Disclaimer: I own no characters or products, just the plot along with my brilliant friend and collab writer ChiiRyeeBiee!
Author's Note: This story is half of a collab between myself and ChiiRyeeBiee. Whilst I have written Roxas' POV of this story she has published Sora's POV on her profile, please head over and read her version straight after for the full picture :). Thanks and enjoy reading, and a massive thank you to ChiiRyeeBiee herself who has been like a FF mentor to me, I am proud to call her my friend!
Actually, I need to say more about this collab process, it's been one of the best experiences I've ever had actually creating and going through the motions with someone else, and ChiiRyeeBiee I can honestly say you have been the perfect partner in crime! If anyone reading this hasn't read ChiiRyeeBiee's fanfics, be it KH or Pokemon or anything, you need to check them out and visit her profile, because without her stories, I would have never been inspired to make the fanfics I've made.
ChiiRyeeBiee you're the best.
Ten Things Roxas Hates About Valentine's Day, And One Thing He Doesn't
(1) Everything is pink.
Pink. Hot fucking pink. URGH! Why did it have to be the dreaded month of pink again! February was without a doubt the worst month of the year, and not because it was cold, or because trees had no leaves or anything stupid like that. No, February sucked for a real reason: Valentine's Day.
Every year I had to watch as my bestfriend and ultimate crush/romance/one true love received fanmail from his admirers. He would look at the love letters left by his locker, scrunch his nose at them and then throw them away into the trash where they belonged. Then he'd turn back around to face me, smile and we would begin plotting our next sleepover.
Albeit I loved the last part, Valentine's Day still sucked because of all the happy couples around us, reminding me constantly that Sora and I weren't a couple. And what colour symbolises Valentine's Day best? Pink.
So naturally the stupid body, oh I meant student body of course, puts up banners and decorations and other holiday crap, except, they are determined that everything should be pink... HOT pink.
That was exactly the colour that Sora Leonhart was staring at as he observed the bulletin board, our meeting place since the beginning of high school.
Usually Sora would hear the jangling of my keys and turn around ready to greet me... but today I decided I would sneak up on him and see if I could scare him.
"GAAAAHH–! Don't– d-don't do that! You scared me, that was like getting shocked, for goodness sake!" Sora shrieked as I clasped my hands down hard onto his shoulders.
Sorry." Were you waiting long? I've been standing a metre from you for a while now, I'm surprise you didn't notice." I replied.
"Your keyc–" Sora started, time to tease him.
"You wound me. I can't believe you won't be able to notice your own best friend's presence without these. What's got you so distracted anyway?" I replied feigning emotional scarring... maybe he'll give me a nice hug to apologise!
Sora looked between me and the bulletin board, almost as if he was waiting for my disapproval of the terrible month. Not like I could control my inevitable outburst anyway.
"Oh. The hot pink has returned, huh. Right. February. Season of disgust and distraction. Come on then, we still have to grab our things. God knows how annoying it is that I have to walk to another corridor to get to your locker. And it's all because that Riku-bastard refuses to swap with me even though Kairi's at my corridor. Stupid." I began walking towards the corridor containing Sora's locker assuming he would follow me.
I loved the way Sora just followed me…
Urgh, another couple making out… ''Get a goddamn room! I swear, if I see another kissing couple, I'm going to start a fundraiser to ban school on the month of February." Disgusting couples having their fun while I'm stuck unable to just pull Sora over, grab his slender hips and makeout with him passionately... so unfair...
Sora seems totally caught up in thought today, he didn't even notice I had slowed my pace to match his, he was just kind of ambling along. "Sora, what's up with you today? You're not getting distracted by all this like all those other bigots, are you?"
"W-Well, it's kind of hard not to notic–" He began but was cut off by a voice I totally did not want to hear today... or ever even if she was my friend... apparently.
(2) Because I'm so fucking jealous.
"Sora, Roxas! Have you guys seen Riku? He told me to meet him to discuss our afterschool double date plans later. Oh, I'm so excited! He's the sweetest! Says it's a pre-Valentine thing." Urgh Kairi was wearing makeup, I would poke fun but last time I called her a clown she slapped me.
"No, we haven't seen your stupid boyfriend. Hmm, I don't know… Maybe he's having an affair with that black-haired girl he seems to be interested in in Social Studies! I swear, everyone here's fucking February-crazy and it's frankly pissing me off." Does that convey ''fuck off'' better than calling her a clown I wonder?
"Roxas." Sora tugged on my shirt. I so badly wanted to tug his off so I took it as a victory and continued my battle.
"Wow, Roxas. Are you on your man PMS or something? Clearly even the simplest of questions offend you so fine, I'll go talk to someone else." Kairi narrowed her eyes at me and finally decided to do one.
