Dear you,
its getting so hard to go on with this farce, this lie that goes on and on for countless days. Everyday i have to play pretend and smile and act like everything is okay when it's not... it's never going to be ok. Every song I hear, every lyric I write it all seems to be about you. Every time I close my eyes you're there smiling at me. My friends, our friends, tell me it's going to be ok that it'll get easier and I hope and pray it will but it's getting so hard to go on without you in my life.
I remember exactly when it was that I fell so hard for you and i remember waking up and looking at your sleeping face and knowing I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. Those arms that held me every night when I couldn't sleep, those arms that I never want to sleep a single night without.
Day by day is how I'm living my life just thinking of a time when I'll be able to look you in the eye and tell you how much I love you, tell you that I dream of getting a taste of your lips, of your skin, feeling you against me touching skin to skin. I dream of nothing but you, of touching you in your most intimate of places, getting a taste of the honey you would supply me with, honey I can see myself getting addicted to.
It's getting so hard to see you going out and hanging out with other people without wanting to fight them all for your attention, I want your eyes on only me and it makes me hate myself. Hate myself because I start to think that maybe I'll be ruining you and hating myself because I don't fucking care. I want to be selfish, I want you all to myself fuck everyone else.
All of this flirting we do, the back and forth is starting to get to me. I can't even see you smiling without wanting to kiss you, to hold you, to love you.
Im scared because everyone is starting to suspect that maybe its all real. If only they knew that it is all one sided and you only do it as a fucking fan service, its only real on my part and it's killing me.
Since I'm never going to send this is think I'll end it here with a reminder that even if it's not socially acceptable for my love for you to blossom it doesn't mean that I'll stop loving you.
Forever,
The dragon to your panda