Internet Killed the Video Store
By
Jonathan Thurman
"Just like riding a bike." I whispered to myself as I pulled on a pair of haptic gloves and headset for the first time in 14 months.
To my shock I materialized in the middle of my OASIS home away from home, a crudely built treehouse right out of Stand by Me or The Sandlot. Everything was exactly the way I left it before I deleted the program and swore to myself I would never log in again. But there it was. The industrial spool/coffee table with stack of Parker brothers board games on top, sun faded pleather bean bag chair tucked away in the corner, a Wheaties promotional Mary Lou Retton poster secured to the wall with Mr. Yuk stickers. Everything was recreated to a tee. IOI was bragging.
I activated mirror view to take a look at myself. I smirked at the young punk staring back at me. Red plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Jet black t-shirt underneath with the number 14:17 displayed across the chest (My fastest time in Pitfall!), dirt faded blue jeans with Karate Kid headband tied around the left cuff for spoke safety. Rock and roll turned up to eleven. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss me a bit.
A horn awoke me from my trip down memory lane. I walked to the make shift window to find that the IOI were able to recreate every single detail perfectly. The treehouse stood atop the Giving Tree from the Shel Silverstein book of same name in the center of an Excitebike track, with a few Helltrack modifications form the perfect 80's movie RAD. The only change was a 1981 Sterling Nova parked at the starting line. Now they were really spiking the ball. Not only was this the car that Frankenstein drove away in at the end of Death Race 2000, this…was Cordorman's car. The only thing that kept this from being the sexiest thing ever was the dull gray paintjob with the sickening IOI logo on the hood where the flying condor should be. I shimmied down my rope ladder to get a closer look. Out of pure instinct I made sure my firetruck red Mongoose BMX was triple chained to the trunk of the tree. Countless hours of coding and battles went into making sure my bike had all the bells and whistles needed to survive once the Oasis became a gigantic egg hunt. Milk crate on the front to activate E.T flight mode, an ace of spades playing card to flap in the spokes when I needed motorcycle speeds, BORT license plate (very rare. they kept selling out). This was my most prized possession IRL and ITO (In The OASIS) back in my Gunter days. No time for a quick lap though my ride was here.
When the retractable hood ramp opened, I noticed that the passenger and driver seats had been replaced by a large donut shaped couch. Seated inside, legs crossed and looking very sinister, was a navy blue suited gentleman reading a copy of Starlog magazine. My copy of Starlog as a matter of fact! # 37...My favorite. I knew it was mine because I always doodled little TRON lightcycles on the barcode of every magazine I downloaded. They were trying my patience, but a deal was a deal.
"Welcome Home!" said the man in the car. Well, at least the avatar was male. "Thank you for accepting my invitation."
"Thank you for sending headsets and gloves to my door every day." I answered. "Did you know there is a locally owned second hand store that gave me $50 cash for them every morning? I know I undersold them but hey, it bought me lumberjack breakfasts and bottomless coffee every morning for the past month and a half."
"You're welcome" He answered, unscathed. "May I ask why you finally decided to meet with us?"
"You sent one to my niece, my very young, innocent niece. And I sent you my terms and you agreed, one question, one answer each, then me and my family are ghosts again. Is this understood?"
"Perfectly, Mr. RadWorld" He answered.
"And you are?"
"327955. But for ease you can call me Daryll. I was hoping that we could take this opportunity to drive around a bit. The OASIS has changed since you left, and I thought you'd like to see what we're doing to the old girl."
"It's your dime." I sighed "Whatever gets this over with."
"But of course." Daryll agreed. "Navigator, take us round the block. The scenic route."
The hood lowered the car began to accelerate. It made its way round the track, avoiding all obstacles until it hit the Kix bowl ramp, used the lift to take flight and soured high above my treehouse, eventually shrinking it away and disappearing into the virtual stratosphere.
"Hope you don't mind if we fly." Daryll said. "Considering how long you've been away I assumed you'd dig a bit of the ole Sci-Fi Fantasy."
"The car is amazing, it's all amazing." I answered. "In fact, it brings me to my question. The car, my treehouse, I'm also assuming you know that D.A.R.Y.L.L. was one of my favorite movies when I was younger."
"Is there a question in there somewhere?"
"I was under the impression that the OASIS was a haven of anonymity. A place to be anyone and everyone, except the real you. How did you find me? How did you find my family?"
"Well," Daryl said while placing his palms together and placing his fingertips against his chin. (Perfect villain monologue pose) "It really is my favorite kind of riddle. You know, the type where you slap yourself on the forehead because you didn't see it earlier. At first, we went the usual route. Bribes, threats, attempting to hack through the privacy firewalls you installed once you logged off for good. Very good fire walls by the way, you didn't cheap out."