She looked like she wanted to say something further to us, but because of my temper she never got a chance to.
"Are you alright, Roxas? You're way too volatile this morning." Sora questioned clearly concerned about me. I liked that he always cared.
"Oh, so it's my fault everyone's being a pain in the behind." We had made it to Sora's locker so I leaned on the neighbouring one while Sora collected his books and equipment for the next few classes. I had always wondered why Sora had a picture of us together in his locker, but I had never asked. Mainly because it had a heart around it and ''R+S'' inscribed underneath it. You would think that if I wanted him to love me I would take that as a clear sign, right? Well no, because it just meant Sora thought of me as a friend was all... though I hadn't asked him we cuddled and hugged all the time so that photo was just like a friendly thing... right?
"I know. February's kind of weird. But you didn't have to say those things to Kairi. She was just asking about Riku." He mutters, bagging his Italian book and interrupting my inner-thoughts.
"More like rubbing in the fact that us singles have practically no one, so come Valentine's Day, they'll think they're so superior with their freaky shit romance. Oh, yes, afterschool date plans! Don't get me wrong, Sora. I'm not mad they are together, I'm just… mad." But I was so fucking jealous of them...
"S-So, err. I t-take it you now hate Valentine's Day with a passion, then."
"No. It's not that I hate Valentine's Day. Because I don't care. But all the effort put into making all those decorations and cards could be put to better use if they were doing something a lot more beneficial than celebrating people's pathetic love lives." Yeah I was so fucking jealous... but who gives a fuck...
"It sounds like you care a lot more than you let on." You have no idea, Sora, how much I want to celebrate this day with you.
"What are you getting on, Mr I'm-So-Distracted? Let me guess, you're thinking of celebrating this year's Valentine's Day, huh. Wow." I made that response extra sassy to overcome the fact that my pining for Sora was on the verge of breaking out into the surface world at this rate. "Of course. Hockey star Sora Leonhart always gets locker fanmail, and don't even try to deny it. Who's it for then? Some bitch you'll leave me for? Go ahead. It's not like I care shit." The sad thing is that the very idea of Sora dating anyone other than myself kills me a bit on the inside everytime I imagine it.
"Okay, you have to stop ranting at me. I've done nothing wrong." Sora tries to defend himself... he has nothing to defend himself over but screw it, I need to cover myself more... need to be more of a dick to him...
"Yeah, says the guilty party. Whatever, Sora. Get into the valentine craze all you want. I may be the one without the Valentine I want but at least I'm not conforming like all the freaks out here. Hurry up then, we're going to be late. I still need my stuff, you know."
(3) Because I can't stop thinking about him.
As if Sora just got annoyed at me for being pissed off! Yeah, fine I can be mad, annoyed or whatever at February, but you know what? It's his fucking fault I hate this stupid month so much.
How do you tell your bestfriend since forever that you're in love with them?
How do you tell your bestfriend that the t-shirt he left at your house after your five millionth sleepover still smells like him? And that you keep his t-shirt under your pillow so you can smell it whenever you need to?
How do you tell your bestfriend that you dream about him?
How do you tell your bestfriend that in every waking moment you just wish you were with him?
Or that you smell his hair while you both share a bed and he sleeps?
Or that you've touched yourself about him?
Or that you'd planned your wedding with him by the age of 11?
Or that you'd named your kids with him already? Terra, Aqua and Ventus… if artificial insemination was the process instead of adoption…
And how do you tell him that you hate February because of him? Because he gets all this fan mail from girls and mystery people (who are most likely boys in the closet).
And how do you tell him that every time someone who isn't you so much as looks at him you want to kill them? So much so that burning them with fire wouldn't be enough because there's a dark fire that you just can't extinguish in your own heart, burning for him…
Yeah, so sue me, I hated February.
'Mr Strife, I won't ask you again!'
Ursula's fat face glared at me from across the classroom. Sora was sat at the desk behind me sniggering.
'Mermaids are the worst creatures in mythology because they're stupid and ugly?' Wait for it.
'Hmph! Lucky guess, Mr Strife, please pay attention!' I turned around to see Sora barely keeping his mouth from exploding in laughter. That pretty common sight… his beautiful, cherubic cheeks tinged purple as he slowly suffered from something funny or ''silly'' I did. I could see those sky-blue eyes of his watering from how much he was laughing.
I just stuck my tongue out at him and turned away, I could stare at him all day if I let myself. Besides I needed to save some for checking him out in Gym for the millionth time… he had such a nice body as well… argh! Sora look at what you do to me!
I chewed a bit harder on my pen and actually tried to pay attention for once, but it was useless, I could never concentrate in English, it was like I could feel his aura burrowing into my back or something.
