(A/N: And so continues the author's mission to - on the surface at least - break near every one of FFN's content rules. It's a song, it's fiction, but it's no songfic.

(If you're interested in more nonsense, the full textbook is called "Groundbreaking Science: The Guide To Ki Control" and it's listed on my account. Thanks! )

Sheet Music:

[ groundbreaking-science dot com/image/172217444293 ]

Full Lyrics:

Gather round kith, kin (and clowns) to listen to my story
(Of a) man you know, a prince - although his line a faded glory.
Sold a slave to try and save his race from demolition
(He) flew to Earth for secrets worth the compromise of mission…

(Immor)tality his goal you see, our planet had the means to
Grant requests but for the best Earth's fighters won't amene to.
(Though) small in stature cameras captured his stupendous glee,
"I'll have a ball, killing you all!" - our forces disagreed.

(With a) big bald man, a half-baked plan and confidence astounding,
Geets - that jerk - he set to work dealing out a major pounding.
(The) man unleashed the King of Beasts - Oozaru loomed above them,
(But) Geets forgot that Goku's tot could do the same and squashed him.

Uncle Vegeta, bruised and battered flat
Got let go by Dad and co
And Earth said that was that.
Uncle Vegeta, his win streak knocked for six,
Swore vengeance on our hero Son
And with that he did split.

(Earth's) forces dazed and broken raised a problem for our defence.
(A) trip was planned to mystic lands - the undertaking immense.
(The) rumours true we found our boon a magic to revive them,
(But) in pursuit was Freeza too - Vegeta close behind him.

(The) local's weak and quick to beat Lord Freeza thought them suckers.
(Bro) had the gall to steal a ball that clever monkey brother!
(With) Geets upon them our team froze and held their breath in anguish,
(Though) needn't freaked - poor, wretched Geets, he didn't know the language!

Uncle Vegeta, the Saiyan now irate,
wish not granted strength he wanted
To indulge his hate.
Uncle Vegeta, his work gouged out that frown,
(His) boss a tyrant, even I'dn't
want to face him down.

(Then) came in view the motley crew of Krillin, bro and Geets.
(To) take boss down and steal his crown would turn out no mean feat.
(Un)lucky heroes - Freeza he rose up intentions cruel -
(A) last defense to stave against the despot's endless rule.

(The) band afeard but Dad appeared to help them save the day,
(They) had five min to flee, to win, to make Lord Freeza pay.
Dad got pissed - he bore witness to Krillin's grim destruction -
(His) anger seared, it raged, it cleared his path to gold eruption.

Uncle Vegeta, was quickly pushing daisies
(Dad) tried to save him, vision fading
was he going crazy?
Uncle Vegeta, convinced of his own legend
(But) failed to reach that foretold peak
"Earth's" Son was truly destined.

(Not) quite defeated Freeza's retreat 'came a fast invasion,
(But) Trunks appeared and quelled all fears by turning Super Saiyan.
Geets glared on his boss now gone diced into red confetti.
(He) needn't fret Geets weren't beat yet - just time got mighty messy!

(Three) years rolled past and so at last the gang were fin'ly ready
(To) take on foes from Trunks' woes two androids would be plenty.
(In)stead found five, bad twins alive their strength not comprehended,
"Tell me dears, do you feel fear?" - our Prince at last ascended.

Uncle Vegeta cockier than ever,
(In)sulted one and she was done -
She went and upped the pressure.
Uncle Vegeta, learned to value women -
Geets got bashed, his arm real smashed
By Eighteen's feminism.

Cell was braced to take its place as Earth's new terror reigning.
(With) Dad its target, Geets he started up his loud complaining.
"Challenge me!" he shouted freely knowing that allowed for
(It to) power up and tower over our team drawing uproar!

(Lost) to his son (the future one) on morals and intentions
(As) Uncle knew the Games were truly of his own invention.
(He) learnt his lesson flew to help them counteract his sins,
(With) Cell distracted Geets smiled back as Gohan sealed the win.

Uncle Vegeta, his brave facade had crumbled.
Overpowered, ego soured
Went on kinda humbled.
Uncle Vegeta, life now a sitcom -
(Our) Prince, a cat, the technocrat
And their bastard son.

(I) came along the younger son, but with Pa then rather absent,
(Ve)geta pained he caved and deigned to train what Mama hadn't.
(A) Saiyan's Pride, our chins held high, old ways cemented surely,
(Though) Pa returned and Geets 'bout turned - got baited to a tourney!

(Dad's) tales of travels, spars and battles set Vegeta seething,
(His) jealousy was plain to see, he barely sneered a greeting.
(A) wizard quietly sought out piety, strength would be a bonus,
(So) Geets' psychosis 'course got stoked with bogus hocus pocus.

Uncle Vegeta, was gifted his desire
(Re)straint now lost but at what cost?
In evil he was mired.
Uncle Vegeta, slipped back to his old ways -
(His) midlife crisis (that'd be my guess)
Leaving us dismayed.

(Dur)ing their fight it came to light worse danger was a-lurking -
(A) force called Buu snapped 'Geta to, that demon needed hurting.
(We) tried to help but only whelps Geets played the nicest guy,
(Di'n't) mess about he knocked us out and blew himself sky high!

Trunks and I, then met a guy named Gotenks - he's so crazy!
(We) trained and played all night and day, that 'week' was pretty hazy.
(Hit) three did he, surpassed old Geets before his dust had settled -
Safe to say in Hell that day our Prince was truly nettled!

Uncle Vegeta, he couldn't let it lie,
(Climbed) out the grave, the Earth to save
and make Buu wave goodbye.
Uncle Vegeta, failed pleading with the nation.
Though absurd the voice all heard?
Our hero Mister Satan!

Geets? …Oh he chilled out - you see, the battle did subdue him.
(He's) settled down in West Downtown, great father to his children.
(He) trains all day for future frays and barely stops to rest,
(But) after all his sweat and toil… My dad's still the best!

Uncle Vegeta, our Saiyan Prince redeemed.
(With) Bulma's hand and CC's brand
Their hellspawn reign supreme.
Uncle Vegeta, if he should hear this sung?
(I'm) dead, long gone, deceased - hold on–!
I better fucking run!