"You outta know you paid for them." I quipped.
"Yes well, we hit a bit of a dead end until some young upstart in our recently formed Oology division noticed something we all should have been focusing on."
"And what was that?" I asked, filling the dramatic pause.
"Your avatar's name." he responded. "RadWorld. No special characters, no numbers, not even a clever spelling. Why to get an awesome name like RadWorld you must have been one of the very first OASIS users ever. Maybe even say, a beta tester for a company attempting to save space and money by making all their employees virtual?"
"Elixir Pharmaceuticals." I sighed. "They gave up my information."
"Innovative Online Healthcare as its now known" Daryll corrected. "And no one gave you up. Elixir was just one of the many companies we bought controlling stock in and absorbed once they agreed to go OASIS exclusive. Once we had the starting point is was simply a matter of searching all of them for any employee who used the name RadWorld. Would you believe we finally located your info on a hard copy release form tucked away in a storage facility in Pittsburg? Real live paper."
"I knew I should have changed my screen name." I scolded to myself. "Stupid pride for wanting to have a kick ass title."
"Don't beat yourself up too much, Leon." He said dramatically. "Leon Sheckley. Once we had your real name, birthday, social security and what not it didn't take long for out hackers to break through your firewalls. I sure you get the picture by now."
"yeah yeah I get it" I answered. "Well played."
"Oh, speaking of if you look to your left you'll see one of the new IOI virtual office buildings." Daryll said with the utmost pride. "We just coded it three days ago. It's an exact replica of the one we have in Chicago."
"Breathtaking." I said with perfectly hidden sarcasm.
"Well, I've lived up to my end of the bargain. Wouldn't you agree Mr. Sheckley?"
"I would."
"Fantastic than." Daryll clapped his hands and rubbed them in anticipation. "I would very much like to know where, and exactly how, you acquired the Cataclyst."
"I figured a member of IOI won my black-market auction." I answered unsurprisingly. "If you already have it, why do you need the specifics behind its origin?"
"Breaking your own rules?" said Daryll with a slight scold. "But I'll oblige. We are going to find this so-called egg, now more than ever thanks to our new weapon. While victory is inevitable, it is taking longer than anticipated. Truth is we all assumed we'd have this in the bag by now. So, if anything you can tell me about what strategy or tactics you used to locate the Cataclyst would help us better understand how this game is to be played and speed things up a bit."
"Very well." I said. "Never let it be known I'm not a man of my word. The first piece of the Puzzle was located on Middletown.""
"IMPOSSIBLE!" said Daryll with utter disbelief in his voice. "Middletown in one of the first places we exhausted! Our agents combed every inch of that place! There is nothing there but suburban homes, weirdly dressed Non-Player Characters, and nostalgia!"
"Would you like me to tell the story or not?"
"Apologies" Daryll said with a much calmer tone. "Please continue."
"Middletown was I place I often visited when I had down time. It reminded me very much of the town I grew up in. Small, cozy, safer than most. Almost everything accessible by foot or bike. My favorite place, however, was Shaw's Family Corner Market. It was there that the Item came into my possession."
"I'm sorry for the interruption Mr. Scheckly but you cannot possibly be serious." He said. "Shaw's was a place we studied most extensively. According to the Almanac is was a favorite of Halliday as well since it was one of the first places in Middletown that started renting video games and VHS tapes. The probability of finding a clue if not a key there was very high, therefore we searched every bit of that store, all 256 of them in every town."
"I'm sure you did." I answered. "So, let me ask you this. Did you rent every game he had available? Every movie?"
"Of course."
"Every movie listed in the Almanac?"
"All that were available. Obviously, there were some movies and games that were unavailable at the time of Halliday's childhood and therefore weren't able to be rented."
"I see." I said, "What of the ones that were rented out at that time?"
"We did consider that, so we had agents there from opening to closing. If memory serves me approximately seventeen movies were returned to the store by NPC's. And since the program reset itself every night the same seventeen were returned every time. And besides, every film in the Almanac is available for download from the archives anyway so the act became futile."
"And there is where you messed up. You realized that there was an easier way to see the movies, so you moved on. That's exactly what happened to video stores in all the small towns across the world. You see, the OASIS is flooded with youngsters nostalgic for a world they never grew up in, so they have no idea how to live there, truly live there. When Halliday went to Shaw's and the movie or game he wanted wasn't available, there wasn't any streaming service he could turn too. He and everyone else had to be patient and maybe take this opportunity to discover a new movie. A new game that might become a favorite. And without some tomato-based rating system to guide your decision, you had to do the unthinkable. Talk to someone. Tell me? Did your soldiers talk to Maria?"
