NOTHING'S THE SAME ANYMORE: PART 7
Jack held on to him all night. The two of them lay huddled amongst the pillows on Ianto's expansive bed unmoving and unspeaking. Bloody Gwen Cooper, once again the bloody 'angel of misery' so far as Ianto was concerned. Sometimes he could cheerfully deck that woman. Maybe this time, for once she had finally learnt her lesson. Jack had his reasons for everything, very good reasons and she needed to learn to trust them. It had forced Ianto's own hand, not because he wanted to help Gwen, but because he knew he had to teach her that lesson. Of course that had back fired. The whole damn thing with Flat Holm, he had warned Jack months ago that it was only a matter of time before Gwen started digging. Bloody Gwen. Jack was devastated.
Jonah Bevan; Ianto remembered 'that' scream only too well. He'd only heard it the once and that was enough, it still haunted him and revisited his more graphic nightmares mixing with conversion units and flesh eating Cybermen. Ianto found himself wondering how the nursing staff coped at that place.
In the darkness Ianto lay there, Jack's trembling weight against him. The older man's arms wrapped about him in a death grip. Ianto fussed with his hair, kissed his head and stroked his skin soothingly throughout the night. Words were meaningless he knew Jack would prefer the tactile quiet of Ianto's embrace.
Gwen bloody Cooper, how can some who cared so much be so insensitive? Ianto was just thankful that Jack had immediately forgiven his indiscretion, had figured out what Ianto was trying to do and guessed wrong. Ianto didn't question it and let Jack think better of him if that helped in any way. He just wanted to ease Jack's pain and carry some of the burdens to lighten Jack's load while he could.
Ianto's eyelids fluttered down into sleep at about 4 am. He awoke to discover Jack had moved so that he was now holding Ianto, cradling his head against his chest. Jack's reassuringly strong regular heartbeat was the first thing Ianto heard. Jack was mussing his hair in much the same way he had done so to Jack the previous night. It was wonderfully comforting.
"Morning Yan."
"You sleep OK Jack?"
Jack was smiling at the response to his greeting. "Yeah I did. Thank you." It spoke volumes more than it said as Ianto felt Jack's hold on him tighten a little.
"I'm thinking we should go and have breakfast somewhere nice today."
"I'd like that, not just yet though."
"No?" There was a gentle chuckle.
"No."
Ianto set about making every one's first coffees of the day. He hummed happily to himself pulling the clean mugs out of the dishwasher and putting them away. Lost in a rare moment of contentment.
"Ianto?"
Gwen's voice startled him into silence and he turned and faced her with the most rubbish fake smile on his face.
"Gwen."
She cautiously edged into the kitchen area and folded her arms across her ample chest, obviously nervous.
"Did I get you into trouble with Jack yesterday?"
Ianto set about preparing the coffee machine. He really did not want to talk to her about it.
"No, he understood, or rather he misunderstood my intentions and forgave me."
Gwen frowned. "I don't understand."
Ianto abandoned his task and threw her a withering look.
"I didn't do it to help you Gwen, I didn't do it because I thought you were right. I did it to teach you a lesson. Jack quite clearly told you to leave well alone and as usual you chose not to trust him, you disobeyed his orders and undermined his authority. He doesn't just...."
Gwen huffed out a breath and opened her mouth to interrupt.
"I'm not finished." Ianto snapped. "He doesn't give out instructions for the fun of it Gwen. There are rules and protocols for a reason. You broke them when you took Suzie to see her father and again when you refused to Retcon Rhys and both times Jack didn't punish you. He values your opinion, though God knows sometimes I wonder why but when he gives an order you should do as you are asked. He is our leader, the same as we obeyed you whilst was Jack was away." Ianto hauled in a steadying breath. "It hurts him, when you don't trust him. He loves you. You represent all the things we fight for, all the things we can never have."
Gwen gaped at Ianto. "Don't be daft, we're all human Ianto, we all have lives."
"Yes because Owen in his undead state can get married and have a family, because Tosh is so in love with Owen that she will never move on, because Jack can never die and anyone he ends up loving will be lost to him. We're not like you Gwen. You are the only one of us who hasn't lost the things that matter the most. You have the most amazing husband one could ask for, one day maybe even family. That is what you are, normal, everyday, alive and human. It's why Jack lets you get away with so much and you fucking use it to every advantage. What happened yesterday hurt him so deeply and I will not stand by and say nothing, not anymore." Ianto was shaking with barely contained anger.
