My first fanfiction,I hope you like it, its a bit pathetic,yes and my snape is not like the snape in the books, but I tried my best.
I don't own anything.
Apart from Eleanor&Kate Fisher :)
The gate was covered with ornaments and the house itself with wisteria. He had always dreamed of living here but his family was poor. He walked in and expected the worst , nobody had lived in this house for years but he was surprised, it was clean and there was no sign of dust, as if it was cleaned recently, but by whom? He went upstairs to a hall of with many doors , he chose the door on his left and walked in. It was a big room, the floor was made from dark wood and there was a large window the fire inside the fireside burned. there was a four-poster bed, all of the furniture was made from very dark wood but the rest of the things in it were white. There were white lilies on the windowsill and on the vanity as well. There were a lot of pictures on the wall too, most of them were old oil paintings. He took a deep breath the lilies filled the whole room with their sweet scent. He felt happy. And then he felt it his mark burn, he had to go. He looked back at the beautiful room and apparated. (...)
The room in which he now stood was dimly lit by a candle filled chandelier , on the wall opposite him a mirror reflected his face. It was Severus Snape, including his greasy hair and black eyes.
He was already standing in this room for an hour but didn't dare to move, he was waiting for someone. Someone who would not forgive you if you left without permission to do so. And whose wrath you did not want to feel if you decided not to obey. And this Someone had just entered the room."Severus!" said a cold high pitched voice.
"My Lord." Severus replied. "I am glad to see you here, I thought I've lost you forever, rumours have reached me that you are not as loyal as you used to be, not to me at least."the Dark Lord said.
" No, my Lord, I am yours" Snape said but his voice was shaking.
He knew that he must not tell him the truth, that he indeed had planned to run for it and hide from him and that his loyalty's did indeed not lay with the Dark Lord.
Luckily Severus was a very good Occlumens.
"I've heard you've done it, Severus I must admit I was not sure if you would do it, but you have proven yourself worthy of my affection".Severus didn't know what affection the Dark Lord was talking about, he could not love nor ever showed the slightest interest in others feelings.
But he answered "I..." he wanted to say that he did for Dumbledore and not for him but he was not that stupid and went on"am your faithful servant , My Lord!"
"Good, very good, Severus (AdR: Severüüs). I want-..." But what the Dark Lord wanted Severus did not find out, Someone screamed from behind the door, it was a female voice, she was swearing loudly."Ah, yes that must be Eleanor!" The Dark Lord said. Eleanor, Severus thought, yes she was the Dark Lords daughter, she was very pretty with dark eyes and pale skin but her hair very just like Lily's, dark red. No Lily's hair were different nobody's hair could ever reach the beauty of her hair, Snape thought. Eleanor only found out last year who she was , her mother, a Death Eater was killed because she refused to go to Azkaban, after the Dark Lords downfall, and so Eleanor grew up in an orphanage (WTF wie schreibt man des?). After she found her mothers dairy in a piano, of which she knew was her mothers, Eleanor found out that she was a witch and that she,not as the people from the orphan(thingy) told her, had a living relative, it was her godmother and she was no other than Bellatrix Lestrange! Bellatrix taught Eleanor everything there is in the magic world, spells, jinxes , curses. Eleanor was only 16 but she did not go to Hogwarts, Bella did not want her to go , she always said that she could learn more from her and of course of her father.
Eleanor was not very impressed by her father.
She did everything he told her but she could not stand him and he knew that. But as she was a very gifted and powerful witch, she was essential for the Dark Lords plans. Severus doubted ( heißt des so?) that the Dark Lord had any fatherly feelings towards her, but he could not care less he hated Eleanor as much as she hated him. She was, in his opinion, the most evil person ,after the Dark Lord, he had ever met. He knew her mother Kate but he used to get on with her very well and she was one of the few people at Hogwarts who were not mean to him, even though she was five years older than him. Of course she was nothing compared to Lily, Lily, he thought ,how much he missed her now.
He could never forgive him for passing that information to the Dark Lord.
Without him she would live! But that was the past, he had to forget her but he could not, never. Eleanor entered the room, looking rather surprised to see Severus " I just fell down the stairs, again!" she said loudly and turned to Snape. "Ah, you are here" she said without hiding her disgust towards him. Her eyes, Severus thought, sometimes resembled her fathers they sometimes had a strange red glow."Good evening Eleanor." he said and tried to sound as polite as possible.
She continued to stare at him for what felt like ages before she said, " I see you still have not realised that you smell bad ,and please, do yourself a favour and wash your hair".
Severus pretended not to hear her.
"You may go, Severus." the Dark Lord said slowly.
"My Lord" he said and before he left he bowed to him.
Snape arrived late that Saturday morning, next week the new school hear would start and he, Severus Snape had finally achieved his aim to become the Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher.
