10 Ways to Say I Love You
"Even though the moment passed me by, I still can't turn away."—Name, Goo Goo Dolls
1. The first time Blaine says 'I love you', it is simple and gentle—eight letters and three syllables exhaled out between his lips with a sigh.
It isn't the fantastic, epic love affair with fireworks and passionate embraces that Kurt had always imagined. It is Blaine with his chin resting gently in the palm of his hand, and the bustle of the coffee shop as the barista rattles the cash register. The sip of coffee sliding down Kurt's throat burns and he sputters a little, but that has nothing to do with the warmth spreading inside him or the breath that dies in his throat.
Eventually, "I love you, too."
It's awkward, and graceless, and comes out a bit rushed (even though Kurt's rehearsed this moment a thousand times in the mirror).
But he's wanted to hear those words and say them back to someone for so long. And as Blaine smiles into his palm and knocks his knees together with Kurt's under the too-small table, Kurt realizes that he's wanted to be able to mean it for even longer.
2. Blaine makes it a habit to tell Kurt that he loves him every morning.
For the first week, Kurt's eyes dart around when Blaine says the words, clear and real and out loud.
Eventually, Kurt concedes that the ghosts of McKinley past don't haunt him here at Dalton.
Eventually, Kurt learns to just smile, wince at the overly sweet coffee that he steals from Blaine, take his boyfriend's hand and look forward to the day.
Kurt will probably always associate lockers with fear and the feeling of sharp metal digging into the side of his shoulder. Each bruise feels permanently indented under his skin, but every morning Blaine smiles and leans against grey metal lockers and says 'I love you' (and takes Kurt's pain and turns it into warm eyes and words that Kurt has been waiting too long to hear).
3. Blaine is a doodler. This isn't to say that Blaine doesn't pay attention in class. His study notes are detailed and organized. Kurt has always striven for academic excellence, but even he admires his boyfriend's dedication and drive. (He also admires the line of Blaine's back and the flex of his biceps as he hunches over his textbooks, eyebrows furrowed and fingers flailing madly in concentration).
Still, Blaine is a doodler, and Kurt can't help but be amused by the surprisingly detailed sketches of wizards and sunglasses and the odd dinosaur (sketched in purple ink, Kurt's personal favourite) that reside in the margins of Blaine's notebooks.
He doesn't think anything of the doodles lining Blaine's English notebook until a giant pink heart catches his attention.
'Blaine + Kurt' is inked neatly inside.
4. Blaine has huge eyes, it's one of the very first things that Kurt notices about Blaine. Kurt had never really bought into the whole 'eyes being the window to the soul' idea, but Blaine eyes are ridiculously expressive.
Kurt becomes aware of just how obvious Blaine's expressions are when even Finn realizes ("Dude, it's like he grows hearts instead of eyes every time you walk into the room…awesome!").
Warbler rehearsals at Dalton are structured and organized. Most of the time, Kurt's role is limited to sitting quietly as the senior members discuss the various Top 40 hits or sidestepping and harmonizing as Blaine sings lead. Kurt loves the Warblers and could listen to Blaine's smooth voice for the rest of his life (and he would definitely not object to watching Blaine twist and bend and twirl in uniform), but there are days when the Warblers just feel stuck up and stuffy and he finds himself missing the chaos of glee rehearsals with the New Directions.
But then Blaine breaks formation spontaneously and instead shuffles to the beat up to Kurt while crooning out some sweet love ballad, grinning and teasing with adoring hazel eyes.
And the Warblers, with various levels of fond exasperation written on their faces, grin and follow Blaine's lead, putting on overly love-struck expression to mock Blaine, all while sidestepping and snapping and harmonizing perfectly.
In these moments Kurt feels like he did on that first day when, for some reason, he'd reached out to the boy with the slicked back hair and the beautiful eyes, and for some reason, that boy had stopped and smiled and excitedly taken his hand and sang to him.
Kurt feels just as safe and wonderstruck as he did that day, except now Blaine's eyes are less teasing and more adoring and everyone in the room can see what Blaine is saying with his eyes.
5. Kurt loves coming back to Lima for the weekends. Mercedes and Rachel sleepover and they catch up and laugh and Kurt feels a little ridiculous that he misses Blaine just a bit because they have barely been apart for 24 hours.
He is in the middle of an impassioned argument about the benefits of watching Moulin Rouge again when his phone buzzes to life, the warbling chirp of Blaine's ringtone cutting into his speech.
Hi Kurt, I love you :)
He receives another incoming message from Blaine just as he wonders whether the fluttering feeling in his chest will ever go away (he hopes not).
