Retribution
A missing scene
adsh
Started out as a missing scene, but may turn into a case story...spoiler's self-evident. I'm not sure of the series timeline so this is after Jesse's brief incarceration for murder. Spell checked but not beta'd.
==================
While Steve saw the last of the guests to the door, and Jesse and Amanda began cleaning up the dining area and kitchen, Mark stepped out onto the patio and took the opportunity to have a few moments alone.
Listening to the pounding surf and inhaling deeply the salt air, he embraced the openness of the beach, the endless, open miles to the distant horizon where sea meet sky. The older man gave a quiet chuckle when he overheard Amanda gently berate Jesse for the way he was haphazardly stacking the dishes, and he greedily took in the comforting ambience of hearth and home, of feeling and hearing his family and friends near him and safe.
The light heartedness and gentle joking that had pervaded the party that afternoon had been solely for the guests; after-all, he was free and he was home and no one, least of all Mark himself, wanted to delve to deeply into the nightmares of the last four months. So, though he dearly loved his friends and colleagues from the hospital and truly appreciated the surprise party to welcome him home; having to keep a tight reign on his still to fresh feelings of fear and hopelessness, pretend that by removing the physical barriers of his incarceration his psychological ones were also freed, made him feel caged in. Not unlike the bars on his cell had done for those many months and he was greatly relieved when the party finally came to a close.
No--Mark Sloan did not want to delve into his psyche, into the unrelenting fears that had plagued him, he simply wanted to embrace his freedom with every fiber of his being and push the darkness away. He wanted to see it in the relentless waves crashing into the surf, smell it in the heavy salt air, he wanted for his food not to turn to ash in his mouth, hear the affection in his close friends banter, and mostly he wanted to feel it--to reach out and embrace his son and never let go.
"Dad?" a tentative voice questioned from the doorway.
Mark turned and smiled, his eyes drinking in the sight of his son standing before him, he motioned for Steve to come stand beside him at the patio rail. "I'm fine son. Everything is just fine now."
"Are you sure?" Steve asked in concern. "You seem kind of...distant."
"Just trying to convince myself that it's all real..." Mark trailed off.
Standing silently, not quite knowing what to say, Steve was relieved to hear the phone ringing and Amanda call to him to the phone. As Jesse restacked the dishes to Amanda's specification he watched his mentor from the window and knew what the older man was attempting to do, what he was no doubt feeling.
"Hey Mark." Jesse's said quietly as he stepped out onto the patio, closing the door behind him. "Beautiful, isn't it? Just seems to go on forever."
Mark nods, not turning to his young friend.
Moving to stand by his friend at the railing, eyes cast out onto the sunset, Jesse continued quietly. "When I was...when it...when it happened to me- -in between being terrified and hysterical I would think of being right here, of the ocean; Steve and I out there riding the waves. It helped me get through some of those hours, helped me feel just a little safer..."
Still not turning to his young friend Mark whispered. "I wasn't that strong."
"What! Mark how can you even think that?" Jesse exclaimed. "You were pulled away from your critically ill son and put through a farce of a trial, endured four months in prison not knowing what was going to happen, whether Steve would live...how can you say that you weren't strong...you made it out, you're here and you've been vindicated and Trainor is back in prison where he belongs..."
"Did I? Did I really make it out?" Mark intoned quietly, finally turning to face Jesse. "I'm still terrified. I wake up at night in a cold sweat, food tastes like dust in my mouth. I see...I see Trainor standing at my cell door, taunting me, threatening my son, and I'm absolutely helpless to do anything..."
Overcome with emotion, Mark trails off and hangs his head.
Laying a comforting hand on his friends shoulder, Jesse feels minute tremors coursing through his friends over tense muscles. "It does get better. You will feel safe again, and the nightmares do lessen..."
"Nightmares?" Mark looked up and gave his friend a concerned look. "I never sa...wait, you still have them--the nightmares. Jesse, it's been almost two years!"
Now it was Jesse's turn to look away with a shrug, his voice rough as he tries to explain. "Two years, twenty, hell, two-hundred, it doesn't really matter; that feeling of being helpless, that unrelenting fear of being trapped, I don't think it ever really leaves, but it does lessen. Everyday that you wake up in your own bed, everyday that you can walk out your front door...every time you chose when and where your going to eat or flip a light switch on or off--the fear gets farther away..."
"Ah, Jesse...son, we never knew." Mark said guiltily. "We were just so relieved to get you out and away from that place we never stopped to really think how bad it had been for you..." "That's because I didn't want you too." Jesse interrupted. "You...all of you, were there for me---but in some ways it wasn't enough, because no matter what anyone said or did or how hard anyone tried to understand what I was going through, it wasn't enough; my freedom to make even the simplest decisions about my own life had been taken from me and that was just a kind of terror that on one who hasn't been there could ever understand."
"Until now." Mark said.
"And I wish you didn't." Jesse said.
"I know son, I know."
Putting a comforting arm around his young friend, both men turned back towards the horizon, as the last rays of the sun slide across the darkening ocean; feeling the warmth of family, friends and understanding and tasting what it meant to be free.
=============
TBA ???? I have a very, very short Steve response to the scene between Mark/Jesse and the beginnings of a case story with lots of angst for Steve.
