Ch. 1: Stand Up Straight

"Sometimes things… just happen…"

"Yeah-- but never to someone like you…"

Kirsten Cohen, waiting impatiently for her coffee pot to brew, took a deep breath and stared out towards the torrential ocean. She was starting to understand another complexity to the Newport bubble: its severe selectivity.

As if this day could possibly get any worse, with the thought of her father's wedding to Julie Cooper looming later that afternoon, Ryan had told her and Sandy late last night that he was planning on going back to Chino to raise the baby with Theresa. Sandy didn't even know the half of it.

The thoughts and memories of that fateful day had plagued her mind since its origin-- decades ago, but outward expression (other than silent tears in a dark room alone, which really isn't that outward) had been a complete void in the subject. No one knew about it, well, Theresa did now, and she felt a bit guilty that neither her husband, nor her former partner knew what she had done. Or rather, what she had done in.

It was never just a person she had killed, it was about her and Jimmy too-- the life that she would have been forced to pursue instead.

Looking around her hauntingly spacious house, she probably would have had all of this-- but never the treasures inside that made it worthwhile.

Sandy Cohen, the adorably romantic husband, waltzed in contentedly in his surf shorts and shaggy hair, humming the melody to someone's something-or-other. Wrapping his arm around his wife's trim waist, he greeted her with a placid kiss on the temple. She briefly met the top of his hand with the palm of hers, patting it gently as she was lost in thought.

"'Morning." he greeted her, turning to the kitchen island to reach for the bagel basket and slicing apparatus.

"Hey. How was your surf?" she poured herself a cup of coffee which was finally finished brewing as Sandy grabbed a mug and waited for her to pour his. Her voice was frazzled and preoccupied. Sandy knew something was up when she spilled the coffee. The groove was unsettled. And she knows it, too, he thought to himself.

"Fine… it was fine… are you okay?" he asked, not taking his eyes off of hers as he groped around for a rag to wipe up the coffee from the polished countertop. Kirsten squirmed under his attention. He knows something's up.

"Yeah, fine… meeting yesterday… figures running through my head… you know how that goes…" Bull. Ok well if you want to play it like that… go right ahead. I know you're upset about Ryan, but I'm going to do the best I can…

"Ok sweetie… that's fine… well if you need anything, you know where'ta find me…" he responded exhaustedly. Kissing her again softly on the cheek, Sandy turned and left, continuing to hum the familiar melody.

"Sandy?" she called out, after a moment's contemplation; was she to put more on him at the moment, or not let him in on what she was feeling?

"Yeah baby?" he halted, turning as she followed him. No, I won't… Kirsten decided suddenly. She covered her actual response with:

"You're going to fix this, right, with Ryan and Theresa; you won't actually let him go, will you? I mean, this is just one of those stupid Jedi-mind-tricks that never really work so you have to move to plan B, right?" They had been married too long. Constant ramblers have an effect on people like second-hand smoke. Kirsten, apparently, was developing lung cancer. He chuckled lightly at this, albeit even this was too much.

"I sure hope so, sweetie. I sure hope so."

"Well, I trust you. You won't let this family fall apart." she smiled sadly back at Sandy, matching him unshed tear for unshed tear.

"I'll do my best." He knew he had missed something. Kirsten was not normally this emotional of a person. Oh, god. When Ryan had gotten home from the beach with the kids last night, the party had dispersed while the four of them had sat down and discussed his plan of going back to Chino. He didn't think he had ever seen Kirsten look so panicked. Between her sideways glances of nervousness towards a downcast Seth, and then the look of a desperate plea to her husband, he didn't think she would make it to the bedroom before she fell apart-- though she knew even her hero couldn't fix this. Not when Ryan was trying to do the right thing, which he really was.

Kirsten only wished that she had done the right thing, that Jimmy had done the right thing-- of course he would have. He had with Julie, and he didn't even love her-- never liked he loved Kirsten. But he loved Marissa more than anything, and he would have loved their baby more than anything. See, the issue was that Kirsten saw that being pregnant was the worst thing possible; to Julie, it was the perfect way to slip into the selective Newport society.

Ryan's noble righteousness felt almost like a saving grace; a year ago he would not have been that kid. It was as if she was the one to instill morals in him, (though she knew that was credit for Sandy to take) and his responsible actions were in a way, retribution for her own failings. But even that was a stretch-- much like a father being too hard on his kids about basketball, only because he wish he hadn't screwed up his own basketball days. If they succeed, in a way, you succeed with them. They are after all, your children. And basically, they are your life.

