just what it was that piqued his interest so much but it was there, had
been from the first day they'd met. It kind of made him smile on the
inside when he thought about it. After all, who would have thought a
flyboy tough guy like him would find anything remotely intriguing
about a geek like Rodney.
It had started out with him finding one reason or another to hang out
in Rodney's lab when they weren't on a mission. He'd ask questions
about what the science team was up to and kidded himself that it was
perfectly reasonable to do so. After all, he was the military commander
of Atlantis. It made sense for him to know what was going on in every
department in the city. Rodney didn't seem to think it odd either that
somehow or other, at some stage of the day, John would turn up in his
lab. Mostly he just kept on doing whatever he was doing and prattled
away at the same time, mouth and hands going a mile a minute
simultaneously. John wondered sometimes how he did that – managed
to keep his mind on whatever complex task he was engrossed in and
yet carry on a conversation about something else entirely
at the same time.
Gradually they'd graduated to eating lunch and dinner together,
sometimes with the rest of the team, sometimes alone. If they had
time off from hunting Wraith or being hunted by Wraith or one of the
assorted other bad guys that populated the Pegasus Galaxy, Rodney
would turn up at John's door and they put on one of John's
corny horror movies or a tape of a game and eat popcorn and drink
beer. Many nights John had fallen asleep then woken up in the middle
of the night and found Rodney had crawled into his bed to sleep and
left him on the couch. John never minded that. Well, apart from the
tiny inside voice that kept whispering that he wished he had the
courage to crawl in beside Rodney for the rest of the night. He
never did, of course. Rodney was straight as a dye and he had no idea
John swung both ways. John had been far too good at maintaining his
Captain Kirk protective coloration for that little nugget of truth to seep
through. So instead, John would curl up back on the couch and just
watch Rodney sleep, marveling at how even in his
sleep, Rodney moved, hands twitching, lips mumbling words John
couldn't make out. In the mornings they'd do the guy thing and
scratch their bellies as they yawned and belched then they'd pat each
other heartily on the back in thanks for a good night and go their
separate ways.
Elizabeth Weir had once commented, not exactly jokingly, that they
were joined at the hip and that was pretty accurate… except now. The
one time when John had expected to find Rodney somewhere around,
looking for him, Rodney wasn't, and that gave John a horrible sinking
feeling in the pit of his gut. After all, they'd almost
lost Rodney today, not just his wonderful, brilliant mind but Rodney
himself. John needed to see him, to spend time with him, to know that
the Rodney McKay he knew and loved was back. Yet ever since Rodney
had been discharged from the infirmary after their trip to the shrine on
Talus, John hadn't seen him.
"Hey," he asked casually, sauntering up to where Ronon and Teyla
were eating lunch on the balcony of the Atlantis mess hall, "you guys
seen Rodney?"
Teyla gave him a sympathetic smile. "I haven't seen him at all today.
Perhaps he's in his lab?"
"Already looked there," John replied. "Radek doesn't know where he is
either."
"It's unusual for you not to know where he is," Teyla observed. "You
always seem to be… how did Dr. Weir put it…?"
"Joined at the hip," John replied automatically. He shrugged as
nonchalantly as he could. "Guess he's found something new to do
today."
Ronon grinned broadly then leaned forward across the table. "I saw
him heading out to the pier a little while ago," he said.
"Really?" John shoved down the little jolt of pleasure that gave him. He
didn't even have to ask which pier. He just knew it'd be the one where
he'd taken Rodney the night before they'd taken him to the shrine.
"Well, I just wanted to make sure he's okay," he added. "You know, fit
for duty and all that…"
"Sure. We know," Ronon agreed but he kept smiling that same big
shit-eating grin. "You should probably go see for yourself. Being the
team leader and all."
"Yeah, I should probably do that." John nodded. "Well, um, enjoy your
lunch." He turned and walked away, trying not to break into a run,
ignoring Teyla's bell-like laughter echoing behind him.
Rodney was right where John had thought he'd be, legs dangling over
the edge of the pier, bottle of beer in his hand. He looked around as
John approached and gave him a rueful grin. "You found me," he said.
'Finally' John wanted to add but didn't. He sat down next to Rodney
instead and grabbed the beer, taking a long swig from it then put it on
the ground.
"You could have brought your own," Rodney groused good-naturedly.
"Sorry. Didn't have time," John replied. "Spent all day looking for you.
You okay, buddy?"
The look Rodney gave him was so full of anguish that John reached out
and pulled him into a one-armed hug. "What's up, Rodney?" he asked.
"I just made a monumental screw up," Rodney replied morosely.
"Possibly the biggest screw up I've ever made."
"Bigger than Doranda?" John asked skeptically.
Rodney snorted. "Well, not as big on an 'annihilate an entire galaxy'
scale maybe," he said, "but on the Rodney McKay personal scale of
one to ten for screwing up my entire life, this is a fifteen."
"That bad, huh? What happened?"
"I told Jennifer I loved her."
John's heart felt like it had just dropped down into his boots and gone
sailing down into the very depths of the ocean beneath them. "You did,
huh? Why is that so bad? I mean, if you do, it's good you told her,
right?"
"See, that's the problem. I do but I don't," Rodney said.
"You're gonna have to clarify that for me, buddy," John said, feeling
his heart beginning to clamber out of the depths and creep at least
halfway back into his chest again.
"I love her for saving my life but then I was thinking that after all, we
wouldn't have even gone to the shrine if Ronon hadn't pushed for it so
he saved my life too and I sure as hell am not going to tell Conan I'm
in love with him," Rodney explained somewhat muddily.
"That's probably a good idea." John sighed. "Okay, so you're saying
you felt like you owed her something and that made you tell her you
loved her."
"No," Rodney exclaimed. "Well, kind of." He turned so he was facing
John. "I did feel that way about her when I first realized I was going to
be fine but then I remembered something." He looked down then back
up at John again. "Remember the night I completely freaked out and
came to your room and you brought me out here?"
"Sure." John would never forget that night, never forget the panic in
Rodney's voice and the perverse thrill of pleasure it gave him that it
was John he'd come looking
for.
"I also remembered another time, when it was all beginning to skitter
away from me, when whatever part of me that was left knew I was
losing it all." Rodney took a deep breath. "Jennifer was right there with
me but I needed you. You were the only one I wanted to be there for
me."
"Well, we're friends," John said.
"Just friends?" Rodney asked tentatively and suddenly John's heart
was right back where it was supposed to be.
He leaned forward and kissed the edge of Rodney's mouth. "More than
friends," he added. "If you want."
Rodney turned his head just enough to put his mouth right where John
wanted it and kissed him back. "I want," he said against John's lips.
John pulled back a little. "So what are you going to tell Keller?"
Rodney smiled that crooked grin John loved and shrugged. "That she
should never believe anything a crazy guy tells her."
"Think she'll be upset?"
"Probably. After all, I'm a prize catch." Rodney leaned in to pull John in
for a hug. "Her loss you caught me first."
"Yeah," John whispered against the top of his head. "Her loss."
The end!