I was in my room listening to some music. Jacob wasn`t here – I haven`t seen him for a week and I knew he was giving me space, and time, to think. Think-about us. My former best friend was actually my soul-mate.I was his imprint. I don't know how I felt about it. I wasn't scared, or freaked out or anything like that. I just wasn't sure of my feelings. I knew I loved him - of course I did, who doesn't? – but I didn't know how. He was my protector,my brother, partner in crime, the best of all the best friends, and now he could be more. Was I ready for it? I don't know. He didn't push me. He said that I had the right to know about imprinting and that the fact that now I know doesn't have to change anything. I knew it will, though.
I listen to the song that was playing. I felt the tear roll down my cheek when I heard the words:
"There's
nothing I could say to you
Nothing
I could ever do to make you see
What
you mean to me"
It reminded me of him and how close we actually were. His pain was my pain, his happiness-my happiness, and vice versa. There was always this deep connection I wasn't completely aware of. Now, as the memories filled my mind I felt protected and loved.
"All
the pain, the tears I cried
Still
you never said goodbye
And
now I know how far you'd go"
He was there since I can remember. And when I cried and yelled, mad at him or the world, he was there. I would curl up in his chest and cry and he would soothe me. I would deeply inhale his woodsy scent with a touch of rain and maple syrup and it would always have the calming effect on me. Just now I realized I never went to anyone else - always to Jacob. I loved all my family members, but he had a special place in my heart, somehow more important and strong than the others. When I'd ask for something he would just give it to me without thinking and he always made me smile, sometimes by just doing simple things. By just being there. And I love him for it. I LOVE him.
"I
know I let you down
But
it's not like that now
This
time I'll never let you go"
Why didn't I just tell him that? God, he must be in pain right now, and I caused it. I must fix it as soon as possible. He must know. I will never ever let him stay away from me this long again. He was mine. I always called him that "My Jacob" because I felt it in every fiber of my being-he was mine, just as I was his. I just didn't know why was that. I do now.
"I
will be all that you want
And
get myself together
'cus
you keep me from falling apart
All
my life
I'll
be with you forever
To
get you through the day
And
make everything okay"
We are meant to be. I will always be there for him just like he was always with me. He helped me to pick up the pieces after something bad happened to me, kept me strong when I thought I will fall apart. A shoulder to hold on to. A piece of serenity and peace when the world turns against you. He was my rock, it's time to even up the roles. He can always lean against me. Always. We'll support each other through life. And everything will be just fine.
"I
thought that I had everything
I
didn't know what life could bring
But
now I see, honestly"
I had lots of money, supercars, giangatic closet full of designer clothes, the newest gadgets on the market, beauty that even Aunt Rosalie envied me for and yet I felt like I had nothing when he wasn't there. Like nothing mattered. How come I never realized it before now?
"You're
the one thing I got right
The
only one I let inside
Now
I can breathe 'cus you're here with me"
And except from my father who could read my thoughts, and my favorite Uncle Jasper who knew exactly how I feel nobody really knew me. Only him. Even without super-vampiric powers he could read me like an open book. He knew my every move, every thought, every emotion. And he knew how to help me when something went wrong. I could never ask for more.
"'cus
without you I can't sleep
I'm
not gonna ever ever let you leave
You're
all I've got
You're
all I want
Yeah
And
without you
I
don't know what I'd do
I
could never ever live a day without you
Here
with me do ya see
You're
all I need"
He was indeed, all I needed. No, he is what I need, and only thing I will need. The essence of my life, the air I breathe, the Sun that keeps me warm, the sky that holds the stars for me, the wind that kisses my face…I feel like I would die if something happened to him, and even if nobody told me I would know. He is part of me, and I would die with him. And even if I had nothing in the world, just him, I would be the happiest person alive. Simply because he is everything. And more.
