Life was cruel to those who are weak. That is how Saeran saw the world. At least that is how he once did until he found her. The girl of his dreams that he led into that apartment and had her infiltrate the RFA. Yet here he was a year later, watching her married to his brother when she should've been his. His jealousy raged within him every time he saw her kiss Saeyoung. Yet on the outside, he remained as stone faced as ever, but under that blank expression, he was screaming when he watched his brother's hands on the woman he wanted. MC was always so nice to everyone, so he can't blame his brother for loving her and taking her for himself.
While he sat on the couch trying to focus on a book he could hear MC and Saeyoung in the kitchen making breakfast, with all the giggles and kisses that usually involved. More flirting than cooking at some points. Out of the corner of his eye he could see her wrapped in his brother's arms laughing while kisses were peppered all over her neck and face. "I can't think with all your noise." Saeran said loud enough for the two of them to hear it. He stood up, closing his book loudly and leaving to go to his room. Saeyoung and MC listened as Saeran slammed his bedroom door. MC's cheeks started to flush as she realized she had forgotten that Saeran was watching as her husband attempted to ravish her right in the kitchen. "Don't mind him MC." The warm voice of her husband tickled her ears as he spoke. She turned her attention back to the pancakes as they were starting to burn from neglect. Saeyoung let out a fake scream as he rushed to save the cakes.
Saeran smacked his head against the wall a few times, groaning as he tried to clear his mind of the image of MC. It wasn't working, and he was giving himself a headache. "That bastard doesn't know what he has..." He ran his fingers over his forehead, checking for blood and being pleasantly surprised the wall didn't give him a noticeable injury. even if his forehead made it out alright his chest still felt uncomfortably tight. This mixture of jealousy and rage was becoming annoying, but he knew there wasn't anything he could do about it other than get over himself and let his brother have her. A nagging voice at the back on his mind kept saying 'steal her' but he knew that would be stupid to attempt. MC was married to Saeyoung, that's not something you can easily get someone out of. Plus she loved his brother, nothing could change that, especially not someone as weak and pathetic as him.
"Saeran? If you're feeling alright breakfast is ready." MC's voice from behind his bedroom door rang in his ears, making him move instantly. He opened the door fast enough to make MC suspicious. Usually, he won't come out for hours no matter how much they call at his door, but here he was, appearing in front of her the second she called. Under his bangs she could see a small bruise forming on his forehead. "Searan did you hit your head on something? It looks like you got hurt." She moved his bangs out of the way to examine the wound. Her fingertips so warm on his skin, making his face heat up. She was so close to him he could smell her shampoo still strong on her hair from her morning shower. Then the scent of his brother filled his senses, forcing him to pull away from her. "Don't worry about it." He muttered as he adjusted his bangs back to cover the mark. MC lowered her hand, remembering being told before that Saeran doesn't like to be touched. "If you're hungry you should come eat while it's still hot." She said putting on a smile, hoping he would join them. He just rolled his eyes and started towards the kitchen where his brother stood holding out a plate of pancakes for him.
MC and Saeyoung carried on as usual while Saeran pretended not to notice them. He was, however, hyper aware of every movement MC made, everything she said, how long it took her to chew each bite before swallowing. The thought occurred to him that most people don't keep track of that kind of thing, but if he kept it to himself no one could call him out on it.
"Yo little bro, why do you keep side eyeing my wife?" Saeran felt a shiver run up his spine. He glared at his twin who was laughing and putting another fork full of pancake into his mouth. "Why would I look at her?" Saeran spat at his brother, his fork clanking against his plate as he dug into his own cakes. Saeyoung's eyes lit up, his twin had taken the bait. "Why would you? Look at her! She's perfect! A goddess among men! Those unworthy weep in her presence!" MC couldn't contain herself and broke out laughing at her husband's antics. Searan didn't even blink, he just shrugged, fork still in his mouth. "I guess that means I'm worthy of her since I'm not weeping."
'What are you saying you fool!' His mind screamed at him. What was he doing? He knew his brother was just being stupid. Why did he engage? While his insides were regretting every life choice he has made to get to this point his outer shell remained stoic, trying to not let Saeyoung know he was getting to him.
