Chapter 1: You Reap What You Sow, Part I

Author's Note: So basically, I'm combining my two biggest obsessions: the reality show Survivor and animation. Woot Woot. Sixteen cartoons, thirty-nine days...one by one they'll vote each other out. Who will be the Sole Survivor?

Standard disclaimer stuff, yada yada...I don't own these people. I tried to specifically cast characters who I thought were interesting psychologically, and who therefore would have made interesting Survivor contestants. There's also a few characters I just genuinely love, and I'd probably kick myself if I couldn't include them.

Anyway, enjoy!

CONTESTANT LIST

Nemo Tribe

Yakko... Burbank, California... Animaniacs

Cadpig... Dearly Farm, Minnesota... 101 Dalmatians: The Series

Dodger... Brooklyn, New York... Oliver & Company

Courage... Nowhere, Kansas... Courage The Cowardly Dog

Cat... Nearburg, Pensylvania... CatDog

Sonic... Knothole Village, Mobius... Sonic The Hedgehog

Zim... Irk, Andromeda Galaxy... Invader Zim

Marvin... Mars, Milky Way Galaxy... Looney Tunes

Gertie Tribe

Wakko... Burbank, California... Animaniacs

Dot... Burbank, California... Animaniacs

Dog... Nearburg, Pensylvania... CatDog

Rita... Burbank, California... Animaniacs

Norbert...Wayouttatown, Oregon... Angry Beavers

Katz... Nowhere, Kansas... Courage The Cowardly Dog

Daggett...Wayouttatown, Oregon... Angry Beavers

Timon...Djimbe Wildlife Preserve, Kenya...Lion King

The Rules Of Survivor

Contestants will be divided into two tribes. They will live at separate camps and be given limited resources to survive. Every round, there will be a physical or mental challenge, calling into account strength, endurance, and teamwork. If a tribe loses a challenge, they will be sent to Tribal Council, where they will vote a teammate out of the game. This will continue until six contestants are eliminated. Then, with ten contestants left, the two tribes will merge into one. Rather than competing for tribal immunity, they will compete for individual immunity.

However, throughout the game, contestants will be given clues to hidden immunity idols. If a contestant plays an idol at Tribal Council, all votes cast against them will be cancelled out - and the contestant with the second highest amount of votes will go home.

If a tribe ties a vote to send someone home, there will be a revote. Only the tied contestants will be eligible to be sent home and they will not be able to vote.

If there is still a tie in this case, the contestants will each draw a rock from a bag. Whoever draws the purple rock will be sent home immediately.

Following the merge of the two tribes, every contestant voted out will join the Jury.

At the end, when two contestants remain, the Jury will vote and decide who is deserving of a million dollars.

Let the games begin...

(A shot of Death Valley, California...a wasteland of cliffs and sand, strips of road winding between the hills…)

HOST (O.S)

In the middle of this California desert, sixteen people are about to begin the adventure of a lifetime. We're in Death Valley, California...regarded as one of the least hospitable places in America. The wildlife is poisonous. Vegetation scarce...and the temperature has broken the record for the hottest ever recorded.

(A shot of two trucks, a BLACK one and a WHITE one, coming down the road. Eight CONTESTANTS are seated in the back of each truck)

HOST (O.S)

It is here that sixteen cartoons, from all across the animated universe, will begin the adventure of a lifetime. They've already been separated into two tribes…named after two of the oldest cartoons in existence. First, the Nemo tribe...

(A shot of CAT, an orange CAT relaxing in the back of the WHITE TRUCK)

HOST (O.S)

Cat...from CatDog...

(Cut to CAT in a confessional. He points to a large scar across his abdomen. His legs looked like they've been surgically attached)

CAT

Ahem. Greeting. Salutations. I'm Cat. Renaissance man if you will. My brother Dog and I were conjoined. Connected. Only recently, we've been surgically separated. When the news outlets grabbed hold of the story... the right people got involved, yada, yada, and here I am on television. I mean, here we are.

(He clears his throat, smiling)

Dog's here too…

(Cut to COURAGE, a small purple dog. He forces smiles at everyone else in the TRUCK. Nobody acknowledges him.