I hope you don't mind me snacking on all the chocolate you have in your room… I am consumed with endless loneliness and despair without you and also is it pathetic that I am studying in your room because it smells like you? 8)
Rachel and Mercedes steal his phone. ("Naturally!" exclaims Rachel, "It is literally in the handbook of Best Friend behavior that phone hijacking is allowed.") They squeal and coo and Kurt can't even find it in himself to feel annoyed because for once it is Kurt Hummel that gets the boy.
Eventually, after Rachel and Mercedes call Blaine and inform him that he is performing boyfriend duties to the highest degree of their satisfaction, Kurt is given back his phone. He sends a text to Blaine as they put Moulin Rouge into the DVD player.
Dork. I love you too :)
6. Kurt doesn't ever forget that people can be homophobic and immature and cruel, but that doesn't mean he doesn't cry for hours after a boy calls him 'fag' and pours his coffee on Kurt when he accidentally brushes by the boy outside the Lima Bean.
Kurt completely forgets that Blaine has a big family dinner that day and doesn't even notice that Blaine is wearing one of his nicest suits until hours later.
The searing coffee that Kurt's shirt is soaked in has already chilled by the time Blaine climbs into the passenger seat, but Blaine ruins his suit by pulling Kurt into his arms and pressing his lips to Kurt's temple to whisper 'I love you' again and again until the pounding of Kurt's pulse slows.
Burt and Carol are out of town and Finn is out with Rachel, so Blaine drives them back to the Anderson house.
Blaine's parents treat Kurt with the kind of detachment that comes with facing something that is unfamiliar and foreign to them. But it has always been clear to Kurt that they are trying for their son, and when they see Kurt puffy eyed and coffee stained, they usher Kurt to Blaine's bathroom to get cleaned up.
The hot water feels good on Kurt's skin and the bottle of shower gel smells of Blaine and washes away the scent of cold coffee. When Kurt pokes his head out the door to look for a towel, Blaine's mom is sitting on her son's bed with her head bowed, a set of Blaine's clothes in her lap gripped tight in her hands.
Before Kurt can retreat into the bathroom, Blaine's mom looks up and Kurt pretends not to notice her wet eyes. She gets up to hand Kurt the clothes and a fluffy white towel with a smile that isn't easy, but close: "Here are some of Blaine's clothes, they should fit you."
She is still waiting upstairs when Kurt leaves the bathroom fully dressed. "Blaine is greeting his grandfather downstairs, but he'll be up in a few minutes. You two can eat in here."
Kurt shuffles awkwardly and says thank you as she gathers herself up to leave.
She doesn't say it's wrong the way people treat you or you deserve better or any of the things Kurt had always thought would make him feel better when he was getting slushied and dealing with it all on his own.
But the way she smiles fondly at him and whispers to him with a hand on the doorknob is better: "That was always my favourite sweater on Blaine."
7. The way Burt glares as Blaine and Kurt bustle around the Hudmel kitchen at 7am on a Sunday morning to make pancakes would be intimidating, except not even the gruff Burt Hummel can resist Blaine's huge puppy eyes as he flashes his teeth in a grin that is nearly bigger than his face and says "Good morning!" cheerily.
By the time they are done cooking, Kurt has a good amount of flower in his unstyled hair and Burt is fairly certain that he can taste a few eggshells in his pancakes, but surrounded by laughter and Carole and a sleepy looking Finn, Blaine shoves pancakes in his mouth and stares lovingly at Kurt throughout the entire meal as if he's the only good thing Blaine has ever seen.
Carole and Finn are engaged in a noisy discussion about whether Finn's pancake looks like a goat when Blaine slides his hand across the counter with a tender expression directed at Kurt and touches their fingertips together.
Kurt is brighter eyed than Burt has ever seen him as he mouths 'I love you' back to Blaine.
Burt has never threatened bodily harm to Blaine if he hurts Kurt purposefully, but as he watches them bicker and wash dishes with their elbows and hips touching, he doesn't think he ever will.
8. The first time they make love, Blaine preps Kurt so thoroughly that Kurt is almost in pain with how much he wants to come.
Blaine's hands aren't nervous as they grip Kurt's hips, because this won't change anything for them. Of course they want their first time to be good, but they can only get better from here.
The weight of Blaine's body presses down on Kurt's and his honey coloured eyes are dark and smouldering and familiar. Blaine murmurs "I love you", sure and certain, as he stills the head of his cock to Kurt's entrance.
Kurt doesn't think anything can be more intimate than this moment.
He changes his mind when Blaine grunts, face buried in Kurt's neck and body trembling when he is fully sheathed in Kurt's body.
