Summary: Sam and Dean's arguing leads to Sam's discovery of a new ability. After considering the consequences of this new ability, Sam finds himself with a gun and a single bullet. NO Character death. Spoilers through Metamorphosis (4x04).

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.

AN: I am submitting this all at the same time, however I broke it into 3 different chapters for dramatic effect. Thre is mention of suicide (just as a warning). This is another darker story. I promise my next story will be happier. Apparently there are songs by Evanescence and Elton John with the same title as this story... I didn't know they existed until after I googled this title. The title comes from a line at the end of Ch 3. Suffice it to say this story isn't based off of those songs. However, I hope you enjoy it.

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"That's stupid, Sam. We finally get a break from that creepy little bitch and you want to hall off and track her down. We don't even know how good of a lead that is, man. Bobby called like 3 hours ago with a freaking eye-witness report in Oklahoma. Some idiot civilian tracked the creature down to its cave before he bit it… or, well… was bitten by it. Come on! This thing has eaten 5 people in the past 2 months. Pretty soon every Tom, Dick and Horse's ass is gonna go looking for it. We are potentially seven hours away from busting a silver cap in some Ozark Howler's ass."

Sam huffed shaking his head glaring out the window because he wouldn't look at his stubborn ass of a brother anymore. "And we are like 5 hours away from shiving Lilith and ending this freaking war!" Why didn't Dean understand how important this is? Lilith was the reason Dean went to hell. Well, I'm the reason Dean went to hell.

"What's this really about, Sam? Is it cause Ruby sent you the intel? You trust her over Bobby, now too? Cause I know you trust her over me. Or is this about your abilities? What, you want another shot at your midnight escapades? If you're jonesing for another psychic showdown with a demon you can just give Ruby the heads up, see if she can meet you there." Dean regretted his comment as soon as he finished saying it, but it was too late to take it back. What's more, he did mean some of it. Sam crossed his arms and looked out the window. His brow knit in frustration and anger. Dean was waiting for the explosion. After throwing all that in his brother's face, Dean gave Sam about 20 seconds before he'd completed his rebuttal. Damn temper messed things up again, Dean. God, when did being brothers become so hard?

XxXxX

He was sick of Dean ridiculing him about using his abilities. It didn't seem to matter how many times he told Dean he was done with them. It was never enough. He was tired of trying to get Dean's trust back. Sam closed his eyes wishing away the past 10 minutes. He didn't want to fight about this anymore. Taking a calming breath Sam turned to his brother, "Just forget about it, Dean!"

"Okay."

The response was automatic and monotone. There wasn't a hint of sarcasm or annoyance. Silence stretched between the two for what seemed like hours. Initially Sam thought Dean was just stewing in his own juices, waiting to pounce on the next thing Sam tried to say, but as another mile sped by beneath their tires and all Dean did was turn up the radio when Boston blared over the speakers and throw him a lopsided grin, Sam knew something was up. Sam stared at his brother, dumbfounded. What the hell just happened?"Hey, Dean?" Sam asked, his voice sounding much younger than his 25 years, "What were we just talking about?"

"Uh," Dean clicked his tongue a few times arching an eyebrow as he attempted to recall their last conversation. All the while Sam held his breath for the first time hoping his brother would rehash a fight they'd been through, "Bobby just called about heading to Northeast Oklahoma for a go at the Ozark Howlers, why?" Dean looked at Sam as though medication or rubber walls were in the near future. The learning curve is so fast, it's crazy, the switches that just flip in your brain. All Sam wanted to do was curl into a ball and die. "Nothin, just making sure." Sam stared out the window once again, knowing that if he faced his brother the only event liable to occur would be tears and apologies, Sam tried to force his breathing to even out and his heart to stop pounding, but God, did I just…

"What's up, Sammy? You got something against Oklahoma or you just sick of my face? I know it can't be the latter, cause, I'm awesome and we both know it…" Dean was trying to make him feel better. He probably had that stupid smirk on his face and everything, but all Sam could think about was that he'd not only tapped further into his demonic arsenal, but that he'd used it against Dean.

The ride to the motel took several eternities. All the while Sam kept reliving the memory of forcing Dean to think something. Of removing his brother's free will.

XxXxX

Sam was numb to the world. He didn't fully remember unloading his gear or where Dean went. Something about food or women or beer. Probably all of the above. It doesn't matter. He didn't remember getting out Dean's gun or rifling through his pack for a bullet. But the gun was in his hand and there was one bullet in the chamber. Silver… just in case. The past few days flashed through his overloaded and slightly hazy brain. The fight with the Rugaru. The fight with Dean. His oath to never use his powers again. It didn't seem like that was even an option anymore, if they were just going to show up out of the blue. He couldn't stop the visions once they began, and now it seems Sam can't stop the other abilities from developing no matter how much he didn't want them. What would happen if he got that girl Lily's power next? What if he got it while he was helping his brother up or shoving him cause he was being an ass or punching him cause he really was an ass sometimes or putting pressure on Dean's wound because his brother is unconscious and he needs to staunch the blood before Dean goes into shock… the what ifs kept piling up until Sam felt buried beneath the number of ways he could and probably would kill his brother as more abilities manifested. Cause who's to say they won't… Sam found himself looking down at the gun cradled in his hands as the edges blurred in and out of focus, tears filled and fell from his eyes. Were his last thoughts really going to be about Dean? God, that's lame. Not particularly surprising all things considered, but still lame… I should write something down. Tell Dean why this had to happen.

Headlights suddenly splashed through the window. Sam's breath froze, as the thought of Dean catching him mid-act made him scared in a way that thinking (or lack thereof) that Dean would have to clean up after the fact didn't. He dropped the gun on the bed and ran for the small bathroom. Sam made it to the small room seconds before Dean crashed through the door as conscious of Sam's privacy as an elephant was of the insects it trampled. "You feeling alright, Sammy?" Having no choice but to table his earlier decisions, Sam threw some water on his face and looked at his pale reflection knowing that he'd never pass his brother's scrutiny; neither, however, was he able to stay in the bathroom until morning. "SAM?!" His brother's voice was slightly harder now, demanding discourse. Sam realized he should have answer the first time… Having taken one final glance at his reflection, Sam took a steadying breath and opened the door.

"You stupid fuck!"

END CH1