A missing scene
adsh
Started out as a missing scene, but may turn into a case story...spoiler's self-evident. I'm not sure of the series timeline so this is after Jesse's brief incarceration for murder. Spell checked but not beta'd.
==================
While Steve saw the last of the guests to the door, and Jesse and Amanda began cleaning up the dining area and kitchen, Mark stepped out onto the patio and took the opportunity to have a few moments alone.
Listening to the pounding surf and inhaling deeply the salt air, he embraced the openness of the beach, the endless, open miles to the distant horizon where sea meet sky. The older man gave a quiet chuckle when he overheard Amanda gently berate Jesse for the way he was haphazardly stacking the dishes, and he greedily took in the comforting ambience of hearth and home, of feeling and hearing his family and friends near him and safe.
The light heartedness and gentle joking that had pervaded the party that afternoon had been solely for the guests; after-all, he was free and he was home and no one, least of all Mark himself, wanted to delve to deeply into the nightmares of the last four months. So, though he dearly loved his friends and colleagues from the hospital and truly appreciated the surprise party to welcome him home; having to keep a tight reign on his still to fresh feelings of fear and hopelessness, pretend that by removing the physical barriers of his incarceration his psychological ones were also freed, made him feel caged in. Not unlike the bars on his cell had done for those many months and he was greatly relieved when the party finally came to a close.
No--Mark Sloan did not want to delve into his psyche, into the unrelenting fears that had plagued him, he simply wanted to embrace his freedom with every fiber of his being and push the darkness away. He wanted to see it in the relentless waves crashing into the surf, smell it in the heavy salt air, he wanted for his food not to turn to ash in his mouth, hear the affection in his close friends banter, and mostly he wanted to feel it--to reach out and embrace his son and never let go.
"Dad?" a tentative voice questioned from the doorway.
Mark turned and smiled, his eyes drinking in the sight of his son standing before him, he motioned for Steve to come stand beside him at the patio rail. "I'm fine son. Everything is just fine now."
"Are you sure?" Steve asked in concern. "You seem kind of...distant."
"Just trying to convince myself that it's all real..." Mark trailed off.
Standing silently, not quite knowing what to say, Steve was relieved to hear the phone ringing and Amanda call to him to the phone. As Jesse restacked the dishes to Amanda's specification he watched his mentor from the window and knew what the older man was attempting to do, what he was no doubt feeling.
"Hey Mark." Jesse's said quietly as he stepped out onto the patio, closing the door behind him. "Beautiful, isn't it? Just seems to go on forever."
Mark nods, not turning to his young friend.
Moving to stand by his friend at the railing, eyes cast out onto the sunset, Jesse continued quietly. "When I was...when it...when it happened to me- -in between being terrified and hysterical I would think of being right here, of the ocean; Steve and I out there riding the waves. It helped me get through some of those hours, helped me feel just a little safer..."
Still not turning to his young friend Mark whispered. "I wasn't that strong."
"What! Mark how can you even think that?" Jesse exclaimed. "You were pulled away from your critically ill son and put through a farce of a trial, endured four months in prison not knowing what was going to happen, whether Steve would live...how can you say that you weren't strong...you made it out, you're here and you've been vindicated and Trainor is back in prison where he belongs..."
"Did I? Did I really make it out?" Mark intoned quietly, finally turning to face Jesse. "I'm still terrified. I wake up at night in a cold sweat, food tastes like dust in my mouth. I see...I see Trainor standing at my cell door, taunting me, threatening my son, and I'm absolutely helpless to do anything..."
Overcome with emotion, Mark trails off and hangs his head.
Laying a comforting hand on his friends shoulder, Jesse feels minute tremors coursing through his friends over tense muscles. "It does get better. You will feel safe again, and the nightmares do lessen..."
"Nightmares?" Mark looked up and gave his friend a concerned look. "I never sa...wait, you still have them--the nightmares. Jesse, it's been almost two years!"
Now it was Jesse's turn to look away with a shrug, his voice rough as he tries to explain. "Two years, twenty, hell, two-hundred, it doesn't really matter; that feeling of being helpless, that unrelenting fear of being trapped, I don't think it ever really leaves, but it does lessen. Everyday that you wake up in your own bed, everyday that you can walk out your front door...every time you chose when and where your going to eat or flip a light switch on or off--the fear gets farther away..."
"Ah, Jesse...son, we never knew." Mark said guiltily. "We were just so relieved to get you out and away from that place we never stopped to really think how bad it had been for you..." "That's because I didn't want you too." Jesse interrupted. "You...all of you, were there for me---but in some ways it wasn't enough, because no matter what anyone said or did or how hard anyone tried to understand what I was going through, it wasn't enough; my freedom to make even the simplest decisions about my own life had been taken from me and that was just a kind of terror that on one who hasn't been there could ever understand."
"Until now." Mark said.
"And I wish you didn't." Jesse said.
"I know son, I know."
Putting a comforting arm around his young friend, both men turned back towards the horizon, as the last rays of the sun slide across the darkening ocean; feeling the warmth of family, friends and understanding and tasting what it meant to be free.
=============
TBA ???? I have a very, very short Steve response to the scene between Mark/Jesse and the beginnings of a case story with lots of angst for Steve.