Urgh today sucked! February sucked! Life sucked!
Namine told me just to go for it and ask Sora out, we had been talking since she came to me for advice on how to ask Pence out. And I guess that would be a good way to just… do it… but secret admirers are called 'secret admirers' for a reason, right?
English had finished after more ranting about mermaids and talking lobsters being stupid and ugly (3 weeks in a row on this topic), and I would have been thankful for it but urgh Sora was walking close to me again, like close enough to just hold his hand! Argh!
(4) Because it's super awkward when you have feelings but can't voice them.
Just be a dick… be a dick and no one knows you're hurting desperately.
'Oh man! What's that smell?!' I began pretending to scrunch up my nose and waft away a dreadful smell when in fact all I could smell was the delicious coconut and cinnamon that Sora emanated.
Sora sniffed the air, 'Huh? I don't smell anything?'
I moved a little closer and sniffed (just an excuse to smell his scent again I guess). 'Oh! Don't worry, it's just you, Sora.' I chuckled pulling a face at him.
Sora pulled a heartcrushingly adorable pout at me and strode off ahead into the lunch queue. I followed chuckling even more.
Hff, you make me want to squeal sometimes Sora… I hate how cute you are. But then again you always have been… maybe I'll tell you someday about what really happened that time I saw you trip over in Kindergarten.
Even though Sora had dashed away from me in a fake huff, he had still saved a seat for me at his side as always. I sat down beside him and pinched one of the points of his chocolate hair, letting him know that I was definitely joking and he was still my favourite person in the world.
"Come on, Sor. You know you're still my favourite person." I put on my most loving voice and to be fair it came naturally with Sora.
Sora beamed back and let me pet his hair some more. "As long as you keep petting me, fine."
'Oh get a room!' Kairi chortled from across the table as she sat beside Riku.
I quickly dashed my hand away from Sora, clearly this was revenge for earlier.
'I see you found Riku, Kairi! So who's mouth did he have his tongue in this time, hmm?' I threw back at the red-head.
Riku just chuckled at Kairi and I's usual February brawl.
'God you are such an arse, Roxas! It's a wonder Sora can stand being near you for more than a few minutes at a time!
"You know," the girl pondered out loud, "if you hate being single on Valentine's Day so much, why don't you ask someone out? That is why you're being a cranky pants, isn't it?"
'Pfft, I will never get the valentine I want, I think I'll just stick to being an arse thanks.' I replied pulling an ugly face at her.
It depressed me that Sora could never be mine, and looking around the room at all these couples just made me ill. Riku and Kairi, Olette and Hayner, Tidus and Selphie, and even Namine would have Pence probably. And Sora could have whoever he wanted… but he would never choose me.
So Sora. Who's your Valentine gonna be?" A deep voice inquired from beside us. The ever-so-slack Riku was twirling a spoon in his right hand and fiddling with his girlfriend's hair with the other, slightly disinterested.
Sora gulped. "O-Oh?" Voice breaking in the process. W-Well, umm, I d-don't usually ha-have one, do I?" Sora glanced at me and then away again... was he hiding something?
"There must be someone you've got your eye on!" Kairi giggled before also looking at me... what was going on?
"Uhhh…" Sora stuttered out before darting his eyes around "I have to, uhhh, run now. Duty calls! Bye!" And like that he was gone.
''Urgh, just ask him out already, Rox.'' Riku states blandly.
''He would just say no.'' I glumly responded stabbing more beans with my fork.
Kairi and RIku exchanged the same look every time this subject came up as if there was something I was clearly missing... but as usual they didn't have the courtesy to enlighten me.
This feeling... hurt...
(5) Because your biggest fear comes true.
6th period Gym was both a blessing and a curse.
Firstly, fuck Gym I hated being sweaty and tired and bleh! Secondly, I got to check Sora out while he was changing, which I realise is kinda pervy but I've been doing it since I was like 11 so whatever I'm immoral I guess... and I really loved how his shorts clung to his ass so being immoral was fine with me!
But thirdly... after Gym sucked... because all those girls who had also been perving on Sora 'suddenly' appeared to say goodbye to him after school. And that brown-haired mental case had no idea whatsoever that he was literally a piece of meat on the shelf to them when he walked out those changing room doors with me. It was like he didn't he even fucking notice!
''What the fuck, Sora. You don't even know them, why the heck do you care?'' I asked him without hiding the annoyance in my voice.
"It's called being kind, Rox. Try it sometime?"
"While you're the angel, I'm the devil, remember? My blood runs on pessimism and negativity. And lo, what is the angel without his devil?"
"Freak." Sora punched me on the shoulder. "But you're right."