HOST (O.S)

Courage...from Courage the Cowardly Dog...

(Cut to SONIC in the truck. A blue HEDGEHOG wearing red running shoes. He's tapping his feet, antsy, ready to get started)

HOST (O.S)

Sonic...from Sonic The Hedgehog

(Cut to DODGER in the truck. He catches Courage's eye and smiles back at him - the only one who does so)

HOST (O.S)

Dodger...from Oliver and Company...

(Cut to DODGER smiling in a confessional. An intimidating Jack Russell terrier wearing a RED BANDANNA around his neck)

DODGER

Name's Dodger. coolest quadruped east of Central Park. Got some warrants on my tail back in the city, all right, so I figured I'd get out of the smog for a while. Let's show these guys how we settle things in New York...

(Cut to CADPIG in the truck, worried, annoyed with the others, looking like she's made a mistake. A small female Dalmatian with flappy ears and a big mouth)

HOST (O.S)

Cadpig...from 101 Dalmatians: The Animated Series.

(Cut to YAKKO in the truck. An old-fashioned inkblot cartoon character wearing khaki slacks and a belt. He waves to someone…two people…in the BLACK TRUCK behind them)

HOST (O.S)

Yakko...Animaniacs…

(Cut to MARVIN in the truck. An ant-like alien creature with a green war helmet. He's composed, hands folded, going through some kind of breathing exercise)

HOST (O.S)

Marvin...from Looney Tunes...

(Cut to ZIM smiling at the others...obviously scheming, twiddling his fingers together. A green alien with beady, red eyes)

HOST (O.S)

And Zim...Invader Zim…

(Cut to the BLACK TRUCK behind the white truck. Eight more CONTESTANTS are seated here. DOT sits in the front staring out at the desert. An inkblot character similar to YAKKO in a pink skirt with a flower in her hair)

HOST (O.S)

The Gertie tribe...consisting of Dot...Yakko's brother...from Animaniacs...

(Cut to WAKKO sitting beside her. He sticks his head out of the TRUCK like a dog in a car window, his tongue flapping in the air. He is an inkblot character like his siblings wearing a red baseball cap)

HOST (O.S)

Wakko...their other sibling...Animaniacs...

(Cut to Wakko in a confessional. He stares questionably at the camera)

CAMERAMAN (O.S)

Okay, and go...

(Wakko just stares)

Go. Now.

(Still, Wakko stares)

Okay - when I said go, you were supposed to say something-

WAKKO

SOMETHING! SOMETHING! How was that?

CAMERAMAN (O.S)

…Take twenty-five...

(Cut to DAGGETT in the truck. A brown beaver with sharp teeth. He is grinning at DOT. He hands her a WATER BOTTLE which she accepts. She pats him on the shoulder. DAGGETT looks proud of himself)

HOST

Daggett...from Angry Beavers…

(Cut to NORBERT, having watched what Daggett's just done...worried, embarrassed. A handsome blonde beaver with fanned, spiked hair and a purple nose)

HOST (O.S)

Norbert...his brother...from Angry Beavers...

(Cut to DOG sitting beside NORBERT. He's mimicking WAKKO, also sticking his head out of the truck. In DOG's case however, he's actually...well, a dog)

HOST (O.S)

Dog...from CatDog…

(Cut to KATZ in the truck, surveying all of the others. A tall, red, sinister looking cat. His face is blank and unreadable)

HOST (O.S)

Katz...from Courage the Cowardly Dog...

(Cut to KATZ in a confessional. He's sharpening a stick with a knife)

KATZ

Hunt them down, have some fun with it. When this is all said and done, spend the money on a brand new yacht...

(Cut to RITA in the truck. A small, grey cat. She looks incredibly bored)

HOST (O.S)

Rita...from Animaniacs...

(Cut to RITA in a confessional. She yawns, fanning herself from the heat)

RITA

I'm an alley cat from Burbank, California. I sing at night clubs. Um, I've been homeless since I was a kitten...and...I'm in this show so I can collect as much money as possible. It's not about winning. I'm here for the paycheck. And then I'm going to spend the money on booze...and cat nip...

