"Goodbye." as a word that haunts me. It grinds into my head at night and tears at my heart during the day. It tunnels out my soul and has left me a hollow shell. I didn't think it was possible to feel this way.
I jumped at the buzz of my phone on my chest- dashing my thoughts away. I didn't bother checking the ID, although in hindsight I know I should have.
"This is Korra."
"Hey.." a timid guy says. I swallowed hard.
"What's up, Bolin?" I tried to sound as casual as possible.
"Ah, you know... not much." His awkward voice filtered through the speaker on my phone. "How've ya been?" he asked, trying not to get yelled at. I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. Then I stop. And I glare at my traitorous hands.
"Fine, I guess. So let's not screw around. Why did you call me?" I put the bullshit to an end immediately and cut right to the chase. Rip it off like a band-aid. I've been waiting for this call for a full week. I already knew what Bolin was going to say and I knew I wasn't going to like it.
"Um... Okay, well, Korra, you're not gonna, um, like it," he shys away.
"Just get it over with," I groan. He sighs and deadpans-
"He and Asami got together. The day after he broke up with you. And I've been a chicken and have been working up the courage since he told me to tell you. I'm sorry-" he starts crying and rambling. I start talking to put him out of his misery.
"I know, Bolin. But thanks for calling. I'll, um, see you when it's safe to go around your house. Tell me when the two fishes are gone. We'll, uh, watch sappy movies and eat tubs of ice cream."
"Really?" he sniffs, sounding every bit the little kid he was.
"Yeah. But I gotta go now. Call whenever they're gone for at least five hours and I'll dig up the cheesiest movies I have. Have a good day."
"You too," he says, a little cheerier than before he called. I press the end button and set my phone down on my bed next to me.

I close my eyes and rub them- once, twice, more and more while the tears start flowing all over again. I sit up and start balling my eyes out- anger and sadness digging through my every atom. I hug my knees and hide my eyes into the tops of them, starting to form a safety bubble of water around me. As if it could help. Shields only protect you from the outside in. Stupid, Korra, stupid.. Fury rips though me and I turn the water into steam with the fire seeping out of my pores. I scream out, the tears turning into steam the moment they hit my skin. I keep sobbing, starting to curl back into my ball, my inner fire receding like the tide. It's my fault... I think to myself. I will never have him back, and it's all my fault. My inner fire rages that it's not- giving me flashes of all our arguments. I shove them down, tampering them down with images of me- in front of the mirror, nude, my hair down and tanned shoulders hunched over. Your fault. Asami's pretty. Of course he wanted her back.

I step into my bathroom, stripping down to pick out my every little flaw. I pinch my fat and poke at my flabby arms and legs. I run a finger down every scar, counting 37 of them. I brush my fingers through my limp hair and touch my ugly face. I sigh in discontent. Maybe he would have wanted you if you were as pretty as Asami. Maybe if you were as skinny and delicate as her.

I didn't know it at the time, but my whole life was changed in that moment. It started slowly. Bolin mocked me for eating "half-fat" ice cream
"Tryin to watch your waist?" he joked, elbowing me playfully in the ribs.
"No," I protested, elbowing him back. "It was either this or that crappy ice cream you like so much." He laughed, happy that I was acting like myself again.
I skipped out on Thanksgiving for two reasons- I didn't want to eat all the fatty foods and... I didn' want to see... Mako. Especially not Mako and Asami together. Besides, what do I have to be grateful for?

Asami sent me a few texts over the past few weeks. They tapered off after she realized I wouldn't reply. At first they were apologetic- "I'm sorry everything turned out like this," "I wanna be friends again, Korra," and my personal favourite, "Mako and I miss your company." But then, they turned nasty. "He was mine first anyway," "You were too masculine to be with him," and "I'm prettier, smarter, and nicer than you. Why wouldn't he want me?" accompanied by a picture of them kissing.

I threw up everything that was in my stomach when I got that last one. I couldn't drag myself out of bed for three days over that one. I didn't eat for three weeks over that one.

I slowly wasted away, my muscles atrophied, my bright blue eyes grew dull. I couldn't even manage to bend fire. The only thing I an still do is bend water into that rain that seems to follow me everywhere.
Bolin stops by almost everyday with a big smile and food that I just throw up later. I put on my smile for that poor cheerful guy, but as soon as he leaves, he takes not only the silly movie he brought but all the superficial cheer he brought as well.

I switched to online school, only because my parents want me to get my high school diploma. Avatar or not, they said, no one gets by in life without a high school diploma. Everyday I would sit in front of my laptop for eight hours.

My schedule goes something like this: wake up at nine, school until five, shower, Bolin comes over at seven, leaves at nine thirty, I work on my bending for three hours after throwing up, and crawl into bed at nearly one in the morning. Repeat.

Sometimes I used to make vlogs to get some of my emotion out- until Asami found them on the internet and said nasty things about me and my videos. She even said she showed one to Mako and he laughed...

Bolin denies it, but he's always been an awful liar. He wasn't being completely unhonest, but not even close to honest. I made him tell me the truth- the truth that was worse than I even thought. Asami showed him the yearbook from last year and a yearbook preview for this year. The one last year had a picture of Mako... and me.. together. This year... It has a picture of Asami and Mako with me photoshopped in the background- crying.

I don't know or care how the yearbook got a picture of me crying. But insulting me flat out is something that no stupid girl is going to get away with.