She watches as the sun slowly yawns just above the tree line, as it ascends on this uncommonly warm August morning, relieving the shadows that had clung to this world in its absence.
It's a day that most young girls are led to believe that they were meant to dream of, fantasize and plan for. The wedding. Their wedding. Lily Evans is sitting in front of an old mirror in a room off of an ancient chapel staring into nothing. She hears the door groan open and shut with a clunk that echoes throughout the chamber.
She doesn't bother turning around, not even when she hears someone drag a stool to sit next to her – she can't bear to open her mouth – afraid of what would slip out without her permission.
"Lils? What's wrong?"
Oh and isn't that typical? She of course can't take it, she hates when people ask that damned question…it only leads to a breakdown. Tears well and she tilts her head back so they cannot spill over – she refuses to cry on her wedding day.
"Oh honey, I…"
"No, no. It's okay Ali…I just…need a minute," she sniffles her way to calmness. A light dab to her eyes and she faces Alice, the only friend she invited to her 'special' day.
Lily notices Alice looks agitated, clearly not knowing how to comfort Lily, who never breaks down in front of anyone. She offers her friend a weak smile knowing she'll have to confess.
"I feel so lost Alice," she breathes, and it feels so good to have that weight lifted off of her heart that she plows ahead, "I'm so confused."
She looks up to Alice's face and sees something akin to horror that fades to pity.
"Oh for Merlin's sake! Not about marrying James, Alice," she says with no small amount of exasperation, but it was bloody ridiculous she could possibly think such a thing.
"Well what did you expect me to think? Here you are looking like the most beautiful girl in this realm and you were crying not five minutes ago…it's an easy jump to make after you saying confused," mumbles Alice.
"Don't look so put-out. No...nevermind it's not important today, I'm being utterly silly." Lily asserts.
Alice eyes her up and down, as if assessing if she's telling the truth before she relents and stands, trying to brush out the wrinkles to her silk dress that don't exist.
"You're right you know, about being silly, that is," Alice says, not looking at Lily.
Lily just raises a questioning eyebrow, willing her to keep going. Alice rarely gives advice about relationships – insisting it was none of her business what two people did together and that it was what Marlene was for.
"I'm just saying that you are meant to...no," she shakes her head, "I only mean you're allowed to be happy Lily. Don't allow their hateful words fill you with doubt. Don't let anyone tell you, no…that's not right either...don't let anyone make you believe otherwise," Alice says with a decisive nod.
Lily looks back into the mirror and touches her cheek, she sees no difference, nothing ugly, dirty, or unworthy. She smiles at Alice, mouths 'thank you' and watches as her friend sweeps out of the room.
Later, when the sun has finally kissed the horizon once more, Lily looks over to her husband who is busy twirling an intoxicated Sirius and decides then and there that they will not win, not against her family, her generation that had inherited it's predecessor's issues, but not their noodle-soft conviction's, no - her generation has fire in their bellies and something to prove.
And when closes her eyes she can still see James' goofy grin as she held his hands in hers (and Sirius' suspiciously wet eyes, just behind him) and she feels like bursting. She had denied herself this happiness for far too long, she is no longer a small girl entering a new world, no, she knows now will not bow. This is her world too, and she will fight for it. She will build it up brick by bloody brick if she has to. To build a world where children are children and are measured by their merit, not their circumstance. She will not back down.
She is after all a woman who has the love of a man whom does not know when to back down, let alone how, who had begrudgingly drawn her in since their first meeting - and Merlin how she fought for control against his attentions for years. Lily smiles, big and bright, and stands to join the small gathering on the dance floor. She cuts Sirius off mid-sentence, and grabs her man - pulling his lips down to hers.
Yes, their relationship has often reflected the push and pulls of a magnet; sometimes polarized but strong, always.