Then love me Sora... because what am I without you?
I was thankful that we had finally reached the outside of school and soon Sora and I would be safely playing some video games at his house, away from these meat shopping bitches.
"Sora! You're still coming with me today right?" I heard a high-pitched voice pierce through my thoughts from up ahead.
''Uhh, y-y-yeah! Thanks a lot for waiting for me!''
Xion... what did she just say...? And what did HE just say…?
I stopped in my tracks and looked back and forth between the girl and my bestfriend (and one true love...)...
No... no! No! No! No! Had she just said what I think she said?
That tugging on my heart finally tore me to pieces inside. Ice ran straight through my veins as I continued to look between them barely suppressing the tears.
Look angry, Roxas. Act angry. Make them think you aren't feeling a damn thing but anger. Don't let them know you're dead.
''Care to explain why you're dumping me all of a sudden without telling me?'' I seethed.
"Xion lives close to the mall. She said it's fine with her mum if I hitch a ride, and… I'm s-sorry about this, R-Roxas, but you w-won't mind walking home by yourself today, right?" Sora mutters pathetically. "There's… something I have to do, and I swear, swear on my life, it's not what you think."
This is real. It's her. Xion is the girl Sora's been hinting at for the past couple of years, I always wanted to know who she was but now I'm seeing it happening in front of me I just want to die.
(6) Because you die on the inside.
I could feel the bile in my stomach churn angrily, threatening to erupt.
That stupid school flag was hot pink as well... I had decided staring at that would be easier than looking at the lovers before me.
"Sure, why not, go ahead, it's not like I fucking own you now, do I? Go. I'll be surprised if you remember to come to my funeral."
"Roxas-"
"No wait, you probably won't, because who cares, right? Ha ha. I'm just fucking kidding, you fucker. I'm a big boy, I can fucking walk home alone when my bestfriend decides to make fucking last minute plans."
"Roxas, we're just dropping him off to the mall." Xion intervenes, her voice steeled. "After this I've got a dinner with Vanitas so we'll have him home in no time. If you want we could drop you off too. It's not a problem at all."
"Right, right. What-fucking-ever, this isn't any of my business."
"Roxas-" Sora began.
I had wanted to walk away from them both and let them do whatever the fuck they were planning to do with each other just happen... but this was the end of my friendship with Sora and I knew it... I was in love with him, and the reality that he was straight and with a girl now spelled that we couldn't be together... and that hurt me... hurt me so much that it would be better for me to just let him go now before I tore myself apart over a straight guy...
''No, Sora, shut the fuck up!'' I watched my bestfriend's expression fall even lower, he looked like shit, probably guilt over betraying me.
I stormed back over to him and got in his stupid fucking perfect face.
''Roxas, calm down!'' Xion started still steeled, but I ignored her.
''No, stay out of this, bitch!'' I shrieked at Xion. ''Look at me you bastard.'' I spat in Sora's face, forcing him to match my gaze. Part of me was dying seeing him so hurt by MY words, I was doing this to him but I couldn't stop now.
''Roxas please-'' Sora tried but I clamped a hand over his mouth forcefully.
I removed my hand and spoke with as much venom in my voice as possible. ''This is it Sora, I'm done.''
''Done. D-done with w-what?'' Sora asked looking thoroughly adorable and confused.
''You, Sora. I can't do this anymore, I can't– okay, I get it. Those girls who greet you, all your stupid admirers – I'm in the way, aren't I? I've been ruining your potential relationships by being your best friend." I watched as tears formed in the corners of his eyes. This was destroying me, I could feel my own heart break and my own tears birthing themselves.
"NO! Roxas, no, what on earth are you talking about–" He choked back as Xion watched angrily.
"Roxas, for heaven's sake, chill out! You're completely misinterpreting this!"Xion tried but whatever, I wasn't even listening to her, my gaze was fixed on my former bestfriend.
"This is hard enough for me as it is, so stop FUCKING interrupting me! I'm done, alright. DONE. He's all yours now, Xion, I won't stop you two being together anymore. So you can make all the plans you want now, because I don't fucking give. I'm done. Screw your Valentine's Day. You're free to fuck each other senseless now without me in the way."
I felt so much… loss… about all the things me and Sora had been over the years as the memories came flooding into my mind… and all the things we could have been...
''R-roxas please listen to me!'' Sora tried again.
I put a hand up and stopped him. ''But I'm done now.'' I gestured to Xion before turning to her. ''He's all your's Xion, I won't stop you two being together anymore.''
''We don't want to be together you fucking idiot!'' Xion responded.
''Oh, sorry, I meant that you're free to go fuck each other senseless without me interrupting like I am now. Goodbye.''