(Cut to TIMON in the truck. A small, skinny meerkat with a red patch of hair. He's gotten into a staring contest with KATZ. TIMON cracks his knuckles, trying to be threatening. He hurts his hand and cries out in pain. KATZ just stares at him)

HOST (O.S)

…and Timon...from The Lion King.

(Cut to the HOST standing at the top of a sandy crater)

HOST (O.S)

They come from different walks of life...

(Cut to SONIC in a confessional)

SONIC

I'd never go out of my way to lie...to hurt anyone...

(Cut to NORBERT chilling out in a confessional)

NORBERT

Hey, take a look for a second…the successful people in your life. How'd they do it? Most of them got out of their parents' dams and made something of themselves by stepping on somebody else...

(Cut back to the HOST standing on top of the crater)

HOST (O.S)

One by one, they will vote each other out. In the end, only one will remain to claim the million dollar prize. Sixteen people. Thirty-nine days...ONE SURVIVOR!

(The camera zooms out via HELICOPTER, capturing the whole expanse of Death Valley)

(The BLACK and WHITE TRUCKS pull into a clearing. The CONTESTANTS get out and walk over to their respective mats – one BLACK, one WHITE. The HOST is already there waiting)

HOST (O.S)

Welcome to Survivor: Animation Brawl...

(EVERYONE claps, applauding, ready to start…)

You've already been divided into two tribes: Nemo in white, Gertie in black. Now, looking around at your tribe-mates what would you say—

DOG

(Seeing something)

SQUIRREL!

CAT

That"s an armadillo, Dog—

DOG

EE-YUP! CHASE! CHASE!

CAT

STOP! STOP! I COMMAND YOU! DON'T—

(DOG takes off, running into the DESERT, gone in a matter of seconds. Everyone stares, lost for words)

(Cut to CAT in a confessional. He points to the scar on his stomach again)

CAT

He…ruins..everything!

(Cut to DOG in a confessional)

DOG

What? Oh, so I chased the squirrely thing because it ran really, really fast and I couldn't help it and - wait, wait, I have to concentrate more, because Cat and I are going to win...and...wait, wait, did you just hear a squirrel, I could've sworn I just heard a squirrel-

(He pauses, glancing around, inquisitive)

It's quiet. Too quiet...

(Cut back to the starting point. DOG has been brought back by the PRODUCTION CREW)

HOST

Well…now that we're all accounted for, let's look at some first impressions Guy with the helmet?

MARVIN

Marvin. Um, greetings. Salutations.

HOST

Looking around, any faces here worry you?

MARVIN

Well, it's just the beginning...no need to tussle…

(Cut to MARVIN in a confessional)

MARVIN

My name is Marvin. I'm a Martian. My hobbies are...moon rocks, French opera, and avoiding people. In the past, I've struggled with anger management...but I'm in a much better place now. Although...you're putting that camera dangerously close to my face...

(Cut back to the starting point)

HOST

And on the other tribe, how about you...girl with the flower?

DOT

Dot...

HOST

All right, Dottie..

DOT

(Laughing)

No, no ... call me Dottie...and you die...

HOST

Any suspicious characters?

DOT

What? Are you kidding? We're all going to be best friends...

(Cut to DOT in a confessional)

DOT

I'm Dot. Some may call me a radiant sunflower. Or clinically insane. Most of the latter are women...and jealous. I live with my brothers at the Warner Brothers Lot in Burbank. We star in our own cartoons. Normally, we'd just mess with everyone until they give us what we want, but we signed a contract...saying we'd play by the rules. So...we're going to be subtle. Like ninjas...

(She makes a JUDO CHOP with her hands and smiles)

Then with the million dollars…we're going to buy a slushy machine and have a laugh about this...

(Cut back to the starting point)

HOST

And over on the other tribe, you're her brother?

YAKKO

Yakko Warner! Pleased to meet ya!

HOST

How does it feel to be on the other tribe, alienated from your siblings?

YAKKO

I'm all sad. We're parting ways. My face is sagging. Like a Botox or something. But y'know...I'm not concerned for their well-being. They'll manage...

HOST

For your siblings...?

YAKKO

Oh, wait, sorry - I meant I was concerned for the rest of you.

