This was something I happened upon in my folder while I was doing some random poking about. I liked it, so I decided to post it up. All you really need to know is it takes place during the scene in 'The Guru' when Aang is trying to unlock the Thought Chakra. Sort of an 'in-between scenes' thing while Katara is getting her butt captured. It's from Aang's POV.
The Disclaimer State: Avatar and all related characters are the property of Viacom...(looks left)...(looks right)...(steals Aang on a wild impulse, carrying him over the hills, Aang kicking and yelling) MINE NOW, SUCKAS!
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Head Over Heart
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Meditating is a calming practice, one that balances the energies of the body and brings tranquility to a stressed mind.
I'm not relaxed. I'm starting to think I'm not meditating as much as sitting with my eyes shut and my hands together, my eyebrows scrunched in concentration. Even confronting the other chakras, I felt a little relaxed before opening them. This last one makes me angry. What's the big deal about 'cosmic energy' anyway!
Okay, okay, settle down. Breathe in...and out. Try again.
"Meditate on what attaches you to this world..."
Easily, thoughts of Her come to me, streaming like water (I think that counts as a pun...Sokka would be proud). I focus on the color of her eyes, the shade of her hair, the style of clothes she wears, the sound of her voice, the little smile she makes when I do a new water bending technique right...It's so easy to think about Katara. She's the first girl I've ever actually been personal friends with. The first one I've ever loved. I remember, on the day we met, the moment I first saw her, looked into those glimmering blue eyes, I just...knew...somehow, that she was...
Slow down, Aang. Let's take this slow.
Like most things about being the Avatar, this process is best taken slowly and with an iron will. Just focus on everything that is Katara...and imagine that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when she smiles affectionately at you, the way your heart pounds under the warmth of her touch and the guide of her hand...and cast it away. It is nothing to you. Let it cease to exist.
"Aang's just a good friend. A sweet little guy."
She doesn't think of me the same way. She just wants to be friends. Just be friends, then. Let that be enough...
Kissing...with all of the light gone, and only the feeling of her lips...
STOP!
Why's this so hard! Everything about being the Avatar is so hard! I wish...I wish...!
HEY! Let's not go closing any chakras. It's bad enough I'm stuck at this one. Just try again. Just calm down, and try again. Patience is an art, as Gyatso said once after I got frustrated about losing Pi Sho for the umpteenth time. Just try again. Breathe.
The collective pictures again. All the memories of Katara, all that we've shared, and the feelings I have. Repress them. Let them go. It's not like it would ever work anyway, right? I mean, me being the Avatar, I couldn't stay with her after the war. I'd probably have other duties, other things to bring order to. The world won't stop having problems if I defeat Ozai. There'll still be the problems of reestablishing the territory lost to the Fire Nation and other issues in the Fire Nation, like renegade Firebenders itching to reclaim power.
What if she came with me? She could travel with me, just like we do now...No, it'd be unfair to take her around with me like that. Katara would want things that all girls should have when they grow up...a home...a quiet life...and children. I know she'd want children of her own someday, to take care of and love. I don't know if I could do that. Be a dad. I don't know much about parents...
Oh...I almost forgot about what I was supposed to be doing. I got so wrapped up in...
I'll try again. Just focus on Katara...
Katara...
"I haven't done this since I was a kid!"
"The forest will grow back, Aang."
"That's almost right. If you keep practicing, I'm sure you'll–"
"The world needs you now. You give people hope."
"Okay, we'll finish up our vacations, and then we'll look for Sokka's 'intelligence'."
"What if we kissed?"
I open my eyes, aware now of a knot in my stomach and the threat of tears behind my eyes. It's so much more difficult than I thought before...and I thought it'd be really hard then too!
"I'm sorry, but I can't let go of Katara," I say, trying to sound firm and authoritive, the way an Avatar should speak. Of course, I hardly feel firm or authoritive right now.
I know when it comes down to it, there are some harsh truths about being the Avatar. I'll have master all of the elements, even the terrible, destructive power of fire, and I'll have to face Ozai, the face that's haunted my nightmares for months now. And, in the end, I'll have to put my head over my heart. I'll have to put my duty over Katara.