Kurt's back arcs up of its own volition and he can feel Blaine's muscles clenching and unclenching and can hear their breaths panting together. The realization that Blaine is literally balls deep in his body hits Kurt and a sudden, unexpected burst of laughter escapes from his throat.
Blaine pulls back, looking understandably confused and slightly worried.
"I'm so screwed, Blaine, literally."
Blaine lets out a bark of laughter, before the vibration of their bodies shaking together makes them both groan.
Blaine starts thrusting slowly as he holds Kurt's stare.
"I love you, Kurt. So much."
Blaine chants the words over and over and over as he pounds into Kurt and presses down on him and drives Kurt absolutely crazy with pleasure.
9. They don't argue often, but when they do their arguments can be fiery and intense and often they are both incredibly unreasonable.
Finn had run away from the house seemingly with his tail tucked between his legs as soon as Kurt had raised his voice. Despite his Frankensteinian appearance, Finn is very much a large puppy dog and after their last argument, Kurt and Blaine had both ended up consoling Finn, who had forced them into a hug, tearfully declaring: "I just don't like seeing you two argue!"
Carole and Burt had both given up the comforts of air conditioning and banished themselves to the porch in the backyard because although Blaine had a tendency to tear Post-It notes sulkily from the pad and wave his arms maniacally to demonstrate a point, everyone in the house knew that Blaine would never lay a hand on Kurt.
Despite everything they've been through, the thing that comes closest to tearing them apart is Kurt heading to college. Blaine knows that NYADA is Kurt's dream, has wanted for Kurt to succeed for so long but the threat of distance and being a flight apart looms over their heads.
They are both frustrated and a little scared because this is New York, and although the idea of New York has always been wondrous and hopeful and new and shiny, the dream of New York is transforming from a dream to a reality, and that scares both of them (and even if it is silly and a bit stupid, Blaine can't help but feel a little like he's being left behind).
Kurt is pulling at his hair and crying and frustrated, because Blaine never says anything mean but the things he says can still hurt. And he can see the look in Blaine face and it is disappointed and scared and hurt, too, and hurting Blaine has never been something he wants.
"What do you want me to fucking do, Blaine? Do you want me to fly back every weekend to you?"
"Maybe there isn't a solution then! Maybe there isn't a way to fix this."
"You're being stupid, Blaine."
"Well I love you."
"That isn't an answer, Blaine! That isn't a solution."
And it isn't, but Blaine stalks away, angrily ripping Post-It notes off the pad and shredding them, leaving a trail floating behind him. Kurt swats them out of his face and hurts more because Blaine's eyes are huge and sad and crying.
Eventually Blaine is just standing ripping paper and facing Kurt and shouting "I love you" as if it is an accusation and crying. He shouts it frustrated and angry and loud until his lungs are sore and they both sink to the floor.
They are both crying when Kurt his cheek close to Blaine's heart, and Blaine holds him so tightly that Kurt thinks if he held on any tighter they'd disappear into the same person.
"I love you," says Blaine (and it still isn't an answer or a solution Blaine means it).
10. "Go and say your goodbyes," Burt nods at Blaine as he and Finn pack the last of the luggage into the car.
Finn watches as Kurt takes Blaine's hand, and thinks that if there's a couple that will fight their way out of the little bubble of McKinley High, even with Kurt leaving for New York, it will be Blaine and Kurt ('Klaine' is the couple nickname he'd given them, but Kurt had given him Bitch Face #2 the last time he'd called them that, though Blaine had looked slightly amused).
Finn thinks that Kurt deserves that. After all the time he'd spent fighting to find another boy that also liked boys, it's fair that Kurt manages to find the one boy that will always love him.
Blaine pulls Kurt close, letting their lips meet gently as he holds Kurt's cheek. He sighs into the kiss as he feels Kurt smile against his lips. This has become familiar to them since their first kiss at Dalton, but Blaine still feels his chest tighten and tingle and his knees turn to jelly, still feels his love for Kurt grow and rise and warm him from the tips of his ears to his toes.
He runs his tongue along Kurt's bottom lip as he pulls Kurt closer, squishing their chests pressed close and brushing his knees and knuckles together with Kurt's.
When they stop kissing, Blaine lets his lips barely brush Kurt's as they breathe together.
"I'm glad you were the one I stopped on that staircase," whispers Kurt. "I love you so much." (It's not awkward, or graceless, or rushed, this time. But Blaine swears he still feels the same as that very first exhale of three syllable, eight letters from Kurt's lips.)
"I love you, too. I'll see you soon, Kurt."
(Not once do they say goodbye.)
I personally liked writing #4 the most...I love dorky sweet little Blainers 8)