"What the actual," Tony whispers to himself in bed, muttering several curse words under his breath. He throws on a robe and walks out of their room and through the tower before stopping at Thor's door.
Thor opens the door sleepily before brightening up at seeing Stark's predicament. "No, Loki isn't here."
Tony groans and waves his hand at Thor before walking further down the hall to Nat's room. He bangs on the door about twenty times before she answers. "This better be – oh, again, fine I probably have something for you to wear."
"Shut up," Tony says as Natasha goes towards her closet. It takes him a few seconds to realize she's looking disheveled herself. "Or I will start asking questions."
"You are the one who ruined the night, Tony," Bruce yells from the bathroom before coming out looking semi-composed. "Actually, scratch that. This is actually quite fun."
Tony frowns. "It's too late at night and I don't want to think about this when it happened to Steve everyone took it seriously and now its happened to me and Loki's not even here so I don't know what even – oh damnit."
"What?" Nat asks as she throws a bra and panties on the bed for Tony.
"The new recruit," Bruce and Tony say almost simultaneously.
Tony grabs the stuff off of the bed. "Meeting – now."
"In the morning Tony, come on, could you at least let people sleep for once through the minor crisis," Bruce asks softly as Tony starts to undress in front of them. "Seriously, dude…"
"Dude isn't really applicable right now. Call the fucking meeting. He's lucky if I don't kill him," Tony says as he finishes putting on the undergarments. "I might need clothes guys."
The meeting is called, and everyone piles into the front room half-awake. However, they do perk up almost instantly when they see what Tony is wearing. "This was my punishment for waking everyone up," Tony mutters begrudgingly as he does a little turn as everyone laughs at him in his Iron Man Expo dancer outfit. "Yeah, soak it in. Take a minute to laugh before I hurt the new one."
"Strange, did you have anything to do with this?" Bruce asks more eloquently.
Dr. Strange shrugs like it's not a big deal. "Well, Steve and I were talking and…"
"STEEEEEEVE," Tony whines. "I wouldn't have put you through it again whyyyy I didn't even purposely cause that when it happened to you and now I have mountains on my chest that weigh a lot and everything is all weird and you took part in this?"
"No – no, Tony, of course not," Steve promises as he fiddles his hands against each other. "I mean…I was talking to Strange about relationship stuff but it was more just kind of things have been quiet lately in that area because of everything with work and stuff and this specifically was never mentioned."
"It certainly spices things up," Strange says before he stands up to leave the room, laughing. "It's for you two to solve for now."
Tony runs her hands through her hair. "I'm going to kill him."
"He would go and hide in another dimension before you could," Clint replies in between still laughing at Stark.
"I could perfect interdimensional travel for non-magic people and then we'll see and Clint will you fuck off already geez," Tony says as the bird brain won't stop laughing.
"It's not in offence, I mean, dude you look hot as a chick. Would totally, y'know," Clint stops there as he notes Steve eyeing him, "we just don't get enough opportunity lately to have fun and joke around and this is just soaking up the fun."
"While you get to enjoy this I get to go start work on a suit that can accommodate the new body which is a lot more complex than hemming a damn spandex outfit," Tony replies in a frustrated tone. "Steve, when I get back to the room you better be in one of the guest rooms."
"Tony-"
"If any of you calls me Tawny or Torrence I will have your heads, just so you know," Tony says to the full room, a final rule before he leaves.
Steve runs after him. "Tony, you had to know I didn't intend this."
"I'm too pissed off right now to process that so will you just," Tony sighs, "I love you Steve will you just give me some space to process and be angry."
"I will if you just watch your language," Steve says softly, making even angry Tony crack a half smile. Steve walks up and kisses her forehead before walking away. "Call when you want me around again. I'm really sorry."
About three days later, Steve gets a message from Jarvis that Tony wants him to come down to the lab. When Steve gets down there, the whole place is plastered with suit designs in electronic platforms. "Ah, Steve, sweetie – should the suit be like revealing or something?"
"What?" Steve asked, clearly confused as he pokes at a couple of the electronic map-outs. "I could help you sketch out a less technical version of one or two of these, I mean, but Tony you should be armored as much as possible."
"I'm just wondering if the metal will be too heavy and squish things and make things more difficult," Tony says as she sits down on her bench, staring up at the plethora of the designs.
Steve sighs and sits next to Tony. "You know I am not the best with the technical stuff, but I'm sure Bruce would be more than happy to help you plan it out best possible."
"Bras suck," Tony says with a sigh.
Steve laughs. "They do."
"This all kind of sucks," Tony replies, leaning on Steve's side. "All because you had to tell Strange things weren't spicy enough. If you had said 'hey Tony let's blow off work because I miss you and I have needs' I would've more than happily complied like how well do you know me come on hun."
"I said I'm sorry," Steve wraps an arm around Tony and helps her snuggle closer to him. "It works on you, though, just to let you know. You look very pretty."
"I love you," Tony mutters as she curls closer to Steve's chest. "Anyone else would've said 'you look hot as a chick' or other things but you said that. It's too cute to be mad at."
Steve grins widely. "You finally forgive me a little bit?"
"Little bit," Tony whispers. "I mostly miss you and I've not been sleeping well, so…"
"Bedtime, I get it," Steve says, picking Tony up bridal style and starts carrying her back towards their room. Tony's too tired to be upset or concerned about how she's being carried and just falls asleep with her head leaning into the crook of Steve's shoulder as she's being brought to bed.
A few weeks later, things are relatively normal again, other than the fact that Tony is still a girl. They finally figured out the suit again and they are on mission. Everything seems fine until Tony starts screaming into the comms on mission.
"TONY?" Steve yells.
