Dist and Cranes!
Before you read any of this, please keep in mind:
This story was written completely on impulse with not much thought at all. It was as simple as me being bored on a forum and deciding to write a story, post by post, just for the hell of it. This is what came out of that (failed?) endeavor.
It was not edited at all. There might even be spelling errors. But that adds to the impromptu nature of this rather odd fanfiction.
Each paragraph is one part of the story, which was divided by post. It ended up dividing the story nicely, and though it might not read quite as well, it's really a stream-of-consciousness idea, so I think it works best when divided into just a few paragraphs. Sorry if it's tiring on the eyes!
So, now that you've read the warning, please enjoy!
...One day... ...one... beautiful day... ...Dist woke up to the light of the sun touching his oh-so-beautiful features. It was going to be a wonderful, wonderful day, wasn't it?... ...Well, then he saw it. The crane. A paper crane, just laying at the foot of his bed, minding its own business apparently. What the heck was a paper crane doing there? Only one person had to know... the person who put it there. Dist was certain he hadn't made any paper cranes in his life, so he certainly hadn't. Who had put a paper crane in his bed? ...Maybe it was from Jade! His eyes brightened at the thought. Was this some bizarre way Jade was showing him he loved him!?... ...Well, maybe not. But anyway, he decided he'd leave it alone. Paper cranes were good luck, after all.
He only left for a moment. He swore it was just a moment. Long enough to walk downstairs to get a bite to eat. Then he'd thought he'd return to his room and work on Barrelow XI. That silly 11th robot clone was taking way too long to make, and he was certain it had a lot to do with him getting so distracted. That was why he'd stopped eating in his room. Anyway, it kept Barrelow XI's shiny chrome from getting grease all over it... and that was simply fabulous. Yes, the Oracle Knights ate greasy McDonalds food, and it was a wonder that Dist didn't get fat simply from sitting around all the time. He returned to his room and noted the paper crane on his bed... but he did a double take and looked back. There it was... another crane, right next to the first one! And the two of them were set so close it looked like they were kissing! "Ah Jade!" He cried to no one, clasping his hands together all cutely, just like a not-cute-at-all rabid fangirl. After all, he was the ultimate fangirl when it came to Jade. Perhaps Jade had seen just how much he loved him when he came to put the cranes in his room! It was a mess... his bookshelves adorned with revenge journals, his floor adorned with metal pieces, tools, and the various oil stains... and his walls, adorned with pictures of Jade! (Including a centerfold - no one knew where that came from... Jade denied its existence.) With a look of love in his eyes proving he was absolutely smitten with the thought, he looked at the two cranes again and left to go obsess over Jade... and grab another box of 20 Chicken McNuggets.
After returning with his Chicken McNuggets, Dist remembered he wasn't supposed to be in his room with them. But frankly, he didn't care, because those (not) all-white meat nuggets were so tempting, and so was working on Barrelow XI. In other words, he was going to have a greasy half-finished robot. Oh well... he'd clean it up later, if he thought about it... That is, IF he thought about it. And since he was thinking about Jade... that was highly unlikely. He sat down to begin work on his robot, and was halfway into tightening a lug nut, when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. The paper cranes. There were THREE. He could only keep on turning the wrench until he finally realized he was still turning it... and holding it steady, so he'd tightened the thing down onto his fingers! He pulled his aching, bright red fingers away and blew on them, contemplating that third crane. What did it mean? Was someone trying to come between him and Jade? Was there another love in Jade's life? Certainly, he, the magnificent Dist the Rose didn't love anyone else! This called for an entry in the revenge journal. He kept an eye on those paper cranes, opening his journal to Entry 29672834 and began scribbling furiously, one eye on his book, and one eye on the cranes. Dear Journal, I am absolutely befuddled at what to make of this. There is a paper crane next to Jade and I! I do not know what it means. Perhaps it is a representation of someone who means to interfere with our perfect, loving relationship. This will not do! Or perhaps, by some cruel stroke of fate, it is a lover who is tearing Jade away from me! Oh, what is one as gorgeous as I to do!? This must not happen. I do swear revenge on the person this crane represents in the name of Lorelei and McDonalds. And, well, that was the end of that. Until Dist went on his next Big Mac binge.
