Bucky didn't realize how much his past still haunted him until he moved into the Avengers Tower with Steve and the team. It took a little -or a lot- of prodding from the super soldier, and a few glorified promises and benefits offered by Stark until Bucky finally gave in.
When he had lived alone, Bucky had gotten good at blocking out the more painful memories and, most importantly, stopping the nightmares that had plagued his sleep for so long after Hydra. He had finally gotten to the point where they only invaded his sleep a few times a month, usually only once or twice. Even then, they were never as bad as they used to be; they didn't leave him a sweaty, shaky mess when he woke up. He didn't have to sit and sob, trying to calm himself down and attempt to breathe normally for hours after he sprang up in bed screaming and flailing.
So the first night he spent in the tower, Bucky was caught completely off guard when he snapped awake in a state of panic, unable to stop the strangled, choked scream that forced its way from his throat.
He sat up in his bed, leaning heavily against the headboard as he tried to breath in deep and relax. His eyes darted around the room, looking for god knows what in the shadows as his mind continued to fabricate images and situations that were long since not real.
When Bucky had reluctantly decided to joining the Avengers at the tower, Stark had given him his own floor, right above Steve's. At the time, Bucky had appreciated the privacy.
Now he just wanted his best friend.
Bucky didn't sleep well again after that first night, nightmares invading his peace more often than not. The effect they had on him showed too. The others started to notice the growing bags under his eyes, and Steve kept trying to ask him why he wasn't eating as much anymore and why he seemed more unhappy every day.
Surprisingly, Bucky had even caught Natasha staring at him multiple times. Each time he was sure he imagined the slight look of concern in her features.
Bucky tried every thing he could think of to get the nightmares to stop, or even to lessen in their frequency or their undeniable grip on his life. He tried meditation, candles, pills, everything he could find on the internet -which he was getting much better at using- but nothing he found or tried worked.
After almost a month of silently enduring the torture, Bucky gave up on trying to handle the nightmares alone.
He woke up sweaty and shaking, panting as he tried to remember that the situation that had forced him awake had only been a dream. He shook his head, finally getting his breathing regular enough that he didn't feel dizzy and nauseous. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table, and decided then and there that he was done waking up at three am every morning unable to go back to sleep.
"Jarvis?" Bucky asked, directing the question at the ceiling above his bed.
"Yes Mr. Barnes?" The calm voice responded after a moment of Bucky wondering what on Earth he was doing. Bucky couldn't ever place where exactly it was coming from, but the other Avengers didn't mind the AI so Bucky decided it was probably fine.
"Is Steve awake?" Bucky asked in a whisper, wondering again whether it was a good idea to drag his friend into his mess. Steve always did like to worry, and Bucky sometimes laughed at their switched roles since Steve's becoming a super soldier.
Jarvis answered again after a moment's hesitation. "Mr. Rogers is currently asleep, Sir. Shall I wake him for you?" Bucky shook his head before answering.
"No Jarvis," He sighed, thinking over his options. "He's fine. I'm just going to go to his floor, his that okay?" He asked as he swung his legs over the side of his bed and stood up, swaying slightly before pulling a t-shirt over his head and making his way towards the door.
"Of course Mr. Barnes." Jarvis responded, and Bucky acknowledged him with a quick nod and a thank you. He made his way towards the elevator with a quick pace, determined not to let his currently low level of self confidence stop him.
When the elevator brought him to Steve's floor, Bucky faltered in his steps, slowly contemplating once again whether he should stop now. Then he shook his head, carefully pushing open his friend's door and quietly making his way to his friends bed.
The only time he had ever had someone to help him through his nightmares, he and Steve had shared a tent. Steve had still been small, and he and Bucky fit on one cot perfectly fine. Whenever Steve had a nightmare or the weather was to cold for him, he and Bucky -for lack of a better term- cuddled on a shared cot. Visa versa, Bucky was welcome to join Steve if ever had a hard time getting to sleep, or if he had a nightmare he had trouble recovering from.
The deal worked out great, the two like brothers helping each other through rough nights.
So when Bucky crawled into bed with his best friend and lay down next to him, he immediately felt like a weight was lifted off his chest. He didn't cuddle with the man next to him, feeling slightly awkward about even being in his bed after so long of sleeping alone. But as he lay there on his back looking up at the ceiling, the sound of his best friends breathing next to him was enough to lull him into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
For months his deal with Steve worked great, the nightmares again receding to where he only had one or two a week. It was nowhere near as good as it had been when he was on his own, but they were now manageable and it gave Bucky a much needed break.
With his recovery, Bucky was able to put some energy into "bonding with the team" as Steve called it. He started by initiating conversations with members of the group at meal times, enjoying the startled faces when he first started talking with them.