And that was it. I was done.
I walked away as Sora stood there behind me unable to move and Xion flipped me off calling me a lunatic.
(7) Because your life seems like it's over.
Sora was gone.
Until today I had never, ever imagined being without that brown-haired, annoying, hyper-active, beautiful... perfect boy.
But this was today and for the first time in what seemed like history I wasn't playing video games with Sora after school, instead I was in my room, lying on my queen-sized bed, trying desperately not to cry my eyes out. But I probably had no tears left now anyway.
My heart was aching and my stomach churned angrily, the mix of those feelings had me almost retching. THAT was how bad I felt about cutting Sora off.
I did the right thing... didn't I?
No more lying awake at night pretending that one day he could return my feelings?
No more dreaming stupid dreams about us with kids... or being married... or together... or even having frantic, erotic, lovely sex (yeah I wanted Sora sexually! Duh! Sue me!).
No more Sora.
I don't know how long I laid there. Time seemed to wash over me I suppose because the sun was gone now, my Mom and Dad were downstairs laughing at something on TV and my phone had about a billion notifications.
36 texts from Kairi. 12 from Riku. 28 from Namine. 42 from Olette. Jesus christ.
There were no texts from Sora, but including voicemails there was well over 100 notifications from him alone.
Not to mention the group chat was running at about a thousand miles per second with messages.
Begrudgingly I opened my phone to find nothing but abuse from Kairi about how much of a massive dick I was and how I didn't deserve Sora anyway to treat him that way. Hmph bitch.
Riku was trying to tell me that the answer wasn't cutting Sora off. Namine said pretty much the same thing, so did Olette, except they were both confused as to how I could hurt someone I loved so much like that.
AND the group chat was a mixture of Kairi trying to lynch me and others telling her that wasn't a good idea (Sora hadn't posted anything there).
Urgh! Leave me alone this is for the best! Sora needs to be happy with Xion! Not tied down with me!
I let my favourite song in the whole world play from my phone through my headphones: Jump In The Pool by Friendly Fires.
Inner city sky rise over town at night,
You pushed me to the top floor so we could see the sights,
I could tell that you wanted to
Jump in the pool,
Jump in the pool,
I looked at you I knew you wanted to
Jump in the pool,
Jump in the pool.
Sora and Xion would make a great couple... he didn't need me anymore... that phrase alone sent me over the edge with tears. I just let the wetness flow down my cheeks.
I push off,
I breathe in,
The stillness turning away,
Don't look back,
Don't pretend,
We'll never take control again.
And we're falling beyond the horizon,
And only the water remains
The fear is falling away.
The ethereal tones of the chorus cut me like a knife as memories I had of Sora and I flooded through my mind.
I could still see those moments I held close to me...
Roxie, I don't like the dark, could we like cuddle or something? Pretty please? I would feel better if we did!
Naww Roxie I love you really! I know you're just grumpy!
If you don't give me a goodbye hug I'll cry, Roxie!
...None of this was fair! I was the one who helped him up on that playground when we met! I'm the one who always helps him with his homework!
I'm the one who shares a bed with him at sleepovers because he's STILL afraid of the dark!
I'm the one who's had to watch for over a decade while all the girls fall in love with him and he's just oblivious to it all!
I'm the one who's looked after him everytime he's gotten a cold or a virus or even a stomach bug! I know he does the same for me but that's exactly the point! It's me not Xion!
So why the fuck does she get to win! WHY DOES SHE GET SORA!?
The buzzing of an incoming call awoke me from my inner monologue.
Sora My Love was the name that popped up.
I ignored it.
If I was done with Sora, then I was done with him forever... him and Xion could be happy at last...
And even if it wasn't Xion, at least Sora could be happy with someone... someday...
Without me...
(8) Because you try to start over but life won't let you.
Crying myself to sleep wasn't exactly a hobby. Even fucking February in all its shitty fucking stupidness had never made me cry before.
Sora.
I had dumped him as my bestfriend in the whole world yesterday and I was still crying. Sure, I knew it wouldn't get easier straight away knowing that he had Xion now... and imagining my life without Sora was a bleak, miserable consideration.
But if you look at it from a selfless perspective, at least now Sora was free to date whoever he wanted without me constantly interfering or getting in the way. It would be better for him this way.
