Co-Written by Shelbylou - You Rock!
"Hey, Why'd the dead guy cross the road?"
Silence
"To get home."
"Yeah? You were funnier when you were fatter."
Tim McGee heard the words over and over in his mind.
"… funnier when you were fatter."
On repeat, constant repeat. Stuck! The record player in his head was unstoppable, irritating and downright painful to his mental ears. Damn, he wished he knew how to make the words just stop. Suddenly, in an ironic twist of fate, instead of stopping their onslaught, the words began to change as they made their rounds in his head. With every new revolution on the turntable, that last word changed; disturbingly morphing into something that symbolized other characteristics that had been part and parcel of who he had been…………. 'When you were fatter.'
Funnier when you were Green
Funnier when you were McFlubber
Funnier when you were McFreaky
Funnier when you were McGeekle
Funnier when you were a Pushover
Funnier when you were McFlabby
Funnier when you were McGoblin
Funnier when you were Unseasoned
Funnier when you were McGoon
Funnier when you were McKilljoy
Funnier when you were McNerd
Funnier when you were Plucky
Funnier when you were Gullible
Funnier when you were inexperienced
Before he knew it, the last word was being replaced by several other words with more explained definitions of who he'd been back then…………. 'When you were fatter.'
Funnier when you were Scared of Your Own Shadow
Funnier when you were easier to kick around Funnier when you were easy pickin's
Suddenly, those 5 little words spoken, undoubtedly out of a moment of spite in retaliation for giving Tony a hard time earlier in the morning, were packing a lot more punch. As he put his head down on his arms which were lying on his desk, he tried to will the now seriously endless supply of put downs to stop; to just go away.
"McGee, are you all right?" Ziva's concern barely registered on Tim's rapidly overloading brain. It had, after all, been a hell of a day.
But, her words did register and it was time to pack it in for the day. Killing two birds with one stone coming up, Tim thought to himself as he got up from his chair, snagged his backpack and headed toward Ziva's desk on his way out.
"I'll be fine, Ziva. Thank you. Have a good night." Tim said quietly as he breezed out, ignoring Tony's voice calling him back.
"Hey, who told you that you could go home, Probie?" Tony's voice carried through the entire floor which, unbeknown to him, had earned him a couple of sniggers and chuckles from around the room.
As the elevator doors began to close, Tim caught Gibbs' eyes from across the room and felt his heart climbing up into his throat; he was relieved when it was able to settle back down where it belonged. The boss had smiled at him and nodded his approval. Phew.
"Boss, Probie just snuck outta here. He didn't even wait for you to tell him he could go. Since when does he do that?" Tony asked as he noticed Gibbs walk to his desk.
"Pack it in, Ziva. " Gibbs offered his Probie Agent with a smile.
"Boss?" Tony whined in complaint.
"Goodnight, Gibbs." Ziva offered in return as she headed out.
"G'nite" Gibbs offered to her in return as he watched her leave.
"Boss?" Tony tried again.
Gibbs waited until the elevator had closed with Ziva onboard before he latched his eyes onto his Senior Agent and sedately walked to the younger man's desk, perching himself on the corner of it.
"Why?" Gibbs quiet question threw Tony for a loop
"Boss?" The younger man's confusion was real.
"Why the disrespect, DiNozzo?" Gibbs expanded his question
"I'm not followin' you, Boss?" Tony said as he continued to look Gibbs square on.
"Has McGee given you any serious disrespect lately? Is that what it was about?" the boss pressed in that seriously quietly probing tone he usually reserved for times he was concerned.
"What, what was about?" the younger man asked in return, still puzzled.
"He was funnier when he was fatter, DiNozzo? What the hell was that, if it wasn't disrespect?" Gibbs finally allowed the explanation to pan itself out through his question.
"Boss, he went to you with that?" Tony was incredulous.
"No, Tony. He didn't. And he wouldn't. Something you'd know if you stopped long enough to pay attention to him as a person instead of your lackey." The boss answered with a touch of frustration.
"Boss, I don't…"
"I have excellent hearing, DiNozzo."
"Yeah. Right. I shouldn't have forgotten that. I didn't realize you could still hear us as we walked away." Tony accepted the reminder somewhat gracefully as he admitted the rest.
"I got that. I gotta ask, DiNozzo, wasn't the whole idea behind razzing him for so long and treating him like a frat fledgling; to toughen him up; to help him grow, mature?"
"Well, yeah, Boss. " Tony said, not getting the point.
"So, then what's with the telling him you liked him better before he started making those changes in himself? You don't knock him off his feet enough? You get too much of a kick keeping him down? What?" Gibbs kept digging, determined to get Tony to see the problem for what it was.
"No, it's not like that, Boss." The younger man defended himself.
"What happened to the way you two managed to pull it together while Ziva was still overseas?" Gibbs questioned gently.
"I dunno, Boss." Tony admitted seriously.
"Well, maybe you should work on figuring that out. Both of you… Together!" Gibbs suggested in that notorious tone that always meant the request was not optional.
"Okay, Boss." Tony conceded.
"G'nite, Tony." Gibbs offered as he stood up and went back to his own desk and sat down.
Tony packed up and headed out, quietly thinking. Why had he made that crack to Tim? Had it been pure spite for their disagreement that morning?
"Nite, Boss." Tony finally gave back before he hit the elevator button and allowed the box to take him down to his car. In a hurry to get off the Navy Yard and into the relaxing part of his evening, Tony didn't even notice Tim still sitting in his car, his head back against the seat, his eyes closed.
How long he sat there, Tim didn't know, He just knew it was peaceful and the words and their implications were slowly drifting away. The longer he sat here vegetating, the more words left the turntable and weren't coming back, at least not this time.
A sharp knock on his window, startled him out of his wits. His heart jumped and skipped a beat and his eyes were now wide open with fright, Tim looked toward the source of the noise, only to find Gibbs waiting for him to put the window down and talk to him. As he turned the key that had been sitting in the ignition for the last, looking at his watch…damn, he realized he'd been sitting there for an hour; he pushed the button and the window went down.
"McGee? What are you still doin' here? You all right?" the boss asked with a touch of concern.
"Yeah. I'm okay, Boss. I just needed to chill for a bit. Getting into traffic wouldn't have done me any good earlier." Tim explained. "I'm gonna go now. Have a good night, Boss."
"McGee! Something on your mind?" Gibbs pushed.
"I'm fine, Boss." Tim fibbed. There was no way he was trying to explain this to Gibbs.
"You're still a terrible liar, McGee." Gibbs said pointedly.
"Sorry. I will be fine, Boss." Tim admitted to his fib.
"Yeah, you will be. AFTER you talk to DiNozzo." Gibbs directed.
"Boss?" The younger man voiced his confusion.
Gibbs raised his eyebrows in his silent 'you know what I'm talking about' look.
"Yes, Boss." Tim conceded.
"Soon, McGee." Gibbs laid down.
"Yes, Sir." Tim responded in full respect mode which, uncharacteristically, drew a small smile out of his boss. Gibbs usually hated to be called 'Sir', but he knew Tim only did it when he was sincerely trying to relay the depth of respect he was feeling in the moment.
"Go on, get outta here." The boss encouraged..
"Okay. 'Nite, Boss." Tim offered.
"Nite, McGee." Gibbs turned and headed to his own car.
As he watched his agent take a minute to pull himself together before starting his car and leaving, Gibbs could only smile.
Those two would work it out; of that he had no doubt..