A/N: This is a slash, or will eventually be one. If you don't like, don't read. Simple as that. Review at the end, otherwise I won't really be motivated to keep on posting. Sorry, but it's true. XD
1. Good Intentions
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The feeling of falling made my heart jump into my throat. I flailed uselessly, the peels of sleep still enveloped around my sub consciousness. I awoke when I hit the floor. Of course I did. Even as utterly exhausted as I was, no one could possible sleep through that. Growling, I rubbed my eyes. It took a moment, but when I realized where I was – i.e. where I had collapsed- it took only seconds to evaluate the cause of my untimely waking.
"Stupid blonde," I muttered. Everyone in the house heard it.
Rosalie crossed her legs and smiled. She was the picture of contentment and I wanted to hit her. Her fingers lazily stroked the arm rest of the couch. Vampires didn't even need to sit. They could stand for all eternity. They could run till they circled the world.
Still growling, I clambered to my feet and plopped myself down next to her. The seat was still warm from where I slept on it. Rosalie wrinkled her nose, sniffing and turning away as if she were superior to me. Just cause she was attractive- Yes, I could admit to that- didn't mean she could walk all over me.
"Hey Blondie," I yawned and let my arm fall behind her head. She wriggled but her stubbornness prevented her from admitting how much it bothered her. Payback time. "If you wanted my attention, all you had to do was ask."
" Ugly mutt," she snarled.
"I got a good one for you. Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?"
Rosalie ignored me. Or at least, she pretended too. But our close proximity and the almost twitching of her upper lip told me I had her full attention.
"Come on," I pouted. "It's no fun if you don't play along."
"Go piss on someone else for awhile!" Rosalie snapped, her teeth grinding. It felt so good, knowing I had this effect on her. It made me swell in pride. I could really crawl under her skin, and boy, did I like doing it. It made all these painstakingly boring afternoons something akin to entertaining. I wondered how far I could push her before she snapped. A good fight might be just what I needed. A chance to stretch my limbs, bare my fangs, let out my inner wolf.
"Jacob!" The small pixie whined as she entered the room. "Stop playing with Rosalie!"
Alice danced to the kitchen and back again, holding a bowl of cereal. She probably heard my stomach gnawing in my sleep. I liked Alice. She was a little weird but all together she wasn't that bad. And she wasn't a bitch like her sister.
Was Rosalie her sister? Maybe they were just friends?
I grabbed the bowl from Alice and dug in. Rosalie finally had enough and stormed out of the room. Probably off the to harass her husband. Poor Emmett. I don't know how he dealt with her on a daily basis.
"You really shouldn't do that to her, Jacob. She'll kill you one day."
Swallowing, I grinned. "Have you seen it?"
"Well, no," she admitted.
"I'll take my chances then."
Alice sighed. And then she took Rosalie's seat, looking a little too comfortable in my presence. If I wasn't eyeing her so intently, I probably would have missed her hand before it got tangled in my hair. I jerked back in shock.
"You need a haircut."
"Says who?" My brow furrowed.
"Says me," Alice chirped, trying to touch my hair again. This time, I let her. She played with the strands behind my ear, the sides I had pulled back. It had grown a lot in the past couple of months but I just haven't been bothered to cut it. It wasn't really on the forefront of my mind, especially with all that happened recently. Shuddering, I refused to think about it. Denial was my best friend.
"Jacob?"
"Hmm?" I hummed around a gulp of cereal.
"Can I please give you a haircut?"
I nearly sprayed Cheerio's through the living room. Luckily, I caught myself at the last minute and gawked at the small vampire. She didn't honestly think I was going to allow her anywhere near me with a pair of scissors! She was clearly a bit insane.
"No."
"Please."
"Hell no!"
"Why not?" She demanded. I imagined her stomping her foot.
"Because I rather like having my head attached to my shoulders."
She rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to slit your throat. You would taste repugnant anyway."
I finished my cereal and went to place the bowl in the sink, allowing the hot water to clean it. I heard Alice trail in behind me, but only barely.
"Jacob, you don't understand."
"I'm pretty sure I do."
Alice stared at me, all humour and playfulness gone. Her eyes were intense. I felt uncomfortable, my flesh crawling under such scrutiny. "No," she said slowly. "You don't."
I watched as she approached, her face strangely blank. "Even the smallest of changes can enlighten the biggest shift."
"I don't-"
"Edward likes short hair."
My throat clamped up tight. I turned away, looking forlornly out the kitchen window. That was a low blow, and she knew it. Or maybe she didn't. Maybe this physic bloodsucking pixie didn't know everything. But then why would she say that? She must have known the effect this would have on me. Was this a test?
"I'll be waiting upstairs, Jacob." With a small knowing smirk, she whirled and disappeared. I leaned against the bench with my head in my hands. A strand of glossy hair fell into my eyes.
Maybe it was too long…
"They'll be here soon," Alice sighed, her eyes glazed over. Nervously, I touched my head, feeling the shortened strands brush through my fingers. The gel felt weird. It felt slimy and hard at the same time.
"Was this really necessary?" I grumbled.
"Of course," Alice smiled. "Presentation is everything."
