SCU

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to whomever really owns it. Though I am too lazy to point out who those people are, they know who they are.

A/N: This is just to get all the damn teeny-bopper crap out of my head

Prologue

Orientation

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Welcome to Sword Coast University… and the beginning of the rest of your lives. I would like to be the first to congratulate you on taking your first steps towards fulfilling your hopes and dreams and I and all the others here are honoured that you've all decided on choosing SCU to help you attain them.

Before we begin your orientation I'd like to take this opportunity on clarifying why you've made the right decision in coming here. Located along the Sea of Swords between Baldur's Gate and Amn, Sword Coast University was founded over five hundred years ago, in 1243 DR and despite the turbulent times that have passed since then, we are still providing quality education and training and ranked the number one post secondary institution this side of Faerûn. In fact some of the most celebrated individuals the world has ever known have graduated from these very halls, people such as Khelben "Blackstaff" Arunsun, Drizzt Do'Urden, Bruenor Battlehammer, Cattie-brie, Napoleon Dynamite and even our current head dean of 104 years, Elminster Aumar.

Perhaps what you've noticed is that SCU is on a strict non-discrimination policy, which is probably why most of you are here. No one is excluded because of race, alignment or profession. If you're a half-giant wanting to be thief, come on in just don't touch anything. If you're a drow and wish to worship Ilmater we've got a prayer hall across campus. This university was founded upon the basis that all should have a chance at their chosen career regardless of allegiance or past grievances. This is a pivotal reason why every new school year more and more students enrol because not only are you learning how to swing a sword or cast a spell but you're also given a chance to discover more about the person beside you.

Despite what you may think about the melting pot boiling over, SCU has an impressive record of lowest fatalities than any other school in all of Abeir-Toril… the only exception being that matter (and I would like to add that it was completely out of our hands) with the halfling riots five decades ago. That reminds me, I would like to make clear that since that incident the staff has since requested that all acts of racial violence will be punished with the possibility of expulsion… and that if you do have the urge to sling a stone, could you please, please refrain from targeting the dragons.

Not only does SCU boast a student population comprised of most cultures, this university also prides itself on its wide selection of subjects. In fact, unlike our traditional rivals over at Moonsea University (mooooo!) this institution is famous for having available every single course of every single department of every single faculty of every single school. Impossible you say? Then what are you doing here? If you're so bloody sceptical why don't you go on over to MU, I'm sure they'll be glad to take on another ignorant idiot into their roster. I'm suuuure those morons over there have classes just for you, 'How to be a Sissy 101.'

….

Ahem… moving on, yes, Sword Coast University is the only academic institution that provides quality education of whatever career you choose. Our professors are of the highest calibre, all at least of 25th level or higher. No matter where or what, when you graduate from here, just saying you've earned a degree from SCU will get you that second interview and that's just by getting a bachelor's. If you choose to pursue your master's or even a doctorate… well, let's just say that you can expect a promotion a week after you're hired.

Let's begin with our most popular academic program and that would be our Faculty of Combat. Young men and women who train themselves under the art of fighting often choose to simply earn their Bachelor's of Combat before striking out into the mercantile world or quickly rising through the ranks of armed organizations. On the road to earning your education you can focus your degree on various disciplines to major in such as our Department of Berserking or the School of Kensai. Classes on how to use weapons are moderated by demonstration and decapitation. However it isn't all just hack and slash because we even offer courses such Warrior Etiquette and Honour Code within our various schools.

Not comfortable with swinging an axe but more adept with reducing people to ashes? Our magical disciplines pop out more mages than a formian queen using aphrodisiacs. The university's renowned Faculty of Arcane Arts is the premier program that any witch or wizard can find themselves learning in, exploring not only theory but application as well. Magical studies at SCU are among the best because there is no limit to what is achieved. Our world famous faculty brings forth knowledge from all corners and all spectrums leaving no possibility unattained, encouraging our students to test their abilities and to manipulate the world around them. Plus, training in all disciplines of magic are available from the School of Illusionism to the School of Wild Magic, and you are free to focus on whatever area interests you the most, whether it be conjuring a giant or raising a corpse.