Although he was no longer the Potions Master he kept his office in the the dungeons. Professor Slughorn , the "new" old one, agreed to take a different office albeit grudgingly. Severus started to decorate his office with all sorts of things, and then he found it, he was just about to throw away some old pieces of parchment when he saw it, it was a letter ,a letter he had once written to the only woman he had ever loved. Lily Evans. He started reading...
My dearest Lily,
You can't imagine how sorry I fell and who much I hate myself for what I've done to you. I mean, after all this time; I shouldn't have treated you the way I did. You deserve better and I know that. I now know you only wanted to help and never took sides with that Potter. Please Lily, we can make this work, we don't need our friends to know we are friends; they needn't have to bother or know we meet. I suffered more from the loss of our friendship then I ever thought to be possible. For that I never told you what I was longing for the very first moment I've laid my eyes on you. To burn with desire and keep quiet about it, is the greatest punishment we can bring upon ourselves. So I suffered and punished myself all these years, so please forgive me, Lily Evans. I love you. And have ever since we've first met. You are everything I never had and everything I ever dreamed of. You are my one and only, my reason to walk this lonely road and the only light in my life. And that will never change for you are all I long for and all I'd ever want. I love you Lily.
Always,
Severus Snape
When he had finished reading it, he almost cried. He could not believe that he had never given it to her, maybe everything would have changed. But before he could think about it the door opened and Dumbledore walked in."Severus, you are a bit late, oh I hope I did not interrupt you.."
„No, Sir you did not, I am very sorry that I am late." Severus answered." I think we should have tea together, don't you, Severus?"The truth was he wanted to be alone, alone with his letter, but he said „ Yes, Headmaster, that would be nice." „I am very interested in what you have to say to me, Severus!" „Not much , Sir I have already told you most of the Dark Lords' plans" "Well that's good news then, but tell me Severus how are you?" "Fine, Sir, I hope the same can be said for you?" "I'm afraid not, at least not entirely" he showed him a blackened hand which looked as if burned."A curse?" "Yes, I think so but I was hoping that you could help me, Severus" "Yes of course, Sir" he said as they were walking towards the gargoyle guarding the Headmasters office.
September the first was finally there and all of the Hogwarts students were excited about coming back. The first years could not wait to be sorted and the older students were looking forward to seeing their friends, they had not seen all summer. Snape on the other hand was not happy at all that school would resume, he had other things, more important things than school, to worry about. He thought quite a lot about what Dumbledore had told him the other day. He looked out of the window, he was standing in the staff room, and saw the students' happy faces, and thought about his own school time here at Hogwarts. He had been happy, once, it seemed hundreds of years ago. How could he ever been happy? Snape thought. "Severus! Had a good summer?"It was Minerva McGonagall who had asked Severus this."Minerva, hello!Yes, yes thank you" Severus replied though ,of course, not truthfully. He continued to stare out of the window. "I'll leave you to your thoughts then" she said and left the staff room. The feast that evening was as enjoyable as ever, but still Severus felt down and could not explain it. Was it because of the letter, he thought, but was not able to end this thought, because someone interrupted him, again. This time it was Slughorn he wanted to know, how far the potion classes had advanced last year. Snape saw Harry Potter and his friends, the orange one and the Muggleborn Hermione Granger, leave the table and looked over to his own house. The Slytherins were leaving their seats too, and that was his sign to move. He had forgotten to give the prefects the new password to their dormitories. He had just reached Draco Malfoy outside the great hall , when Dumbledore appeared next to him."Severus,-tea-later-my-office"were the words Snape could catch before the Headmaster ran towards Slughorn. "Draco, I need to tell you the password, I almost forgot, it's "magnanimousness", tell the others will you". Malfoys grey eyes found Snapes and he said " Yeah, sure" and left. Snape went left towards the Headmasters office and met several colleagues on the way. "Jelly Slug" he told the gargoyle guarding Dumbledores bureau. He ran up the stairs which lead to a grand door. Snape knocked and within a blink of an eye Dumbledore opened the door. "Ah, Severus come in" he said, his half-moon spectacles on his crooked nose ,as always. They talked for hours and hours and when Snape finally left it was almost daybreak.
Snape had already enough of school, his ambition had always been to get the Defence Against The Dark Arts job, now he had it, but he did not enjoy it at all. It was Sunday evening when Eleanor came to his office and told him about the Dark Lords new plan, he was so surprised that she was at Hogwarts that he had almost forgotten to be mean to her."I see you have returned to this school" she said in her chesty voice. This statement was so stupid that Severus thought hard what to reply.
