Is It Worth It At All?
Loren's Point Of View
Today was my birthday, but not just that… it's the day he left me. My very own father left me and killed my mother. Days after he left and my mom died, my older brother, I didn't even knew I had, found me and took care for me for 12 years, on the 12th year he died of lung cancer, he smoked, I took care of myself till this day after he died. I was 16 when he died and now I have no one but myself. I don't have single friend or family, I don't were they are and for the friend part, I was the loser, I m pour, so who would want to be my friend? And I only ate once a day because that's all I could afford. On week days at school I ate lunch so that counts as 2's. That's why I'm at Griffin Park, I'm the only one who knows about it, I come up here ever sense I was 4, my father showed me it the day that it happened, and I remember his exact words 'Always remember that what I do will always be for you'.
Then he took me home and that's when it happened. My mom told me to go to my room, so I did then heard screaming so I ran out and saw my dad with a gun pointed at my mom, and I said 'no daddy stop… PLEASE!' Then it happened, in front of my face. I wish I could have stopped him, but was a 4 year old going to do? I started to cry at the memory. Some time I wonder is it worth it at all? Is it worth what life is giving? I always get the answer no but never do anything about it though. I always thought it would get better but no, it never did.
Today was worst, because I'm the new target of the school, even how hard to stay invisible, I always end up losing. Now I'm an even bigger loser ever. No one will leave me alone, and someone got a hold of my past and spreading it around. I told myself never again, but I end up breaking my promise to not go to school because that's my only way to get out of my house. I guess songwriting keeps me through some things but not this. I can't trust any buddy because my own father, or rather Trent, he doesn't deserve to be called my father.
The only reason I had a phone was in case of an emergence and the reason I had lop top was to keep me entertained, but never did its job. I sit there for a moment, without a thought. But what am I to people, and my answer is Nothing. I sit there without a word to be said.
All I did ever do was cry when I'm here. But what else am I suppose to do? Nothing tin my life is worth a smile, ever thing in my life is upside down. No one can or will save me. No one even cares about me. For God's sake I take care of myself. Will I ever smile a real smile or forever fake? More questions to me. I pull out my song book to write some lyrics.
Is life worth what it's giving?
Will I smile a real smile or forever fake?
I tell myself to forget
But I never will
Life is just full of questions
You keep on guessing
But you'll never get it right
I decided to tweet them to Eddie Duran (A/N ha-ha, did you think I would leave him out, did you?)
Luv_2_Luv_You~ (lyrics) * too lazy to retype them*
It was getting so I headed to my half/assed apartment.
My rent was due in a week and I didn't have enough to pay them, I only owned 20$ to my name. I guess my car is going to be my home for a couple of months. My landlord said to sell your car and even if I did I still wouldn't be able to my rent. My car was a piece of shit. But I didn't care, all I cared about is if gets me where I need to go.
My life sucks ass. I can't get a job that pays decent. And it sucks. I get a twitter alert and find out that Eddie Duran is having a songwriting contest! I get up and recorded me singing 'Mars'. Then I sent it in. Then went to bed for another horrible day of school.
Tomorrow
I get up slowly because, I'm still tried and again anther horrible school day. I'm up out of bed strait to my closet and pick out some old tarred up jeans and a radii old sweat shirt, I combed out my long brownish hair, and put it up in a ponytail. I get my shoes and jacket on and grab my key then I'm out the door.
It takes about 15 min. to get to West Valley High. I wish I was latterly invisible, then no more laughing, no more pointing, no more talking behind my back. Adriana, t he most popular girl here, walks up to me. "Why are you so ugly?" and smirks and I just walk away before everyone laughs. I latterly run to class so no one notice's me, but my luck keeps getting better and better, I run into some one on accident and I look up to see the one and only Eddie Duran in front of me.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention" I say trying to hold back the fan-girl inside me. "It's ok, I wasn't paying any attention either" he laughs. And might I say damn his laugh is cute. "Well bye" I say walking past him.
My first class is the worst, its math and I love math, but I sit next to Adriana. I walk in and take my seat, and Adriana's already there ready to make fun me. "Hey Loren why don't you go jump in a hole were all you ugly people belong?" and I ignore her and say nothing because I'm good at it. As if you don't know I'm quiet, I keep to myself, and don't say a word to people.
Most of my happy moments were when I was little and my mom would teach me to cook little things. And so my second class had to do with that. It was home eke.
I loved that class; it was so I would be close to my mother. She loved to cook; sometimes I would sit and watch her. So an hour past by and now I'm heading to home eke. "Today we are learning how to bake" Ms. Write told us, when we walked in. I sat down in my normal seat witch I was usually I was alone but, someone new came and sat by me. When I looked over at him and noticed he was Eddie Duran. He noticed I was looking so I turned my head away, towards the teacher. "Hey I'm Eddie and you're…" "Loren" I answer hastily. Then we focus back on the teacher.
Hey guys I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while on "Something's Don't Last" I have an idea of what's going to happen but don't know how to put it, but till then I will be writing on this story. Tell me what you think of it please and tell me if I should continue this one!
~Luv You Guy~