Speaking of that Big Mac binge, Dist definitely went on one. Man, could he put those things away. Good thing all that was going on Van's tab. Though Van was probably going to hate them for it, as was usual. It was sort of funny, however, that he did nothing to stop them, considering eating massive amounts of greasy McDonald's food had become a favorite pastime of the God Generals. He came back this time with his next-day's work, setting it down on the barely-clear desk he'd been storing his empty nasty greasy boxes of Chicken McNuggets, Filet o' Fishes, Big Macs and the like. He really needed to throw those away. At the same time, he didn't notice his work from the last six weeks was gone, which was a surprise. It had, after all, been a really, really huge stack. He'd had to get a ladder to place the next set on top for the past couple weeks or so. He turned back to his still-quite-unfinished model of Barrelow XI, which was all greasy from before. Dist just shrugged and mumbled something about mechanical things needing lubricant to run. He sat down and started working… …Wait. What happened the last time he'd done this? Yeah… that was right. Another crane showed up… He grimaced at the thought, glancing over the bed. And sure enough… FOUR CRANES! His jaw dropped. What on Auldrant was the meaning of this!? Where were all these cranes coming from!? For the first time since the crane incident, he actually started to think: …Maybe it wasn't Jade putting those cranes there. Maybe it was some villain trying to hurt him and Jade! In no time at all, he was in his revenge journal again, preparing the next entry. Dear Journal. I'm certain that the cranes must be the evil work of someone who doesn't like Jade, or me, or even both of us! I must discover the meaning of this cryptic puzzle before it's too late…
Dist returned from deep in the Oracle Knights' facility, having fetched his late-night snack - six McChickens, a gigantic parfait, and a sundae, not to mention the Hugo drink - Yes, Dist drank Coke. Pretty nice midnight snack. He set to eating with one hand and working on Barrelow XI with the other, though fatigue was beginning to catch up with him. He yawned, finding his work wasn't nearly as effective as it had been. A pity, really. But he had to at least finish his midnight snack! By the time he got it all finished, he'd made a bunch of mistakes... Oh well. He plopped down in his uber chair, sighing. It was just about time for bed, wasn't it? It was probably at least 4 am, so he'd get his two hours of sleep. How did he run on two hours of sleep? He was a robot. No, not really. And he couldn't help but look at the cranes. No. NO! THERE WERE FIVE! "Gaaaaahhhhhh!!!!" He growled, absolutely throwing a fit. "Where are all these cranes coming from!? Who has the nerve to torture me like this!?" Out came the revenge journal. Dear Journal, This time, there are five of them. I don't quite understand yet... Is it Jade? Is he trying to tell me something? Or is this some kind of malicious trick!? Maybe Jade's trying to say there are ... so many things in the way of our relationship... For a moment, he looked quite upset. What if... What if Jade thought he loved fontech more than him!? No! Surely not! That was blasphemy! Jade would never do such a thing! He went back to scribbling angrily. I'm fed up with it! I will find out who is doing this and revenge will be sweet! Ahh, yes... My punishment will be swift! But how... He pursed his lips, pausing. Yes, how would he discover who was doing this?... ...Ah, YES! He hurriedly turned the page to record his discovery. I will wait here as long as I have to! I will find out who's putting these infernal cranes in my room! And when I catch them, whoever they are, I do swear revenge on the person who tortures me with these cranes in the name of Lorelei and McDonalds! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Yes, he wrote down the evil laugh. Now, his journal was put away, and he climbed into bed, throwing those evil, mocking cranes off of his bedsheets, and they lay scattered about his floor. He rolled over and forgot those cranes at last, finally getting to sleep.
