Hello and welcome one and all to my very own attempt to be funny via the format of a Young Justice parody. I've spent a decent chunk of time on it, and was actually debating putting even more effort into it. See, I was thinking of having each chapter cover an entire episode. But see, I started writing this, realized it was getting really long, and I wanted to make sure there was interest before I kept going, you know? So yeah, let me know if you guys like this/find it entertaining.
EXT: GOTHAM CITY: BROAD DAYLIGHT
[It is a warm and sunny 4th of July in beautiful Gotham City. Which is kind of weird when you get right down to it. Seriously, I thought this city was a crime infested cesspool drowning in eternal night? What is this? Barbecue? Sunshine? FUN?! Not today, Mack.]
[We see several shots of Gothamites in a park partaking in typical midsummer activities, like outdoor grilling and Frisbee. What we do not see is the incredibly large Austrian in a lumbering cryogenic suit, wielding a massive freeze cannon. He is MR. FREEZE, enemy of THE BATMAN. Lord only know how he was able to stroll all the way into the middle of the park without anyone noticing him, but the people of Gotham are not known for their intelligence. FREEZE, without discernible provocation or motive, freezes some people. As if this was their cue, people finally start running and screaming. FREEZE kind of, sort of, not really corners another family, but they do not run.]
FREEZE: (In a heavy Austrian accent) What's a picnic without a little ice-scream?
[He freezes the family, smiling smugly to himself.]
FREEZE: Classic.
EXT: GOTHAM CITY: DAY, BUT ALSO IT'S SNOWING NOW
[FREEZE slides down an ice slide and prepares to fire his gun again, but a batarang hits his weapon, throwing off his aim and causing the beam to hit something off screen. Several angry murmurs are heard.]
SMALL BOYISH VOICE: Oops! Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean-
[The voice is interrupted by more angry murmurs.]
BOYISH VOICE: Okay, sorry! I'm going!
[FREEZE searches for the source of the voice, firing blindly in any direction he suspects of being the correct one. Several bystanders are turned into popsicles in the process, but the SMALL BOYISH VOICE continues to yelp every time a shot is fired, indicating its owner is still not frozen. Suddenly, ROBIN, crime fighting partner of THE BATMAN, leaps into view, lands on FREEZE's head and then leaps off, landing in front of FREEZE and throwing two shuriken at him. Odd, considering he threw a batarang earlier, but, either way, they both miss. Badly.]
ROBIN: Oops.
FREEZE: Ah, Boy Wonder. Did the Bat think he was too cool to face me himself?
ROBIN: (laughs nervously) Yeah, about that…
[Not far away, THE BATMAN is frozen in a rather comprising position, having been encased in ice mid-heroic leap. One of ROBIN's thrown shuriken bounces off of his frozen form, which stirs slightly as an angry growl makes its way out of the ice.]
ROBIN: Seriously thought the cannon was gonna get knocked in a different direction. My bad.
[FREEZE readies his freeze cannon.]
FREEZE: (not understanding) Well, if he wants to give me the cold shoulder, then I shall return the favor.
ROBIN: Wait. Aside from that being a terrible pun, that doesn't make any sense!
[FREEZE's cannon is charged and ready to fire, but he holds off at the Boy Wonder's words.}
FREEZE: What?
ROBIN: Wouldn't you need to freeze Batman in order to return the favor?
FREEZE: Well… no, because you are here.
ROBIN: But I'm not Batman. I didn't give you the cold shoulder. So why Freeze me? Actually, why freeze any of these people? You're usually about stealing diamonds or freezing Gotham. What was the plan here? Very slowly cover the entire city in ice with your handheld canon? That's take hours, if not days. And it's July!
[As ROBIN continues to talk, his shuriken continue their flight. They bounce off, among other things, an overturned barbecue grill, a dog that was frozen partway through claiming a fire hydrant, each other, and a passing ice cream van.]
ROBIN: I'm just saying, I'm seeing a lot of holes in this plan of yours here. Did you even have a plan?
