Codex Entry: Personal History...
...Eager to find a better life, Shepard joined the Alliance military when she came of age.
Considering that Jump Zero had been shut down three years earlier, Shepard had to find help in training her biotic powers elsewhere. The Alliance had fortunately swallowed their pride and gained some alien assistance in teaching new biotics.
The Alliance Academy had a link with the training of biotics so that they could learn and train simultaneously. It wasn't enlisting that worried Shepard but the fact that they were going to give her an implant developed a year earlier. The L3. She had asked her escorts about it as she was walked to the medical centre but their explanations were vague.
Apparently the doctors and scientists had to work together to manipulate an L3 implant so it would work for Shepard in a way it wouldn't for any other biotic. Instead of just helping her create mass effect fields since she could already do that with enough concentration, it would help her rein in her emotions to a point where control would be less of a struggle. She found it difficult to understand at first so as the doctor laid her down on her front on the operating table he explained.
"The L2's design was seriously flawed, though they give a biotic the possibility for their abilities to rival that of an asari they caused serious mental damage.
"Not all of them"
His tone was sad "unfortunately all L2's have issues though they greatly vary; some may go insane whilst others deal with migraines. Some L2's wanted to swap to an L3 and some have but it isn't without risk."
Shepard was quiet as she thought. The doctor answered her silence. "it has the possibility of seriously mentally damaging them, though it doesn't always happen and there are lucky ones who come out unscathed, there are many who...break." there was a longer silence filled only with his tinkering of her implant. "My original point was that compared to an L2 design and L3 is relatively weak but safe to use. We needed special permission to begin retrofitting yours. It's a prototype but we are certain it is safe, it will allow you to keep your level of ability which apparently can spike high enough to match an asari matriarch." He didn't do well in keeping the utter amazement from his voice.
There was a sharp stinging pain that made Shepard flinch when he dug too deeply with the scalpel. "we have also accommodated it to your emotional turmoil, so to speak." The doctor felt her tense up in the seat and chose his words more carefully.
"What I don't understand, is why I need it in the first place."
"I was just getting to that."
"And not being too subtle or polite about it either" murmured another surgeon wiping some of Shepard's blood away from the area of operation. The other doctor frowned up at her before continuing.
"With your emotions like wildfire, as is natural for someone your age but unnatural in the way that no others have had unrestrained biotic ability at the same time, this implant will help you reign in control of your biotics. For example they will not flare up at a sudden moment of anger, the implant will hold them back." There was something in his voice that made Shepard wonder if that was the entire truth or not but another few sharp and sudden twinges of pain shook away the thought.
"What can I expect from the others?" it was the other doctor, the surgeon who replied this time.
"Most have been through difficult times at BAaT, some have left to lead their own lives, some others returned home. Those you see here are ones who want to continue training, to do something with their gift that will help humanity."
The way she called biotics a 'gift' made Shepard squirm a little. It was a nice thought but a non-biotic couldn't hope to understand. Even the scientists who looked directly into it and studied it would never get close to guessing what it was like to have the power to crush things with your mind alone, to be outcast from humanity, to be afraid of who you are.
Shepard was deep in thought for a long time as they worked; she had never been able to easily control her emotions before. Mire had done his best with her but it had not been enough. She sighed mentally, Mire…
The operation was over within a few hours. The drugs had prevented great amounts of pain but as feeling began to come back, there was only the dull ache where the L3 implant had been added at the base of her skull. Now all she had to do was prove to the Alliance, and herself, that she could control her powers by joining and passing her tests with the other biotics.
All were in their teens but varied in age and background. Many still had family; few of those families wanted nothing more to do with them. Like her, society had cast them out, frightened of what they could do; old superstition mainly. The majority of them were survivors from Jump Zero. They had come to the Alliance Military base to train whereas others, as the doctor said, had left for another life or returned home. This base only held around twenty of them including Shepard.
All biotics, mainly L2's and some L3's, stared at her as she entered. No doubt word had gotten around about the freakish kid without the need for implants. It made her nervous at best. No doubt she'd find it difficult in the following year to make friends; she wasn't that kind of person. She had only ever bonded with Mire and Rose. She pushed the memories away as they began to burn in her eyes.