"Obviously". "Mh...Right! Of course I'm only here because I wanted to see how you are" she said sarcastically. "Of course, so what do you actually want, you could go, you told me everything the Dark Lord wanted me to know, but you are still here." Severus said very quiet."I...I just wondered if you could ask this Dumbledore if I could go to Hogwarts, you know it's really boring at home , my father is constantly torturing his servants and so it's always really loud and I can't sleep and so on, and this school sounds pretty impressive, I mean I could learn so much, I know you never liked me, and you know that I hate you, but lets be honest it's not very hard to dislike you, so I'd understand if you'd say no" she said all of this extremely fast and without pausing to take a breath."Very well, I shall speak to Dumbledore on your behalf, but don't expect to much."Snape said after a short pause."Honestly? You're actually doing it? Wow! Thanks Snape, your not useless after all!"She left without another word. Severus did not know why he had agreed to ask Dumbledore, but it seemed to be the right thing to do.
And so before class started the next day he went to the Headmasters office, again, and told Dumbledore about Eleanor's plea. "Ah yes. I remember her mother Kate, yes indeed, very gifted she was yes but went to the wrong side, I was very sad when she died , very pretty too I remember her blue eyes and red hair. I think...yes her daughter deserves to go to Hogwarts, yes she can come, tell her, Severus""Yes, Sir" Snape said before turning his back towards Dumbledore, and left.
He was standing in the same room as ever, but the room had lost most of its grandeur over the time. She was standing opposite him, she was as beautiful as ever , her waist length dark red hair, her green eyes, she was perfect. She was alive and she was his'!James Potter was lying dead on the floor,but Lily did not look at James she just looked at him and smiled. Severus woke up, that dream again, he had to forget her, there was no other choice. A month had passed since Eleanor had asked him to speak to Dumbledore, she was sorted into Slytherin just to days after his conversation with him. A month had passed, in which Snape had reread his letter to Lily every evening. I am pathetic he thought.I have to-, I need to-, I can't, never! Days passed and Snape was as miserable as ever. The fact that Eleanor was at Hogwarts now did not help. She was as evil as her father. The only thing that cheered him up was the fact that she was pregnant! He would have felt sorry for her if she weren't such a self loving bitch. Apparently she did not know whose child it was, or she simply did not tell anyone, because no one knew ,not even Draco who was her best friend. The Christmas holidays were arriving faster than ever, the Quidditch season had already begun and Slytherin were rubbish. In the morning of Christmas-eve Snape woke up, he had had the same dream as before, the snow was falling against his window and it was bitter cold outside. Most of the students were at home, he had never been at home at Christmas, when he was at school, he did not want to. He sat next to Dumbledore that evening. The food was delicious, but Snapes mind was elsewhere, he thought, big surprise, of Lily. Dumbledore must have sensed something, because he gave him his usual look of sympathy. Snape shook his head and tried to concentrate on his shepherds pie, it did not work. When the dinner was at an end he left without wishing anybody a merry Christmas. He went straight to bed and hoped that the dream would finally move on from the room and James' dead body, but it did not. He woke up the next morning crying, he had not cried for years. He took out the letter and ripped it into pieces. No more of this pathetic behaviour, he told himself firmly. Enough is enough! He had to move on! Christmas was gone as fast as it came and the term resumed again the following Monday. Snapes classes were starting to get a bit better, and the students weren't as incompetent as they were at the start of the year. Even Harry Potter and his friends were bearable. The only thing that troubled him was that Malfoy had not told him what he was doing. Dumbledore asked him to find out what Draco was up to. But he was not lucky. Snape used to love his job. He'd always wanted to teach, he of course originally applied for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job but he never got it, until now. At the start of this year he wanted to resign but his promise kept him from doing so. Today's lesson was about Dementors and how to tackle them best. Severus had just finished reading the orange one's, Ron Weasley, essay when he realised that there was an owl on the windowsill. Who sent him this owl? He asked himself loudly. He snatched the palm sized owl in mid-air and took the letter from its leg. Bellatrix had written it.
Severus-
I am writing to you to tell you that I am pregnant. Pregnant ,Snape thought,why in gods name was everyone pregnant?I am not sure if this is of interest for you but I wished to tell you since you are the Dark Lords most loyal servant. I have changed my mind about you Severus. I believe you now.
Bellatrix
February started cold and dewy. But by the time it reached its end it began to get warmer and cheerier. Snape hadn't dreamed of Lily for over a week, and felt ,to his own amazement , relieved.