[By this point, FREEZE has begun to lose his temper…ature. Sorry, couldn't resist. Tired of ROBIN's rantings, he aims his freeze canon once more.]
FREEZE: ENOUGH! You are the sidekick of the Batman! The Batman is not here. So I will freeze you, which transitively will be like giving Batman the cold shoulder!
ROBIN: Dude, chill out. It was just a question.
[FREEZE screams in rage and is about to pull the trigger to turn ROBIN into a bird-sicle, but the two shuriken have completed their inexplicable journey, and strike FREEZE in his big domed head, shattering the glass and releasing a cloud of vapor. FREEZE falls to his knees.]
FREEZE: I'm melting! Meeelllltiiiiinnng! AURGH! AUGH! WHY?! WHAT A WORLD!
ROBIN: Holy crap! I killed him!
[The vapor finishes dissipating. Freeze is still there, and actually doesn't look half bad.]
ROBIN: So… not dead then?
FREEZE: No.
ROBIN: But… but you can't survive in the heat! Or anything above sub-zero!
FREEZE: My entire body is still encased in my suit. Would you get hot if your head was in the sun and the rest of you was in an ice chest?
ROBIN: Well… no. Fair point.
[FREEZE aims his cannon again, ready to finally end this.]
FREEZE: Goodbye, Boy-Wonder. It has been…whelming.
ROBIN: Wait, what?
[FREEZE never gets the chance to explain, as a Bat-shaped shadow suddenly eclipses and engulfs the area surrounding FREEZE. The villain turns around in time to watch BATMAN's fist slam into his face as heroic music swells in the background. FREEZE is knocked out… cold. Oh don't give me that look, that pun was golden! Kill joy.]
[ROBIN, noticing BATMAN's glare, smiles sheepishly.]
ROBIN: Uh…(nervous laughter) Hi.
EXT: STAR CITY BRIDGE: DAY
[There is average traffic flow on the Star City bridge, because nobody honestly wants to draw that many cars. It's just tedious. The bridge is under attack by ICICLE JR., an ice themed supervillain nobody had heard of before this show aired. He is creating various ice ramps and loop-de-loops to throw cars off course. A mixture of screams and cries of excited glee can be heard from the occupants of the victimized cars. ICICLE JR. is having fun, when an arrow embeds itself in his shoulder and explodes, causing one of his ice loop-de-loops to collapse and drop a car on its roof.]
ICICLE JR.: Finally! I was wondering what a guy had to do get a little attention… around…here?
[He looks around, but sees no one holding a bow and arrow who might have shot him.]
ICICLE JR.: Um… hello?
EXT: TOP OF THE STAR CITY BRIDGE: DAY
[GREEN ARROW and his sidekick-]
SPEEDY: Don't call me a sidekick!
[…his sidekick SPEEDY-]
SPEEDY: I hate you.
[-are standing atop the Star City bridge, bows drawn back, trying to get a bead on a very tiny dot they're fairly sure is ICICLE JR. It's kind of hard to tell from the top of a massive suspension bridge.]
GREEN ARROW: Did he say something?
SPEEDY: I don't know! I can barely see the little cretin from up here.
GREEN ARROW: Ah well, just keep shooting.
EXT: STAR CITY BRIDGE: DAY
[ICICLE JR. is still standing around, kind of confused, when another arrow, dropping down like a missile, stabs him in the shoulder and then, after a bit of incessant beeping, explodes, briefly knocking the villain off balance.]
ICICLE JR.: Seriously, where is that coming from?
[Two more arrows land on him in quick succession, finally allowing him to figure out what direction they're coming from. ICICLE JR. finally spots two very small dots at the top of the bridge. Their silhouettes are pretty blurry at this distance, but ICICLE JR. is pretty sure he can make out the shape of archers in them.]
ICICLE JR.: Is that…?
[The arrows sticking in him finishes beeping, and explodes in his face.]
ICICLE JR.: Alright, it's on now!