"The owner?" Daryll questioned. "When needed. She was just another NPC after all."
"But an amazing NPC." I recalled. "Rich with warmth and backstories of why she and her husband started renting movies when they started the business and how much everything has changed. Did you know that the limp she was programed with was because of an injury she suffered training for the NYC Marathon?"
"I did not." Daryll said confusingly.
"It was obvious that Halliday based Maria on a real person. Such love and care must have gone into coding her."
Talking about this made me remember why I spent so much time in the OASIS in the first place. It truly was worthy of its name.
"Anyway, I babble on." I said, regaining my composure. "One day Mrs. Shaw and I found ourselves engaged in a rather deep conversation about high school crushes and how painful and important they were at the time, and yet how silly and embarrassing they are now. I was going on about some flute player with blond curly hair when Maria noticed that the time was 9:15 pm. The store closes at 9 and she hadn't locked the door yet. So, as she grabbed the keys and headed toward the door, an out of breath young girl ran into the market. Sorry Mrs. Shaw I promised I'd return this movie on time if my Mom let me watch it even though it's not a kid's movie, but it was longer than I thought please don't charge me the late fee its rewound I promise… the young girl said in one single breath. Hey doors open, stores open. No charge. Said Marie with her signature smile. The young girl said thank you and skipped away. When I asked what it was she said that I was a film they just got in last week and has quickly become one of her favorites. And would I like to rent it. That movie? Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Relax and Love the Bomb."
"And?!" said Daryll, filling the uncomfortable silence.
"And it's funny, I'd seen it before but gosh darn it when George C. Scott falls backwards and gets right up without missing a beat makes me laugh every time."
"Yes, I've seen it too." said my increasingly impatient host. "Was it the Cataclyst?"
"No." I said. "It was just a VHS tape in all its formatted to fit my screen glory. A dead end. That is until I did what every kind child of the 80's did. Rewind. When I rewound the tape, I noticed that the usual whirls and buzzes were replaced my rhythmic beeps and boops. Thanks largely to the movie I had just watched I knew it was Morse code. I fast forwarded to the end and rewound it again this time writing the code down. After finding a translation program I decoded the message, I'll never forget that that tape told me to do."
"I'm listening..." an eager Daryll responded.
"DRINK…MORE…OVALTINE."
Daryll looked at me all crooked.
"You can't be serious" He asked.
"I can't and am not." I replied. "I am sorry. I never knew if I would be able to tell this story and I've had that joke rolling around in my brain for months now. The real message was much more cryptic."
Take me to the Memotech Maniacs.
"What on earth does that mean?" Daryll questioned.
"Didn't know." I replied. "A search revealed that for a brief period a company named Memotech released a series of home computers, the MTX 500, the MTX 512, and the RS128. Turns out this was an unsuccessful company that folded in the mid 80's. There was barely a mention of it in the Almanac and information was scarce. And which Maniacs? The Maniac Cop Trilogy, the 10,000 Maniacs? Neither films nor songs mentioned the computer. I thought I solved it when I remembered the LucasArts game Maniac Mansion. But that was a dead end as well because that was released for the Commodore 64 and later ported to Apple Computers. I could only find about 27 games for the Memotech MTX 512 but none of them had a title, character, or level with the word maniac. The next day I attempted to return the tape, but the program reset, and Maria had no memory of our conversation yesterday. Even stranger there wasn't any evidence that I had rented the tape. Usually when you rent a tape form the store she writes your name and phone number in a log book, she didn't trust computers, and would charge you a few credits if you didn't return it the next day or rewind it. But my name was nowhere to be found. In addition, I attempted to recreate the interaction that kept the store open late but this time the skipping girl never came. This tape was mine and apparently mine alone and I had to take it somewhere. So, for the next five months or so I kept the tape hidden inside the pleather bean bag chair in my treehouse until I could solve this puzzle. And there it remained, until that faithful day in February. February 18 to be exact."
"John Hughes's Birthday." said Daryll after a brief pause.
He attempted to hide it, but I noticed the subtle taping and swiping of his left hand. I know we used a search engine.
"And Molly Ringwald's surprisingly." I said without the use of Google. " It's kind of an unofficial holiday here in the OASIS and every year they hold film festival's. For some reason I felt compelled to go So I attended a screening of the yearbook trilogy at a reproduction of the Orpheum Theatre in NYC. We were at the home stretch when the answer to my riddle exploded on the screen in the form of the most beautiful fantasy of a woman 80's cinema ever brought us. Wyatt and Gary had just created Lisa… using a Memotech MTX512. Her first words? So, what would little maniacs like to do first?"