(Cut to DOT in a confessional)

DOT

Hey Yakko, if we win the money, maybe the first thing we buy is a new mouth...yknow, one that doesn't open?

(Cut back to the starting point)

HOST

As you'll see now, we've placed three different families – seven contestants in total – against nine others who are playing alone. We'll see how this changes dynamics. Now that you're all acquainted, you're going to make a little decision here. With very little information...you"re going to pick the weakest member of your tribe...

(Cut to COURAGE in a confessional)

COURAGE

Hi, I'm Courage. I know I'm small...but I like to think I make up for it in like...personality? So…I was very much hoping I wouldn't be chosen...

(Cut back to starting point)

HOST

Nemo, who do you choose?

CAT

The little white puppy.

HOST

Name?

CADPIG

Cadpig…

HOST

One vote Cadpig.

SONIC

Yeah, the puppy...Cadpig. Sorry, dude.

YAKKO

Purple dog...

COURAGE

Courage…

HOST

One vote Courage.

DODGER

Courage. Sorry buddy…

ZIM

Ehhh, Dalmatian doggy thing...

MARVIN

The male dog...

HOST

We're tied. Three and three...three for Cadpig, three for Courage...

(COURAGE has been surveying CADPIG worriedly. Suddenly, he steps forward)

HOST

You're volunteering, Courage?

COURAGE

Yes. Uh, I voted for Cadpig, but I figured y"know, if someone's got to go, I'll put my foot forward. I'll…I'll take the consequences.

(Cut to MARVIN in a confessional)

MARVIN

"Courage?" More like "Stupidity"

(Cut back to the starting point)

HOST

...Courage...volunteering to be the weakest...

(Cut to CADPIG in a confessional)

CADPIG

(Talking very, very fast)

Hi. I'm Cadpig. I'm a philanthropist. And a psychologist. And a something-a-gist. I forget the other things I am. Um, okay, let's see: I stand against wrong-doing and evil and stuff. But I have been told my biggest obstacle is my mouth, okay, and my brother Lucky, he kept telling me – "Cadpig, if you go out there to play, you are dog chow kid, blah, blah..." But I fight corruption. I stand against evil. What they did to Courage just now? Okay. Uncalled for. Juvenile. Despicable. Ya'll shouldn't have messed. I'm making a hit-list...

(Cut back to the starting point. COURAGE crosses over to the HOST's mat and stands beside him. CADPIG watches him sadly. The HOST turns to the GERTIES)

HOST

Gertie, I need a name...

RITA

The armadillo hunter...

(DOG growls at RITA. She just smiles at him and winks)

KATZ

Young beaver with the brown fur...

HOST

What's your name?

DAGGETT

Daggett…

(Cut to DAGGETT in a confessional)

DAGGETT

See these eyes? You stupid cat? I'm vigilant. I'm an interloper. I'm hiding in trees. You're going to rue the day you crossed Daggett Beaver! And my brother Norbert's out here too, so you best watch out! We'll be at you like...like breakfast cereal! Spootheads!

(Cut back to the starting point)

HOST

Next?

(WAKKO opens his mouth to speak. DOT grins and steps forward before he can speak)

DOT

Dog. Both of us. Wakko too…

WAKKO

(Trying to interject)

Um—

NORBERT

Got to go with Dog...

DAGGETT

(Waving his hands)

Dog! Dog! Woo! Seeya!

NORBERT

(Covering DAGGETT's mouth)

Cool as a cantelope, bro-thaiiir of mine. Calm and collected…

(Cut to NORBERT in a confessional)

NORBERT

I'm Norbert Foster Beaver. I came out with my doofusy brochacho Daggett. For the lack of a better word, Daggy-Waggy's annoying. But, y'know, I'm-a not going to let that hold me back. If I have to cut the chord, Mom and Dad will forgive me. Thirty-nine days, one million doller-inos in my pocqueta. Come on. Think of all the hair gel I could buy...

HOST

That's more than enough. Dog, take your spot over here...

(DOG crosses to the mat to join COURAGE, staring at the ground. He looks very upset)

DOG

(Looking back)

Um…Cat...I—

CAT

(Calling out)

No, no, it's fine, Dog. It's fine! I'm...I'm very proud of you for taking this so well. And I'll be even prouder, if we can get to the end, and you can help me get that fancy new jazz lounge in our house...