If it's a life of prayer you seek then perhaps our Faculty of Worship strikes your fancy. It's our largest program because every religion or deity can be studied and you don't even need a patron deity to take courses in this field because every pantheon from human to orc, Kara-Turan to Maztican is available. Ao, Bhaal, Mystra, Waukeen even Gruumsh and Lolth are some of the subjects you can adhere yourself to. The university grounds hold places of worship for all gods and our prayer halls are among the most blessed in the lands. Don't fret if priesthood and prayer sound a tad mundane because you can always apply to get into the Department of Clerics or maybe even the School of Paladins for you noble types. Taking courses in these fields allows you to not only learn how to worship a deity but to also how to forcefully 'convert' others through attending joint classes with our Combat faculty.

You may feel like worshipping but perhaps a god may be too heavy for you… but nature has always been there for you. The Faculty of Forestry is another popular program here at SCU and you can always find your niche in the heart of the world with either of our award winning Department of Druidism or the School of Rangers. All our graduates are qualified green peacekeepers that can track a bear by its feces or know how to move an entire forest with just a whispered request. Maybe you find it better if you focus your mind and body with the world around you then apply into our Department of Monks that is fast becoming a well recognized degree

Now sure, it's a frowned upon profession but the Faculty of Mischief educates our students with the best thieving techniques that turn bumbling buffoons into poised pilferers. Pickpocketing and assassinations are only some of the basic skills you'll pick up from the courses made available but by the time you complete the program, you'll be a guaranteed Shadowmaster. Now, I know because we offer so much at SCU that you're probably thinking, 'oh, great, what in the Nine Hells am I going to do?' but we have an excellent jack of all trades education plan for all you undecided people. The Department of Bards offers a program that generally studies all areas allowing you a taste before making a specific career decision or instead you may even choose to continue educating yourself with a wide assortment of quality skills.

Just remember that classes are available to all who wish to take them and that there is no limit to what you can take (unless of course, you didn't declare your major). Whether you choose to earn your Bachelor's of Worship with a Basheba degree or continue on to get your Master of Forestry with an Associate's degree in Swashbuckling, SCU is grand enough to cater to everybody's whims.

Sword Coast University encompasses enough land to practically be able to declare itself its own independence. Besides the campus, the university property extends to the surrounding lands including its own farmlands, a wide plain, a few mountains and a good portion of both the Wood of Sharp Teeth and the Snakewood Forest, which I would like to add is where most of the Druidic courses take place. To the west includes an impressive (and extensive) stretch of beachfront property which I would like to add, is a prime spot for those summer parties.

The facilities at SCU comprise of seven main buildings, fifteen non-main buildings, twenty extended wings, multiple prayer halls, labs, training facilities, gyms and temples, three libraries, five track fields, three stadiums, two amphitheatres, ten cafeterias, innumerable gardens and ponds both natural and artificial, and a very large stable. Besides the academic buildings the university houses its own small community, with housing for those with families, shops of all kinds, marketplaces and taverns (for those of legal age) and enough dorm rooms to house the entire goblinoid population.

Some examples that make SCU a truly unique place are the obstacle courses for our thief courses, the gladiator pits for combat students, flying towers for magic studies, an underground mine for smithing work, a kraken farm for aquatic danger training, giant domes for worshipping courses, bridges that connect buildings over bottomless pits, and we even just installed revolutionary elevators for those too lazy to climb twenty flights of stairs to get to class. In fact, this institution has been added to, changed, rebuilt, demolished and ripped open so much over the years I'm surprised it hasn't sunk into the Underdark by now.

… Yes, well… continuing on, if you'll follow me, to the left you'll see the Planar Sphere where most of the arcane classes are held…

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Cast of Characters (or the Guidelines to Visual Representation)

Aerie – Emmy Rossum

Anomen Delryn – Heath Ledger

Aran Linvail –

Bhodi – Jana Pallaske

Cernd – Mark Dacascos

Edwin Odeisseron – Edward Norton

Ellisime –

Haer'Dalis –

Imoen – Alyson Hannigan

Jaheira – Catherine Zeta-Jones

Jan Jansen –

Joneleth – Christian Bale

Keldorn Firecam – Liam Neeson

Korgan Bloodaxe –

Mazzy Fentan – Cate Blanchett

Melissan –

Minsc – Andrew Bryniarski

Nalia De'Arnise –

Phaere – Laura Harris

Ribald Barterman –

Saemon Havarian – Ryan Reynolds

Sarevok Anchev –

Solaufein –

Valygar Corthala – Keith Hamilton Cobb

Viconia DeVir – Shannyn Sossamon

Yoshimo – Shawn Yue

Updated, changed… whenever.