I couldn't help but feel my stomach knot and let the burning tears streak my face as I listened to his angelic, very pissed off voice in the voice-mails he had left me:
…Oh for fuck's sake, I'm so pissed at you for giving me the cold shoulder right now, you bastardous jerk, I always let you rant at me and say nothing about it but not today, god damn it. You just walked away for fuck's sake! Just walked away like we meant nothing… like this damn friendship's so disposable to you and that HURTS. When I try to text I get so sad and mad that I chuck my phone across the room so I've been calling to make sure you hear how pissed and hurt I am right now but even so I still want to talk to you, you arse, how could you, how could you damn it, I don't know if you're even going to hear this or delete it but I don't care, I know you Roxas, you're probably thinking of skipping tomorrow and if so, fucking go ahead, but just know one thing: I'm sorry, and whatever the heck you're thinking I've done this afternoon with Xion is all a lie. I… I… I know you're hurt too and that you think I don't understand you but… l-look I'm not doing this on the phone if you want answers you'll meet me at the bulletin tomorrow, Valentine's Day or not. I'm running out of time here and don't do anything stupid you freak, if you don't come then I'll just come to your house, fuck you Roxas, you're not getting rid of me that easy, don't you know that I–"
I knew he was hurting and I knew he probably hoped that by telling me it was all a lie that somehow he could keep me as his little pet while he dated Xion or something.
Maybe if he shows me he doesn't care about Xion... maybe if he shows me it's me...
Nah, who am I kidding, this is for the best. I could feel it in my heart that letting him go was the kindest thing to do. You'll thank me some day, Sora...
Walking through the corridors at school I had deliberately avoided the bulletin board and proceeded to get my things for 1st and 2nd period.
I had seen Xion on the way to my locker and tried my very best to give her an ''it's okay, he's better off with you'' look but she still seemed royally pissed off about something judging from how she practically flipped me off with her eyes. And there I was trying not to be an 'ass' for once!
"You've got a lot of nerve leaving me in the bulletin waiting for you.'' Came a VERY familiar voice from behind me. Shit here we go... ''Is that some sort of show that you really don't need me anymore, some cruel satisfaction of yours to hurt me further for what you think I've done?"
"Go the fuck away, Sora. I don't need this right now." Was all I could muster in response, tears threatening to pour down my face already.
"Well neither do I! How dare you, damn it. How dare you think you can end our eleven-year friendship just like that over a stupid misunderstanding?" Sora spat at me.
Misunderstanding! Ha! Getting a 'ride' from Xion is a misunderstanding is it!?
Whatever, I started to walk away from my former bestfriend.
"Hey! Roxas, where do you think you're going, stop, STOP!" Sora yelled at my back, lunging to catch my hand as I tried to escape his grasp.
"Please leave me alone." This is hard enough as it is... Just go away...
"NO! I'm not leaving you alone even if you sell my soul to the devil! God, Roxas, you know I don't like seeing you like this." Sora started mournfully. "'T h-hurts. Hurts s-so much, s-seeing my best friend so miserable and… it's all because of me." He continued even more mournfully than he had started.
You've cast me aside for the love of a girl who barely knows you... of course it's because of you, Sora...
(9) Because you're the one who deserves the happily ever after.
She doesn't know you cry at Disney movies.
She doesn't know you wet the bed until you were 9 years old.
She doesn't know you're afraid of the dark still and sleep with a nightlight sometimes.
She doesn't know you read Fanfiction avidly and cry at the emotional bits.
She doesn't know you cried throughout our playthrough of Undertale.
She doesn't know you skip all those parties you're invited to because you want to cuddle and watch Netflix instead.
She doesn't know you hate crusts on your sandwiches.
She doesn't know you jump whenever there's a thunderstorm and there's a blue flash or rolling thunder.
She doesn't know you dream about pizza and ice cream and that your worst nightmares are when they run away from you before you can eat them.
She doesn't know you always demand to watch horror movies in the middle of the night at sleepovers and then get so scared you cling onto me for dear life while we sleep.
She doesn't know you need a goodbye hug before when it's time for us to part.
She doesn't know you need a phone call every evening because you miss me so much...
Miss ME so much! Time for US to part. Not HER!
"You don't know hurt, Sora. So why don't you go back to Xion and forget I ever existed, because I'll certainly do so as well. Now if you'll excuse me…" You'll forget one day Sora... Just trust me and go...
"NO! You have to stay with me, damn you! WITH ME! W-What are you on about, you jerk, y-you're still really trying to c-convince yourself and doubting my feelings for you because of something that's never happened and never will?" F-feelings for m-me? Why does he sound so desperate... He should be with Xion shouldn't he...? O-or should it be me...?
I'm the one who holds him when he's scared.
I'm the one who told him it was our secret when he peed himself at sleepovers.
I'm the one who holds his hand when we walk in the dark during winter.
I'm the one who rubs his back when he's ill and puking and I tell him 'shhh it'll be okay'.
I'm the one who helps him with his homework and test studying.
I'm the one who cuddles him at night.
