Hermione Granger and the Flatulence of doom
One summer she was not having the best day, Hermione was sitting in her room minding her own business, reading a book when she decided she need some fresh air. She wandered to the window and pushed it open and the next thing she knew she had large, yogurt like substance on her hand. It took her a while to notice it was bird poo! Or should I say Owl poo. 'Pig' was about to land on the windowsill when it let rip and apiece of poo slipped out and landed on Hermione's hands. In a state of panic she ran to the bathroom, vomited from the smell, repeatedly wash her hands and realised she was constipated.
A few minutes she returned to see 'pig' wiping it's butt on her bed sheets…because all owls do that …after shouting at the Owl "GET OFF MY BED U POOING LITTLE ……. RAT WITH WINGS!" Soon after calming down she grabbed the letter off it's smelly, pooey leg and read trying to decipher it between poo stains:
"Dear Hermione, I am in love with a girl named Helen and want to tell you all about how amazing she is! So I would love it if you could come and join us at the Burrow for the rest of the summer! Also Pig is a little constipated and I was talking to Fred and George the other day and they said they needed my help with one of their inventions! I am dead chuffed and can't wait to hear what they want me to do!"
Hermione was glad to hear that Ron was chuffed but at the same time was kinda jealous of him due to the fact that he was actually going to be doing something she wasn't…Yet she would have loved to know what he was doing too…maybe sabotage it, so she could do it or even steal his thunder! Wow she thought…'I could make it all about...Me!' So after the thoughts about being the centre of attention subsided she started to reply to Ron's letter…
"Dear Ron, I would love to come and spend the rest of my holiday in the burrow! Is Potthead (This is Harry's nickname) coming to? I've not seen him since we were in room of requirement on Saturday night…naked, ahhh the memories! So what day do you want me? Can you tell Ginny I've got sooooo much to tell her! Oooooooo I can't wait! See you soon love Hermit
p.s. I'm wearing chaps and now have rash and it chafes!
She strapped the letter to a pooey pig and then kicked out the window!