"Of course you're worthy! My brother is more than welcome to bask in the glory of my beautiful wife. Right MC? You wouldn't mind Saeran basking?" MC's cheeks turned pink. She just let off a nervous laugh.
"I would do more than just bask in her." Saeran didn't process what just came out of his mouth. He heard it but didn't believe it was him. Saeyoung's fork fell from his fingers and onto the table. MC started to choke on what she was chewing.
Saeran saw his brother go to stand up and it triggered his fight or flight response. He didn't feel like looking like a weakling in front of MC so the best bet was to run. His body bolted from his spot at the kitchen table and sped back to his bedroom, bracing himself up against the locked door in case his twin would try to break it down. He didn't say anything explicit but the intent was still easily understood. He cursed under his breath and looked at the wall he had been hitting his head on earlier. It was an enticing idea but he decided against it as his forehead was bruised enough.
'You're an idiot. She belongs to you. Why are you letting your brother have her?' "Shut up..." He whispered to himself, pushing off the door and slowly dragging his feet as he closed himself up inside his bathroom. He turned the shower on and set the water to as hot as he could take.
'Even if she wasn't married to him why would she want you? You're so thin and weak.' "Stop..." He knew talking to himself wouldn't stop his mind from racing and insulting him. He tried to distract himself with the scalding water. He looked down at his pale, thin form. After moving in with his brother he did eat healthier, more frequent meals, but even then he had trouble putting on weight. He wondered if MC would find him attractive if she saw him-
"Quit thinking like that you pervert..." He spit out some water that got in his mouth as he talked to himself. He wished he could drown himself right now, his head pounding from how stupid he had been. Yet his body also felt hot, not just because of the scalding water he chose to punish himself with, but with arousal. He knew he was starting to get hard just thinking about MC seeing him naked, her clothes coming off soon after. Their bodies pressed together with heated passion-
"What am I doing?!" He snapped out of his delusion only to realize he had been touching himself to the thought of his brother's wife. He turned the water off and snatched a towel off the rack, drying just his body, letting his hair stay flattened against his head and dripping.
With a towel around his waist, he returned to the wall and smacked his head into it. He had become thankful no one entered his room as the dent in the wall with chipping paint that was perfectly his height might tip them off to his new found hobby. Though the thought of MC coming into his room late at night for comfort-
"Make it stop!" He screamed grinding his forehead into the wall further. His bedroom door opened suddenly. He remembered locking it so how?
Saeyoung, with key in hand, smiling like an idiot. "I got worried when I noticed it was locked." He dropped his smile and took note of his brother's appearance. Naked, towel loose around his hips, hair still wet, forehead dripping with fresh blood, and an erection. "You good bro?"
"Yes, why do you ask?" Saeran responded as deadpan as ever, trying not to make this situation worse. Saeyoung's brain was trying to process what he was looking at. He sighed and fully entered the room, closing the door behind him to be alone with his twin. "Are you really ok Saeran? If your prescriptions aren't working we can find a new doctor or maybe-"
"No. I'm fine." He didn't want to talk about this now. This could wait for therapy. Saeyoung leaned against the door, not taking his eyes away from his brother who had started to wipe the blood off his forehead. "I'm not going to push you. But MC and I are worried ya know? If it gets bad you can let us know." Those words were hot Saeran's ears and made them burn. MC was worried? Was he causing her distress? The last thing he ever wanted was to hurt her or cause her any discomfort.
He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. "Sure. Now get out." His cold tone reached his brother, who just smiled and nodded. Saeyoung left and relocked the door with his key. Saeran was left
alone with a pounding headache and a painful erection. It couldn't hurt to get rid of it while thinking of her, no one would know. Maybe he was just thinking of someone who looked and sounded just like her… who was he kidding? He was obsessed.
Falling back into his bed he groaned and tans his hand through his damp hair, now red again just like it once was. Before Mint Eye, before everything. He twisted a lock of hair between his fingers before letting his arm drop limp onto the bed. "I can't stay like this forever. I need to get over this." He had told himself this before, and yet nothing has changed. Even after moving in with the married couple his heart still burned for someone he couldn't have.
He grabbed his pillow and pulled it over his head, weakly trying to smother himself. All he really succeeded in doing was passing out from the minor head trauma he inflicted onto himself.