Another Stupid Game show Fanfic
I don't own Raziel and friends. The good people at Crystal Dynamics and Eidos do. Also I don't own Cartman, Comedy Central does. Even the concept of this fic is old. The only original things in here are the jokes (most of them)! Please don't sue me. Also, the author Emerl of Chaos has given me his permission to appear in this fanfic, as he is my brother. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Chapter 1: Let's meet our contestants!
HM: Hello! I'm Hylden Messiah and welcome to the first episode of "Answer Stupid Questions for a Butt load of Money"! (Pause) God, who came up with that title?
Emerl of Chaos: Melchiah did sir.
HM: Dammit. He was supposed to be more creative than that (sigh). Oh yeah. This is my assistant/brother Emerl of Chaos. It's time to meet our contestants! First is Raziel.
Raziel: Hey.
HM: Tell our readers why you want to be on our show today.
Raziel: I need more money to buy more Reaver power-ups.
HM: You already have too many damn Reaver power-ups!
Raziel: No I don't! I need more to kill people in creative fashions.
HM: Okaaay. Whatever happened to all those Glyphs you had at the end of Soul Reaver?
Raziel: I had a yard sale.
HM: (Pause) Let's move on. Also on our show we have Kain! Why do you want to be on our show?
Kain: I needed something to do. It gets pretty boring ruling a post- apocalyptic wasteland.
HM: And if you win the money?
Kain: I'll probably blow it all on Spawn comics.
Raziel: (Under his breath) All this time and you still haven't changed.
HM: Next we have Moebius the Time Streamer!
Moebius: How did I get here?
HM: I hit you over the head and dragged you here.
Moebius: Is that why my feet are chained to the podium?
HM: Yes. And last we have Eric Cartman!
Cartman: I was to understand that there would be free Cheesy Poofs here.
HM: There isn't any.
Cartman: GODAMMIT!!
HM: Now that all the contestants have been introduced, it's time to start the questions! Raziel. Which of your brothers threw you into The Lake of the Dead?
Raziel: Ahhh... Turel and Dumah.
HM: That's correct! 10pts to Raziel! Kain. What is the name of the Necromancer who turned you into a vampire?
Kain: That's easy. Mortanius.
HM: Correct. Moebius, this next question is for you. (In a quiet voice) Will I get all A's on my next report card.
Moebius: How the hell am I supposed to know?!
HM: You're the Time Streamer dammit! You're supposed to know all!
Moebius: I don't know! You're insane!!
HM: That's incorrect (except the insane part). You must now face a penalty.
Moebius: What's that?
HM: It's whatever horrible thing I can think of to torture you.
Raziel: Disembowel him!
Kain: Stab him with knives! Pointy knives!
HM: Hmmm... I know! I'll take his staff and beat him with it!
All: Yaayy!!
Moebius: But... that's morally wrong!
HM: I don't care. Gimme.
Moebius gives him his staff.
HM: Now while I'm beating this hapless sucker here's a word from our sponsor Elder God.
Cuts to the commercial.
Elder God: Are you tired of trying to hurt vampires but with no effect? Then come on down to the Underworld to be granted the abilities to reave their apostate souls! Just look at these mutilated vampires!
Melchiah: I used to be a horrible monster that shifted dimensions and wore other people's flesh. But then Elder God returned me to the Wheel of Fate and I couldn't be happier!
Zephon: I was a big ass spider like guy until Raziel came and killed me by lighting my eggs on fire and used them to pummel me. Then he returned me to Wheel of Fate where I belong.
Rahab: I'm a fishy! Say it with me! FISSHY!
(Unfortunately his brain was damaged due to over-exposure to UV rays.)
Elder God: So sign up and you can kill idiots like these and more!
Raziel: Wait. Elder God sponsors you guys?
HM: Yeah. We had to sell our souls too him to get this game show! *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
That's it for this chapter. If you read this then review! I don't care if you thought it was a great fic or if it was the worst piece of crap you've ever seen! JUST REVIEW!!