She grabbed a bottle of hairspray, and before I could protect myself, she was suffocating me. I coughed and spluttered, my hand covering my mouth and nose. My eyes started watering. Faintly, I could hear the front door opening and two…no, three pairs of footsteps.
"You're killing me!" I gasped out.
Alice giggled. Not a moment later, her weird mate was at the bathroom door. Jasper eyed me for a moment, his eyebrow raised high, before he burst into laughter. Stunned, I watched him. I had never seen him laugh before. It was deep and bass and beautiful.
I must have looked ridiculous.
Turning around, I eyed myself in the large mirror. My hair was cropped short and messy, a few strands hanging on my forehead. It made me look more boyish, reckless and fun. But at the same time I looked older, like Sam. Behind me, Jasper wrapped his arms around Alice's middle, saying something in her ear that even I couldn't catch. Alice giggled again.
Slightly self conscious, I stood up and walked around them. My heart did a weird flip. I could hear a muted conversation downstairs. Slowing my pace, I closed my eyes and steeled myself. I had no right to be nervous. No right to want his approval. If he didn't like how I looked, he could go screw himself.
"What's so funny, Edward?" I heard Bella ask in her timid voice.
"Jacob."
"Jacob's here?" Bella was excited to see me; I could tell by the higher pitch in the way she said my name. "Why?"
"Seems he had another fight with his alpha. He came to inform us."
"That's nice of him."
Edward hummed in agreement. Jutting out my chin, I walked down the stairs, only to be bombarded a moment later by a very eager brunette. Bella was fragile in my arms, so pale and so small. I held her tightly for a moment, my nose in her soft crown of hair, before releasing her. I felt Edward's eyes on me, probably trying to identify my intentions.
I know you're listening.
The slight inclination of his head was the only indication he heard me. Bella whispered my name, and when I looked down, she grinned toothily. "You hair looks amazing, Jacob! It really suits you."
"Thanks," I shuffled, slightly embarrassed.
"What do you think, Edward?" Bella asked innocently, unaware of my stiffening. I stared at my bare feet, golden skin clashing with the shockingly white carpet.
"It's suits him very well."
My head snapped up too fast. My neck panged, and cringing, I reached behind me to knead the spasming muscles, all too aware of what he just said. He likes it. Alice was right.
"Alice?" Edward murmured, his brow furrowed slightly in confusion.
Shit. Don't think. Sing something!
Furiously racking my brain for a song, Bella saved me by grabbing my hand and leading me to the couch. Her hands were immediately holding on my own. "Jesus," I said. "Bells, you're freezing. Your practically a bloodsucker already."
"Jacob…" Bella sighed like a tired parent.
"Fine, vampire. Whatever." I grinned at her until she softened and smiled. Edward leaned against the far wall of the living room, his arms crossed, head titled as he observed us.
He must have taken lessons or something to look that perfect.
Edward coughed, hiding his laughter. I slipped again. This was the reason why I avoided him for the last three months. He had no moral objections against invading people's privacy, especially my own. Hell, I could practically feel his eyes racking through my head.
Stupid bloodsucker.
"Jacob!" Bella squeezed my hand, trying to gain my attention.
"Huh? Sorry, what?"
"I said are you okay? Is Sam giving you a hard time?"
"No, nothing like that," I lied smoothly.
"Then what happened?"
Her eyes were so open and exposed. I had to look away. Swallowing, I cleared the fist of clay from my wind wipe. I would never intentionally hurt Bella. She was my best friend, my ray of sunshine. I would kill myself if I ever saw those beautiful eyes cloud over in pain or betrayal. I just couldn't stand it.
"It's not important, Bells." My voice broke.
"Jake," she brought my knuckles to her mouth, brushing her lips against them. From the corner of my eye, I watched Edward's expression cautiously, waiting for that possessive vampire to kick in. But it wasn't there- instead, his stare remained fixed on me.
"I can handle it."
"You shouldn't have to handle anything, Jake. You should be happy."
"I am happy." I could tell no one believed me. Not even myself.
I could see Bella about to protest. I could see the guilt she held in her expression. She chose Edward over me, and till the day she died or undied (whatever) she would blame herself for my depression. But it really wasn't her fault. I wished I could ease her burden. I really did.
"I'm going for a run," I stood up, cutting off whatever Bella was about to say.
"When will you be back?" she asked hopefully.
"Soon," I promised. She gnawed her bottom lip in worry. Just as I walked out the door, getting a face of mist and rain, I could see Edward take my seat on the chair, wrapping his arms around Bella, his marble lips at her forehead. I wrenched myself away, phasing into the true monster that I was.
It hurt too much to look.
I slept in wolf form more than my human. It wasn't more comfortable or anything; it was just convenient. With my head on my front paws, my tail flapping lazily against my thigh, I was nearly in a state of sleep. I heard the howl though, even miles away. My instincts told me to get up and obey. To keel over to my alpha with no questions asked.
But I wasn't welcome anymore.
Story of my life. I was the rogue werewolf, the troubled adolescent, the sexually frustrated male. There was no way of recovering from here. I hit rock bottom. I fell off the horse, unable to get back up.
Just sleep, I told myself. Tomorrow will get better.
Unfortunately, it never did.