Goosebumps Series 2010
Book One: El Spithor Vulthus (In the Belly of the Beast)
Prologue
This book was published in March 2010. If you are reading this in 2008 or 2009, it is merely a figment of your imagination. The author, Ralph Lilliput Steinem, did not even come up with the idea until January 1, 2010. Thus, there is no way you could be reading this any earlier than that…
Unless you are a victim of a time-warp. Yes, that's what you are. And you are thinking at this moment, "I've got to get through this book fast, because I'm really waiting to read book four, Hitler's Comeback, but my friends told me that unlike the original Goosebumps series, this 2010 series uses the same characters over and over…"
In that you would be correct. Jared Putnam and Sherri Malice are R.L. Steinem's favorite characters. He loves them as much as his own children, which he had aborted because his girlfriend was an ugly pig and he didn't want the kids to emerge in the world as ugly pigs and never have anyone date them…
Now, if this book was written in March 2010, and you reading this in 2008, you are thinking, "R.L. Steinem will put events that happened in 2009 in his book! Then I'll tell my friends, and they won't believe me, and I'll force them to bet $500.00, and I'll be rich when this stuff comes true!"
We at Stafford Publishing hate to puncture the euphoria you are most likely feeling at this moment, but the fact is that R.L. Steinem does not care about current events. It does not matter to him that on October 12, 2009, at 3:04 P.M., a plane crashed into the Sears Tower, manned by Al Qaeda devotees. He doesn't care about the introduction of the pink M&M in July 2009, or the fact that Obama was assassinated three months ago, and Joe Biden is our current President. It's not his concern that Michael Phelps disappeared off the face of the Earth, and now people are seeing Michael Phelps all over the place…Egypt, Sudan, Australia, their mother-in-law's backyard. There are many other things he does not give a d--- about, such as the fact that Miley Cyrus has HIV, or that international law dictates that two plus two equal five. In short, he doesn't care about what's happening now.
So, you wonder, "Why the heck am I reading this? Oh yeah, the Hitler book…is it true that a necromancer revives Hitler in book four?" The answer is yes. Adolf Hitler will come back to life in book four. But, if you jump ahead to book four, you won't know anything about Jared Putnam and Sherri Malice. Wikipedia won't have any information on them for some time to come. So you must read this and the next two books first, and then finally you'll be where you want to be.
By the way, is that broccoli on your teeth? Books don't like to be stared at by people who aren't kempt. Go brush your hair, take a bath, then sit down and slog through the following volume.