The Adventures of Mary-Sue: Mary-Sue goes to Hogwarts
Once upon a time there was a girl named Mary-Sue EbonyStarlight who lived in England with her not so kind muggle foster parents. Mary had long luxurious iridescent hair and shimmering golden eyes that changed colour depending on the weather in Japan. While this had always struck her adoptive family as slightly odd, being just a little daft they had attributed it to a so far undiscovered medical condition that no one had ever heard of or cared about.
In fact, it wouldn't have mattered to them even if it had been nameable. Mary's foster family was the second – or possibly third – meanest in all of Europe. First when it came to overall cruelty. They kept her locked in the guest bathroom, every so often sending plastic spoons and bowls of uncooked hamburger and apple sauce down through a chute in order to keep her alive and continue collecting child benefits.
Despite such harsh conditions, Mary-Sue had developed into an… interesting young woman. She was often lonely, being without human contact, but kept her spirits up knowing that in a few years she would have enough plastic spoons to reach the next door neighbour's side doorbell through the barred window of her angst-prison of doom. Her spare time was mostly spent talking to animals (another symptom of her rare condition) and conversing with single-celled organisms, most of which lived in the toilette water.
In reality, Mary was actually the only daughter of a Japanese magician known as Omgwtfrofl-sama… the third… or fifth, no one was completely sure due to a mistake in the time-space continuum. During a week-long stay in Scotland, he had had an affair with a lovely young woman named Lily. Yes, that Lily. Anyway, suffice to say it's a long story and you'll probably hear it from the canon characters of this fandom, as they're all certain to have a connection somehow.
Mary didn't yet realize this but she would soon because a certain letter was now on its way… or perhaps just arriving.
"Ooo…" Mary stared at the large ancient-looking letter that had been forced through her window on the night of her fifteenth birthday (the age mix up is due to another time-space continuum error). Mesmerized by the almost not but-actually-really magical quality of the paper itself, the young girl eyed the note carefully. "How strange…"
Using her magic fire-breath (do I even need to mention the disease at this point?) the young girl burned up the envelope, leaving the note perfectly untouched, and promptly began reading. It's probably best to forget that she has had little to no human contact in her entire life and therefore would not know how to read or even speak. It will only hurt your brain.
"Hogwarts?" Her eyes sparkled a metallic blue, evidence to a particularly lousy day in Japan. Ponderingly, she tapped her lip with a pink-polished nail, "It sounds… magically familiar through karma osmosis.
"It's not just a disease after all! I'm actually a witch!" She exclaimed, ripping the bars from the window using her super strength and awesome metal-melting ability. With little difficulty, because of her tendency to look and be a little malnourished, Mary escaped from the bathroom prison and flew off to find the school known as Hogwarts where she would finally discover her destiny...
Return for the next chapter, wherein Mary-Sue learns about social skills and randomly crushes on every male character.