I don't own Raziel and friends. The good people at Crystal Dynamics and Eidos do. Also I don't own Cartman, Comedy Central does. Even the concept of this fic is old. The only original things in here are the jokes (most of them)! Please don't sue me. Also, the author Emerl of Chaos has given me his permission to appear in this fanfic, as he is my brother. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Chapter 1: Let's meet our contestants!
HM: Hello! I'm Hylden Messiah and welcome to the first episode of "Answer Stupid Questions for a Butt load of Money"! (Pause) God, who came up with that title?
Emerl of Chaos: Melchiah did sir.
HM: Dammit. He was supposed to be more creative than that (sigh). Oh yeah. This is my assistant/brother Emerl of Chaos. It's time to meet our contestants! First is Raziel.
Raziel: Hey.
HM: Tell our readers why you want to be on our show today.
Raziel: I need more money to buy more Reaver power-ups.
HM: You already have too many damn Reaver power-ups!
Raziel: No I don't! I need more to kill people in creative fashions.
HM: Okaaay. Whatever happened to all those Glyphs you had at the end of Soul Reaver?
Raziel: I had a yard sale.
HM: (Pause) Let's move on. Also on our show we have Kain! Why do you want to be on our show?
Kain: I needed something to do. It gets pretty boring ruling a post- apocalyptic wasteland.
HM: And if you win the money?
Kain: I'll probably blow it all on Spawn comics.
Raziel: (Under his breath) All this time and you still haven't changed.
HM: Next we have Moebius the Time Streamer!
Moebius: How did I get here?
HM: I hit you over the head and dragged you here.
Moebius: Is that why my feet are chained to the podium?
HM: Yes. And last we have Eric Cartman!
Cartman: I was to understand that there would be free Cheesy Poofs here.
HM: There isn't any.
Cartman: GODAMMIT!!
HM: Now that all the contestants have been introduced, it's time to start the questions! Raziel. Which of your brothers threw you into The Lake of the Dead?
Raziel: Ahhh... Turel and Dumah.
HM: That's correct! 10pts to Raziel! Kain. What is the name of the Necromancer who turned you into a vampire?
Kain: That's easy. Mortanius.
HM: Correct. Moebius, this next question is for you. (In a quiet voice) Will I get all A's on my next report card.
Moebius: How the hell am I supposed to know?!
HM: You're the Time Streamer dammit! You're supposed to know all!
Moebius: I don't know! You're insane!!
HM: That's incorrect (except the insane part). You must now face a penalty.
Moebius: What's that?
HM: It's whatever horrible thing I can think of to torture you.
Raziel: Disembowel him!
Kain: Stab him with knives! Pointy knives!
HM: Hmmm... I know! I'll take his staff and beat him with it!
All: Yaayy!!
Moebius: But... that's morally wrong!
HM: I don't care. Gimme.
Moebius gives him his staff.
HM: Now while I'm beating this hapless sucker here's a word from our sponsor Elder God.
Cuts to the commercial.
Elder God: Are you tired of trying to hurt vampires but with no effect? Then come on down to the Underworld to be granted the abilities to reave their apostate souls! Just look at these mutilated vampires!
Melchiah: I used to be a horrible monster that shifted dimensions and wore other people's flesh. But then Elder God returned me to the Wheel of Fate and I couldn't be happier!
Zephon: I was a big ass spider like guy until Raziel came and killed me by lighting my eggs on fire and used them to pummel me. Then he returned me to Wheel of Fate where I belong.
Rahab: I'm a fishy! Say it with me! FISSHY!
(Unfortunately his brain was damaged due to over-exposure to UV rays.)
Elder God: So sign up and you can kill idiots like these and more!
Raziel: Wait. Elder God sponsors you guys?
HM: Yeah. We had to sell our souls too him to get this game show! *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
That's it for this chapter. If you read this then review! I don't care if you thought it was a great fic or if it was the worst piece of crap you've ever seen! JUST REVIEW!!