"Clever" said Daryll.
"Indeed." I nodded "I needed to take the tape to Planet Shermer."
For those of you not in the know Shermer was he fictional town that served as the backdrop for the films of movie icon John Hughes. Planet Shermer was a place where fans can come and spend the day living out their childhood fantasies inspired by the film makers opus. Want to skip school and crash a parade with a sultry rendition of danke Schön? There's one every hour. Got a club of misfits that need to spend the morning bonding over daddy issues and the cruel politics of high school? It's always Saturday morning in Shermer. And no visit would be complete without a visit to the town of Screenplay. Can you and you alone survive the Wet Bandits? Can you make it into Wally World with only a BB gun and a dream? Planet Shermer. Where every day is your birthday! (but we'll never remember…wink.) Most hard core gunters found the place to touristy, but I'll admit as soon as I had the credits and time I spent three days there doing the Plains, Trains and Automobiles Road trip. Legend has it some kid named I-Rok once discovered a hidden level where if you manage to get yourself locked in the gift shop after they close, you spend the night frolicking with Josie McClellan from Career Opportunities. It's been attempted numerous times to no success so every called BS but to hear I-RoK tell it he like totally did it and like totally made out with the chick from the Labyrinth.
"Considering the holiday, I knew the planet would be busier than normal." I said. "I spent three very long weeks coding armor repairs and upgrades to earn credits for the trip and let the hype die down a bit. Once I felt I'd have a relative amount of privacy, I loaded my satchel with the tape, my Black Hole Sentry Blaster and glowing spiked nunchucks from Dreamscape, just in case, and booked a transport to Shermer. Once there I activated E.T mode on my bike and flew above the planet looking for the quadrant that was most deserted. I decided to go early Sunday morning knowing that most of the tourists would be taking advantage of the More-Than-You-Can-Eat Pancake Breakfast special at the Uncle Buck house. Shermer is a small planet with only 16(get it) identical scenarios working at the same time so it didn't take me too long to find one where I felt safe. I landed in front of the High School and rode until I reached 1401 Lucile Ave. Between you and me I was always amazed how nice the houses were in Hughes movies. Growing up my parents couldn't afford a two story by the water. Anyway, I secured my bike and walked into the house. I had the place completely to myself except for about 6 or 7 players having a blue party in the kitchen. They were obviously completely wasted and gave me a incoherent greeting and I waved back to them and made my way up the stairs to the Wyatt bedroom. Luckily no one was using it, so I put the GENIUS AT WORK sign on the door knob to let the party downstairs know that the room was in use. The Wyatt room was created specifically for players who earned enough credits to buy a Lisa dressed Barbie doll to bring to life and spend the day getting into some PG-13 shenanigans. The room was an amazing replica. Everything was there. The matching twin beds, the shaving cream filled sink in the bathroom, even that Turnerized version of Frankenstein was playing on the TV. But most importantly was the Memotech MTX512 with FDX add-on already up and running next to the Life board game, two ceremonial candles lit and ready for creation. So, I placed the tape on the makeshift table, attached the electrodes to each spool, and I even did that weird in-tongues chant with a bra on my head for good measure. I hit the glowing ENTER button, watched as the sky turned red outside the window, and…"
"It's alive." Said Daryll, sensing my story was over. "Absolutely amazing. Well done. Well played for you too. You must be very proud."
"Oh absolutely, I'm the Oppenheimer of the OASIS." I stated sarcastically.
"And honestly, from the bottom of our heart we here at IOI thank you." Daryll responded. "Not only for the item but for the valuable information."
I looked out the window and noticed we weren't anywhere near my tree house yet.
"And my apologies for detaining you further." said Daryll knowing he had the upper hand "But I simply need to know something."
"Yes?"
"Why did you decide to sell the Catyclist?" Daryll asked. "With your obvious intelligence and with such a powerful weapon, I'm forced to admit you might have been able to defeat us. You could have won the game."
I pondered removing my headset at that moment…but thought better of it. IOI didn't seem like the forgive and forget types.
"You know that I'm not the child you see before you, right?" I asked, "Considering what you were able to dig up about me I'm sure you know my real age."
"I do" Daryll answered "Says here you were born in 1966. I didn't know if it was a sensitive subject or not."
"It was, at one time. So, when I complain about these young punks playing tourist you know it's because I actually spent my teenage years in the 80's. And yes, while watching the Turtles every Saturday morning over a big bowl of KABOOM was radical, we spent the almost the first half of the decade terrified that a massive bomb from across the ocean was either going to evaporate mankind or force all of us to live in a nuclear wasteland."