She made herself a promise as they were guided to their first training session by two mentors. A promise that she would never show off; after all she had years of experience on the others and had only just gotten her implant and basic amp.
One of their tutors was an Asari Matriarch who had leant the Alliance a hand, despite their distrust of aliens, and a man who looked indifferent. Eventually they were sat in a circle with various objects placed in the centre. A glass of water, a couple of eggs, a baseball and a sandbag being a few.
The Asari started first.
"Biotic ability varies like any other skill; some of you will be able to do things another may not be able to. This does not make you better, only specialised. Implants may have impact as well, those with L2 implants will need careful training so as not to inadvertently injure yourselves, and L3s may be less able of the biotics. Know this as you train: you rely only on yourself and blame only yourself when things go right or wrong."
The human skirted round until he stood behind the teens opposite Shepard.
Then the human spoke, his voice very low, like a growl yet calming. "Though biotics are not telepathic as some believe, you have a better sense for other biotics. We will be practicing a few exercises today and evaluate you all as individuals. Please accept that some are not as attuned to their nervous system as others no doubt are." He eyed Shepard and she clenched her fists in her lap. He averted his eyes and continued. "I want all of you to now face outwards with your backs to the centre of the circle and when I call your name I want you to try to mentally touch one other person in the circle. When your chosen person is sure they can feel you they will raise their hand."
A guy around the age of eighteen raised his hand. His blonde hair fell about his face, his brown eyes piercing. "Sir, I'm sure none of us follow what you mean by 'touch' can you explain a little more?" the human frowned at him but it was the Asari who answered.
"When a biotic wishes to feel another they first have to open their own minds to that person. It will be difficult so do not worry if you do not succeed the first time." She smiled kindly at the young faces around her. She looked over at the human mentor and nodded.
"We shall begin now".
And so it was that a name was called and the exercise attempted, only three out of the first ten had managed to get a 'feel' on anything. Shepard was grateful that she wasn't among the first to be called and also was never a target for the other biotics, the successful ones anyway.
Then her name was called.
She felt like a brick had been dropped into her stomach. She swallowed and closed her eyes to concentrate, unsure of who to call on. She could sense all of the biotics in the room but was not truly 'feeling' them as she should. She let herself breathe and lowered the conscious barriers around her mind, hoping that at least one person would 'feel' her as she opened her mind as wide as she could which was incredibly difficult if one understands how the human mind works. A human mind, especially a strong willed one like Shepard's, is as hard to reveal as opening a clamshell that's been welded shut. It is natural for a human to protect their minds from invasion and so they are mentally stronger than many other species as a result.
The exercise itself felt so peaceful to Shepard. The opening of her mind had been the biggest step but when it was open she could feel all the light of many minds around her. She felt their emotions fill her and strengthen her the longer she touched them. Almost losing herself in the calmness of it, a few startled voices brought her back. "Well, that was unexpected" said the human tutor as he gazed around at the circle. All hands in the circle were up in the air. Shepard cringed as she looked round.
The asari's expression was one of curiosity as her eyes locked on Shepard's. "Who were you trying to touch?"
Shepard sighed and told the truth. "I don't know anyone here, so I wasn't able to decide. I just hoped that if I opened my mind wide enough that at least one person may feel me."
"So you tried to cheat?" said the human.
"Sort of" she admitted. "I just don't get how I'm supposed to link with someone I don't know". The Asari was impressed but concealed it in her curious expression.
"We shall continue". Shepard now tried to pull back at the barriers in her mind, blocking any entrance. It felt like an umbrella had opened over her mind. It was instantaneous compared to the process of removing the barriers. At the time she didn't care if she was making someone fail but instead she just wanted peace. She shut out all the light that had filled her and felt only cold and dark afterwards. With the barriers raised she realised it hurt to be alone. She missed Mire and wanted nothing more than his voice or comforting arms around her.