[ICICLE JR.'s arms increase in size as he builds up ice to throw at the archers. He gets about halfway through the attack before more arrows hit him, beep a bit, and explode, shattering the ice on his arms and ruining his attack.]
ICICLE JR.: (growling in anger) Will you-!
[More arrows hit, beep, and explode.]
ICICLE JR.: Quit-!
[Another arrow hits, beeps, and explodes.]
ICICLE JR.: It-!
[Two more arrows hit, beep, and explode.]
ICICLE JR.: QUIT IT!
[A massive volley of arrows hit him, turning him into a pincushion as they hit him in the shoulders, arms, legs, and crotch. ICICLE JR. staggers back, the arrows bouncing gently with the movement but not dislodging. ICICLE JR. lets out a low, pained whimper, unable to speak. A final arrow arcs down from above, lodging itself in his knee, before all of the arrows begin to beep incessantly and then, as one, explode, knocking him out.]
[GREEN ARROW and SPEEDY descend from above on zip line arrows to examine the villain, who lies motionless in the street but is somehow still alive. He is groaning, down for the count, as the two heroes stand victoriously over him.]
GREEN ARROW: Kid had an Achilles heel.
SPEEDY: (sarcastically) Hilarious. And also kind of inaccurate. Can we go? Today's the day.
GREEN ARROW: Hang on one second. I gotta tweet this.
[GREEN ARROW pulls an arrow from his quiver that has, of all things, a smart phone attached to the end of it, and uses it to snap a selfie with ICICLE JR.'s prone form.]
INT: GREEN ARROW'S TWITTER PROFILE: TWITTER TIME
[A new tweet is added to TheArrow's feed. It is GREEN ARROW's selfie with ICICLE JR., along with the text: I used to be a supervillain, then I took an #Arrow to the knee!]
EXT: CENTRAL CITY: DAY
[CAPTAIN COLD has just held up a liquor store. In addition to freezing the cashier's feet to the floor and hands to the counter, he has actually stolen a bag of ice. Why he would do this when he has a gun that literally makes ice, one can only guess at, but, regardless, it is technically still stealing, and, thus, a crime. In response, two crime fighting red and yellow blurs are attempting to wise crack him into submission. The blurs are THE FLASH and KID FLASH.]
FLASH: Stealing ice? Isn't that kind of… pointless? Especially for Captain Cold?
[In response to this, CAPTAIN COLD fires his freeze ray. It misses both heroes, and instead hits a passing house cat.
KID FLASH: Seriously, Snart. You never win. Let it go.
FLASH: Heheh. Nice.
KID FLASH: Thanks.
[CAPTAIN COLD, smarter than his name, outfit, powers, and track record on the show would imply, realizes the heroes are too busy throwing out one liners to do anything other than circle him. He applies the kind of hyper advanced tactics a mortal man would need to go up against THE FLASH… and fires his gun at the ground they're running on. To COLD's elation this actually works, tripping up both speedsters and sending them careening into a wall. He immediately makes a break for it while they peel themselves off of said wall.]
KID FLASH: Lucky shot.
FLASH: He's getting away!
[They both pause, share a look, and then burst out laughing, doubling over. KID FLASH has to remove his goggles to wipe tears from his eyes.]
KID FLASH: Alright, we're done here.
[KID FLASH and FLASH both sprint after COLD, who, relative to them, is basically standing still. Needless to say, they catch up. In fact, they catch up so quickly, that they have time to leave. FLASH goes to a pie shop, leaving money on the counter for the two pies he swipes. After eating one, he returns to slam the other into COLD's face. KID FLASH deposits the frozen cat from earlier in COLD's path, then watches as the villain trips over it in slow motion. Chuckling to himself, he pulls COLD's hood over his eyes and yanks on the strings before swiping COLD's freeze ray and tossing it into the air. FLASH runs by, catching the gun and dismantling it before dumping the pieces on COLD as the villain finally finishes falling and crashes to the street.]