DOG

(Excited again)

Okay, sounds great! What do I have to do?

HOST

All right...Courage and Dog have both been chosen to make a game-changing decision on behalf of your tribe. They will be flown to camp via helicopter. There, they will be offered a choice that could change the whole outcome of this game.

(The HOST throws the tribes their maps)

Here's your maps. Goodbye and good luck...

(The TRIBES set off through the desert)

(Cut to ZIM in a confessional)

ZIM

Hello, Survivor. I am...human-Zim. This is my "human-confessional" for your human-television show. You may notice that my skin is a pasty form of green. It's the uranium. In the drinking water. Where I live. And you may also notice that I'm very small, but hear me out. I am a sharp, calculating individual, and when I become unhinged, there's no stopping me from getting what I want. I will waste no time...in ensuring the complete and utter domination of my tribe.

(ZIM laughs. starts to cough raggedly)

In a very...human fashion...

(Cut to the NEMO camp. The helicopter touches down. COURAGE hops out. He crosses over to a table. There are two pots there – one marked "ADVANTAGE" and one more "CLUE." Courage starts to sniffle)

COURAGE

Why are you crying? Geez Courage, pull it together. It's not like this is going to hurt you. It's not like they're plotting against you. It's not like...there's a massive drought at the farm where you live and all the crops are going to turn to dust if you don't bring home money. No, it's not like at all. Everything's just peachy.

(COURAGE inspects a note on the table)

All right, let's see..."There is a hidden immunity idol hidden at your camp. Choose between an idol clue...or an extra bag of beans for your tribe." Sorry Nemo-people, but you reap what you sew. I"m going for the Idol...

(Cut back to the NEMO camp. COURAGE is tending the fire as the OTHERS finally arrive)

(Cut to CAT in a confessional)

CAT

So when we were walking to camp, we all had our suspicions that Courage might have the Idol...and when we get there, sure enough, he's just standing there playing with sticks. Puh-lease. All dogs are the same. Slobbering, drooling mutts. Us felines can see right through them. And I mean, it doesn't hurt that I have a master's in library science either...

(Cut back to the camp)

COURAGE

Hey guys, how was your walk?

CADPIG

Long.

MARVIN

Hot.

(Awkward pause)

COURAGE

Yeah, I got the fire going...

ZIM

(Stepping forward)

What choice did you have to make, dog-creature? Answer Zim!

COURAGE

So, um.. I did get an Idol clue, um, admittedly, I looked...it's right here...but I did not find it...so I'm not sure, like, judicially, what's the best way to handle this...um...

DODGER

(Putting his arm around COURAGE)

Yeah, you know what...it's the first day, guys. It's been a long hike, guys. Let's cut the commotion. Worry about it later. Sound good? All right guys, suns coming down. We've got some work to do, You want to say we, uh, split up the work? Half do the shelter, half do the fire?

YAKKO

Yeah, yeah, sounds good. Speaking of which, I've got a great idea for a shelter, all right? Let's use the wood, slant it on the side, collect the rainwater in a bucket? That way, we can get this crazy waterslide thing going and-

DODGER

Excuse me, I already had an idea.

(YAKKO stares at DODGER, taken aback. Nobody's ever questioned his authority)

YAKKO

Well, eh, carry on, why don't you...

SONIC

(To CADPIG)

Hey, uh, being like small - and like, a girl - do you want to switch? I could work in the shelter.

CADPIG

(Through gritted teeth)

Be my guest...

(Cut to CADPIG in a confessional)

CADPIG

Every day, my hope in the human race dissipates...like a shriveling, tiny slug...

(Cut to the outskirts of the camp. COURAGE is collecting firewood. CADPIG approaches him)

CADPIG

Are you all right?

COURAGE

(Rubbing his eyes)

Yeah, sorry, I just needed to be alone for a bit. But it's fine. I'm going to carry logs. A million, bajillion logs. And everyone's going to think I'm strong and stuff. I'm sorry, can I help you?

CADPIG

(Nudging COURAGE)

Poke-poke-

COURAGE

Um, what?