"I still don't follow."
"Once I hit the enter key and all the wind machine assisted chaos calmed down, I watched as that the VHS tape started to levitate off the board game and float towards me. I reached out to grab it and the moment I did, a flash of white light nearly blinded me. When I was able to open and focus my eyes I watched in horror as everything around me was engulfed in flames. In my mind I knew it was all fake, but my heart, my soul could feel the heat. Soon after a pulse emulated from where I was standing, extinguishing the flames, revealing that everything had been turned into ash. I stood there motionless as the ash figures around me started to crumble and blow away, until I was alone. Completely alone. No room, no sky, no floor. It was as if I was somehow floating in the center of a massive sphere large enough create an echo, and so tight that no light could enter."
"Sound's terrifying." Said Daryll.
"It was." I answered. "It was also a common nightmare most cold war kids had. When I first started hearing word about the OASIS, I thought that finally we had the means to create a world from the ground up, built on a solid foundation of lessons learned. But once again I found myself surrounded by an immense army of well-funded and motivated soldiers attempting to take control. And once again we have created a weapon that destroys everything in its path, innocent or not, to stop them. I'm well into my twilight years, and with the current climate and my hatred of all things vegetable I highly doubt I've got much longer. If I'm gonna get blown up, it'll be in the real world."
"It's just a game." Said Daryll.
"And I don't want to play any more." I replied.
"Well, I'm sure the massive amounts of cash we paid you should keep you nice and comfortable." Said Daryll with a smirk.
"I'm only human after all." I responded with a smirk of my own. "Finally got my place by the water."
Daryll looked out the window. "Looks like were almost home."
"Never left." I replied. My smirk had faded away. "So…what am I gonna see when I remove my rig?"
"Pardon?"
"I'm no longer useful." I clarified "So what am I going to see, the barrel of a gun? A black bag over my head, perhaps an old school Chloroform soaked rag?"
Daryll looked at me for a beat and then started laughing. "Really Mr. Scheckly do you honestly believe were going to kill you? Despite what you may think of us we don't want to seize control for the sake of ultimate power and domination. We simply want the OASIS to live up to its full potential, become a true utopia. And although some might think we're are a bit underhanded in our methods, you can't blame someone for using whatever resources they have to win a game of such magnitude, can you? We too are only human. As far as we're concerned you are the first true winner of the great egg hunt. An unsung hero maybe but a winner none the less. And yes, while we have gathered what information we needed from you, we feel that you are no longer any threat to us or our quest. You obviously have no desire to log in anymore. And even if you did, you're smart enough to realize that now, thanks to you, there is no stopping us. Trust me. The only time you'll hear from us is when the news reports that we have won the OASIS."
Daryll could not contain his laughter. "Barrel of a gun." He giggled to himself. "We're not savages."
"Give it time." I said. "I've seen better people than you turned into monsters for far less money and control of an entire world."
Daryll didn't respond. We sat in silence for a bit as the car slowly entered that atmosphere of my OASIS dwelling and landed softly next to my treehouse.
"Your stop." Said Daryll.
"Looks like it." I answered. "Thank you for the ride."
"And thank you again for everything. Keep the headset. On us. I bet your just dying for one last bike ride."
"I do kinda feel like a bike ride."
Daryll nodded towards my Mongoose. "It is an awesome BMX."
I stared at it for a moment. "It is. But it's just code. That's all we are here 327955. Code. Ones and Zeros. Too many Zero's if you ask me."
Surprisingly, Daryll didn't need the final word in our conversation. Instead I watched as he pointed at me with this fore finger and thumb, winking and simulating recoil from his finger gun as the roof of my dream car slowly lowered. This time the car simply pixilated away, and I was left alone. Wondering. Was he lying?
I took a deep breath and removed my headset. I blinked my eyes back into focus and watched as the low definition earth tones of the real world came into view. I was alone in my condo. IOI was done with me. "What a perfect A-hole." I murmured to myself as I hoisted myself out of my recliner on the third attempt. After a much-needed visit to the bathroom, I checked to see if I still had time to catch the early bird special at Marty's. 10:47 am. Dern, missed it. It's no matter. Life is too short to complain over $1.75. I slid open the patio door and breathed in the ocean air. It's amazing how even a short time in the OASIS can make you forget the way real life feels and smells. I walked outside to the adjacent boardwalk and unlocked my school bus yellow Schwinn adult tricycle and placed the now slightly used OASIS rig into the front basket. Play it Again Electronics was opening soon and today was Thursday, which meant Banana Foster Waffles at the diner. And the heck with it…I'm getting bacon.
The End