There is one mirror in my house. It is behind a sliding panel in the hallway upstairs. Our faction allows me to stand in front of it on the second day of every third month, the day my mother cuts my hair. I sit on the stool and my mother stands behind me with the scissors, trimming. The strands fall on the floor in a dull, blond ring. When she finishes, she pulls my hair away from my face and twists it into knot. I note how calm she looks and how focused she is. She is well-practiced in the art of losing herself. I can't say the same of myself. I sneak a look at my reflection when she isn't paying attention—not for the sake of vanity, but out of curiosity. A lot can happen to a person's appearance in three months, I always knew this before but seeing how fast my daughter changes have influenced me even more. Must have been like her father, whom I have not seen in a year but will see tomorrow. He does not even know about Katherine, I wonder how he will react. In my reflection, I see a narrow face, wide, round eyes, and a long, thin nose—I still look like a little girl, even though two weeks after tomorrow I will turn seventeen and the fact that I have a nearly four month old daughter. The other factions celebrate birthdays, but we don't. It would be self-indulgent. "There," she says when she pins the knot in place. Her eyes catch mine in the mirror. It is too late to look away, but instead of scolding me, she smiles at our reflection.
I feel the guilt rise. Of course she does not yell at me, she had not yelled at me when I had told her about Katherine, it was when I told Father that things took an ugly turn, I quickly stop the dark places where my mind is taking me. "So today is the day," Mother says. "Yes," I reply. "Are you nervous?" I stare into my own eyes for a moment. Today is the day of the aptitude test that will show me which of the five factions I belong in. And tomorrow, at the Choosing Ceremony, I will decide to abandon my first family for another one. "No," I say. "The tests don't have to change our choices. No matter what happens I will choose Dauntless, I think, the guilt making clouds in my stomach, until I peer down at Katherine in my arms. It is the right decision, I think, especially for her. She needs him, just like I do. " "Right." She smiles. "Let's go eat breakfast, I got some baby food for Katherine today ." "Thank you. For cutting our hair and getting food for Katherine." She kisses my cheek and slides the panel over the mirror. I think my mother could be beautiful, in a different world. Her body is thin beneath the gray robe. She has high cheekbones and long eyelashes, and when she lets her hair down at night, it hangs in waves over her shoulders. But she must hide that beauty in Abnegation. We walk together to the kitchen. On these mornings when my brother makes breakfast, and my father's hand skims my hair as he reads the newspaper, and my mother hums as she clears the table—it is on these mornings that I feel guiltiest for wanting to leave them but I know they want me to leave, maybe not my mother but my father definitely, he will not even look at Katherine half the time and has made his feelings about us quite clear. Mother has managed to make me believe that he says all this out of anger but it still hurts.
The bus stinks of exhaust. Every time it hits a patch of uneven pavement, it jostles me from side to side, even though I'm gripping the seat to keep myself still. Thank God, Katherine is still at home.
My older brother, Caleb, stands in the aisle, holding a railing above his head to keep himself steady. We don't look alike. He has my father's dark hair and hooked nose and my mother's green eyes and dimpled cheeks. When he was younger, that collection of features looked strange, but now it suits him. If he wasn't Abnegation, I'm sure the girls at school would stare at him. He also inherited my mother's talent for selflessness. He gave his seat to a surly Candor man on the bus without a second thought. The Candor man wears a black suit with a white tie—Candor standard uniform. Their faction values honesty and sees the truth as black and white, s o that is what they wear. The gaps between the buildings narrow and the roads are smoother as we near the heart of the city. The building that was once called t he Sears Tower—we call it the Hub —emerges from the fog, a black pillar in the skyline. The bus passes under the elevated tracks. I have been on a train once when Tobias sneaked out of Dauntless to visit me and we got on the train together. Five years ago, volunteer construction workers from Abnegation repaved some of the roads. They started in the middle of the city and worked their way outward until they ran out of materials. The roads where I live are still cracked and patchy, and it's not safe to drive on them. We don't have a car anyway. Caleb's expression is placid as the bus sways and jolts on the road. The gray robe falls from his arm as he clutches a pole for balance. I can tell by the constant shift of his eyes that he is watching the people around us—striving to see only them and to forget himself. Candor values honesty, but our faction, Abnegation, values selflessness. The bus stops in front of the school and I get up, scooting p, because I had something that broke most of my faction's laws.ast the Candor man. I grab Caleb's arm as I stumble over the man's shoes. My slacks are too long, and I've never been that graceful, it is a wonder that I have not made Katherine fall on her head till now. I shudder at the thought, at least the Dauntless wear clothes which do not tackle in our ankles. The Upper Levels building is the oldest of the three schools in the city: Lower Levels, Mid-Levels, and Upper Levels.