I'm the one who says 'cya later' instead of 'goodbye'... or I used to until yesterday.
I'm the one who fell in love with him before any of us knew what love was.
I'm the one who's loved him ever since that time.
I was so caught up in my memories that I barely noticed when Sora yanked me into a separate part of the corridor underneath a set of stairs that I was hardly aware of. All I could think about was how alone we were right now... and why we were so alone right now...
As if like lightning, Sora produced a heart-shaped box of Ferrero Rocher and shoved it into my chest.
Heart-shaped... w-why was it h-h-heart-shaped? My hands trembled as I clutched the box.
"You wanted answers, right? It's why you came no matter what." Sora starts, his tone gentle. "Well, here is one of them."
"I hate Valentine's Day as much as you do, maybe less or more, and I do admit that it's a goddamn shitty day, huh... T-That's n-not f-for m-me from someone else, if that's what you're thinking. It's FROM me. For YOU. Because I know you love Ferrero Rocher so much. B-Bought them yesterday when Xion dropped me off at the mall and you got so angry and tried to dump me just like that."
H-h-how c-could t-this be f-f-f-from h-h-h-him -f-f-f-fo-r m-m-me?
"I a-also g-got you a second one, b-because I thought you'd want to t-try t-the assorted f-flavours! F-Ferrero R-Rocher's pretty darn expensive, d-don't you think? I even had to make a loan from Xion because s-she thought I'd n-never have enough and she w-was right!"
"Sora–" I tried to cut him off. I was so confused and so, so, I DON'T EVEN KNOW!
"I got you a card too, you know? It was the one t-thing I spent forever on b-because I wanted to get you the p-perfect one…not too girly or cutesy or the l-like… just… j-just Roxas. A Roxas-y card." W-w-w-why w-w-was h-he g-g-ett-ing m-me a c-c-c-card...?
"Wasn't enough space to w-write anything but it's o-okay, I guess. Want me to r-read it to you? I can think of LOTS of words to describe someone like you…" Sora began... I felt my trembling hands threaten to drop the boxes, my heart threatened to explode and my mind raced as my veins pulsed with blood and adrenaline flowed so fast time was spinning up and slowing down as Sora read the card to me.
"Sexy", "Cutie", "Hottie", "Smarty", "Sweetie". But I can only think of ONE to describe me…" Sora was giggling... why was he giggling?
I loved the way he giggled…
"Lucky." W-w-wh-a-t w-was g-going on? W-WAS HE SERIOUS?
W-why was h-he lucky…?
"I know. It's cheesy. I had to go through a few others to see which one you might like but when I saw this one I knew this was it. Because I am lucky. I am so lucky having met you that day I tripped over in kindergarten. I am so lucky that even after eleven or so years, you've stuck by me despite the changes we went through as individuals. I am so lucky that even now you're standing next to me and not crying your heart out back home, and that instead of all the amazing people you could be with, you've chosen me above everyone else to love with all your heart. As selfish as I sound saying it, I'm glad you love me and not anyone else, and I'm glad you don't like Valentine's Day because you're afraid you'd lose me. God, if it weren't today, I wouldn't be saying any of this to you. I don't know what the heck I'm doing right now, or what I'm even saying right now, really."
Sora had let out a few tears over the past few minutes but now he looked ready to burst with them. But this couldn't be real, this was a dream or a fantasy, I was still in bed, I was still asleep, this wasn't real... it couldn't be.
"You're so talented, and cool, and intelligent, and amazing, Roxas, and as your best friend I can justify all of this through the rough and happy times we've both gone through. So yes. I am lucky I have you. I want you to know that you're not alone, and that you've never been alone; that someone is here to love you, and have the guts to say so on this day. Even if that someone is me. I love you, Roxas. No matter what we go through and no matters who enters my life, you'll always be the best to me."
(10) Because you have no idea if you're dreaming or not.
I love you? D-did he just say 'I love you'? No this was a mistake, I was dreaming, I couldn't be awake... but I so desperately wanted to stay in this dream if it was a dream... so, so, so badly.
And then he threw his arms around me. I couldn't help but drop the boxes and the card as Sora's heavenly coconut scent engulfed me and our hearts began racing each other while beating in sync as if trying to see whose heart beat fastest for who... I felt him nuzzling me and caressing me... and his hands roamed my hair a bit and h-he w-was touching my f-f-face and I felt so hot and ahh! His touch felt so good! How long I had waited for this! I just wanted to return the touch, run my hands through his hair, touch that face, kiss that face, just-just-just push him down and just feel him all over just so I can feel him and know it's really him and not my imagination doing this for the millionth time in my head!
No! This was a dream or a trick and no! This wasn't real... was it?
