Utter silliness dealing with Blaine's eversion to Sam and Tina's make-out session.
Blaine sounds panicked when he answers the skype call with a groan and a pained, "Hi Kurt."
Immediately Kurt's concerns about Rachel and Santana and how utterly lame New York is without Blaine there, all fly out the window. "Oh honey, what's wrong? What happened?" he coos.
Blaine pouts some more, crossing his arms and burying his face against them where he's lying belly-down on his bed.
"Blaine you have to tell me what's wrong if you want me to help fix it."
"Sam and Tina made out."
Kurt stares at his laptop screen for a few long seconds and then carefully asks, "And that's bad because…"
"Because it was gross!" Blaine yelps as though it's obvious. "They snuck away during the lock-in and I caught them going at it and it was all sucky, gropey… ick." He opens and closes his mouth, licking out into the air like he just tasted something awful.
"Oh honey." Kurt won't admit out loud that he finds this kind of cute, not yet.
"You don't get it," Blaine whines. "It was meant to be all of us in it together and they had to go off and be gross like that."
"Sucky, gropey ick kinda sounds like what we do," Kurt tells him.
"Yeah but he was all up in her… boob area."
"I'm not going to tell you you're over-reacting—"
"Because I'm not, it was traumatizing!"
Kurt sighs. "Because they were your friends and you were meant to be having a senior's moment or because of the boobs?"
"Why can't it be both?" Blaine pouts at him, hard.
"What can I do?"
That seems to brighten Blaine up significantly and Kurt suspects he's just been trapped. "Well…" Blaine begins, eyes wide and earnest, a smile just starting to play at the corners of his mouth. "The boobs and the face suckage were really… off-putting."
"About Tina and Sam?"
"Yeah but… other stuff. Sex stuff. I think I would feel a lot better, Kurt, if you just… let me look at your dick for a while."
Kurt snorts his laughter but he saw it coming. "Now?" he asks, dubiously.
"I really miss your dick. I think it would make me feel a lot better." Still so earnest.
"I'm… No offence to you but I'm not even a little bit turned on right now and—"
"I don't care. Take your pants off."
Kurt sighs and feels stupid but slips off his bed, turns the laptop to face him and rolls his eyes as he unzips his pants. He leans over to get his face in Blaine's field of view again. "You're seriously making me do this to undo the damage of hetero making out."
"Yeah."
"You realize that's super dumb."
"Uh huh."
"And you're going to have to apologize Sam and Tina and get over your aversion to tongue kissing since we're gonna be doing it all the time once you're here."
"Kurt, please," Blaine whines and his tone is really doing nothing to turn Kurt on.
Kurt sighs and pulls his soft dick out of his boxer briefs, letting it flop over the waistband and just kind of hang there.
He hears Blaine sigh and watches his eyes go bigger as he stares. "Happy?"
"Kurt," Blaine breathes and there's one tiny spark of arousal at the base of Kurt's spine. "Kurt it's so cute like that." And that spark fizzles fast.
"Oh my god, get away from me!" Kurt tells him as he moves his hands quickly and tucks himself back in his pants. "Do not call my dick cute, Blaine Anderson, if you ever want anything to do with it again!"
"No, bring it back! I was feeling better."
"Go and work out what you're gonna say to Sam and Tina."
"What about making me feel better?" Blaine complains.
"Come back to me when you feel like actually doing something to my cute dick and we'll talk."
"Does that include over skype?"
Kurt grins, he can't help it. "Of course. No more ogling otherwise."
"Okay," Blaine says, obviously trying not to sound pathetic. "I love you."
"Despite all reason and logic, I love you, too." And he hits 'end' on the skype call, flopping back onto his bed and cracking up in giggles.