an international terrorist in his teenage years."

There was a moment a silence as Shisui squinted his right eye at the crowd.

"He agrees.

"Yes, you're spot on. This young man is who we now know as… Sasuke. Please say the name in a plain, deep and boring voice, because it fits him perfectly. No, unlike back then, we don't get along as well with each other anymore. Sasupi had long lost his touch in being happy-chappy and great fun, while I am still the same old me, Shisui the Comedian. In short, it can be traced back to a 'big brother issue' for his younger brother, to quote his Blue Rose.

"He may be the happiest guy on earth now, whose dream girl wakes up next to him every morning in such a peaceful time.

"The fact is that I am the one who has been following his steps since day one till now, into the person he has become. Right, that's a big fat lie. I kinda died when he was struggling with his mid-life crisis and miraculously came back to life later when things were more settled, not really, but… It doesn't really matter now. We pretty much all are alive and at peace. Aren't we?

"Oops! Touchy subject… MOVING ON!"

Shisui did that deliberately, pretending he was brushing onto the sensitive topics. To Itachi, there wasn't a bit of doubt about that, but he never questioned it.

"Watching him, pranking him, training him, playing with him, making fun of him, I grew up with him despite the seven years that could have separated us. He is my best friend, after all, and my second cousin once removed, to be specific. Since the beginning of time, I've hated to admit it, but I should be his uncle if we have to treat this genealogy business seriously.

"This 'he' I've been talking about is named Uchiha Itachi, also known as Squirt. He was fine with that name I called him in his early childhood, as a commentary to his height compared to mine. At the time… the connotation of the nickname evolved as he grew. But yes. He flinched at what I labelled him once he hit puberty, and he dislikes it even more now for a very good reason.

"It's his own doing, and he should blame no one for it. Shall we say all this drama was a series of accidents from the beginning till the end to save time? And for that, I shall use this opportunity to thank Sasupi for kindly sharing his once-sealed memory with us. No, Sasuke was not willing to betray his older brother. He would rather hit his head against the wall to lose all his memories again—and permanently this time, risking the chance of death. But he had no escape with three pairs of Sharingan on him. To be honest, I don't see the shame of being the Sage of Bedsheets. I would happily take on that title with much male pride…

"… Squirt. Haha!

"This thing is that he likes to keep his private life private. He was never particularly fond of PDA. It's just his personality. It didn't work out as he planned, did it? Life is full of uncertainty, it's true. It wasn't in the public's eyes that one time, but he was caught with both hands in the cookie jar by his eight-year-old brother, and I happened to be there to extract the memory years down the line. So, how did Sasupi deal with being mentally scarred?

"Oh, well. I guess he was the reason behind his own brother's asexuality, although it must be stressed by Uchiha standard only. I'm sure Sasuke is 'functional', although verging on the cold side to normal people's eyes. Anyway, his story will be told another day.

"Life is never fair. It's like me, never good with speeches, but I have to fulfil my role in sharing his story and embarrass him as his best man, and here I am. On this joyous day where the two join hands lawfully and officially, I am recalling an event that took place many years ago, upon a time when they were my minions. Truth to be told, it wasn't the first time it happened, but it certainly was the most memorable time when it happened."

Itachi was sure now. This was the bad mix of his fever, that memoir Shisui wrote and his own inner fears—because Shisui's speech wasn't like this at all!

Why did I scan through that book before I fell asleep? And now my weird dream is based on it? The answer was that curiosity took the best of him. Itachi wanted to check why he thought that book was mortifying. He remembered now. It's so embarrassing!

That was not Shisui's speech!

In his wedding, Shisui had done a great job and it was a moving speech. Besides, he was more sensible than to swear in the public's eyes, while he could have easily swapped the coarse language for something more sophisticated that suited the grand occasion in which the Water said Goodbye to the heiress as she abdicated as the reigning Princess and the last successor of the House of Asuka, and handed over her full authority to her only paternal relative alive, Mei-hime, commonly known to the Shinobi world as the Fifth Mizukage. Never mind exposing their privacy! No matter, Shisui himself didn't change in this strange dream. He was no doubt the master of spreading conspiracy, had this unrivalled talent in raffling on about nothing, and his talks would always come across as ever-so-convincingly to all ears. That was as long as the listeners didn't know the entire truth.

Yuna took off the burden she had been carrying since the day her birth father died. Itachi smiled gently, remembering how the woman he loved chose to walk away instead of having him being a Prince Consort. It was bad enough that he was the head of Uchiha clan already. The fact was that neither of them were interested in power. He couldn't ask for more of his wife after all she had done for him. As for that, it was an important part of her that she chose to give up, even if she never liked it.

As his thoughts traced back to the present, he reminded himself that all this was just a nightmare—one from which he wanted to get out of immediately, because it was only going to get worse.