Tony doesn't respond after that, she just flies down and leans against something, clutching around her lower stomach. Steve calls orders on the comms to fall back, as it was just a scouting mission. She brings Tony to SHIELD medical right following, only to be met with a common and unpleasant surprise.
"Surprise, you're a real woman now Stark," Maria Hill says as she comes in with a smile and a large back of feminine products.
Tony eyes Maria with daggers. "Everything hurts."
"It's a monthly occurrence," Maria says with a shrug. "The first time, however, is the worst."
"Pain things?" Tony asks in a smaller voice.
Maria smiles softly. "Heating pads and bottles are your friend. Pain medicine is good but not going to do much, honestly. Just take it easy for the week."
"All because Steve didn't think our stupid relationship was spicy enough how could he just," Tony started getting herself too worked up.
Maria sighs and sits on the end of the bed. "It's difficult sometimes. I mean my husband and I have our issues, the job makes things difficult as a couple. Fury and I always figure out a way to – I mean, um…"
"It is okay. Steve and I talked about it. We suspected, I won't tell on you to anyone but Steve. Steve's just my guy and he's really sweet and just, we'll just both be quietly happy for you two," Tony says with a grin. "Must suck not having someone to girl-chat with about it, huh?"
"A little bit," Maria admits.
"We can talk now for a while if you want, and even when I get the normal body back I'm still here to talk to. Steve too," Tony says with a big grin.
"Perhaps later, you scared Steve quite a bit with how you reacted to simple cramps," Maria replies as she pulls out her phone and texts someone to page Steve in.
"Simple cramps? SIMPLE CRAMPS? It feels like someone shoved a simple knife in my lady regions and started carving and it is just SIMPLE CRAMPS I WILL FUCKING," Tony paused, blinking a couple times at Maria. "Mood swings?"
Maria nods as Steve walks in, only having caught the tail end of it. "Tony'll be just fine, just give her some ice cream, do what she says, and make her take it easy for the week. Okay?"
"Yes ma'am," Steve says as he switches places with Maria and looks to Tony. "I'm sorry lady problems are hurting you."
Tony narrows her eyes. "I'm really trying not to get angry at you right now."
Steve sighs. "The staff said I can take you home."
Over the next week, Tony crashes on the floor crying in the lab over several small things, to the point that Bruce can't work with her under threat of code green. She eats over a gallon of ice cream while listening to the Enya in the lab alone because she locks everyone else out after her hormones have taken turns lashing out at each one of them. In the last days of the week, Steve finally convinces Jarvis to unlock the lab and carefully wraps his arms around her, leaning his head on her shoulder and telling her again and again he's sorry Tony has to deal with this. Tony just starts crying because apparently even while not being a woman his body built up all these stray hormones and they all burst out because PMS is pure menacing symptomatic evil. The last few days of the struggle are spent in bed with a heating blanket watching sad movies with abundances of chocolate, ice cream, and most importantly Steve.
When it's over, Tony showers for three hours and lets Steve sleep in. She goes back to sleep with him and curls comfortable around Steve, revelling in how Steve naturally curls around her. A few hours later Steve kisses the top of her hair. "Good morning beautiful," Steve whispers softly as he uncurls from her to give her room to wake up.
Tony takes a moment or two before she stretches out with a smile. "It's over. The evil lady thing is over. Good morning handsome."
"That's good to hear," Steve replies with a small chuckle as he leans across the bed and lays one gentle kiss on Tony's lips. He's more than a little surprised when she replies by straddling him and kissing him again, and again, and again. "Are you only doing this to not go through that again?"
"I mean, it's a perk and I would sooner invent technological dimensional jumping than deal with that again, don't know how the full-fledge ladies do that every four weeks holy fudge cookies," Tony says in between kissed on Steve's jaw line, neck, and lips. "I more just, actually, this body is functional and I was about to be ready before the whole lady problems disaster came up I was curious. All fairness you threw yourself at me when you were in the same predicament the best I can do is returning the sentiment."
"Thank fuck," Steve mutters against Tony's lips before fully colliding them together, teeth and tongues clashing, his hands rounding around her butt and pulling her forward to rut against him. Tony more than gladly starts to roll her hips into his growing arousal.
As Steve lets loose her lips to rip off her clothes, Tony laughs softly. "Language."
"Tony, I don't fucking care right now I just," Steve buries his face in her now bare shoulder. "Sorry," he mutters, barely audible muffled by her skin.
Tony just rolls forward again once more, slowly. "No, gosh, I get it honey. Go for it," Tony whispers as she grabs the hem of Steve's shirt and start pulling up.
It's not long before the rest of the clothes are gone and Steve is lining up with Tony's entrance. Nothing is gentle and that's how both of them need it, quick and rough. The desperation for contact comes clear as they can't stop pawing at each other, grips sometimes tough enough to leave nail marks and handprints. When it's finished, both of them are left panting for air.
"That was…yeah," Steve says softly as he turns over to Tony and laughs. "Same as last time."
"Yeah, back to normal," Tony hums. He takes a few more moments to breath before saying more. "We are taking time off – a holiday. A sex holiday. No more complaints of not enough spice."
"Can't say there wasn't enough sugar to counter it," Steve says with a soft grin.
"You still owe me eternally for making me go through lady troubles," Tony mutters.
Steve smiles even brighter. "Absolutely."
"A whole month to make up for," Tony ventures as he stretches himself out a bit.
"Give me a couple minutes rest first, okay?" Steve replies as he pulls Tony into his arms.
Tony chuckles faintly. "Don't worry, we've got a lifetime here to get that taken care of."
"Love you," Steve mutters softly before he falls asleep again.
Tony curls more into Steve as he whispers a faint "love you too" before he too drifts away, dreaming of sorcery sugar and spice.