"Thoughts"
I just can't do this anymore.
Not only what it's doing to me, but to him.
God I love those salt 'n pepper curls, those piercing blue eyes, that pearly white smile, the chuckles, but most of all his heart.
His heart filled with his love that he was willing to give to me.
But it just came too late.
I waited. And waited.
I had to be the first to make a move.
Though asking him to dinner was a, "No. I don't know what to do about this."
After fighting the feelings and the urges, you finally realize that you're in love.
When I did, it was all wrong.
I knew he cared by the way he asked if I was alright after a tough case or when he asked if I needed some time off but the way he did it. Ugh.
He finally cracked and we made it work.
By the time everything fell into place it was interrupted.
Two words: Natalie Davis
When it came time to explaining my past he was there to listen and hold my hand.
He was right there holding my hand and watching to see when I opened my eyes in the helicopter.
But after time passed, even though he didn't pry, I knew he wanted to know.
I just couldn't do it. I wasn't ready to talk, not even that I didn't know what to say.
I only knew what I had to do and that was to bury the ghosts of my father.
Once I did that, I'd be able to rest in peace knowing the past was put to rest.
Then it was now, the present, today.
I'd quickly but not hastily visit my mother…while thinking about him.
A few months. That's all I'd need.
God. I know he'd want to help me through this but it'd be for the better for him not to see me suffer.
Him watching me struggle through the pain would hurt more than the pain itself. I just couldn't put him through that.
I have to go.
Hopefully the letter helps him.
"I feel like I've loved you forever…I'll miss you with every beat of my heart…"
Every word true.
I mean it; I just hope he can take it.
In order to move onto the future, you have to accept the past, and improve the present, right?
That's all I'd do. Because at least here and now, I just can't do this anymore.