On the first of March, he woke up at the crack-of-dawn and thought about his live. He fell back to sleep and was 16 again. He had just called Lily a Muddblood and meet her in the library the following day, he had apologised several times but it had now effect. Lily hated him. She ignored him. He could not think of anything worse than this. He felt like an outcast he was sick of himself and detached him more and more. Lily had always said that beauty lies with the eye of the holder, right now he felt so monstrous he could not blame anybody for staring at him. Snape woke up so suddenly that he did not now were he was ,at first. Why couldn't he move on? Why was it so damn hard to forget Lily, once and for all! One glance at the clock on his bedside table told him that the first lesson would start in 5 minutes. He got dressed so quickly he could hardly believe that he had managed it. The bell rang. Severus had just made it. DADA with the first years, pretty boring but at least it took his mind of Lily for a while. He didn't have any lunch but headed to his office straight away. Were was it? Were had he put it? But in that second the thought hit him like a bullet, he had ripped it into pieces. The letter, how could he ? Snape was so angry with himself. He could not forgive him, for destroying the last memory of Lily he had had. Why oh why did I do it, he asked himself this question so often he had given up counting. The ringing bell told him that he was late again, but right now he couldn't care less. He left his office behind him, and climbed the stairs very slowly. The 6th years got their essays back, to nobody's surprise Hermione got top marks, but to Snapes utter amazement Eleanor ,too. She was getting pretty big now and actually , at least sometimes, friendly. Right now his biggest problem was Harry Potter. He constantly disagreed with him and was as disrespectful as his father had always been towards him, Snape. That night was the first time he had this dream again in some time. Lily with her beautiful hair, James dead, but this time the dream moved on he saw Lily in a white silk gown, waiting for him, only him.
"I'm really worried, Severus" Dumbledore said during breakfast."Why?". "I'm worried about you, Severus!""Me,Sir?I don't understand" "You look miserable" the Headmaster said with a kind smile."Thank you very much, indeed"Severus replied."No honestly, I am very concerned, is there anything you'd like to tell me?".Dumbledores eyes gave him their usual X-raying look."No,Sir, Nothing, I am fine" Snape lied. He finished his breakfast very quickly and left without another word. It was Saturday, so he had time to read the homework he had set the other day. Most of the essays about werewolves were rubbish, only one student managed an O, and hardly anyone accomplished an E. It was frustrating. He still hadn't found out what Malfoy was doing and Dumbledore was getting worried about him."I'm doomed" he said to his reflection in the mirror. Then he went to bed, and waited for the dream. It did not come instead he dreamed of Dumbledore shouting at him , Dumbledore turned into Draco, who's laughing, Draco turned into Lily, she's crying, Lily turned into the Dark Lord who beheads her with a sword. He woke up terrified but fell back to sleep immediately, and could not remember the dream at all ,in the morning. It was one of those days when just everything goes wrong. Even tough he forgot about the dream, he was feeling terrible.
March had past so quick, Snape could hardly believe it when his calender told him it was the 1st of April. Shocked of how chick the time had passed, he made his way to the Slytherin common room, because he still had not found out what Malfoy has up to. He came up with the plan the day before. He would wait outside the common room and wait until Draco left for breakfast. Then he, Snape, would tell him to come to his office, and there he, Draco, would ,Snape hoped, tell him everything he wanted to know. This plan did not work. Severus was so frustrated that he skipped lunch and went to the owlery instead. He still had not answered Bellatrix letter. His reply was very short.
Bellatrix-
I am happy for you. I am glad I have convinced you, you took your time.
Severus.
He used a snow white owl, could it be Hedwig? He never had had an owl, he had a cat. A black and white one called Holly. She died in his last year at Hogwarts, at least as a student. He was very sad about it. Holly had been like a friend, a friend he had lost just like Lily. He always seemed to be losing his friends. "Why so serious"? It was Eleanor she was even prettier now than before her pregnancy. "That's not really your concern is it, Fisher" Snape replied. "Okay, I just wanted to say hello, you know, since were best friends and everything" "What, do you want"!"It's, it's complicated, I need your help, Snape" " Help, what kind of help" "I have to tell my father that I'm pregnant." "The Dark Lord does not know"? Snape asked astonished. "No. But I thought that you could tell him , he trusts you so, I'm sure he would want it to hear it from you, rather than from me.""Do you know what Draco is up to"? "What? No! Even if I did I wouldn't tell you. But why are changing the subject, Snape"? " I shall talk to the Dark Lord only, and only if you help me" "Help you, help you with what? If He's not telling you, he wont tell me either" " Really? I thought you two got on very well" " We did, until- she pointed at her belly."It's his" "His"? "His child, idiot" "I did not know that you two were-"" Well we weren't, not really, it was sort of an accident" " Accident"? Snape asked in disbelieve. "Yes, I mean we weren't a couple or anything, anyway, I wanted to know what he's up to , too. But he wouldn't tell me either"" That's unfortunate" Snape said composedly."So now what, you won't talk to him". "No I won't, Eleanor you should do it yourself" "Great, Snape, really accommodating of you" "Listen-" "Oh please , why don't you fuck yourself" she said and left."
"10 points from-" he was about to say Gryffindor but then he realised that Eleanor was in his own house."Slytherin" he muttered to himself.