Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers! Got it? Good! Now sit back and enjoy this slow motion train wreck!
It was a cold and snowy evening in Harwood County when the Megaforce Rangers went to Ernie's Brainfreeze for a holiday festival at the mall. Christmas was in just a few days and the whole place was decked out with colorful decorations and stuff.
[Why people would go to a holiday party at a mall and on some of the busiest shopping days of the year is completely beyond me… but whatever.]
Everyone from school had gone to get their party on. All the cool kids were there drinking candycane smoothies and playing pin the tail on Rudolph the Reindeer. In the corner, Ernie served a fruitcake and Mr. Burley was the only one eating it. For that matter, he was the only teacher there raising even more uncomfortable questions.
When the Rangers got to the front of the store, they found Robo Knight there already face down on the counter. He was wearing a santa hat and holding a glass of eggnog.
Noah smelled the robot's breath and tapped him on the shoulder, "Bro… go home Robo Knight. You're drunk again."
Robo Knight sat up and smashed the eggnog on the ground, "No! I have not yet begun to party! Ernie, hook me up with some more shots, yo!"
"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't serve booze here!" Ernie said with a mad face.
Gia sat by Robo Knight and pulled his arm, "Come on Robo Knight. This party is lame. Let's go dance."
As they go on the floor, Jake stomped his feet, and crossed his arms, "I don' get it! What does Gia see in that walking trash compactor over there?"
"I don't know," Emma said, "Maybe you should like, go do something to impress her?"
Jake thought for a minute and then went up to the DJ.
[How is there enough room for a DJ and dance floor in the fro-yo bar? I have no idea either. Just roll with it!]
The Black Ranger took the mike and stopped the music, "Attention everyone! Robo Knight, I hope you're listening because I'm calling you out. We're going to have a contest to see who Gia likes better."
On the dance floor Robo Knight was only half paying attention while he was busy snap chatting with another girl too, "Okay man… whatever."
"I hear you think you're a rapper so we're going to have a rap battle… right here, right now. DJ, give me a beat!"
As the music started the Ranger started to sing, "Yo yo yo, my name is Jake and I've got something to say…"
"Lame!" Robo Knight said interrupting and grabbing the mike, "You'd better check yourself before you wreck yourself."
All the other party guests' jaws hit the ground, "Whaaaat?"
"I'm going to take you all back to school. Check it Rangers!" Robo Knight said as a heavy rap beat began to play.
Go Robo Knight! Go! Go! Go Robo Knight!
I'm a six foot bulletproof man of steel,
Not your daddy's superman, I'm a big effin' deal.
With some gold plated mags and a platinum grill,
Totin' one dope Vulcan Cannon set to kill.
Ridin' 50 foot rims I'm my own megazord,
I'm a big ballin' lion, not some lame beetleborg.
Did some cold hard time in a block of ice,
I'm no goody Captain Planet, man I'm naughty not nice!
I'm a big time thrilla, straight monsta killa,
Blowin' up the city like my name is Godzilla.
See I don't take orders from some head on the wall.
I'ma toss back a couple fruity shakes at the mall,
With my main girl Gia and her friend Emma G,
They're some real jealous honeys always fightin' over me.
Got some fool named Vekar and his brother named Vrack,
They ain't hard! They're super mega wack like Frick and Frack.
Thought they'd put down the champ in their last big attack,
Man, you can't kill me! I just keep coming back!
Through the holes in the show's plot! Everyone sees!
Cept the brain dead show runner named Johnny T!
Now my best bud Judd's back. What's a bot to do?
Heard he's bringin' back the fans with a new dino crew.
Got the Warstar still frontin' monsters in my hood,
So I'll stay to help the super mega teens of Harwood!
Word to your mother!
When Robo Knight finished his song, everyone cheered. Jake made a mad face and stomped off while tears begin to fall from Troy's eyes. "That was the most beautiful song I've ever heard."
Noah was confused and looked around, "Troy? I think your girlfriend is missing too."
They saw that Emma was hanging off Robo Knight's arm along with Gia. The robot picked them both up and put the girls on his shoulders.
"What are you doing? Where are you going?" Troy asked.
"Check it T-Burrows! We're going to a Christmas after-party and chillin' at the Holiday Inn. Peace out girl scout!"
"But muh Emma! Noooo!" Troy said as he began to cry again. Robo Knight didn't pay any attention. He fired up his rocket boots and blasted straight through the ceiling carrying the girls with him. Everyone at the party was now covered in plaster and asbestos.
"My business insurance premiums! Nooooo! " Ernie shouted as he furiously shook his fist in the air.
Orion, who was at the party but didn't decide to speak until now finished Robo Knight's spiked eggnog glass, "This is the best Christmas party ever!"
And the Rangers heard the robot exclaim as he flew out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a Robo Knight!
End
A/N:
Before anyone asks, the answers are no and no. I haven't been hitting the eggnog early and I don't actually hate Jake either. Have a Merry Trolltastic Christmas everyone! ;)