KitsuneFreak: Hellos, this is a total crackfic. OMG it is not a oneshot. I hope that I can see it through till the end. My friend and I discussed this entire story over the phone, and thanks to her I'm actually writing. I give credit to her for many ideas. No yaoi as usual. But later on if you see things that can be claimed as guy-guy pairings please be aware that I heavily dislike yaoi, and know that I do my best to slap it as much as possible. In other words, any possible guy-guy will be butchered within sentences of when it first appeared. Hey, when you have a lack of girl characters you do what you can to keep with the story flow. Once again, NO YAOI.

Be warned, OCPs are found. A.K.A. Original Crack Pairings. See, I just made that up.

Awesome-Disclaimer-That-Should-Be-Remembered: Nopsies and Nadas.

(Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Mushroom, Mushroom…)

It was a lovely bright and billowy day, but one person was not outside enjoying the breeze and exercising. Inui Sadaharu was inside developing his latest of Inui Juices. Holding a vial in each hand he dripped the various solutions together to create a masterpiece that would wreak havoc upon the Seigaku regulars…and other various people.

"Alright everyone! 10 laps around the tennis courts," Tezuka said as they started to complete the final training of the day. Muttering to himself he wondered, "I wonder where Inui is. He hasn't been here all day."

"Hoi Fuji, Fuji," Eiji yelled waving frantically, "watch out! Inui's gonna crash into you!"

Sure enough, there was Inui slipping and sliding on the dry ground in the direction of Fuji. But since he's a tensai, he Matrix'ed away from possible collision and Tezuka just happened to be behind him. We all know what happened next. Inui and Tezuka crashed into each other. But thankfully no one was hurt. Tezuka put on his stern teacher look and said, "Inui, please come to my office." And everybody simultaneously gasped. They all knew that if you were ever sent to Tezuka's office then you were in big trouble.

When everybody headed home, Tezuka turned to Inui, "Why were you missing all throughout the day?"

"I was making this," Inui replied as he held up a pitcher of pink liquid.

"Is this another one of your juices? What is it called?" Tezuka asked again while walking home.

"I have not yet named it, for I do not know its side affects."

"I see."

"Could you please try some of this?" After hearing no response he added, "I don't know if it's tasty enough for them, if you know what I mean."

Since Tezuka didn't want Inui spreading around some bogus idea that he was too chicken to even try out some pink juice that Inui made, he held out his hand to take the cup that Inui magically whipped up out of nowhere. Taking a deep breath, he drank the juice in one gulp. Handing the cup back to Inui, he had a slightly confused look on his face. He began to cough a little bit. Seconds later Inui was backing away very slowly for Tezuka was kneeling on the ground coughing more violently than he should have.

"Did I make the juice too strong?" Inui thought to himself. He immediately began thinking of places where he could hide a body with nobody finding out. Just as Inui came to the conclusion that Taka's basement was the last place that anyone would think of, Tezuka suddenly stopped coughing altogether.

"Uh, captain?" Inui tried, tentatively putting his hand on Tezuka who appeared to be looking at the ground. Tezuka must have come to his senses for he looked up. But not at Inui. He was looking at the local store that sold a multitude of bonsai plants. Rising to his feet, he walked to the aforementioned store.

"Hmm, Unnamed Juice causes sudden coughing," Inui pulled out his trusty notebook and began scribbling; taking in all the data he could and followed Tezuka.

Tezuka reemerged minutes later carrying a small bonsai plant, freshly clipped to the point where it was all curvy and its leaves formed cute swirly shapes.

"Oh, captain, I never knew that collecting bonsai plants was a hobby for you!" Inui commented hoping to make Tezuka forget about almost being killed by Inui. But Tezuka didn't reply, he just kept staring at the plant, and walked away to a nearby café.

"I wonder if the captain has a grudge on me now," Inui thought. "No wait, is he…stroking the plant?!"

And sure enough, there was the pillar of Seigaku, stroking a bonsai plant. Inui could have sworn that there was a 68 chance that his captain was whispering sweet nothings to the plant. But he did not prod further, for he was gathering very valuable data.

"Hmm, it seems as though the Unnamed Juice causes slight to violent coughing. Then it suddenly stops. In our captain's case, he immediately ran off to seek a bonsai plant. Very unusual. I must test it out on someone else or gather more data. Scratch that. I'll do BOTH!" and Inui punched the air Power Rangers style.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on who you are) Atobe, Oshitari, Ryoma, and Sakuno just happened to be walking by, oh so slowly. Taking their time, you know, strolling, chatting, walking in utter silence, or blushing the whole way through. Hopefully you know who's doing what.