Glad that that exercise was over they were asked to turn towards the centre of the circle. Eyes were still on her but she kept her gaze low, determined only to be confident when she needed to be. The Asari was watching her with great interest. A human who could touch the minds of so many without breaking, it was incredibly strange. She must have exceptionally strong willpower to be able to open her mind that wide, never mind to be able to touch so many others. Her human companion had the suspicion that some of the students were faking their admittance to her 'touch' but he was not a biotic. He had not felt the pulse of power that had come off of her as she reached out to everyone.
As she gave the next explanation of the exercise to be tried, she passed a single word to each omnitool of the students. Each had an individual item they were to lift. Since everyone was to try at the same time it would hopefully make it less disconcerting to the least able of the group if they failed. The Matriarch made sure to give Shepard the hardest one; to truly test her ability. Both tutors would know what item was given to which student and would note their success.
Shepard hid her grimace and barely managed withholding the groan of irritation. Her eyes went up to the Matriarch as she finished sending the items assigned to each student. She swear she saw her wink before standing with her hands clasped behind her back waiting for the exercise to begin. The human said they could start and so everyone began trying to lift the object they were assigned to.
Shepard held back for a moment watching the others, a girl of about fifteen dropped one of the eggs she was attempting to lift and the second quivered in the air not a foot from the floor. Some objects remained motionless whilst a few of the more able students lifted with no trouble at all.
Shepard sighed and began. She focussed on the metre long sandbag and felt her biotics kick into action. Her aura flared violet like so many around her but none were as calm as she was. She was not doing this to show off her abilities but to prove to herself that she had the ability to restrain herself. The sandbag was heavy but not too much trouble as she lifted it into the air and held it around five feet off the ground before going to lower it again.
Suddenly all the lights went out and the only light she could see by was her own and a few others glowing auras. Surely this was part of the test as the tutors said nothing. When the lights had gone out a few students had squeaked in alarm and either stopped their attempts or dropped whatever they were holding.
Only three had remained calm enough to keep a hold on what they were lifting. The eighteen year old guy who'd questioned instructions earlier was one of them, as was a girl of about sixteen with long brown hair and serene blue eyes. Shepard was the third but was impressed with the others as they had not quivered when the sudden change had come but stayed focused. She was unable to shield her feelings as they shone through her face.
Their two pairs of eyes moved from their item and looked at her in surprise. She nodded at them before lowering the sandbag from its high point in the air.
Their next trial was one of battle ability. They were physically tested on talents they would need in open fire situations. Only six of the original twenty had the physical ability to carry on. The others would require more training.
The brown haired girl and the blonde haired boy were amongst them. There were to be three rounds. Each round would study and use a different class of biotics. The first was Telekinesis which Shepard was one of the best at. The asari's eyes never seemed to leave her.
"We will begin with telekinesis, can anyone tell me what kind of enemies this general class is effective against?" the male tutor stood behind them as they stood in a line, side by side. They had been moved to another room. A training room with a fair amount of space and heavy equipment lying in front of them. Targets were set up at the far end of the room, some in groups, others on their own, some hard to see, others obvious.
No one spoke up. Shepard knew the answer but didn't want to draw more attention to herself. The asari seemed to have it in for her however and stood close to her. "Shepard" she said, "any ideas?" she hesitated her mouth opening and closing before she closed her eyes and spoke plainly.
"Telekinetic abilities work best with un-armoured opponents." The man seemed to grow more impatient with the asari and her identifiable favouritism of the oddball of the group. Though the Matriarch nodded and went to move to another human trainee, the man had a plan to put her in her place, both of them.
"Alright Shepard, give us an example". Shepard's eyes snapped open and stared at him when he gestured to the false battle field in front of her. Shepard watched as a smirk lifted his lips. He didn't believe she could do it. To him, her file was just an overstatement.
Finally, determined she nodded once. "Fine". Shepard scoured the field for a simple target, there was one dummy stood in the centre of the room looking as though he was lost. Shepard went to lift a metal crate in front of her when something told her to look for a different target. He was too easy, a distraction.
Looking around she spotted a bent down dummy barely peeking out from the side of a shelter, the more dangerous target. She lifted a smaller crate and by spinning in a slight arc she forced the box to do the same, arcing through the air and coming back down to slam into the target from behind, sending it flying forwards into the open. Shepard then took the larger crate and lifted it above the target before dropping it.