FLASH: You think the pie was too much?
KID FLASH: No way. Now let's go. Today's the day!
EXT: FROZEN PEARL HARBOR: SNOWY DUSK
[AQUAMAN, king of Atlantis, and his protégé, AQUALAD, are in the middle of a battle against KILLER FROST on the deck of a ship trapped in the frozen waters of a frozen shipyard. As it is July, we can assume the ice and the snow is KILLER FROST'S doing.]
AQUAMAN: So, you excited?
AQUALAD: I do not believe now is the time for this.
AQUAMAN: Aw come on, sure it is!
AQUALAD: We are fighting a supervillain!
AQUAMAN: And?
[KILLER FROST fires an ice blast, trapping AQUAMAN from the neck down. AQUAMAN doesn't really seem to notice, and with a flex of his royal muscles shatters the ice encasing him.]
AQUAMAN: Not like we're in actual danger.
[AQUALAD takes cover to avoid another freeze blast. AQUAMAN remains unconcerned about the actual battle, and remains standing still.]
AQUALAD: We could be killed!
[As if the universe were determined to stick it to AQUALAD, several large icicles fired by KILLER FROST hit AQUAMAN, and shatter harmlessly on his super-dense skin. AQUAMAN has a smug look on his face.]
AQUAMAN: No, I don't think so.
AQUALAD: So you're just going to stand there?
AQUAMAN: I figure Frost can tire herself out, right?
AQUALAD: My king, it is bystander behavior like this that lead some people to call you a useless superhero!
AQUAMAN: (shocked) People say I'm useless?
AQUALAD: Often.
AQUAMAN: But I have super strength! I'm invulnerable enough to survive pressure at the bottom of the ocean. I can breathe air and water and communicate with sea life using low level telepathy! I'm king of the ocean! Do they know how much of this planet is ocean? I'm basically king of Earth.
AQUALAD: I believe the expression is "preaching to the choir."
[KILLER FROST, meanwhile, is quite annoyed with being ignored, and freezes both heroes while they are distracted assuaging their own insecurities. For a moment, they are both frozen in a block of ice, mid-conversation. For a moment, she cackles in victory. Then an electrical current shatters the ice and frees them.]
AQUAMAN: That was rude. Aqualad?
AQUALAD: Of course, my king.
[AQUALAD creates twin water maces and attacks KILLER FROST. Realizing that things might not be going her way after all, she freezes his weapons, and then immediately sees her mistake as AQUALAD smashes them on her head, knocking her out.]
AQUAMAN: See, told you we were good. So?
AQUALAD: Yes, I'm excited. Today is the day.
EXT: THE HALL OF JUSTICE, WASHINGTON D.C: DAY
[We cut to several shots of the Hall of Justice, with its massive domed entrance, enormous neon sign, and a massive solid gold statue in the front. We are very impressed.]
[BATMAN, ROBIN, AQUAMAN, AQUALAD, GREEN ARROW, and SPEEDY all stand in front of the Hall of Justice. There's a red carpet laid out for them, flanked on both sides by reporters and cameras.]
GREEN ARROW: Welcome to the Hall of Justice.
AQUAMAN: Headquarters of the Justice League.
GREEN ARROW: Superhero party central.
AQAUMAN: Where dreams are made.
GREEN ARROW: And the streets are lined with gold.
[Everyone looks at him incredulously.]
GREEN ARROW: Sorry. Got a bit carried away with the hype talk…This is the place.
[Everyone nods, then stands around awkwardly for a bit. SPEEDY checks his watch. ROBIN begins playing Angry Birds on his wrist computer. AQUAMAN and AQUALAD begin watching the land fish, or "birds," as the surface dwellers call them. BATMAN gives an impatient groan, and glares. Finally, FLASH and KID FLASH arrive, wearing Hawaiian leis and eating out of Chinese takeout cups.]
KID FLASH: (With his mouth half full of dumplings) Oh man! I knew that drive through was too slow.