Disclaimer: Most of the persons, places, and the events referred to are
the property of the Tolkien Estate. Equally, the form of the poem is modeled
on "King Herod's song," from Jesus Christ Superstar, lyrics by Tim
Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber. I write in admiration, with no intention
of intellectual theft from any party.
A/N: This song is an AU. What if Frodo had actually been taken to Barad-Dûr after being captured by the Orcs at Cirith Ungol? How would Sauron have reacted?
"Lord Sauron's Song" - from Silmarillion, the Musical
To finally see your face
You've been getting in the way
All around my place
Wounding Shelob
And shouting Elvish words
A Perian is what you are?
At least that's what I've heard
So you are the spy
You're the great Halfling spy
I will make sure that you are mine
Though it may take a little time
Be sure that I'll do
Something nasty to you
Frodo, you are a fool
Frodo you will soon believe
The power of my Eye
You will squirm and cry aloud
And wish that you could die
Oh what a pity
If you give in fast
Still I'm sure
That careful torture will ensure you last
So if you are the spy
Yes the great Halfling spy
What is it that you do here?
Your mission has gone wrong, I fear
Be sure that I'll do
Something nasty to you
Frodo, you are a fool
You can't believe that you can tell a lie to me
Why pretend that you just came
To surf on Nûrnen Sea? (Oh, ho ho)
I am waiting
To hear how you might take
A well-deserved vacation
On that so-bitter lake
So if you are the spy
Yes the great Halfling spy
You'd better go and train some more
To sneak around in MY Mordor
Something's gone wrong for you
You were caught, no ado
Frodo, you are a fool
Hey! Aren't you scared Baggins-boy?
That you'll be an Orc-toy?
You're a joke, you're not the spy
You're just an average guy
Take him away
He's got nothing to say!
Get out you Perian
Get out you Perian
Get out you Perian fool!
Get out of here, you, you!
Get out of here, you!
Get out of my sight!