Dead, in theory.
Shepard could feel the tiredness taking effect but she wouldn't crack in front of the rest of them. "Well I think that was a well chosen target, don't you Gray?" only the asari's eyes showed the pride she felt at that moment. This human knew how a battlefield worked, that the obvious target was not necessarily the best.
The tutor said nothing only scowled before ordering the others to try several basic techniques as Shepard had. It lasted only five minutes. Shepard could see the others were tiring but she was unsure whether they would be able to deal with it as she had.
The next test was one of Shepard's weaker abilities, last time she'd tried it her shoulder had been shattered. "Kinetic Fields" said the asari pacing around them as they topped up on energy drinks to keep them going. "Would someone, other than Shepard, care to explain the uses of this class?" Shepard silently thanked the asari for her consideration.
The youngest of them, a sixteen year old boy with black hair and blue eyes stammered before speaking. "The ability to raise mass effect fields to immobilise objects or enemies", the human tutor, Gray gave him a small smile and asked him to demonstrate. Without warning the tutor threw a metal ball the size of an orange at him. The boy was startled and barely managed to halt its progress with a stasis. It stopped inches from his face.
Shepard frowned at Gray, he was a hard teacher and if nothing else, he was a bully. The rest were asked to stop incoming projectiles being hurled by another teen. They paired up and Shepard managed to get partnered with the blonde haired boy. He had a kind face, though tired; he was up for some fun. He threw objects first while Shepard struggled to maintain a kinetic barrier strong enough to deflect smaller objects and a stasis field to halt the larger things.
It was not one of Shepard's better talents. She was struck at least six or seven times, painfully with the smaller objects and the larger ones she only managed to slow and dodge them. Shepard's temper began to rise when she spotted Gray smirking at her, he had found her weakness. Though it was not as dramatic as before, her biotics seemed to answer her angry call with a fiery flare. The boy sent another large object at her and it took all of Shepard's concentration to deflect it. She threw up a barrier with such suddenness; the crate ricocheted into the way of the other pairs almost ploughing the shortest girl into the back wall had she not thrown herself down quick enough.
Shepard scolded herself; there was no need for that amount of strength in a barrier unless a rocket was being fired at her. It made her tired but she carried on regardless and got slightly carried away when it was her turn to hurl stuff at her partner. He was lucky he was quite talented at barriers and stasis. He fully halted every crate and his kinetic barrier was strong enough to hold off the smaller objects. At this point Shepard was sure she nearly snapped. The smug look on Gray's face made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. She felt the need to cause pain, the need she'd thought she'd abandoned.
With one last biotic pulse strong enough to crush a rhino to death Shepard propelled the majority of her power into the push. The crate she had lifted shot like a rocket towards the boy. He dropped like a sack of potatoes as it skimmed his head and slammed into the back wall. There it was embedded at least two feet deep into the wall. At that moment she made sure Gray understood her meaning, the look of hatred in her violet eyes bored into him and made him shudder slightly.
Shepard's weariness made her lean on a nearby metal crate from which she gained a nasty electric shock as her remaining pent up energy was discharged.
There was a heavy silence after that. After a few minutes of no one moving or speaking the asari suggested it would be best to move on to the third and last class of biotics. Spatial Distortion was difficult to master for many biotics but a very useful tactic when one was posed with heavily shielded and armoured opponents as the brown haired girl pointed out when she was asked.
This seemed to be her specialty when Shepard watched her in action. They were to rip the shields down on the targets assigned to them and then dispatch them in the best possible way. Shepard watched her as she danced like an asari ripping shields and armour apart with ease. She wasn't as talented in dispatching the opponent though; her main attack was Reave which worked to slow to be effective so Shepard decided to team up with her.
When she ripped the shields and barriers of the targets in front of them Shepard finished with a throw sending them flying into walls or other useless targets. When they finished all six were exhausted.
A couple had trouble standing but Shepard was used to drawing out as much energy from herself as possible before she collapsed. She smiled at the girl and boy she'd partnered up with during the session and walked out silently when they were dismissed.