The next morning, Dist woke again, feeling that the day was pleasant simply from the warm sunlight on his oh-so-beautiful features. ...At least, it was for now, he considered hopelessly as he climbed out of bed, groaning from annoyance. Those stupid cranes! He immediately looked down at them on the floor, counting them. There better not be any more than last night... ... One... two... three... four... five... ...six. "AAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!" He screamed, for a moment just throwing what could only be called a serious temper tantrum until he finally calmed down and slumped down in his chair. Yes, he could be frustrated. But today was the day he would catch the culprit. Submit them to his own kind of torture. Yes... He could only wait now. He stared at the cranes. Just stared. Hours passed. He grew hungry, and felt the intense need to go to the bathroom, but he managed to ignore it all. He grew slowly delusional, and the cranes each started to morph into people he knew well... The first one to appear was Mohs. "So, you think you can find out who's putting cranes in your room, eh? HA!" The mocking voice of the Grand Maestro was just so frustrating... Next, Arietta's face showed among the folds of the paper crane. "Wow, Dist! Even my friends admit you're a loser!" Wait, what the... Did Arietta have cranes as friends too!? Good Lorelei that wasn't even fun to think about! Then Largo emerged. "Hmm, so how do you call yourself a man? You've been peeved by a bunch of silly paper cranes!" Dist groaned, vaguely wondering how much of a man he was now! He couldn't take it any more. He NEEDED some McDonald's. The desire to go to the bathroom was unimportant! He got up shakily and went to his closet, pulling out the remains of Barrelow X. Surely he could fix him, even though he wouldn't be as beautiful and shiny as the rather greasy Barrelow XI in the making... It wouldn't take too long, just a few spare parts, and... He revived the machine which had so long ago practically drowned. Good thing he had a superpowered magnet with him when he fought Luke and friends on the ship at Chesedonia, so he could find him. He wouldn't admit he found two anchors, a treasure chest filled with ...scrap metal, and a hammerhead shark first, but he'd found his treasured Barrelow X. Just a few quick adjustments and the robot functioned again! He immediately asked a request of his restored creation. "Barrelow X, will you please, please go to McDonald's and pick me up a few Big & Tastys? Just a few!? I've got money!" He held out a wad of cash toward the robot. Barrelow X looked at him very strangely (for a robot anyway), and quite roughly snatched the cash out of his hand, then gave him the finger and flung itself out of Dist's 7th story window. ... Dist could only stare at the window in what was definitely shock, before he broke down and cried. Not that Barrelow X flicked him off and committed suicide, but that he couldn't have his McDonald's fix. After a few moments of sniveling, he finally convinced himself to get up and go get it himself. Thankfully he remembered he still had to use the bathroom on the way there.
By god that line was long! What were people thinking, that they could have McDonalds anytime!? The problem was, Dist got to McDonalds and it took him a whole 45 minutes to get out with his food. The place had been packed, and he'd been pretty much near the end of the line. He'd really needed a fix, but at least he had it now. Now, to get back to his room. "Grrr..." He growled to himself. "I bet that naughty, no-good person just put another crane in my room while I was gone... Well, I'll catch them, sooner or later!" He returned to his room, expecting the worst. But before he could even turn the doorhandle, Sync was down the hall calling for him. "DIST! HEY, DIST!" He was running with a stack of paper... The youngest of the God-Generals stopped in front of him, not at all out of breath, but definitely full of energy. For what reason, Dist didn't know, and didn't care. "You forgot this." As Dist raised his arms to protest, Sync threw the stack of papers in, which he caught surprisingly well. "What in Auldrant is this!? Today's work!?" But by god, it was a huge stack of papers... "Mostly." Sync replied with a peculiar grin. "...What?" "Some of it is yesterday's work. You haven't been doing your work too well, have you?" "Well, I suppose it isn't up to standard." Dist admitted curtly, taking the stack under his arm. "I'll make more of an effort starting today." "Um... I guess you didn't notice it was all missing." Sync replied with a grin. Just then, Dist noticed Asch halfway down the hall eavesdropping, and snickering, his hand covering his mouth. "HEY! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA!?" Sync just gave him a seriously evil look. "Have fun doing your work..." Then, he dashed off down the hall, taking Asch with him. "What was THAT all about?!" Dist muttered, going to open his door, but he would soon find out... ...for the moment he opened his door, he was suddenly buried in a pile of paper cranes! "GAAAAHHHHHH!!!" He ranted, digging his way into his room but only finding himself deeper in the bothersome pile, starting to feel extremely, extremely claustrophobic.... and that was when he realized... ...That was where that stack of his work had gone. He couldn't suppress the anger welling up inside of him. He could only scream from somewhere deep within the sea of cranes. "SYYYYYNC!!! AAAAASCH!!! THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!! YOU'RE BOTH GOING DOWN IN MY REVENGE JOURNAL!!! AT THE TOP OF MY TO-DO LIST!!!" And he wasn't kidding about that. For five hours later he emerged, covered in paper cuts, carrying his journal. And that was the end of that.