1. The real argument between Edward and Jacob was not over Bella it was between who was more macho.
2. Edward was really a butt scratcher.
3. Jasper is an emotional nutcase.
4. Everytime Carlisle does surgery there is a little voice in his head saying Eat Her
started a secret Anti-Edward group and its president is Mike Newton.
6. Bella isn't human, vampire, or werewolf she is an evil space monkey.
7. Esme watches the food channel and cooks the food just to torture Emmett.
8. Jacob secretly steals parts from Billy's wheelchair to fix his Rabbit.
9. Billy secretly dances to Beyonce.
10. Emmett plays with Barbie's and pretends there Rosalie.
11. Alice secretly shrinks all of Rosalie's clothes to make her think she's getting fat.
12. Rosalie plays with baby dolls and secretly pretends there her baby.
13. The Cullens secretly hate Brittany Spears.
14. The Pack secretly turns all the cats of Forks into dogs.
15. Secretly there's no Treaty they just want you to think they have drama.
16. The treaty line isn't actually apart of the treaty, Emmett drew it in the dirt because he was bored