Gwen just stood there, stunned at the outburst. "Ianto I...I never meant to hurt him."
"That's what so annoying. I know you didn't, not like that. Just trust him Gwen, stop defying him."
"I can't do that. If I think he is wrong, I will speak out."
Ianto nodded. "I know you will. But you have to accept that sometimes there is no solution, no fix up for the things we have to deal with. Jack is trying his best and he needs our support."
Gwen couldn't disagree. "Then get him to stop keeping secrets from us."
Ianto sighed. "It's a work in progress." His shoulders sagged with the realisation that there was no winner in this particular argument.
Gwen edged forwards and reached out her hand to touch his arm. "I would never hurt him."
He wasn't certain he could believe that.
"So...er.. you and Jack then? It's pretty serious with you two isn't it?"
Ianto baulked then suddenly remembered what she had seen in the Hot House, an uneasy smile touched the edges of his lips.
"I love him, he loves me. It is what we can make of it, given the circumstances. It's difficult."
Gwen smiled, the first real smile he had seen on her face for days. "You look pretty hot together, can't be a bad thing." There was a mischievious glint in her dark eyes. "You're good for him. He's been different recently. When did he tell you about Flat Holm?"
Ianto wondered why she was asking, but decided to set his own example by trusting her himself.
"Just after Lisa. He said that I'd seen so many bad things that he thought I could handle it. I thought he was punishing me at first, but I realised he was just trying to protect the rest of you. I hated him for it at the time. It was me that dealt with Jonah's admission, he came back during Jack's absence. It was horrible...." His voice trailed off.
Gwen understood. "You really do love Jack don't you?"
Ianto nodded. "He is why I am here. If Jack leaves again then so will I."
"Do you think he will?"
"Not out of choice. I think he's finally found something that he can call home, he has a purpose here."
"And you?"
"I have Jack. It's all that matters." Ianto went back to the coffee grinds hoping that that was the end of the conversation. Gwen however had other ideas.
"There's more though Ianto. You might get married yourself one day...."
He burst out laughing. "Can't see Jack ever asking me that!"
"Ever asking you what?"
Gwen and Ianto spun round, guilty expressions of their faces.
"Well?" Jack was grinning from the doorway. Ianto's stomach changed places with his heart. Gwen glanced at Ianto and decided to speak on his behalf.
"If you'd marry him."
Ianto went white and dropped the bag of coffee beans in his hands. Amazingly Jack's grin just got wider and Gwen had a rather smug look on her doey face. The beans spilled out around their feet. Carefully stepping over them Gwen took the opportunity to leave the room, fully expecting to be on decaf for the next month or six. Jack stepped out of her way as she left, not taking his eyes off Ianto for a second. The young man looked completely flustered. Jack just loved the look of embarrassed bewilderment.
"I hope you're the one wearing the dress."
Ianto's jaw dropped. "Jack....I...er...It wasn't like that. I..."
Chuckling softly Jack stepped forwards, beans crunching under his boots. He pulled Ianto into a gentle embrace.
"I know. I heard the entire conversation."
Ianto's hands found their way on the small of Jack's back. "You did? You know how rude it is to listen in?"
"CCTV, so technically not listening in, just watching the day time soaps. I thought you needed rescuing." Jack placed light kisses on his neck.
"You're so gallant. Next time we're up against a bunch of weevils, will you come to my rescue then?"
More kisses. "I don't know, you're pretty handy with a plank of wood as I recall. The question, still stands. Will you be wearing a dress?"
Ianto smiled. "I would consider the possibility, provided none of the guests actually knew me."
Jack eased back a pace and cupped Ianto's face in his hands a very serious look on his face. "I'd like to think that there is more to your life than this place and us."
Ianto met his concerned look as always just wanting to drown in those beautiful blue eyes that held so much mystery and wisdom.
"It's all I need Jack and it's a hell of a lot more than I had 14 months ago."
"I just don't..."
Ianto rested his fingers over Jack's lips. "Don't. I said I'd be here for you, I meant it. Now I have this mess to clean up and coffee to make." He stepped back with a smile. "Shoo, go on."
Jack moved away reluctantly knowing full well the Welshman had said all was going to.
The last thing Ianto thought of before the bomb went off was who was going to feed Myfanwy, so much for your life flashing before your eyes.