So... crack conversation over MSN equals this. Hope it doesn't suck.
There's a bit of yaoi... if you don't like that, don't read. Essentially, all my works are yaoi because I can't stand the female characters... mostly. But there's no sex. Just lotsa laughs.
I don't own anything. Just the idea.
Bandwidth
The office was buzzing. Well, it wasn't really, but there was so many ringing phones that it made his ears buzz.
Kuchiki Byakuya tucked his hair behind his ear and shifted through the papers on his desk. His secretary was casting him looks that he couldn't decipher, and his secretary's assistant was painting his nails while quickly answering all the incoming calls.
And they said Yumichika didn't have talent.
His assistant was busy directing the calls and writing messages and still shooting looks at him.
"Renji... what is it?"
"Um... I just thought you ought to know... all these calls are about not being able to send souls..."
"What?"
"And I've got a message from Ichigo on my phone... he keeps konsoing Grimmjow... but he gets this text that says his outbox is full..."
"Why isn't he 'killing' Grimmjow in the first place?" He rubbed the bridge of his nose. That headache was fast becoming a migraine.
Renji pulled out his phone again and started texting. A few seconds later a reply came.
"Uh... He says he'd rather not say."
"Because they're fucking." Yumichika chimed in, not missing a beat in his steady routine.
The two stared at Yumichika and then at eachother. Yumichika'd obviously never heard about keeping office scandals quiet.
"Um..." Renji's mouth opened and closed several times. "Ichigo aside... I think we should get to the bottom of this problem..."
Yumichika nodded enthusiastically while redirecting another call. "Yes."
Byakuya sighed as he flipped open his cell phone. He dialed the number for their service provider and waited.
"Hello, this is Kuchiki Byakuya of division six. I've gotten numerous calls from my employees..."
The man stopped talking and listened to the woman.
"So some one is stealing our bandwidth?" He raised an eyebrow and leaned back in his seat.
Another pause and Byakuya nodded.
"If you would please find the source of this anomaly... Yes, thank you." He hung up the phone with a long suffering sigh. "Some one is using all our bandwidth... from within the building..."
Renji looked shocked but continued answering the phone.
"What the hell do you think this is? A help hotline? Grow a fucking spine and get back to work!" The redhead fumed as he slammed down the phone. "Some people..."
Byakuya merely shook his head at his secretary and glanced at his phone. It was ringing.
"Hello, Division Six, Kuchiki Byakuya speaking."
The man went silent. He was nodding and quietly giving the affirmative to the woman on the phone.
"He WHAT!?"
Both the Secretary and the assistant looked up from their selective tasks and stared at their boss. They'd never heard him raise his voice. Ever.
The man slammed his phone shut and stood. The others made to follow him but he motioned for them to stay seated.
"I'll be back momentarily." With a final parting glance to his subordinates he breezed away.
"That was seriously spooky..." Yumichika gulped.
Renji nodded shakily and went back to yelling at idiots over the phone.
-
Mayuri's office door slammed open and Kuchiki Byakuya stormed it. The scientist quickly jabbed for the power button on his computer screen.
"What can I do for you Kuchiki?" The man steepled his fingers under his chin and smiled calmly up at the other captain.
"You can stop watching porn on company time for starters." He replied deadpan.
Mayuri made a strangled noise in the back of his throat as he groped for an excuse.
"Whatever do you mean?" He asked. His eyes were wide and his palms had become sweaty.
Instead of answering, the other man merely turned the screen back on. His eyes were seared by a tangle of white limbs and pink and black hair.
"Dear God..." Byakuya held his hand an inch away from the screen palm out. "Soukaksui."
Blue fire errupted from his palm and engulfed the computer and sent it flying into a wall. It slowly burned and melted leaving the smell of plastic. Byakuya turned away from it just as it exploded in a mass of microchips and glass. The shrapnel missed him just barely but the resulting breeze tickled his hair and fanned out his haori. The flying glass glinted just right in the sunlight as it passed him and resulted in sparkles dancing across his form.
Byakuya abruptly turned and walked out of the office, the small, glinting pieces of silica and metal settling on the ground behind him with the twinkling sound little bells. Mayuri scrambled for a notebook and a pen before writing.
"Fanning the Flame... a Byakuya x Renji fanfic..." He giggled madly and set about ordering another computer.
-
So... This is my sad attempt at Bleach Humor. Also, my first oneshot. Unless you want it to go on... I could maybe to a bunch of oneshots... What ever. Hope you liked it. Oh, and the porn was Szayel x Luppi. Ha ha ha... I managed to break my friends brain with that. I'm rather proud.