Until you destroy it, Kirsten thought silently to herself.

Caleb and Julie's wedding was a numb nightmare to probably more than just Kirsten. Marissa would have probably started crying if she couldn't glare at Ryan. Ryan couldn't unglue his eyes from the floor, humiliated. She and Sandy were silently communicating the entire ceremony, confused and frustrated nervousness from Sandy, panic and worry from Kirsten.

Sandy asked Kirsten to dance, shortly after Caleb and Julie had started revolving to the Paul McCartney cover. Sandy felt a bit nauseas watching Julie's devilish smirk wiped across her face and Caleb looked awful with that black eye. Unable to stand the gruesome twosome, he pulled his red-clad wife to the dance floor and tight against him. She was grateful for the semi-distraction (only moments later, a dramatic exchange of a dancing Ryan and Marissa would take place) Kirsten and Sandy exchanged worried looks.

This whole Jedi-mind trick thing wasn't working so well. Ryan was leaving for Chino at six and no matter how long she stayed in the bathroom trying not to cry and ruin her lovely make-up, Ryan was still going to leave and the worst part was this: the sun would come up tomorrow, and life around her would carry on as usual. Even within her household, little to no sentiment would be exhibited. Sandy would go on as his normal ho-hum self, trying to be 'the strong one,' while Seth ignored them. Kirsten would be sickened by the Newpsies, completely indifferent to the severe effect this would take on her. The only other person who would remotely feel like this was Marissa. God they were so alike it scared her sometimes.

But, as time has tendency to do this, six o'clock rolled around, and Ryan left. After an ill-fated banter persuasion attempt, he left, post-hug and Cohen family moment. Ryan went upstairs and said goodbye to Seth. She and Sandy walked him out to the car, Kirsten keeping her arms folded across her chest and lips pursed as she gazed in at Theresa.

This girl will never have what I have. Never have the chance to find someone like Sandy; never a chance to find a better life. Kirsten thought inwardly.

The yellow car pulled out and she and Sandy watched, eventually retreating inside through the heavy doors. Kirsten poured herself a drink and headed upstairs to her bedroom. Sandy didn't follow, understanding her need for space. Sitting at the table, Kirsten took a sip of the wine, her fingertips pressed flatly against the base, and pushing it toward the center of the table. Glancing toward the pool house, she had seen Ryan's shades were up. Things were exactly as they had been ten minutes before when he was there. She should probably go wash his sheets.

She cried like a baby after she had taken them off the bed. Sandy found her, alone in the pool house, the golden sun skimming across the infinity pool and piercing through the glass onto her Anglican features. Sitting with the sheets balled up and pulled close, she took a deep breath in, releasing it as her eyes fluttered shut, a tear escaping. Sandy stood, concerned, from the white doorframe. When she noticed him, she tried to mask her blubbering. They both knew he knew her all too well, and she let him gather her into his arms, her head falling onto his shoulder, a silent sob of begging released. A few days ago she had begged him for kisses, now all she wanted was her family back; she wanted her boys back together. Little did she know that it wasn't just one she was missing…

The letter from Seth was the last straw.

"I swear this isn't about either of you, and if it's any consolation, our family has never been happier than this past year. I know that the both of you haven't been that happy in a long time either, and really just don't want it any other way. Newport sucks without him here. I promise I will see you guys again soon. I love you, and I promise it's really not about you…." Bullshit it's not about me, Seth. How could he?

Kirsten had never been so distressed in one moment in her entire life. Not even her abortion. All she could think was that it was her fault. If she had never told Theresa about her experience, that she needed to make a sensible decision she never would be here. Ryan wouldn't be getting ready to be a father, Seth would be at home with her, and she wouldn't be locked in the bathroom, a white wooden door separating her from the last person on earth she would ever want to shut out: Sandy. Her head repeated the conversation over and over again…

"I'm sorry, I didn't know…"

"I don't regret the situation I made. I just wish when I was trying to decide, that there was someone there for me." Kirsten could hardly believe that she was telling this young scared girl all her deep dark secrets. Maybe it was because she was once her… and even after all of that, Sandy and Kirsten hadn't been in too different a situation.

When she had been pregnant with Seth, she never had been able to picture her life as a mother, Sandy and her as parents-- certainly not to the 'glamorous' extent that it is now. She had no clue what to picture for her child, she hadn't been able to the time before, either. That must have made her decision easier-- God only knows it couldn't have been any harder.

Stand up straight,

Do your trick, turn on the stars

Jupiter shines so bright…