Like all the other buildings around it, it is made of glass and steel. In front of it is a large metal sculpture that the Dauntless climb after school, daring each other to go higher and higher. Last year I watched one of them fall and break her leg. I was the one who ran to get the nurse my heart beating fast and puke coming out of my mouth, which is when I found about Katherine too. I think I will forbid her to climb it till she is ten but then I will not force any of my opinion on her, all I want is for her to stay safe.
. My muscles tighten the second we wall k in. The atmosphere feels hungry, like every sixteen-year-old is trying to devour as much as he can get of this last day. It is likely that we will not walk these halls again after the Choosing Ceremony—once we choose, our new factions will be responsible for finishing our education. I avoid everyone, especially due to the teasing; most of it comes from the Candor, though some of them like a girl Christina are quite supportive. When word got out about Katherine, there was uproar because I had broken so many of my faction's law. Many boys tried to hit on me, it is quite uncomfortable actually, sometimes Caleb helps but mostly it is me and Christina against the world.
Our classes are cut in half today, so we will attend all of them before the aptitude tests, which take place after lunch. My heart rate is already elevated. "You aren't at all worried about what they'll tell you?" I ask Caleb. We pause at the split in the hallway where he will go one way, toward Advanced Math, and I will go the other, toward Faction History. He raises an eyebrow at me. "Are you?" I smile and say, "Not really." He smiles back but then t turns into a frown when he realizes what I mean. "Well…have a good day." I walk toward Faction History, chewing on my lower lip. He never answered my question. The hallways are cramped, though the light coming through the windows creates the illusion of space; they are one of the only places where the factions mix, at our age. Today the crowd has a new kind of energy, a last day mania. A girl with long curly hair shouts "Hey!" Next to my ear, waving at a distant friend. A jacket sleeve smacks me on the cheek. Then an Erudite boy in a blue sweater shoves me. I lose my balance and fall hard on the ground. "Out of my way, Stiff Slut," he snaps, and continues down the hallway. My cheeks warm. I get up and dust myself off. A few people stopped when I fell, but none of them offered to help me. Their eyes follow me to the edge of the hallway. This sort of thing has been happening to others in my faction for months now—the Erudite have been releasing antagonistic reports about Abnegation, and it has begun to affect the way we relate at school and my breaking the rules has not helped, I basically ruined my faction, I and Tobias. The gray clothes, the plain hairstyle, and the unassuming demeanor of my faction are supposed to make it easier for me to forget myself, and easier for everyone else to forget me too. But now they make me a target. I pause by a window in the E Wing and wait for the Dauntless to arrive. I do this every morning. At exactly 7:25, the Dauntless prove their bravery by jumping from a moving train. My father calls the Dauntless "hellions." They are pierced, tattooed, and black clothed. Their primary purpose is to guard the fence that surrounds our city. The train whistle blares, the sound resonating in my chest. The light fixed to the front of the train clicks on and off as the train hurtles past the school, squealing on iron rails. And as the last few cars pass, a mass exodus of young men and women in dark clothing hurl themselves from the moving cars, some dropping and rolling, others
Stumbling a few steps before regaining their balance. One of the boys wraps his arm around a girl's shoulders, laughing. I can imagine that being me and Tobias and a smile forms it way onto my face. I still remember when we met on the train and he told me about the stimulation serum and Dauntless iniation, I just hope what I do today will hide the fact that I am Divergent and me and Katherine can go through Dauntless.
****
The Aptitude test worked well, Torii confirmed that I am Dauntless, thank you Tobias, and now I stand rocking Katherine while waiting for my name to be called. My Father had been extremely cold towards me today, how could he hold grudges after what he did to me, I have no idea. It is a god thing I and Katherine will leave; the peace will be back in the household. I am snapped out of my thoughts by a loud noise or rather voices. I look up to see Caleb has transferred to…. Erudite and to think he told me off for breaking the faction laws. Traitor, but then so am I but at least I never faked it unlike him. My name is called and I walk to the stage wiping Katherine's tears, and feeling bad for what I am about to do. I take the knife and pour my blood over the Dauntless coals, that was the easy part, now for the difficult one, if I want I can leave Katherine with my parents and spare her pain but I am too selfish to do that and she needs her Father too. I quickly pull the knife over her hand and her blood drops in the Dauntless coals.