A/N: I own nothing. Nope, not even that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that.
A Very Tobi Christmas.
"SENPAI! WAKE UP, SENPAI!"
Deidara opened his one visible, blood shot eye after hearing the familiar voice of his partner, Tobi, screaming in his face. The artist grabbed Tobi by his coat and pulled him close to his face so that his nose was touching his mask. "Tobi," Deidara started, "why are you SHOUTING IN MY FACE, UHN!?" he shouted before hurling his partner against the far wall of his room.
After slamming against the wall, Tobi quickly jumped up and started waving his arms around frantically. "Because, Senpai; it's Christmas!" Tobi exclaimed excitedly before running out of Deidara's room.
"What the fuck is Tobi screaming about!?" Hidan yelled. He was joined shortly by the other members of Akatsuki, save for their leader and Konan.
"Who knows," Kakuzu chimed in, "but some one should shut him up."
Kakuzu sent Tobi a death glare while the newest member waved his arms again. "No, no! No violence! It's Christmas!"
The white half of Zetsu seemed to smile, while the black half remained neutral. "Christmas? How exciting!" the white half said. "But no one bought anything." the black half interjected, followed by the other members nodding their heads.
Just as Zetsu finished, Nagato's Deva Path, followed by Konan, approached them from behind Tobi. "Why is the sealing room decorated with lights, a tree, and presents?" Pain asked calmly.
"Because Tobi decided to decorate for Christmas," Itachi spoke up.
"But, no one bought any presents." Konan stated.
"Tobi did!" All heads turned towards Tobi, who was now jumping up and down excitedly.
"You...did?" Kisame asked, his head tilted to the side. Before Tobi could answer, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu and Deidara all rushed towards the room. Tobi ran after them, leaving Pain, Konan, Itachi and Kisame sighing and following them.
Once everyone was in, Tobi pulled a black Santa hat with red clouds on it out from his coat and put it on while sitting in front of the tree. "Tobi will start off with the leader!" He started by reaching under the tree and pulling out a rather small box. "Merry Christmas!" Pain took the present and stared at it for a second before unwrapping it.
Everyone's eyes widen as they stared at the box Pain now held in his hands. He froze up, his jaw dropping, as Konan turned around rather quickly to hide a deep blush.
"T-Tobi..." Deidara spoke up, "why did you buy the leader...condoms?"
"That way, when Tobi and everyone's out on missions, he and Konan don't have to worry about babies!" Tobi exclaimed excitedly while reaching for another present. The members all gulped, thinking about what horrible present Tobi had gotten them, save for Pain, who was still motionless.
"Here, Hidan! Merry Christmas!" Hidan's face flushed as he grabbed the box Tobi held out. To his surprise, the lid came off, showing the bottom of the box with tissue paper around something. Throwing the paper to the side, Hidan stared at a white shirt with his god, Jashin's symbol drawn in red on it.
"Tobi, ya little shit! This ain't fuckin' bad!" He exclaimed, throwing his coat off and putting the shirt on. "Fuckin' A, it even fits."
"You're welcome, Hidan." Tobi now held two boxes in his hands, one pointed at Itachi, the other at Kisame. "Merry Christmas!"
They both looked at each other, still uneasy about Pain, who had finally snapped out of his frozen stated. "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" Kisame threw his arms up in victory after he threw down rock, while Itachi sulked at choosing scissors.
Itachi gulped while he unwrapped his gift. He sighed in relief as he saw only a pair of glasses. "Thanks, Tobi. My eyes were going bad." he said as he placed the glasses on, now seeing clearer.
Kisame stared at his gift. It wasn't in the shape of a box, but was in a bag with tissue paper covering the top. Throwing the paper aside, Kisame pulled another bag out. This one, however, was filled with water. Swimming around it was a blue, mean looking fish. "Is this a piranha?"
"Yes! Tobi thought you'd like a fish companion!" he said excitedly after he handed Kakuzu, who had received a mask polishing kit, and Konan, who had gotten a stack of water retardant paper, their gifts.
Everyone stared at Kisame as he stared at the blue piranha. The piranha seemed to grin at the Akatsuki member. Finally, silence was broken when Kisame let out a loud shriek, much to Itachi's embarrassment. "YES! I WILL CALL HIM SQUISHY, AND HE SHALL BE MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER!"
Meanwhile, in Kisame's room, his sword, Samehada, would have cried at his master's obvious choice for new favorite pet if it had tear ducts.
Deidara, who had not received a present, now realized there were none left after Zetsu had received two special name tags, on with a black background with "Zet" written in white, and the other the inverse of it, only with "Su" written.
"Hey! Where my present, uhn?" he asked, waiting impatiently.
"Don't worry, Senpai. Tobi got you the best present you could ever want, Senpai!" Tobi said, even more excited than usual.
"Really, uhn?" Deidara's mind automatically went to three things; 1 ton of clay, a new explosion making set, and for Tobi not to be his partner. "Where is it, uhn?"
"Right here! Your gift is the ever clever Tobi as your partner, Senpai!"
The rest of that Christmas was spent with Kakuzu polishing his masks while Hidan worshipped Jashin in his own, masochistic ways lock up in his room. Kakuzu would constantly shout threats at his partner about stopping, while trying to convince Hidan his god wasn't real. Hidan only worshipped louder.
Zetsu wanted to spend that Christmas making the tree Tobi has gotten even better. Unfortunately, that never happened, as neither half could decide who wanted to be "Zet" and who wanted to be "Su." Some say that argument still goes on this very day.
Kisame has his mind set on bonding with his new pet piranha he had recently name "Squishy." Itachi would just shake his head and sigh whenever he walked past his room, never once taking off his glasses. Samehada just sulked in the corner, deciding that this was the worst Christmas ever.
Their leader announced that no one was to disturb him or Konan for the rest of that day. He was just glad his gift was infused with chakra to prevent paper cuts, otherwise he'd have a hard time decking Konan's hall.
And what of Tobi? Well, for the rest of that Christmas day, the sounds of Deidara's bombs going off could be heard throughout Amegakure, while shouts of "STOP SENPAI! IT'S CHRISTMAS!" rang out.
For Tobi, it was the best Christmas ever.
The End.
A/N: So, I got bored one day and decided "Hm, what would Tobi get the Akatsuki for Christmas?"
Now, before anyone says anything, yes, I'm aware Madara is Tobi. But Madara doesn't seem like the type to give presents away, does he? Well...maybe presents of death and vengeance!
Anywhooooo, who caught that pun in there? Pretty good, eh? EH!?
Also, I'm currently working on the third chapter of my first story, so cool your tits. ...What? It's a real saying. Look it up!