Later when they were sent to their dorms the guy and girl had stopped to speak with her. "How did you do that?"
"Do what?" she said not wanting to talk about it.
"Plough that damn crate into the wall! I've never seen anyone so powerful" said the girl delightedly. Shepard looked away.
"I've had...a lot of practice. I've been able to use my biotics since I was three." Shepard shrugged looking uncomfortable with the subject.
"Impossible". The guy frowned, obviously thinking she was trying to impress.
Shepard frowned in response. "Believe what you want," she said forcing her way past them; she shouldn't have made an example of herself and cursed her naivety for thinking anyone would respect her. She was the ostracised of the freaks, the banished of the outcasts, she was alone.
The guy called after her as the girl followed. "Why are you here then?" she paused for a moment but did not look back.
She murmured an answer he barely heard. "To restrain myself" she said solemnly. "To prove to myself that I can control what I've failed to in the past."
As hungry as Shepard was she skipped her meal, wanting quiet but disliking solitude. She wanted a partnership, someone to bond with as she had with Mire but she knew no one could possibly take his place. As she lay on her bed in the dormitory besides a mix of both boys and girls she sighed trying to remember his face. Everyone had slowly come to bed, one by one the room was filled but she still felt alone. "I brought you this" said a voice. She looked around to see the blonde guy holding a powerful energy drink out to her. Her eyes alone thanked him as she took it and drank a bit feeling less drained than before.
He lay on his bed that was coincidentally set beside hers and leant on his elbow. "I can't put my finger on it but, you seem like...I don't know" he said studying her with a strange kind of interest. The scar across her face betrayed her harsh beginning but he had sense enough not to delve too deeply. Shepard looked at him blankly, waiting for him to voice his thoughts. "The way you looked after you'd thrown the crate...do you hate your biotics?" he asked quietly.
"No" she answered simply.
"What is it then? I'm pretty good at reading emotions but the reasons behind them are harder, especially for you". Shepard wasn't sure what to say. She needed someone to talk to; he'd done nothing wrong so...
She looked him directly, her eyes flashing "it's hard to explain" she began. "I don't dislike what I can do, biotically. I despise my lack of control."
"Why?" Shepard looked away, she was not used to people being so invasive but at that moment she felt she needed to open up, just a little. "I've done...things...horrible things in the past."
"Like what?"
Shepard rolled over and stared at him fixedly. "I've killed people in fits of uncontrollable anger and destroyed buildings in states of terror. I have no control" he looked scared at her solemnity rather than her actual words. "No one here has killed. You are here to learn how to use your biotics; I am here to learn how to restrain mine." She felt she needed to talk to someone, and since he was willing to listen she just poured everything out, only regretting it later. "I'll never lose control again." He shook her shoulder as she'd turned over again not wanting to face him. After much ceaseless nagging she answered. "I lost control, I'd only intended to throw them back, away from me but instead I...killed them, I killed them all. The building exploded...innocents died...because of me."
"'Them'?"
"Slavers" she barely whispered.
"Then it was self defence, you aren't to be held accountable."
Her following scowl silenced him. "It's my fault that those innocent people are dead, their deaths could have been avoided if I had more self control" She gripped the bed sheets firmly between her fingers feeling the soft material and hoping it would soothe her. "Never again". There was silence and he thankfully asked no more questions. She dropped into a tormented sleep which only lasted a few hours.
Shepard woke to find a niggling feeling in the base of her mind as though someone was constantly poking her. She got up and followed the way it was leading. It was guiding her through the base, she only realised the stupidity of her curiosity when she had been led to the larger training room.
It was already too late to leave as the Asari Matriarch opened the door and stood before her. She spoke to someone behind her. "What's this then, Gray?" Her human tutor appeared at the door beside her and shook his head in astonishment.
"Fine, you train her but if this disrupts the rest of them the deal's off" he snapped and he stormed away.
Shepard looked from his back and returned her gaze to the Matriarch. "Did I miss something?"
She smiled mysteriously and nodded letting her into the training room. "I simply made a bet he couldn't refuse. I said that if you didn't answer my call then he could train the humans alone, and I would leave. Since I won, I get to train you personally."