The Avengers got more and more used to his presence, and Bucky slowly became a member of the team. He joined them on movie nights, usually sitting with either Tony or Bruce on the couch instead of with Steve in an attempt to become more comfortable with the people he actually technically lived with.
He also started flirting with Natasha, much to the amazement of Tony Stark who once a week sprouted a black eye after using one of his cheesy and often inappropriate pick up lines on the assassin.
Even Steve seemed slightly impressed as he and Natasha continued their shameless flirting, but Bucky simply enjoyed feeling more like himself again. He used to be quite good with the ladies, but he hadn't flirted with anyone for fun in ages. It was almost therapeutic.
It never escalated to anything more than pure flirtatious teasing and glances, but Bucky was comfortable with that. He didn't feel the need for anything more, and he knew she didn't either.
Then, just he was getting comfortable, the nightmares started getting worse. They weren't nearly as bad as they could be, but they were bad enough that Bucky knew something was wrong. He felt as though his deal with Steve wasn't working, and he started realizing more and more that Steve's presence wasn't enough anymore.
He tried to ignore the issue, simply increasing his visits to Steve's room. If the super soldier noticed, he didn't say anything.
Finally, Bucky had one of his worst nightmares yet, finding himself stumbling to Steve's floor and wiping tears and snot off his face every few steps.
He barely noticed the presence of another person in the room when he made his way to Steve's bed. He also didn't register the fact that Steve was awake, sitting up and conversing with someone else. Bucky was too out of it and panicked to do anything other than collapse on the bed next to Steve and burrow his way into his best friend's side and attempting to relax.
There was nothing romantic about their cuddling, both men simply realizing that sometimes they needed the assurance of another person to stay sane. So Steve immediately wrapped his arm around Bucky, leaning against the wall his bed was cornered against while he tried to calm Bucky down.
"Is he all right?" Another voice in the room interrupted Bucky's thoughts he pushed himself up and onto his elbows. He immediately regretted it, spotting Natasha's face from where she was sitting on an air mattress next to Steve's bed. He knew he looked like a mess, and he didn't feel like someone else seeing him this weak.
Bucky felt Steve nod as he let out a grunt and let gravity pull him back onto the mattress. He tried to ignore Natasha's presence as he attempted to get the nightmare out of his mind, but when she and Steve resumed their conversation he found it to be an increasingly difficult task.
After being pressed into his best friend's side for almost half an hour, Bucky felt his breathing finally return to a steady pace and his heartbeat returned to normal. Fifteen minutes after that, Bucky felt himself drift off to sleep.
When Bucky woke up again, it was to an empty bed and a dark room. He sat up, out of breath and panicked after the second nightmare he had endured that night. The absence of Steve at his side confused Bucky, adding to the state of panic he was in as he flailed in the bed. The sheet and comforter were tangled around Bucky's legs and arms, bringing back memories of being strapped down and Bucky let out a strangled cry.
"Hey, hey hey hey. Shh, calm down," A gentle voice whispered from somewhere else in the room. Bucky glanced wildly around the dark space, searching for the source while he continued to struggle against the blankets. He finally freed himself, falling to the floor in his state of panic.
As he fell, Bucky braced himself for the hard ground, but he instead landed halfway on another mattress.
"Bucky, Bucky Bucky Bucky calm down. Shh," The voice whispered again, and Bucky reached his right arm out in front of him in an attempt to find something to ground himself. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.
His flailing hand connected with another, and Bucky's breath caught in his throat as he felt the other person crawl towards him on the air mattress.
"Calm down Bucky, calm down," His mind told him the voice was important, but he was still panicking and his thoughts weren't exactly cohesive at the moment.
He felt someone wrap their arms around his waist and someone whispering to him. He threw his own arms around the person's slender waist and he buried his face into their shoulder. Bucky tried to slow down his breathing to match the other person's, feeling his body relax as he focused on their heartbeat and soothing whispers.
After a few minutes, Bucky felt the other person slowly lower them both onto the mattress, adjusting their hold so that they were laying on their sides and facing each other.
"That's it Bucky, just focus on my breathing, okay?" Bucky nodded before he finally realized who it was that he was currently holding onto for dear life.
"Natasha?" He whispered, loosening his grip in an attempt to look up at her face. He felt Natasha nod before she again changed their position, lightly pushing him onto his back and pressing herself into his side.
"Yeah Bucky, it's me." She whispered, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his shoulder. "I'm here, it's okay." Bucky blinked a few times, feeling mixed emotions over the situation before Natasha whispered to him again.
"Go to sleep Barnes, I won't leave." Bucky nodded, hesitating before wrapping his arms around her and settling into the blankets. It was only a matter of minutes before both of them drifted off, Bucky feeling completely relaxed and calm for the first time in a while.
When Steve returned from the restroom five minutes later, he couldn't help but grin at the peaceful smiles on both of his best friend's faces as they lay cuddled together on Natasha's air mattress.