"Ah ha!" said Inui with an evil gleam in his glasses. Inui then directed his attention to Atobe. He wanted him to be the next lucky winner. He looked like one. Inui watched behind a tree as Atobe and Oshitari took a seat in the café only 3 feet away from the table with Tezuka and his plant. Atobe glared at Tezuka for the heck of it only find himself being ignored. This only made Atobe angrier so he went over to Tezuka's table and waved a hand in front of him, snapping Tezuka back into reality.

"Ore-sama does not like being ignored," Atobe stated flatly.

Looking up, Tezuka replied, "What? Did you say something?"

Stuck at a loss for words (which he was not used to mind you) he was there with an oblivious look on his face. Switching to a new topic he said, "Che, what's with that lame plant?"

"It is not lame."

"It so is."

"Look, you're hurting her feelings, okay? So just back off!" Now Tezuka was glaring daggers back at Atobe. And once again Atobe stood there like 'WTF?'

He thought, "Is this really Tezuka? What has happened to arch-nemesis I had known!?"

"So now you're plant's a she?"

"Blossom was always a she."

"Blossom?"

"Yes. Now go away." Tezuka then stared at the plant and plant alone, so Atobe found it very difficult to engage in a game of 'Let's Bug the Heck Outta Tezuka.' Giving an arrogant 'humph', he walked back to the table that Oshitari was still sitting at sipping his cold glass of soda. Sitting down, the waitress came by him to take his order.

"Ore-sama is in the mood for some pink lemonade," thinking aloud. Oshitari spat out some of the soda he was drinking.

"Coming up!" replied the way too bubbly waitress.

"Now's my chance!" Inui thought to himself. He grabbed a spare uniform under the counter and put on a blonde wig (long haired kinds). He took the pink lemonade that was on the tray and chucked it into the bushes and replaced it with the Unnamed Juice from before.

"Hey, Atobe, since when do you drink pink lemonade anyway?"

"Now."

Oshitari chose not to reply. Just then the 'waitress' came with Atobe's …pink … lemonade.

"Here you go," said Inui in a high squeaky voice, he then walked only a little away from them and hid behind the bushes with his data book, waiting…completely oblivious to the fact that he was still wearing the blonde wig and the café's uniform.

"Hey, doesn't that waitress look like somebody we know?" Oshitari asked rubbing his chin.

"Ore-sama thinks not. Like who has long blonde hair, squarish glasses that seem to gleam all the time, and is female?" Atobe answered picking up the glass and proceeding to take a big gulp from it. Oshitari followed up by taking a sip of his own soda, while looking past Tezuka (and his plant) at the strange 'blonde waitress'. He was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a THUD that significantly sounded a lot like someone who just fell flat on the hard café table.

He looked, and yes, Atobe had just fallen flat on the hard café table. Like that. No warning. None at all. So Oshitari poked his captain lightly, trying to get some reaction.
"Captain? Capt- AAHHH!" Oshitari screamed covering his face and falling off his chair. Atobe suddenly sprinted up like a drunk man and downed the remaining… lemonade. Atobe then looked oddly out of focus, and looked just about ready to puke.

'Ugh,' Atobe thought, 'Ore-sama feels awful. Can't see. Must gag.' Looking for a location to puke he stumbled over to Tezuka's table. When his vision cleared up this first thing he saw was Tezuka's bonsai plant.

"What do you want now?" muttered Tezuka under his breath.

"Oh, what a lovely maiden you are," Atobe grandly.

"Uh, umm, Atobe, you are aware that the blonde waitress is a bit… not right? I mean, she's not your type you know." Oshitari tried.

"What are you talking about silly, Ore-sama is interested in Blossom!" he exclaimed while pointing at the plant…

Things do not seem to be going uphill anytime soon. And Inui was still there taking in all the data, for he was well in earshot.

"Hmmm, I believe I shall call Unnamed Juice…. Love Potion #9." Inui thought scribbling.

(Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Mushroom, Mushroom…)

KitsuneFreak: Okies! Done with chappie one! I told you I'd get it up by New Years! I'm going to type up the next chapter right away while it's still fresh on my mind. If it looks like a cliffy sorry, I didn't intend it to be so. But read and Review….well you don't really have to read if you've already gotten here. I'm assuming that you already read the above. Oh and when the New Year starts I may post less often because then break is over. -sigh- But I'll try really hard! Ja ne!

R&R!