A/n: I do not own bleach and this is a rukia song fic/drabble. A bit of Rukia bashing since she is emo...
--
I will not make
the same mistakes that you did
Rukia's P.O.V.
Ni-sama. I remember what you told me about my sister, Hisana. How much you loved her. I truely understand.
I will not let myselfCause my heart so much misery
You still feel the pain, right Ni-sama? You understand why I cannot love him right? when he dies, I'll be in so much pain.
I will not break, the way you didYou fell so hard
The other Kuchikis still talk about it you know. They talk about how widthdrawn you were, how you would cry. How you could not, no would not forget her. Don't you see Ni-sama? I will be like you if I let myself love Ichigo.
I've learned the hard wayTo never let it get that far
I still remember and cry over Kaien-sama. I loved him brother. I really did. I still feel the pain of loosing him. I don't want to feel it for Ichigo too.Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalkBecause of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
In a way Ni-sama, a bit of this is because of you. From what happend with my sister and you. From the pain you felt...
Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around meBecause of youI am afraid
You don't trust anyone do you Ni-sama? Your distrust has bled onto me now too. Why do you want to live like this?! Why Ni-sama?!I lose my wayAnd it's not too long before you point it out
I remember that you told me my mistake when I gave Ichigo my powers. But Ni-sama, his family, him, and I would have died that night and we would have became hollows. How could my choice have been a mistake!? You were going to kill me for it Ni-sama!
I cannot cryBecause you know that's weakness in your eyes
I remember crying that day, My exicution day. I cried when I thought you were going to die from Ichimaru's blow that was ment for me. I felt so lost that day, but I Know you thought I was weak crying for you as you laid there.
I'm forced to fakeA smile, a laugh everyday of my life
I'm back in the mortal world now Ni-sama. I mean, I was ordered here. All of us were. No one knows what's going on with me. How I fake my smiles or how my laughs are hollow, like me. I feel empty...
My heart can't possibly breakWhen it wasn't even whole to start with
My heart doesn't feel hole anymore Ni-sama. I feel like I'm broken. I know I'm a burden to you, and to the others as well. Ichigo had to save me from Grimmerjaw. I feel so bad. I nearly got him killed so many times...Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalkBecause of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurtBecause of youI find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around meBecause of youI am afraid
I watched you dieI heard you cry every night in your sleep
Kaien. Why do I see you every night now? I see your tears as you died. Why?! Why won't you let me be?! Please, Kaien let me be. I have been toutured enough haven't I?
I was so youngYou should have known better than to lean on me
Why did you want me to kill you Kaien?! Why me?! Why not Utake-taicho?! Why me?! I was only a Shinigami for such a short time. You were there for me, why did you have to leave me ?!
You never thought of anyone elseYou just saw your pain
Why would you not let us help you Kaien?! Why did you just let yourself die?! How do you think Utake-Taicho and I felt as we watched you practically got beat to death?!
And now I cry in the middle of the nightFor the same damn thingBecause of youI never stray too far from the sidewalkBecause of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI try my hardest just to forget everything
I try so hard Kaien, I try to forget you. I try so hard Ichigo, please understand that if I love you, you'll die too. You're too young to die!Because of youI don't know how to let anyone else in
God I want Ichigo to be mine and for me to be his. Please God let this war end without Ichigo's life ending with it...
Because of youI'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
I really need someone. I need him Ni-sama, Kaien. I need Ichigo to save me from myself. Gods I need him.
Because of youI am afraidBecause of you
I'm so scared Ni-sama. I don't want to be like you. I love you but your so cold. It's not me. so please let Ichigo live...
Because of you
--
A/n: Yeah, I wrote this in Mr. Jackson's English class...'nuff said. I was really bord so I wrote this. Please don't flame me.