"Why me?"
"You know why."
"I did not come here to be some specimen for observation." The asari shook her head her smile did not leave her lips.
"You are not a specimen, you need training different than the others. Individual attention can give you that. Your file indicates you have trouble controlling your emotions, if this afternoon was an example."
"They said the implant could deal with that."
She hummed to herself, "it can only do so much. All it will do is let you know the limitation of your emotions; it will not stop them from controlling you and your biotics. That you must do yourself. I will help you but only if you wish it, this path you must choose by yourself."
Shepard had partially felt some of her escaping emotions. "Is this because I'm dangerous?"
"All biotics are potentially dangerous, but you are different in a way I cannot describe." She motioned to the floor. "Sit here, cross your legs and rest your hands palms up on your knees." Shepard looked at her strangely before obeying. "Close your eyes and open your mind to me." Just as Shepard was about to obey the first command and close her eyes, the second made her snap them open.
"Why?"
"You need to learn where your emotions come from, what triggers them. I can only help you if you let me. I will not pry, but you need to trust me." Shepard stayed silent and still did not close her eyes. "I see trust has been betrayed before, here is the start perhaps." She stood behind Shepard and sighed. "All your secrets, all your thoughts, feelings and memories will not leave this room. This room is an extension of your mind." She looked down at her student with pity this time. She was suffering, fighting an internal battle that perhaps even she was blind to. "Please Thorn, let me help you".
Shepard put her head in her hands, so tired. "I can't"
"You can. You must learn to let the past go. Learn from your mistakes and be stronger for it". She sat beside her and let Thorn watch as she closed her eyes and concentrated. She created a ball of swirling biotic energy before her, "I am taking all my emotions, all my pain and locking it inside this sphere." She opened her eyes and she saw that they glowed with biotic power. "When I am sure I have it all. I let it go" her right arm snapped out and the ball flew into the reinforced wall opposite them.
Shepard frowned to herself before doing as the asari had. She opened the floodgate to her fear, her anger and pain. Struggling at first to contain it within the sphere she created. Shepard let all of it pour into the real world, feeling calmness envelope her as it left her mind. She opened her eyes to see the sphere in front of her had small lights and several orbs inside, darting around like insects. With a great amount of concentration she focussed on the opposite wall and directed her arm sharply as the asari had. The orb hesitated before firing itself at her command. It exploded against the wall giving out a pulse that made both of them fall back slightly.
Silence followed. Shepard looked up at her mentor and sighed, pleased. It was gone, the memories were still there but her built up emotions and physical tension was gone. The peace made her body relax and she almost passed out with relief. The asari stood looking down at her. "You will still train with the others to learn biotic tactics effective on the battlefield but with me you will learn self-control and restraint". Shepard looked up at her and thought for a moment before standing up decisively.
"Thank you".
When she was dismissed she made her way back to her dorm to find everyone still asleep. She had the remaining two hours to catch up on sleep. As soon as she lay her head down she was out like a light.
It was a few months before anyone ever noticed the difference in Shepard. Instead of the cold and affronted appearance she'd had when she'd arrived it'd changed. Her eyes were brighter, her disposition had lightened though it was still behind a stiff controlled persona and her attitude to the other biotics had grown to become more tolerant.
Toombs, the blonde haired teen had noticed it first but had only brought it up when Zena, the girl, had mentioned it. The two of them had been watching Shepard and were the only two to speak to her. The others ignored her. "Hey Shepard," he called her over. Thorn looked up from her dinner tray and stared at him only mildly interested. He waved her over, as she saw no real reason to object she moved to sit by them as they ate their double helpings of everything on offer.
As she sat down beside Zena whose eyes almost popped out of her head with interest, Toombs began talking in hushed tones. "What's the secret then, Shepard?" He said curiously. Shepard's expression revealed nothing.
"What?"
"You know" encouraged Zena leaning even further forward. "You've been more relaxed than ever lately".
Shepard shrugged. "I've just become accustomed to being here that's all"
"'Accustomed' my ass" Toombs scoffed. Still Shepard's expression showed no signs of biting the taunt as she once would have. His brown eyes stared into hers and she only blinked once, naturally. "Shepard don't keep us out. You're far too calm and collected now."
