Disclaimer: I own nothing but plot.

"So, I've been thinking Harry –"

"Should I take cover somewhere?"

"Hilarious, Harry, really. You're quite the clown."

"I try."

"No seriously, I'm trying to be serious here."

"Ron, think about this: with your past, actually, with you in general, it's kind of hard to be any sort of serious."

"Even 'Sirius Black'?"

"Funny, Ron."

"It's in the blood."

"Pshaw."

"What?"

"What?"

"What what?"

"What what what?"

"What what – OK Harry, stop with the bloody 'what's' will you?"

"Sorry, but you started it."

"So? Doesn't mean you have to keep it going."

"Er, yeah I do Ron."

"Oh yeah? Says who?"

"Said you, you twat."

"What? I never said that."

"Yeah, you definitely did Ron, remember? We were in the common room last Thursday night and talking about all sorts of stuff and–"

"Now you're just making stuff up, Harry."

"What? No I'm not!

"Yeah you are mate."

"Look, ask Hermione, she was there when you said it!"

"Oh bloody fantastic, bring Hermione into this, yeah, great idea mate."

"What do you mean 'bring Hermione into this'? She was there Ron!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure she was."

"Ron, you wanker, she was actually there! Go ask Ginny."

"Goddamnit Potter! Stop bringing my sister into everything! It's bad enough you two are dating!"

"You bloody well said you were OK with it! So, don't go starting your rubbish about being all upset with our relationship and going behind your back!"

"Yeah? Well maybe I was being a bloody good best friend and just saying that I was okay with it but not actually okay with but I put up with it because you're my best friend and she's my sister and I'm supposed to be okay with it if I want to be a bloody good best friend and older brother. You know? Ever think about that?"

"…Harry?"

"Honestly, best friend to best friend, I didn't understand a word you said. Really Ron, you need to learn to calm down before you go on spouting about important stuff, you know, so people can, you know, understand what you're trying to tell them. Just saying, you know, best friend to best friend."

"Oh, er, sorry mate."

"Yeah, yeah. No problem. That's what best friends are for yeah?"

"Harry, my mate. You are the number one–"

"Alright yeah, whatever. So, you up for a game of Wizard chess?"

"Get ready to get that scar whipped off your forehead, Potter."

"Oh it's on Ginger King."