Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me.
Fallen
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Every night he dreams of falling. He can feel the wind rushing through his hair. His mouth opening in a silent scream.
He then hears those fateful words and a green flash of light, and he's falling faster than before and just before he hits the ground, he wakes up. Sweaty hair glued to his forehead and the sound of his gasping, erratic breath echoes around the otherwise silent room.
He hurts so badly – everywhere. His chest aches with a dramatic sense of loss and regret. He forces himself to think of that night every second of every day as a sort of masochistic form of retribution. He needs to hurt because hurting makes it all real and then he can blame himself over and over again. It's a never-ending circle of hate – a sick, twisted game.
It doesn't make sense in his head why he did it to begin with. He was his own person, right? Malfoy's don't bow down to anyone, except him. It made him feel like a pawn, another used piece that can now be thrown away – discarded. He is of no use anymore. Not when he's questioning his beliefs so strongly.
He wanted to make his father proud and make his mother smile. In their eyes now, he was just a failure. He can't kill. Can't bring himself to say those hateful words. He's let everyone down and in a rebellious fit; a smile creeps out onto his face.
At one point – months back he had felt he was superior, fearless – he had been specifically chosen for this important task. He would bring Albus Dumbledore down to his knees. The great wizard bowed down before him – him!
Now the thought made him want to throw up repeatedly. Yeah, everything he had wished for had happened and where had that left him? Nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. He had lost everything in his life that ever meant something to him. Once the thought of no more school would have bought a smile to his face but now he just felt an underlying sense of loneliness. He was alone. He hated it. God, how far he had fallen.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Fallen – Sarah McLachlan