I stepped into the sunlight with my brothers,laughing,ready to play down at the river. It was a sunny day in July. Just months before everything went horribly wrong. My twin and I were eleven,our little brother was nine. Winry was outside tinkering with a piece of automail when we all went running to the river,racing each other and ourselves. She dropped what she was doing and came running after us.

We were all just kids,playing at the river. I don't know why it had to happen this way. I don't know what we did to deserve it. We were just little kids. Ed didn't deserve it,Al didn't deserve it,our mother didn't deserve what I decided to put them through. I'm an idiot. I really am. It all started because of me. I killed them. So many times,I've killed them.

"Damn it!"I scream. "Damn it..."

We never did anything to deserve it. We never did. Never. But I brought this on them. Why am I such an idiot. Why? Why am I such a god damn idiot.

I guess I'll get into exactly how this all started. How I screwed around with so many lives for my own selfish gain. It was all that summer day,when we were playing by the river.

"Evaline!"Ed pouted at me. Al and I'd beaten him to the river.

"Sorry Ed!"I said,still giggling uncontrollably.

"Sorry Brother!"Al laughed with me,Winry just now catching up with us.

"Why are you three so fast?!"She panted.

"Because we're not wearing dresses,"Ed pointed out.

True,I remember every detail. We were all wearing shorts. There was a little flower design on the back pocket of mine. We were all laughing uncontrollably now,because we thought we were so funny.

"At least I'm not the size of a screw!"Winry retorted.

"Who're you callin' a screw!?"Ed and I both were hot heads,even back then.

"You two!"

"Shut up Winry!"

"I'm tellin' your mom that you told me to shut up!"

She went running. We were all frozen stiff. 'Shut up' was a cuss word to our mother. Winry had a pretty big head start when we finally started after her.

We saw her stopped in the door way of our house. She was just standing there. I remember slowing down,confused as to why she was just standing there. I thought maybe Daddy had come home. I was wrong. Ed got there first. He stopped in his tracks. I was next to get there.

Our mother was out cold on the floor. Fruit from our basket was rolling around on the floor still. It had just happened.

"Al,go get ."

"Why?"

"Go get Granny!"Ed turned around. His eyes were blazing. He thought someone poisoned her. Wrong.

"Granny!"Al went running to Winry's house. He thought something was wrong. Correct. Good job,Alphonse.

"Edward...Evaline...I don't know what happened..."Winry was crying. She thought mom had been murdered and that we were looking at a dead body. Wrong.

I was thinking nothing. I was somewhere between crying and passing out. Mom was gonna die. That was all I thought. Correct Evaline. Good job,really good job. Such a bright imagination.

Mom did die. Nothing can make me say that she 'Passed on' or 'Went to the other side'. She was just dead. I don't remember much about when she died. I was too...caught up..in the fact that she was gone.

Ed,Al,and I stood by each other at the funeral. I was dazed the entire time,according to Ed. Near the end,he said I fell over. Just splat,on the ground. Pinako never saw anything wrong with me. She said it just got too overwhelming. I really don't know. I woke up a few days later. That was when we all started really getting into Alchemy.

None of us,Al,Ed,and Me,ever left Dad's study. Ed and Al sometimes left for dinner,but I was almost always there,trying to find a way to get my mom back.

One day,the river almost flooded. We all left to see if we could help. That was when we met Izumi. She made the wall to stop the water. All of us got down on our knees and begged her to teach us. And she did. It took a lot of convincing,but she eventually took us under her wing.

It was that half year when we got stuck on an island for a month.

"I'll come back in a month! If you're alive,I'll teach you what I know!"Izumi told us before Sig began paddling back to the opposite shore. All we had was a machete. No alchemy,no food,no clean water. Nothing.

"Oh gosh,Ed,Al,what are we gonna do?"I asked.

"I guess we gotta stay,"Al drug his foot in the sand,writing random sentences.

"Sure as hell we gotta stay. Ain't a way offa this thing!"Ed kicked the sand. He was mad,still.

I observed the situation. None of us could swim,and none of us knew how to hunt. But I devised a plan. A trap for animals. Ed beat me to it.

"We gotta catch something to eat. I think I have an idea,"He grabbed the machete.

Al and I just stood there,trying to comprehend how our big brother was so smart. Yes,I'm the younger twin. Is that so surprising? Everyone thinks I'm older,even though I'm much smaller than Edward. I don't know why.

"Here!"Ed shoves a sharpened stick into my face. He made a spear. Holy crap,my brother is a genius. Or Al and I are just stupid sometimes. More than likely the second one.

"Go kill some fish!"I gulp. Ed knows better. I cried when I found a dead snake by the river. I couldn't ever kill an innocent animal.

He goes back to making Al a spear. I make an audible scared 'Gulp' noise. Ed sighs and looks up at me.

"Get over it Evaline. It's just a fish. Would you rather starve?"He asks.

"N-No! I'm- Uhh...I'm just not-I can't-Umm!"

Good job Evaline,you can't even make a sentance.

"Just do it,"He says

"I can't Ed...I'm sorry,"I drop the spear.

"Evalineeeee,"He groans.

"Edwarrrdddd,"I retort.

"Fine. Al,go kill a fish."

"I can't! Brother! Don't make me do it!"Al says.

"Al!"Ed seemed very frustrated with us.

That's the way it was for about two weeks. Then we finally got a hold on our heads and thought 'We're gonna die if it keeps going like this.' You know the rest.

The day Izumi finally came to get us,we were sitting on the beach,laughing,joking around and throwing sand at each other. Ed got the last laugh,because I was about to throw a big ball of wet sand at him when Izumi and Sig came up. Same boat,same people. Ed had figured out Izumi's riddle. We recited it,Izumi took us back,impressed.

Then,half a year later,we did it. We preformed human transmutation. We'd left Izumi's not long before and returned home. And then we did it. We commited the tabboo.

It started out well. Everything was nice and blue,then boom. Red sparks. I tried to pry my hands away from the circle Ed drew. It was like they were stuck. I looked up. Al was looking at me,afraid. More afraid than I'd ever seen him. I look at Ed. He's afraid. Are we all that scared?

Then it's all gone. Blank whiteness. I stand up,turn around,looking at my surroundings. Not completely white. There's a big door. Carving run around on it,ensnaring each other in a sea of senseless mumbo-jumbo. It doesn't make sense.

"Really? A kid? It sent a kid."

I swing around,seeing a black...human shaped thing. It just sits there,on the ground,seeming upset.

"What are you?"I asked,reaching out like an idiot.

"Oh,there goes that arm. Maybe I should take something else. Anyway,what's your name?"It grins at me.

"E-Evaline!"I say,startled by it's both kind and creepy nature.

"Okay Evaline. You're gonna owe me for this,what do you wanna give?"

"Huh?"

"Forget it. Have fun."

Something wraps around my ankle. I look down to see a black hand like thing. It pulled me towards the door thing. Better yet,it pulled me inside of the door.

Everything,all of the knowledge in the world seemed to flash though my mind. I remember screaming the whole time,praying I wouldn't die. My head was gonna explode. Then it was over. I was back on the floor of the white space.

"Was that fun?"It asked,giggling.

"No!"I yelled.

"Hey,lemme make a deal with you. If you get people to make transmutations like this,I'll spare you and your brothers."

"What?"

"You really didn't read into this did you kid? You're gonna die if you don't make this deal. Don't matter how strong you think you are,"It laughed again.

"Okay! Deal!"

And that was my worst descision ever.