CADPIG

Beep! Beep! Lie detected! Lie detected! You weren't okay with sacrificing yourself!

COURAGE

Yes.

CADPIG

No you weren't! You did it for me! And really, that was one of the most sincere, genuine things. Like, ever, man. Do you have a best friend? What's your birth stone? Do you want to run for office together?

COURAGE

Excuse me, it was strategic. My decision was strategic. I...I knew exactly what I was doing.

CADPIG

Psssh. Yeah, right! Come on, let's look for firewood!

(Cut to CADPIG in a confessional)

CADPIG

See, it was important to talk to Courage. It was strategic. But also genuine. Like, not only because I feel bad for him, but because I see potential in him. Or like, potential to have potential. I mean potentially, I think Courage has a lot of potential. He could be my sidekick. We can, like, fight wrongdoing and stuff. Like a good-cop, bad-cop kind of thing.

(Cut to COURAGE in a confessional)

COURAGE

Cadpig scares me. I mean, girls scare me. In general. Like, I'm more disturbed by her than I am of being voted out...

(He smiles a little, blushing)

But right now, she likes me...

(Cut to the camp. MARVIN, SONIC, and CAT are working on the SHELTER. CAT is struggling to drag heavy BRANCHES)

SONIC

Cat, do you want to take a break?

CAT

No...

SONIC

Well, you're sweating so—

CAT

I am perfectly capable of knowing when I've had enough! Thank you very much! I went to graduate school!

(CAT tosses the BRANCHES to the ground. He crosses back into the woods. MARVIN and SONIC watch)

SONIC

He's going to kill himself...

MARVIN

(Tossing a BRANCH on the ground)

No he's not. He went to graduate school...

(Cut to a little while later. Everyone is hard at work, building the SHELTER. YAKKO is tinkering with WOODEN PLANKS on the side, trying to angle them into a BUCKET. Nobody is paying attention. They're all fawning over DODGER, listening to a story. He's hard at work on the other side, hammering WOOD into the ground. SONIC, CADPIG, and COURAGE are all gathered around him)

DODGER

Yeah, y'know, The Big Apple's not that bad. Besides the crime, and the tourists dropping beer cans, and the bodega cats hissing at you, but y'know, it's my home. And let me tell you about this other time: this little puppy falls into the subway tracks all right? Totally stuck down there, train right on schedule. So Old Dodge jumps down, scoops him up-

YAKKO

(Calling out)

Hey guys, get over here! I'm building a waterslide!

SONIC

Yeah, yeah, be quiet, Yakko! Dodger's telling us a story!

(Cut to YAKKO in a confessional)

YAKKO

You know what's sketching me out here? Dodger. I don't know. I mean...he's not engaging, he's not funny or anything...but people are lining up to him. He's like the unofficial leader here or something. Luckily, I'm sensing some secrets here. That look in his eyes. The mangy fur. I'm thinking...I got something I can use against the guy...

(Cut to the outskirts of the camp. DODGER and YAKKO walk side-by-side. They have found a well. YAKKO carries a bucket and rigs it to the well's rope. He tosses it in)

YAKKO

Y'know, I really doubt you saved that puppy in the subway.

DODGER

Doesn't matter. People believe anything out here. You could be lying. I could be lying. You may not even know my name. But enough of that kid, let's get some water. I'm not going to delight you with my charming presence. Go on, use the wishing well. Make a wish...

YAKKO

I wish for an earthquake. To wipe everyone out. And give me a million dollars to rub in your face. How's that?

DODGER

Yeah, with those scrawny arms. You think you'd survive an earthquake?

YAKKO

I mean, I don't know. Do earthquakes happen in this part of the state? I'm just...a privileged actor from California. I'm not, y'know, from the other side of the tracks...

DODGER

(A little worried)

What side of the tracks?

(Cut to DODGER in a confessional)

DODGER

All right, yeah, I live in the streets. But I'm not going to let anyone know that I'm dirt poor and living in a boathouse in Brooklyn. If they find out, nobody's going to let me get to the end to campaign for a million dollars. But I know Yakko's trying to pull it out of me. I'll humor him. This canine's got some tricks under his collar..

