As I sit here recollecting my past, I stare off into what is now a complete wasteland, no thanks to me. I gaze up into the smog covered sky. The sparkling white snow falls onto dying Grickle-grass. The thick black schlop freezing humming fish within itself. I look down at my needles and yarn, the thing I loved to do most, now nothing to me this time of year. "Why?" I think to myself. "What ever happened to the joy that filled my heart." I play with my freshly sharpened knife between my fingers. The blade grazing my flesh as it glides between them.
I used to love winter as a child. Catching the frozen snowflakes on my tongue, the melted bodies running down my throat. It was a great feeling. The days went by fast due to no school. We've always had rough, snow covered winter here. A hassle for adults, great for children. Even into my teen years and early adulthood, I had enjoyed the colder seasons. But everything changed eight years ago, a year after I started my business.
It was a gloomy autumn day, I remember it like the crisp chirp of a swamee-swan. I was standing on my balcony, looking over the land. The land around me turning into a sea of gold. The crisp cool wind wisping right by me. I looked out, I had an overwhelming feeling of failure. Failure that was too much to bear, I had lost all hope in what I was doing. I had always been confident in what I was doing, always so sure of myself. But now I felt like I couldn't do anything. If I messed up just once, everything could be ruined. I started mumbling to myself. "If I stopped for just one second everything would-" There was a knock at the door. I walked back over to my desk and sat down. "Come in," I said as confidently as I could. The door crept open and a delicate figure walked in, my fiancee, Norma.
Norma, the love of my life. Her tight brown curls bounced as she walked toward my desk, her gleaming smile lighting the room. She sat down and put her arms around me and gave me a light kiss. She looked at me noticing my unusual state. Her eyes searching for information. Her eyes, more golden that autumn itself... "Oncie deary," she brought my attention back to her, "Are you okay?" She leaned in for another comforting kiss. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes, everything is just fine. I just-" I didn't know what I should tell her. I've told her everything my entire life, ever since we were kids. She always knew my secrets. She was, and still is, the one person I trust. My family being all business would always use things to their advantage. I could never trust them.
She took my head in her hands, "Oncie," she said with a tiny smile, "you know you can tell me anything." She looked at me with a sincere smile. What was I thinking? She's Norma. My soon to be wife. Of course I can tell her!
I took a deep breath. "It's nothing, but," I didn't know where to start. I have never felt this way before. It was so overwhelming. "But I have this... overwhelming feeling...a feeling of, of hopelessness. I can't do this. We are cutting down trees nonstop! The Super-Axe-Hackers are constantly chopping down Truffula Trees! How am I supposed to keep up with them?!" For every Truffula Tree we cut down, I would plant a Truffula Seed in its place. It was my way of keeping things the way they should be. The Lorax would do the rest, making sure the Truffulas matured quickly. "I'm just one man Norma! I'm not a Thneed! I can't do a thousand things!" I exhaled deeply and ran a frustrated hand through my hair.
She simply smiled at me and said, "It's okay." She patted my head. Somehow, that had always helped calm me down. " I know you can do it, I'll go out and help you if you need it. I know you have this all under control." She got up and stood in front of me. "Now, Sir," she started to get back into her business mood. I didn't want her to, but if we were to go against my worries, she has to. "The arena needs a thousand and three Thneeds by next Friday night for the Tweetle Beetle battles and the Gox boxing tournaments." She paused. "And.." her professional face now turned into a worry trying to be comforting, "Mister Lorax is here to see you..." She bent down and kissed my forehead and gave me a squeeze on the shoulder and walked out.
"The Lorax. Oh no, that can't be good." I thought to myself. "What am I doing wrong? Are the seeds not doing good? Are they dying from the smog I'm producing? Is my family trying to take them? Are they chopping down more Truffulas than permitted?" I started trembling. I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like there was nothing I could do. But what was there to do other than sit and wait. But I couldn't do that. I wanted to get up and run, my body was ready to run miles, but I knew I couldn't that.
In what seemed like years, a few minutes later the Lorax finally knocked and invited himself in. "Once-ler sir, how have you been? I haven't seen you in-" He looked alarmed. "What happened? You're trembling like a scared Bar-ba-loot!" He hopped up on my desk. "Look, I may speak for the trees, but I also speak for your friends. We haven't seen you in a while, you haven't been out in the sun with us. We've all been worried about you." Giving me some water and trying to steady my hand he continued, "I can see that we weren't worrying for nothing. Sir, please tell me what's wrong? You seem very anxious. Ms. Norma out there told me you were giving up hope. Sorry to be so stern but you can not give up hope." His voice became very firm which made me flinch in return.
"I know! I know!" I replied getting out of my chair, away from him. He was making me feel worse so I started pacing. My guidance was making this worse. How could that be? "I won't give up! Not ever!" I looked away, I couldn't look him in the eye. All I was saying was just a bunch of lies. "I- I just, I'm having a troubling time right now. I'm sure I'll get over this in a few days."
He looked at me carefully. Scanning me head to toe. I tried my best to stand up tall and have confidence bleaming from me. I don't think it worked too well. The Lorax jumped down from my desk to walk over to me. I backed away a bit. He put his hand out to me. "Mister Once-ler, you are not well. Whenever you think you're gonna break, just come tell me. I'll help you get better." He smiled and continued, " But for now, how about you just get a few days of rest. I'm sure you're just getting sick."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's it." I hope that's what it is, if it's not... what would be wrong with me... what'll happen to me?