"I'm fine Toombs. If that's a problem for you then I'm afraid I can't help you" she then proceeded to ignore him and ate the rest of her dinner. She had told no one of her extra lessons with the Matriarch and never would. She had done as best as she could to keep herself out of the public eye.
The following night cycle she was given her weekly control session. They had practiced different ways to discharge her biotics and control her emotions. Most biotics did not need to discharge as often as she did and when they did it was subtle. Touching metal gave them a sudden static shock sometimes. It was second nature to biotics so they barely noticed a shock after a long practice session.
Shepard did get static shocks but it did not release nearly enough energy as she needed to in order to keep herself controlled. After launching her violent emotions at a wall, she had been taught to meditate. She did this now, her legs knotted as she sat and objects lifted into the air around her as if she was a singularity pulse. Her appearance of being 'cool and collected' as Toombs had put it was just a front to keep her from being noticed. She preferred to be alone with her thoughts, though those, at times, were painful. Behind the mask she was just as stressed out and emotionally dysfunctional as any other teen, biotic or otherwise.
Lifting the objects she felt herself ease into tranquillity when a sudden sliding noise meant the doors were open. She kept her concentration as her mind was too far away to do otherwise. Loud noises were hums to her ears, light was a blink of a single star in a sky of ebony.
The asari moved to intercept Toombs as he entered. "Toombs you are not supposed to be here."
"Then what is she doing here?" he pointed at Shepard's contented expression as she sat on the floor.
The Matriarch stared him down. "It is simple meditation, for her sake she must do it."
He seemed to sigh as realisation hit him. "So that's why she is so controlled."
The asari shook her head. "No, that is a face she puts on to hide herself. Even after all I've done to help her she still doesn't trust anyone. To let anyone get close…" she stopped as she gazed back at her student. She looked darkly at Toombs as he continued to stare at Shepard in a way that spoke of pity. "Leave Toombs and do Thorn a favour. Tell no one of her sessions with me."
Toombs said nothing as he backed out the doors and let them slide shut again. After a few more minutes Shepard lowered the objects to the floor and opened her eyes, coming out of her semi-trance state soon after. Looking up at the asari and at the door she realised what she'd heard was real. Someone had come in and spoken to her, she had heard her name but the rest of the conversation was blurred as she moved away from the distraction. "Who was it?"
The asari looked down at her and smiled, her concentration was great indeed if she could shut out something so completely. She would be a great biotic soldier one day. She took a breath and spoke only one word which parted them. "Toombs".
Shepard moved like lightning shooting out of the room to catch him on the way back to the dorms. She managed but barely. They were standing outside the doors as she slammed him into the wall, her arm pressed against his throat.
The suddenness of her attack paralysed him for a moment. "Why are you spying on me?" It took a while before Toombs could breathe enough for him to push her off him with a strong biotic pulse. It forced her back only a couple of meters and from there she didn't move. She awaited his answer.
"I wasn't spying. I wanted to help you acclimate to this place but was curious when you already had. You're highly strung so I knew something was going on," he sighed gently, "I wanted to help". Shepard pushed back her sudden and uncalled for anger behind barriers. He'd done it because he cared.
Shepard backed down from her threatening stance and sighed. "I just want to make it through something, to achieve something without anything going wrong."
"And separating yourself from the rest of society is going to help with that is it?" Shepard flinched. "I know you're scared. But blocking out the world won't make it go away. You have friends, let yourself go, just once in a while" Shepard looked disarmed. "It's unhealthy the way you create walls around yourself, let someone in and help you". Shepard barely suppressed a shiver. It was like the Matriarch's assessment all over again.
Shepard had no words to say so Toombs let her go with a promise. "I won't tell anyone about your session if you don't want me to".
Both returned to their dorms after that. Shepard much later than Toombs. She just stood staring out of the window at the stars and the dust storms whirling in the distance. He was right of course, she needed to loosen up and experience the universe rather than shut it out. Easier said than done when one has already experienced some of the worst the universe has to offer.