(Cut back to the well. YAKKO pulls the bucket out of the water. DODGER smirks at him. They start to walk away together with the BUCKET)

YAKKO

I mean...for a dog from New York, you know a lot about surviving in the middle of nowhere. It makes me question what resources you had...

DODGER

What do you mean?

YAKKO

Well, you're basically building our shelter. I don't know. You'd think your owners would keep you a little more polished. Figured the furthest you'd been outside is sticking your head out a car window. Right? Where'd they take you on vacation? Disney World?

DODGER

We went camping a lot.

YAKKO

Where?

DODGER

Lake Placid.

YAKKO

Where's that?

DODGER

New York.

YAKKO

Next to…?

DODGER

You don't believe me.

YAKKO

(Laughing)

No, I don't. But it's like you said. You don't know what's true out here. Come on, Dodgey. Let's go back to camp...

(Cut to a shot of SONIC and CAT laughing as they try to start a fire. MARVIN watches them from the side, quietly fuming. He squeezes his STRSS BALL)

MARVIN

It's been several hours...and I find them all...likable. As my therapist would say. There's a growing chance that...friendships, of sorts, will form. In some capacity. But they must remain that way. They must remain...likable. I can't let my anger get the better of me over minor infractions. I've turned to squeezing this stress ball I brought to relieve myself...but the squeaking is ungodly annoying...so to pass the time, I've started to think strategically. I'm taking my pick of the idiots...

(Cut to ZIM in the woods, collecting firewood. MARVIN approaches him)

MARVIN

You...come...

ZIM

Of course...alien-companion. Here comes human-Zim...

(Cut to MARVIN in a confessional)

MARVIN

I've pinpointed Zim as an Irken...a race in the Andromeda Galaxy. They fought my planet during the Seventh Galactic War. Irkens are aggressive...and stupid, which makes him the perfect ally... ...

(Cut to MARVIN and ZIM in the woods. ZIM is excited)

ZIM

So, what Earthling concerns can I draw from you?

MARVIN

Shut up, Zim. I know you're an alien. And I won't have it. This can go one of two ways. You're willing to work with me, out of devotion to our species, or I melt you like a molecular slug on Neptune with a ray gun. What do you choose?

ZIM

Well, my faith isn't won easily. I happen to be a highly-trained invader from the Planet Irk. Now, explain to me why I - in my highest caliber - should devote my attention to protecting somebody like you?

MARVIN

In the Seventh Great Galactic War, I fought alongside your people...

(ZIM just stares at him blankly)

The war...? We fought...? Against you...?

ZIM

I don't know my planet's history-

MARVIN

Why?

ZIM

Because...they expelled me from the Training Academy.

MARVIN

Why?

ZIM

(Ignoring him)

All right Marvin...bulbous ant-like creature. You seem to be proposing a camaraderie of sorts. I'll have you know, my loyalty doesn't go easy. Irkens are perceptive creatures-

MARVIN

(Muttering)

And idiots...

ZIM

At our training academy, they made us have staring contests with each other. I can look at you all day...and with the slightest flinch...I can detect every move you're plotting. Does that give you any second thoughts?

(MARVIN reaches out and jabs ZIM in the stomach. ZIM yelps, jumping back)

ZIM

Why did you do that?

MARVIN

Why didn't you see it coming?

ZIM

My spleen...

MARVIN

My brothers and forefathers died in combat because of your race! The least you can do...is pledge me your loyalty...

(He holds out a HAND)

I'm asking for your allegiance...you...you...valuable, considerate member of my tribe...

(ZIM stares at his HAND. He glares at MARVIN, clearly upset. He clicks his tongue. Then he glares at him)

ZIM

Well, kneel before me...

MARVIN

What?

ZIM

If you pledge your loyalty, I need to see you kneel. Bow before me...

MARVIN

(Muttering)

Irken moron...

ZIM

What was that?

(Reluctantly, MARVIN kneels down in front of him)

MARVIN

There. I'm down...

ZIM

Yes...?

MARVIN

I...I pledge my loyalty to the great and powerful...Zim...

(Cut to MARVIN in a confessional)

MARVIN

I'm going to have a headache for thirty-nine days...