I pushed him away from me before I gave in... I had to know before I let myself believe...
"You're not playing me for a fool, are you Sora? This isn't a game you and Xion concocted to get me back for yesterday?" I prodded, my suspicious mind had kicked in... how could this be real after all...?
"Are… are… are you serious? Even after…a-all of that, and all of m-my hardships and e-everything I've just s-said, you still d-don't believe me?" Sora questioned in disbelief... he seemed... genuine...
"I don't know what to believe anymore, Sora. How do I know I'm not dreaming and when I wake up, I'll still be crying alone in my bed, knowing full well that you've long since left?" I voiced my absolute greatest fear.
And he responded.
By kissing me.
I felt his sweet lips press against mine... was this real?
I could feel time moving... could this be real?
I couldn't fight what I wanted any longer.
I kissed him back desperately. Pressing my lips back against his our hands roaming each other in ecstasy.
It was probably obvious that neither of us had ever kissed anyone before...
"Sora, 'M sorry, 'M so sorry, 'M so stupid, c-can't… can't…" Was all I could say as I struggled to breathe and kiss at the same time. Thankfully Sora had the same problem.
But this was my moment. I pulled him back into my embrace and spun him around so that he was pinned to the wall, desperately kissing him with everything I had... I knew it wasn't a dream now but damn it this HAD BEEN my dream for years and I was going to enjoy it! Even if we were pretty late for classes by now... And even though I had imagined this a million times over our teeth still bumped a few times in our blatant inexperience.
''You're mine, Sora." I stated before kissing his face all over, his cheek, his nose, his forehead and even the back of his ear... just everywhere on that beautiful, beautiful face of his.
"I know, Rox. And you're mine, I can't live without you… so please, please don't leave me, ever." I swear to the heavens I never will...
"Never." I reassured. God how I will never, ever leave you, Sora.
We started giggling at each other... maybe it was the sheer delight of kissing someone you've loved after so long or maybe it was because this moment was perfection... or maybe it was because February was such a FUCKING WONDERFUL MONTH OF THE YEAR! Sora poked my nose playfully so I licked his perfect cheek in response. He squealed joyfully and I held him closer laughing all the more.
"Rox, have you heard the bell yet? I've got Music first today." Sora asks more mournfully than ever before.
"Oh shit, right, god damn it, I totally forgot." I picked up the gifts from MY BOYFRIEND as well as our school bags. "Not that I really care because as far as I'm concerned I'd prefer to do this for the rest of the day over learning." I stole another kiss from MY BOYFRIEND and fixed his points where I had man-handled them in our earlier lust-love moment. I felt happier... and Sora looked very happy indeed.
"I know. But we have the whole day…" Sora cooed. "I've got a proposition to you though, just for today."
"Hmm?"
"If you'll be my valentine this year, you'll have to take me out on a date afterschool. I didn't think I'd get this far so I didn't plan anything further ahead." That's okay, I have everything planned for us up until the age of 42 already...
"That's all?" I raised an eyebrow playfully.
"And you'll have to invite me back to your home. If I'm aware, that's our destination today."
"Anything else?" I grinned at him, our hands intertwined as Sora squeezed back.
"Hmm, dunno yet. Sleepover? If you know what I mean…" Winking playfully, Sora breaks free and runs up the stairs heading up to his class. He carefully studies my reaction when he turns around and grins at how scarlet I've probably gone... and I was scarlet... and VERY hard.
"Seriously, Sora? You're really talking about sleepovers with me of all people? How evil." I was seriously so hard right now.
"What? Can't the angel want to play once in a while? I am in love with a devil, after all." Sora smiled at me.
"You have no idea what you're doing to me right now, do you?" I voiced my erection without hesitation.
Sora shakes his head and shrugs laughing gleefully. "Gotta go, meet you at recess. Do we have a deal?"
"Fine, fine, whatever. Happy Valentine's Day, Dear, thanks for the presents." I returned, very happy that I now got to call my one true love 'Dear'.
"Better start thinking what to give me this afternoon! I love you!" Sora shouts down at me from the top of the stairs.
''I love you too!'' I shouted back whole-heartedly
He loves me...
He really fucking loves ME!
I knew our sleepover wouldn't end in my ultimate Sora sex fantasy because... you don't exactly go from first kiss to first time having sex in one day... when your parents are probably gonna be home... No, I knew Sora meant A LOT of kissing, cuddling and now I had permission to worship him as I've always wanted to. Sex would come later... That was part of our new journey together.
(11) The reason why I don't.
P.S. Even with all those reasons, I guess Valentine's Day is not so bad. It's actually pretty alright because now I have someone to share all those hardships with, and I'd do it all over and over again, every year for the rest of my life.